Thursday, July 25, 2013

Seeing from the inside

(photo from my stellar wedding photographers)
It's nearing a year of marriage for
Mr. Husband and I.
Just over 1 month now...
I thought I would take some time
to write about how I see things now.
I am sure,
that my views will change over time,
but I wanted to capture some moments
and reflections on how things are now. 
The first thing I am thinking on is this:
A lot changes when we are actually in 
the situation of marriage
than when we are outside of it,
single and never having
experienced it.
I remember when my sister-friend got married.
We were all on the 
young side of our twenties;
I remember how we all moved a few years after
she and her husband married
to Ottawa from BC
(I being in Michigan and London Ontario
 before reconvening with them in Ottawa)
and how she had to tell me that Saturdays
for her are really busy
with family things
without room for other events.
Or how I would hang out with another couple from my church
and hear them talking about time they
needed just as a couple.
Or how some of my thoughts on marriage changed
once I was in it.
One thing that I don't think
those outside of marriage fully
can understand is that
one can still be lonely.
I know.
The 'L' word.
It's OK though to acknowledge,
especially when one moves countries to
marry the one that is right for them,
that there can be some loneliness as
one works towards building a
new community and learns to be
a husband or a wife.
But even before I married my
beloved Mr. Husband,
I knew that a woman still is in need of
other friends.
Actually Mr. Husband and I talked about this
before we were married.
Here's what I have found to be true:
one is blessed to have a few close friends to
talk things out.
When one hits a wall or needs a new
talking to a friend who knows one well,
is committed to Christ and to marriage,
really helps a marriage.
Marriage is wonderful.
But it is also a lot of work
and communication at times is done over time
and sometimes time is needed to even know what
one is wanting to communicate.
So, for ones like myself
often need outside friends
to talk to figure out what one is thinking
and what is needed for the situation at hand.
A common female trait from what I am told...
Marriage also takes a lot of time to
be able to communicate with the other.
You also need a lot of 
 grace, forgiveness and love.
I think it is important to never
assume one understands the other 
but instead waits and seeks to listen.
This is something I am still learning to do...
It is very important for each of us
not to think we fully understand 
another married couple
or someone who is single
as if we can see and fully understand
the struggles they are battling or
the joys that they suddenly came across,
perhaps after days and years of struggle.
I find in the end nothing should be feared
and that marriage just like life
is lived with God and His mercy.


Athanasia said...

This is very insightful for one who is celebrating only a year of marriage. I find these insights continue to be true even as I approach 29 years of marriage next month. The one thing I wish I had learned much, much earlier and had the courage to do was "to say what I mean, and mean what I say." Had I done that 25 years ago I could have saved myself a lot of heartache. Nonetheless, all good now!

Much love to you both at your one year anniversary!

elizabeth said...

Thanks so much Athanasisa! your encouragement means a lot to me!

October Rose said...

"I think it is important to never
assume one understands the other
but instead waits and seeks to listen."

Very true and very wise!

Also what you wrote about the possibility of loneliness in marriage is so true, and I feel that it can be a difficult realization for women especially.

GretchenJoanna said...

Good thoughts - I agree with Athanasia on it being a blessing to know some of these things sooner rather than later in marriage. There are different levels and kinds of loneliness, but it's a condition that many women think they will avoid forever if they can just meet the right man. I find I have to keep learning that a feeling of loneliness is a reminder from God that only He can meet the deepest longings of my heart.

I think you may have been mostly talking about the need for companionship, but I had to chime in here about a related issue. :-)

Elizabeth @ The Garden Window said...

Modern society's perceptions of marriage are indeed very unnatural.

Marriage is a joy, a blessing, and at times, sheer hard work. It takes determination, courage, patience, understanding and a commitment to actively love one's spouse, even if at times, one is angry or upset with that spouse. There are ups and downs, and this is entirely natural and to be expected - though this is not what modern society expects in a marriage.....

Having said that, is it worth it? Oh yes indeed !

My love and prayers for you both as you near your first anniversary - may God grant you both 'Many Years'together!

elizabeth said...

Thank you all! Each of your comments are a gift to me and a real addition to my thoughts here! :)