Monday, September 25, 2017

oh Monday, really did you have to be so "Monday"?

This was my trying-to-salvage a not-that-great Monday Morning
during lunch; computer woes; sleeping woes; foot woes; messy house woes.
I am holding on to this fact:
My Husband and I were prayed for during liturgy yesterday.
That meant so much.
My Husband knew I was about as limp as a newly wet dish rag, 
so he took me out to our favourite diner for dinner.
I had beef and mashed potatoes.
Back home he had to do more work, poor man.
Now it is time for bed.
Tomorrow is a NYC day.
I really hope it is a peaceful one.

Saturday, September 23, 2017

A belated Hobbit Day

I made seed cake for the first time! 
It was lovely, still warm with butter melting into it and honey!
I also made a lemon poppy seed cake!
The seed cake is the round one; the lovely tins
I used to bake them in are from +Patrick's home and 
I treasure them very much. 
My Beloved Husband brought home the cute little 
cookies with chocolate centres for our belated Hobbit Day
(yesterday was Bilbo and Frodo's birthdays according to 
Shire reckoning)... 
we had a nice Hobbit "elevensies"....
Cleo got extra milk also!
Well, the rest of the day was mainly spent reading the end of the last
books in the Lord of the Rings
The end moved me deeply, even to tears.
I had last read it 17 years ago and I think I got perhaps more
out of it this read than last; December 2000 seems a few life times ago for me!
My foot is having a hard time still, paining me I guess you would say.
I am thinking very much of dear friends who are suffering.
So much of this in the world.
Yet there are also beautiful books like Tolkien's and
Hobbit day and seed cakes and most of all:

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Today, a Feast Day, a day (happy) together

So today is the
I know many people make cakes on this day,
for the Mother of God's birthday, a simple
but concrete way of celebrating it.
It was really nice to be at our far-away church again
and have liturgy there.
We had a lovely lunch (I had a lamb shish-sandwich
and delicious rose-water lemonade, with free refills).
Then Mr Husband and I went to IKEA!
I am really excited because
my parents (DV) are coming! Soon! Beginning of October!
So we got some new (white billy with doors) bookcases
for bedroom + office... they will be delivered tomorrow night...
It was so nice to be with my Husband all day!
(He took the day off work!)
I no longer have a cast or air cast or brace!
I wore my smaller (kind of like high high tops)  brown leather boots
for a bit more support and I managed just fine!
I still need to do some elevation or ice at night at times,
swelling, some soreness but I am making good progress.
I had the strangest thing in that (until PT yesterday)
I could not properly get my (injured) foot in my boot...
it was like my foot was not at all lithe or able to bend 
naturally into it! My PT said that this was because my calf muscle was too 
tight so we did lots on that yesterday and today I could get my boot
on with no problems! So that was neat!
We are still recovering from colds, my goodness.
But we don't seem to be worsening at any rate, so hoping that
in week or so we will be much better.
I felt like this was one of our first days in months where
we were together and doing church + fun things.
It was a nice change.
I also took The Two Towers with me to read,
I sat in IKEA various times to rest my foot... 
These are busy days; I have a busy week coming up.
If I don't write much here, 
that's why! 
May God bless and keep us! 

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

today, a quiet day after a day in NYC

(picture from yesterday, at one of the 2 diners I like in NYC)

Yesterday was good, busy and a bit hard towards the end.
My eye is stable, thank God!
My dear ones who are in the midst of trying to adopt 
their foster baby had a worrisome development
that I prayed and prayed about, emailing and texting 
close ones for prayers.
So that worry is gone but we will see.
My foot did well over all yesterday
but was aching by night.
It was my first big trip to NYC since my 
ankle injury.
My foot still feels a lot thicker than the unhurt one
and is stiff often and sore daily it seems.
Back to PT tomorrow.
I am reading the Lord of the Rings
and hopefully my parents are coming in less than 2 weeks
and then we hope we can do a staycation, after this visit.
We will see.
I still have some issues with the sinus cold I got
and we are battling on, valiantly I hope but with 
some weariness.
I wish there were places to go like in Tolkien's book,
where one could really rest, heal and regain strength.
But Tolkien also show that the times of rest and healing
are so you can go on with your life's quest....
May God have mercy on us! 
How much we need His mercy!

Sunday, September 17, 2017


Local Church.
Walton's date.
Chicken soup, Popcorn, strawberry cake, tea and more tea.
I go into NYC DV tomorrow.
Please pray for me, as I am still getting used to walking and
my foot is not back to normal though I can walk now.
I will be seeing the ophthalmologist. 
Today I finished re-reading the Hobbit and that was
quite lovely.

Friday, September 15, 2017

We made it there and were with...the Kursk Root icon of the Mother of God

I am so so thankful.
Liturgically it was the Church New Year,
yesterday, on September 14th.
The Kursk Root icon of the Mother of God is so special.
The first time I saw it was in 2011, late December,
my Husband and I were dating long-distance and
it was when I entered the Church with this icon 
visiting, that I knew that I could marry the man
who is now my Husband.
The Mother of God made it very clear to me.
So this icon is so dear to me.
My Husband, years before I knew him,
had this holy icon in his house,
and once he stayed overnight in a home that this icon was
staying for the evening.
So we both care very much about this icon.
Here are some links about it,
here is a bit of history, here is more and with miracles, 
here has a picture of the icon without the covering and here is more stories and 
here is another story and history and this one tells of how it survived
a direct attack against it. 
I was able to pray for so many on my heart
plus for my Husband and myself,
as this past year has had so many difficulties for us.
I would say both of us have colds now.
I am trying to balance my life, 
in terms of rest, making food to help us heal and
keep the house in order. 
My Husband is working from home today,
we are planning on staying local for Church
and trying to rest.
I am so very grateful to see this icon in the Church New Year.
Bishop Nicholas spoke of patience, of the will of God,
being willing to bear our Cross, to have a new beginning,
to forsake our sins and leave them behind,
of the consolation and help we can have from the Mother of God,
to beg for her help.
"Brought low am I, O Virgin, in a place of sickness and in a dwelling of anguish. 
Grant healing to me, transforming all of my illness into full healthfulness."

Thursday, September 14, 2017

The last few days

So, I've been a bit up and down in terms of worry
because I think my beloved Husband is coming down with something,
he's valiant but struggling.
So I made, begun yesterday and finished today, 
And I saw that I made this just days before +Patrick died.
This time around I put in a bit too much sour cream,
but it is still delicious. 
And I remembered this immunity-strengthening soup that I made when I was feeling 
better but Mr Husband was still recovering,
last winter when everything bottomed out.
I hope to make this soup next week Tuesday.
Today I went to my local church for the new calendar
Feast of the Cross. 
It is also the liturgical new year today and DV tonight
we are going to see the Kursk Root Icon at our far-away church.
I am praying for healing for us there,
as we both have had such a hard go this year.
Next week is going to be a bit busy, NYC Monday,
Church Feast Thursday DV. 
The week after that I have 2 NYC trips and the 
Church feast that I went to liturgy today at our
local new calendar church.
It's complicated with the old and new calendar
but we do what we can and I go to the new calendar feasts
because where is better to be than church and the awesome
privilege of having Holy Communion.
Thanks everyone who commented on my blog this week;
it's really helpful to get feedback when I am processing things
and trying to move forward in it. 
Oh, the other day my Husband wanted grilled cheese with
turkey bacon; it felt so good to make this for him.
And I got to use my new sandwich tongs,
which I am finding many uses for!
Just wanted to mention this as it's something
I am taking delight in.

I've been enjoying this mix of music... 
I am finding that I need beautiful music in my day...
I am still a bit congested but a lot better
and I am really hoping I can stay well and be able to 
function more normally again, after so many months of 
being unwell with my broken ankle.
I am still wearing the ankle brace and have not been 
able to go to PT as much for various reasons but
hope to go tomorrow. 
Please pray for a couple who is close to my heart
who have a big meeting in the next week
about a foster child they would
love to adopt.  I can't say more than this for obvious
legal reasons but I do ask your prayers.
I thank God that He has given me the strength to make the soup
and for all of His blessings! 

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Thinking about...

We got the loveliest of presents yesterday!
Fresh soap! Smells so wonderful!
And today I finally had "real tea" again,
instead of just 'feel better sinus tea"...
I still have my cold but I think I am slowly
winning the war and KICKING 
it to the curb where it belongs.
Thanks so much all those who commented on my 
Mat Anna had a great post up today about this and 
from this post and I am still pondering it...
So some back story to explain where I am coming from 
and how what Mat Anna writes fits in....
Years ago, back in the late 1990s and early 2000s, when
I was still doing my undergraduate degree at TWU,
I was reading this book that was wildly popular at the time.
It has some good ideas in it I think,
however, it is really quite incomplete.  
Not only did the author's life fall to pieces after writing it,
poor thing, (I do hope she is better now, it was quite a painful
experience from what I know from reading her later things),
but one of the ideas I got from it was just wrong.
Somehow I thought I could imagine the person I wanted to be
and somehow become it.
It really was a persona that was utterly fictional.
I was going to be somehow all of these things:
Poised, Eminently Respectable, Able to Handle Social Situations
with Grace and Ease, Fashionable, and a professional... with
great work clothes and a beautiful home.
Now, in reality this is who I am today:
Sometimes Able to Handle Social Situations, my fashion is 
utterly my own, often what my Husband calls a 'hippie look' with
skirts, dresses, various coloured bandanas that match the 
colours I am wearing that day, and Birkenstock Shoes, Boots and Sandals.
I wear make up only on special occasions.  
I like what I wear and esp my red glasses and long hair. 
Vanity I still have not fled.  
But I am not what I thought I would look like.
Actually I am about 20lbs heavier than what I was back then,
my shoulders are rounding from bad posture, 
and well.  I am MYSELF not some fictional imaginary character 
who was never me.
So, that part is mostly not disappointing me; yes, I wish I was
better socially (I still feel quite awkward and mess up) but I am 
happy with how I look, even though I don't have the willowy figure
anymore and well, one day I think I will look more like my Great Aunt and
Grandma, who look perfectly fine, normal woman with big hearts...
other than that I hope I still have long hair, I am curious to see
if it stays curly once it is grey....
This part (my looks) though I am more fine with because my Husband is very
clear with me in liking how I look and that goes a long way,
I know I am VERY blessed. 
But other things, like my spiritual life and who I thought I would be by now,
it's not happening.  This is where I am most disappointed with myself,
those same sins again and again.  The same struggles.  And just not
being great at certain types of prayer.
But here's what I am thinking may work better about that
and actually help... 
to do this:
accept where I am
not meaning 'give up' but 'accept'... to not hate myself or be unkind
and in this also accept where others are and that
they are struggling with things and themselves as well.
I think I am trying to accept where I am so that I can
keep trying to have the life I do want
(like a clean house, some sewing/crafting, etc).
Right now I see my biggest job being to create a haven
for my Husband.  He's needing this so much right now,
to come home to a peaceful, orderly, loving home.
It's the biggest thing I can do for him.
So the other thing I am thinking about, 
 is perhaps for another post,
but it's that confusing balance of accepting who 
you are, loving yourself without being sinful about it
(like approving sin or something)
and knowing that it's OK to let go of shame, guilt
and seeing how things may be making one feel guilty,
for me I struggle with having so much - when others don't;
others I think it can show up other ways,
like 'perfect weight = approval' or even trying to be 
so environmentally conscious because of we should feel
shame for how our race has wrecked the world... it's tricky;
I am all for doing what we can and recycling, but we still
have a right to exist, to use things, to need that plastic 
water bottle because we need water now and are in NYC 
on a really hot day...and our water bottle is empty... but
boy can one feel guilty for needing that water bottle;
I had to learn that better to be hydrated and not fall ill... than
not buying that needed water...
Or a Mother who is struggling with burnout and feels
she can't give everything she feels she should to her kids;
it's OK to not be able to be everything we think we should be.
Somewhere there MUST be a balance between
care-of-self, accepting our inabilities and not giving up
on trying to do better on what one actually CAN do.
Kinda like Fr Thomas Hopko said:
Anyway, there it is.
Today I was able to clean, do some laundry, 
have real tea, a bath! and enjoy the new
soaps we were given
(I can feel guilty about having such things
instead of enjoying them, I swear we feel
so mixed up in terms of what we should and should
not be feeling guilty about).
God loves us.
We are sinners.
We need to keep looking to Christ and praying for help
to do so.....