Saturday, June 21, 2008

the drama in life

here's the current summary:

a) broken foot - wound infected. Seeing nurse daily, antibiotics
b) starting new job training in another city - will be trained with foot elevated -
c) the buzzer to my apartment building broke last night. no elevator in building, broken foot, no way to let people in. keys cut and arrangements being made

I know that God is in all things and can use all this for my salvation. Also there are many who are in much worse situations than mine. I pray that I can learn to say "Glory to God in all things" and to stay peaceful and trust God.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The 10 year idea

Both RW and Victoria (see blog roll) wrote about what they thought they would be doing in 10 years.

I agree with Victoria that it is hard to do.

As I am a professional librarian, Orthodox, single and currently unpursued, here is what I would hope for in 10 years time:

weekday/daytime hours:

1. To be enjoying my profession, having a job I want to come to in the daytime hours and the satisfaction and salary that goes along with.
2. To be at peace inwardly because of Christ (okay this is a lifetime hope, however, it needs mentioning)
3. To have gained continued poise and professionalism in dress, outward manner and in service

Days off/vacation/nights/weekends

1. I hope to be living in an apartment/or something else that I love.
2. Church - growing in this (too many ways/details/possibilities to name)
3. I hope I will continue to have some close friends who know me well and who I will continue to spend time with/build a life that includes them
4. I will always be a writer. Working on this and incorporating the various parts of my life that nourish creativity.
5. I hope my Cat Cleo will still be alive and healthy. This is the sad part of time passing. In 10 years Cleo may be 15 or so.

Life is unknown and really quite unplannable. I am still adjusting to being out of school and to settling in a city. I have just landed my first professional permanent job. Those in their early 30s are seen, by some, to be the new 20's. I am one of those - lots of education - before the workforce. I know people with PhDs who talk about part of the maturation process not happening for years because of being in school.

I hope in 10 years I will still be seeking God's mercy.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Still Can't Believe It

You know, as time goes on, I am beginning to see.

If I had been just a little bit farther out, I would of been hit full-body by the car. My foot from just above the heel up to the big toe on the other side of my foot was run over. This may of saved my life.

My spiritual father said Angels were pushing cars away - I fell in the middle of a busy intersection.

I could of died and instead I am alive.

I am in awe and yet can scarcely take it in.

I was at church with a broken foot, instead of being in hospital, or dying or, God so grant His mercy, in heaven.

I am happy to be alive and I pray that God will help me do His will and struggle to be obedient to Him - how hard this is, but how much I need it.

Lord have mercy on me a sinner.


Donald Hall, in one of his poems, writes of being surprised by happiness.

I am happy today. Yesterday I got to talk with my spiritual father - he teased me about my foot - and listened to me.

The other librarians who will train me were really understanding that I could not come yet for training because of my injured foot.

One of my good friends is coming and cooking me dinner! My foot still hurts, but I think it is slowly getting better. I still need to ice it mid-day. I am hoping to wean it from the need for ice by the end of the week.

I have officially special ordered some black Birkenstock shoes - called London - I have an old dark leather brown pair that I have had nearly half of my lifetime! See ... (I tried to hyperlink, but do not have the patience).

I love these shoes and look forward to getting ones in black. I have black clogs (I think they are called Boston) and have sandals (one of which is I hope only temporarily destroyed by the car that ran over it and my foot). I only wear Birkenstocks and refuse all types of high heeled shoes. I discovered them after meeting a girl at a camp who wore them. My Mother suggested them, I tried them and never went back.

Various people from the ER were telling me to get running shoes. For a little bit I considered complying. Then I thought. WHY would I, a non-athletic city walker want to buy runners/sneakers/tennis shoes (depending on what region of N. America the shoes are called various things). Frankly, when I realized I needed to take up regular walking for my health, I considered buying these. I even went to the Running Room, which I recommend to anyone for the quality and service, and even these fine folks could not give me a shoe I would want to be seen wearing or would want to wear. I love walking around with Birkenstock shoes or sandals. I have gorgeous white funky flip-flop ones (which I was wearing on that Friday), normal granola sandals, and the above mentioned shoes.

I have hope for my future. It seems that my next work situation is going to be a good one. I am slowly reading up on the exact area of corporate librarianship, and am dreaming of a more stable life. A permanent job I can grow in, and I hope in October, my first 1 real one bedroom apartment (I live in 2 rooms plus bathroom, 1 small closet). I know what furniture I want to buy form IKEA. I am hoping to have more space and have a less cluttered but book and icon-filled apartment. Something I can really work with and have people over. A living room that is utterly child-friendly so my friends with little tots can come over. IKEA sells both a china cabinet and a buffet that have locks and match my bookshelves.

I have many dreams...

Friday, June 13, 2008

I never realized how wonderful fresh air and sunshine is

Yesterday was a perfect slightly warm sunny blue skied day. It was the first day outside of my apartment in over 5 days.

I managed to go down 4 flights of stairs (no elevator in my building) to get to my doctor. Turns out, after she read the Emerg. report with X-rays that I have TWO fractures in my foot. I went back to the E.R. for reassessment and was given an air cast and a prescription for a pain killer. It helped a little last night. She also told me to stay home another week before going to training.

One of my good friends brought me dinner, Slavic style:

I've been told it will be 4-6 weeks before I am totally better. This is good news, but it is hard too. I will have to walk to work on crutches (4-5 city blocks one way) (I know, it could be worse)...

I am needing to learn to live only in the present and not worry about the next day or week - I know that this is a spiritually valuable lesson - but no easy.

For now, I am dependant on people for most things - i.e. food, washing my dishes, laundry (5 floors down w.o elevator does not work with crutches) and visiting me. This is also not easy.

But I felt so hopeful when I was outside, with a friend. It did not matter that it was only to see the doctor and go back to hospital. I had to wait until around 3.30 pm to eat lunch (in case I needed surgery to re-adjust a bone in my foot, Thank God I did not need this) and the Tim Horton's chicken sandwich, OJ and Boston Cream Donut never tasted so good! Even though I was in the ER waiting room with ice, sitting in a wheelchair.

Tim Hortons is one of the good things about being Canadian.

I am seeking to stay grateful and thankful.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

My foot MUST get better... (plus Cleo pictures)

Above is my foot being elevated and iced. VERY THRILLING I know. It has been my view since Saturday morning.

I am really hoping that I am on the mend. I just hobbled about and my foot did not hurt as much when I was upright. I am hoping this is a real improvement, i.e. not because it is numbed by ice. I am getting really bored and am increasingly enthusiastic and anxious to get back on my feet, or to walk well on crutches. Besides, I want to buy that Black Bag that I did not buy the morning of the accident.

Since my main activity this week has been sitting in bed, I took lots of pictures of Cleo, the Cutest Cat in Canada. Here are two of my favourites:

Cleo the Introspective Cat

Cleo the Curious Cat

Clearly she is the the Cutest Cat in Canada. :)

My sister has a friend who has been on bed rest for a long time now, as her pregnancy is high risk. I did not realize what a blessing my sister is to this friend and what it means to only be able to get up to use the bathroom. Even I can get up and get ice in my kitchen. (Mind you my apartment is a total to 2 rooms plus bathroom, i.e. small and easily navigable).

I did not know what it is like to be dependant on visitors, to not be able to just walk out the door and get my mail, go for a walk. I really hope that these 5 days (thus far) will make me grateful for every step I am able to take...

The last two nights have been hard - my foot seems to hurt the most then. Perhaps because it was being iced as much as it is during the day.

Here's to hoping that by tomorrow I can call my employer (who I called on Tuesday) and say I am coming, even if it is on crutches. I just want to resume my life!

Monday, June 09, 2008

The Accident and the Icon that was with me

This is the small plastic icon of St. George that I had with me when I had the accident. I had called a friend as soon as I was carried to the sidewalk; 9 minutes later I was in the ambulance, on a stretcher. One hand was holding the leg of my injured foot, the other was holding this icon. In shock, I kept looking at St. George, confused and needing help.

It is really odd recovering from this. The first day and a half afterwards, I could only read a page or so at a time; I could not focus properly. Standing up hurt (not standing on foot, just being upright). My big toe is fractured and is just beginning to hurt now, three days later. I have been keeping my foot in ice most of the time, to keep my foot numb. Ice is the only thing that will cut the pain. The pain itself was not what I expected - it felt hot and throbbed.

I have been aware of, mostly, only myself and my injured foot. I have needed discipline to think of others who are also sick.

Another surprising thing is how sudden everything changed. I cannot stand to pray, wash dishes, or brush my hair. It hurts to walk (i.e. hobble with one crutch) ten steps to my kitchen. Everything takes more effort, my body shakes still.

In other words, from the writing perspective, it has fascinated me. The fear of falling on crutches, not being able to pick up my cat, struggling to sit up...

I cannot walk to church - could not even go to church. I cannot get my mail. The flowers I promised I would water while my friend was away, I had to ask a trustworthy friend to water. The clothes shopping, going to evening church services, everything has stopped.

But yet I already see that this is good for me. To be forced to be in one place. To be emotionally in control and aware. My thankfulness is abundant. Even thinking about what it would of meant if BOTH of my feet were run over! At least I have one good foot I can stand on.

I do not yet know how this will all work out. I am supposed to be trained in another city next week. I do not even know if I will be strong enough.

Many people are praying for me. I have talked to friends I have not talked to in nearly a year. I have had to accept small indignities. I talked with my Godmother - she reminded me that we are body and soul and that this trauma would also effect my spirit.

I am praying that this unforeseen affliction will be to my benefit, as Psalms speak of.

Thank God.

Please pray for me.

My Cat Cleo

Well, about 4 hours before I got my foot run over, I bought a digital camera. Here is a picture I took of Cleo while lying in bed, with foot elevated and being iced. She is Cute. You must admit.
It has been really hot here - I have woken up not only feeling very sore and stiff from the accident, but incredibly parched. Every glass of water that my friends have given me has reminded me of Christ's words... giving a glass of water in His name.
A dear and valued friend of mine installed my A/C today while I sat gingerly on a chair, foot iced on a pillow on chair. I ordered us pizza for lunch and now my kitchen is cooling off.
This morning the family that adopted me here called and brought me breakfast - hot buckwheat, tomatoes and cold chicken - a very Slavic morning meal - all that was missing was a glass of red wine or vodka!
I am so blessed.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Prayer Request

forgive the cross-blog posting...

The summary of the story:I was a block from my apartment, saw a bus across the street, the traffic in front of me was stopped, I impulsively tried to cross the road and ran into a car. This car ran over my right foot, near the toe area and I immediately feel down in the middle of the intersection. I thank God that my foot only sustained what the doctor in training said is a crush injury, i.e. major bruising. I could have been severely injured or worse and I thank God, His Angles and protecting Saints, esp. St. George whose small icon I had in my purse.

This happened yesterday afternoon. I am home with foot elevated and iced. Matthew, Cheryl's husband, met in the emergency and I had 3 X-Rays of my foot. I thankfully have a week off because my new job starts training in a weeks time. Please pray that my foot heals well so I can walk again soon and not be hindered in my training.

Meanwhile I am on crutches.I am so Thankful that I was not hurt more and I will NEVER do something so impulsively foolish again...

Friday, June 06, 2008

Sometimes I wonder...

...If others feel that they have to rebuild their lives at least once a week.

In so many ways it seems I can never keep up with myself or my life - from dishes, cleaning house, doing errands to inward focus on Christ and prayer.

Today I have a very full day and I pray that God will uphold me in it.

One week left and I train for my new job in Toronto for 4 days. I am staying in a fancy hotel, have an ample daily food stipend but, as I was telling my Mom about this, I felt she got it in one: I can stay in an amazing hotel, have super classy food, but I will be alone. With God of course, and I pray my Guardian Angel and the Saints. But without human company.

I find this to be difficult.

I am going to try to make the best of it though. I am hoping to get a digital camera that is small and a new purse/black bag. I have already begun the summer office-clothes shopping, as I will be in a corporate setting. I found a nice linen white skirt, just long enough to cover the knees and a nice white top to wear under summer jackets. The plan is to complete my shopping next week Monday.

My friend Rob also posed this question, but I need to know too - any advice on a nice small digital camera with good battery life and memory card? It is time for me to invest in one.

Oh, and any one have advice on nice things to see in Toronto around the Union Station area? I have some ideas, but would love to hear other's thoughts!

Monday, June 02, 2008

Quietness and God's provision

Today was my first day off. I slept in. Had tea. Talked on the phone. Ran errands, and had tea with a former classmate from Library School... who I ran into at the Library. I am enjoying a quiet apartment.

So, I have a job. I will be running a small library in a corporate setting. All by myself, with help from other associate libraries, esp. one of them. I am starting reading on this tomorrow. I have never done this type of work before and have MUCH to learn. I am thankful.

The good things about my DV new job:

*it is 4 days a week
*I have benefits
*it is a permanent job
*I can learn a lot professionally
*I can walk to work - no more buses!

The challenging things:

*less money (4 not 5 days a week of work/pay) but still enough (student loans will take longer to pay off but that is okay)
*new responsibility and lots of learning
*faster paced environment

I felt a bit overwhelmed this weekend, but had a lot of good conversations with people and am trying to stay peaceful and not worry.

I tend to worry about the unknown.

THANK YOU everyone who prayed for me. I did the salary negotiations on my last day of work at my former job. Incredible timing.

I now have 2 weeks off before starting my new job. I get to go shopping, study up for my new job, read books, cook and do errands.

God has been so good to me.