A First Step

I have signed up to take a 17th Century English Lit Course. Begins in May and ends in Mid-June. Compressed, liable to be intense.

I am using this time as a litmus test to see if I can pursue further studies in English Lit. If I can, I can either get a job as a humanities librarian in a University or teach or perhaps something else.

Until I know this answer, I will not be able to get past it. It was my dream to do grad work in English Lit and be a professor. Now I need to see if it is possible or is a dream to mourn and move on from.

It seems that the early thirties for me (and a few others I know) is a time of transition, adjustment and new ventures.

Please pray for me.

This Day Is Good

I had taken a weeks vacation time for my apartment move. Today I did not leave my apartment building. I did laundry and it felt like a deep luxury. Fr. James from the Cathedral in Ottawa laughed at me months ago when I told him that the laundry room is run by a debit card system - no change needed. "You're moving up in the world" he said.

Yep. This apartment feels so wonderful. Clean newly lacquered Parkay floors, green and blue walls. A kitchen with many cupboards. To live in a clean building, where glass doors are not smashed, there are no holes in the basement ceiling, the buzzer works, there is an elevator (great for laundry) and near instant hot water from the taps. I am richly blessed and I know it.

I am holding off on pictures until I get more things in order. I have been working on getting my books out of boxes. I feel really hopeful. These last few years have often been so exhausting that I was often overwhelmed. Tomorrow I return to work... at least I will be coming home to a better place. God help me - I want to rebuild my life...

Happy

Donald Hall, in one of his poems, writes of being surprised by happiness.

I am happy today. Yesterday I got to talk with my spiritual father - he teased me about my foot - and listened to me.

The other librarians who will train me were really understanding that I could not come yet for training because of my injured foot.

One of my good friends is coming and cooking me dinner! My foot still hurts, but I think it is slowly getting better. I still need to ice it mid-day. I am hoping to wean it from the need for ice by the end of the week.

I have officially special ordered some black Birkenstock shoes - called London - I have an old dark leather brown pair that I have had nearly half of my lifetime! See http://www.birkenstock.ca/catalog/popup_image.php?pID=388&osCsid=d9ce62eec5d4fb3d5600ed4e01b67d88 ... (I tried to hyperlink, but do not have the patience).

I love these shoes and look forward to getting ones in black. I have black clogs (I think they are called Boston) and have sandals (one of which is I hope only temporarily destroyed by the car that ran over it and my foot). I only wear Birkenstocks and refuse all types of high heeled shoes. I discovered them after meeting a girl at a camp who wore them. My Mother suggested them, I tried them and never went back.

Various people from the ER were telling me to get running shoes. For a little bit I considered complying. Then I thought. WHY would I, a non-athletic city walker want to buy runners/sneakers/tennis shoes (depending on what region of N. America the shoes are called various things). Frankly, when I realized I needed to take up regular walking for my health, I considered buying these. I even went to the Running Room, which I recommend to anyone for the quality and service, and even these fine folks could not give me a shoe I would want to be seen wearing or would want to wear. I love walking around with Birkenstock shoes or sandals. I have gorgeous white funky flip-flop ones (which I was wearing on that Friday), normal granola sandals, and the above mentioned shoes.

I have hope for my future. It seems that my next work situation is going to be a good one. I am slowly reading up on the exact area of corporate librarianship, and am dreaming of a more stable life. A permanent job I can grow in, and I hope in October, my first 1 real one bedroom apartment (I live in 2 rooms plus bathroom, 1 small closet). I know what furniture I want to buy form IKEA. I am hoping to have more space and have a less cluttered but book and icon-filled apartment. Something I can really work with and have people over. A living room that is utterly child-friendly so my friends with little tots can come over. IKEA sells both a china cabinet and a buffet that have locks and match my bookshelves.

I have many dreams...