I went to our women's group at church,
a type of prayer and share but the prayers are done quietly
and the sharing is after.
I felt really refreshed.
Ortho-Girl time.
:) So that's a HUGE blessing.
I am slowly reading these letters.
They are very lovely, very clear but most of it is
WAY beyond my pay grade.
As in do not even think about.
HOWEVER there are some overaching ideas/principles that
are really good and I feel like I am learning some really good
things but this is a type of book to be read very slowly,
to not assume you can do much of it
and a book that you could return to the rest of your life if all goes well.
***
But I would not recommend it to everyone.
It's too advanced in terms of what some are able to do in terms of
psycological wellness.
I don't have enough wisdom to explain this well but some people are
so deeply wounded that they need very elemental things like,
1. Jesus loves you
2. Jesus loves you even though you are a total wreck
3. Trying to sort out how to heal from XYZ will take years and
healing is very zig-zaggy with gains and losses.
4. This is how you learn to be nice to yourself, others and God
5. This is how you may be able to not be scared of God because you are terrified of
authority because you were so hurt and betrayed as a child by those in
authority back then.
6. Have more cups of tea, God loves you, you don't have to drown because of
the shattered wreck of a life you are experiencing
7. The spiritual world and warfare is real bI wout lets look at this
little by little.
***
St Joseph the Hyescast is incredibly wise, deeply loving and
really understands humility.
but even one of his closest disciples, that would be
the famed Elder Eprhiam of Arizona,
said he was hard to live with.
He was a tough Monk.
But also his starting points of advice, while very sound and Monastic,
are not where some can start at.
***
But see his letters are to a young Monk who is new to being a Monk.
Not someone who is either
a) not a Christian
b) I assume not mentally ill at the time
c) may or may not have had a traumatic childhood or adulthood
A few years ago I myself, who like Monastic stories and such,
there was no way I could even consider reading such a book.
I was too hurt, too mentally ill, too scared too deeply broken
to read this book.
And I am glad because now I know who it can feel like
to not be able to function at all like you used to function.
This is actually a breakthrough for me because for three yuears
I could not read much deep Orthodox things without being
really unbalanced and hurt because of how ill I was.
But I am still ill.
I was triggered this week in my Complex PTSD and I Know it.
I talked with my therapist today all about it.
So I am reading these letters, when I can, maybe on or two a week
if I can and I read slowly and don't expect to be able to do his advice
on the level he is suggesting.
Instead I try to understand the point behind it,
the 'spirit' of the law instead of the 'letter' as it were.
but also more than that;
kind of
spiritual life for dummies who are broken, mentally ill and want to figure
out the spiritual life but have to accept that I have profound
limitations and that healing takes decades.
and I am nearly 50 but at 47 I nearly died so...
only the good die young here's to hoping God gives me decades to heal on this earth!
But I am so happy to have these Letters.
Elder Joseph is really special and one of the pictures I have seen of him radiates love.
So I feel really happy to have such a special book in our home library;
it's one my Husband had before we were married... a treasure!
I am also reading this mystery novel LOL.
I own it, have read it before and am actually really calmed by it.
I think because it is formulaic, predictable and includes tea.
But like it's way beyond 'bougie' but see I don't do name brands so
even though this book is chalked through with them,
it does not mean that much to me.
It could, I mean I like beauty and pretty things.
It's pretty funny that I am reading them both basically at the same time.
But that's Elizabeth. Fiction, pretty things, tea cups and Letters by Monks.
****
Well, I have definitely not had the easiest of weeks.
But I got out today, first time since Sunday other than some walks
and that was really great.
***
Ok.
May God help us all and have mercy.
