Monday, January 29, 2007


i have been able to change to the new blogger system now.

God has been merciful and my contract has been extended until May 10. Now i need to keep trusting Him that i will have employment after this.

today i have a day off, a break in between service. i am thankful.

Friday, January 26, 2007


I am sitting in quiet in my house, with candles.

This computer is warm on my lap; it is cold outside.

I was hoping to switch over the new blogger, and the option (I had seen it before) was not there at all.

I am grateful to be able to pray for those I love... or some of those I love...

Often, now, I am seeing things it seems, almost for the first time; even seeing glimpses of myself that I did not fully know where there; these things I think show me more of God, somehow...

That God alone can search the ground of one's heart.

Oh that I would learn to love Him more.

Friday, January 19, 2007

loving beyond or after the death of one you love

To love someone is to wish them to live forever; Madeleine L’ Engle quoted someone who said something similar; but more startlingly beautiful; I think it may have even been someone like one of the Orthodox saints who said this…

It is so hard to let those you love go; I do not know what I would do if I did not have the church and being able to pray for those who have died. My friends who are protestant, bless them, say things like ‘well we know that person does not need prayer anymore’ or ‘glad to know they are in heaven now’; it seems so empty and sad. A shut door, an END instead of a continuation of life in God and to continue to pray for a person as they continue the completion of a life loving and seeking God.

I do like the concept of a persons life on earth being in the final completion at the point of death; that then it is all summed up, suddenly complete, finished; but not finished; nothing not being annihilation but something different; more than saying good bye to a decade of life; more like saying hello to a new life, yet a continued life.

Life after death—indescribable, not well known to us who are still on this side of death; yet real.

I think it is harder when someone you love dies and you did not know them to be sick, did not get to say goodbye; however temporary the goodbye.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

may God bless

All those who go before us, leaving us bereft of their presence, if only for a short time.

Monday, January 01, 2007

The latest lovely things

Another list. I read somewhere, probably in one of my recently read mystery books, that woman love list making… I for one do...

1. I got to be ALONE all day. Wow. I have been longing for this! A long weekend and I did not have boxes to unpack! The only people I talked to today were my parents, for a bit, on the phone.
2. Cleo my Cat. Still cute. Today she tried to open a cupboard door with her paw and she threw up in the bathtub. Well, that is a lot better than the carpet, so I did not mind too much. I am not the squeamish type when it comes to things like this.
3. My over a year long fast from most music is, apparently, over. I am listening to Eva Cassidy right now.
4. I read, for the first time, in ten years, Elizabeth Goudge’s The Scent of Water. This book transformed my life when I read it at 19 – the colours out my window were deeper, brighter after I read it. I have never been the same. She led me all the way to the Orthodox Church, even though she I believe was High Anglican her whole life. She understands the love of the Mother of God, and many other deep sweet things.
5. I have had tea out of my teacup I got when I was 20, living in Sweden. A small round cup and saucer, with pink, blue, yellow and green. I also used a clear glass cup and plate that my Mom picked up for me years ago. Mind you, I own many teacups – over 30 without exaggerating. I come from generations of dish-loving women and am happy to continue this tradition.
6. I have been living in candlelight a lot these past nights; there is nothing like it.
7. I have not felt this consciously happy in a long time. I love the days when all is quiet, within me and also externally. If I could learn how to keep this stillness in my daily life, I would of gained more than half the world.