oh Monday, really did you have to be so "Monday"?

This was my trying-to-salvage a not-that-great Monday Morning

during lunch; computer woes; sleeping woes; foot woes; messy house woes.

I am holding on to this fact:

My Husband and I were prayed for during liturgy yesterday.

That meant so much.

My Husband knew I was about as limp as a newly wet dish rag, 

so he took me out to our favourite diner for dinner.

I had beef and mashed potatoes.

Back home he had to do more work, poor man.

Now it is time for bed.

Tomorrow is a NYC day.

I really hope it is a peaceful one.

A belated Hobbit Day

I made seed cake for the first time! 

It was lovely, still warm with butter melting into it and honey!

I also made a lemon poppy seed cake!

The seed cake is the round one; the lovely tins

I used to bake them in are from +Patrick's home and 

I treasure them very much. 

My Beloved Husband brought home the cute little 

cookies with chocolate centres for our belated Hobbit Day

(yesterday was Bilbo and Frodo's birthdays according to 

Shire reckoning)... 

we had a nice Hobbit "elevensies"....

***

Cleo got extra milk also!

***

Well, the rest of the day was mainly spent reading the end of the last

books in the Lord of the Rings. 

The end moved me deeply, even to tears.

I had last read it 17 years ago and I think I got perhaps more

out of it this read than last; December 2000 seems a few life times ago for me!

***

My foot is having a hard time still, paining me I guess you would say.

***

I am thinking very much of dear friends who are suffering.

So much of this in the world.

Yet there are also beautiful books like Tolkien's and

Hobbit day and seed cakes and most of all:

HOPE.

Today, a Feast Day, a day (happy) together

So today is the

Feast Day of the Nativity of the Mother of God!

I know many people make cakes on this day,

for the Mother of God's birthday, a simple

but concrete way of celebrating it.

It was really nice to be at our far-away church again

and have liturgy there.

We had a lovely lunch (I had a lamb shish-sandwich

and delicious rose-water lemonade, with free refills).

Then Mr Husband and I went to IKEA!

I am really excited because

my parents (DV) are coming! Soon! Beginning of October!

So we got some new (white billy with doors) bookcases

for bedroom + office... they will be delivered tomorrow night...

It was so nice to be with my Husband all day!

(He took the day off work!)

I no longer have a cast or air cast or brace!

I wore my smaller (kind of like high high tops)  brown leather boots

for a bit more support and I managed just fine!

I still need to do some elevation or ice at night at times,

swelling, some soreness but I am making good progress.

I had the strangest thing in that (until PT yesterday)

I could not properly get my (injured) foot in my boot...

it was like my foot was not at all lithe or able to bend 

naturally into it! My PT said that this was because my calf muscle was too 

tight so we did lots on that yesterday and today I could get my boot

on with no problems! So that was neat!

We are still recovering from colds, my goodness.

But we don't seem to be worsening at any rate, so hoping that

in week or so we will be much better.

I felt like this was one of our first days in months where

we were together and doing church + fun things.

It was a nice change.

I also took The Two Towers with me to read,

I sat in IKEA various times to rest my foot... 

These are busy days; I have a busy week coming up.

If I don't write much here, 

that's why! 

May God bless and keep us! 

today, a quiet day after a day in NYC

(picture from yesterday, at one of the 2 diners I like in NYC)

Yesterday was good, busy and a bit hard towards the end.

My eye is stable, thank God!

***

My dear ones who are in the midst of trying to adopt 

their foster baby had a worrisome development

that I prayed and prayed about, emailing and texting 

close ones for prayers.

So that worry is gone but we will see.

***

My foot did well over all yesterday

but was aching by night.

It was my first big trip to NYC since my 

ankle injury.

My foot still feels a lot thicker than the unhurt one

and is stiff often and sore daily it seems.

Back to PT tomorrow.

***

I am reading the Lord of the Rings

and hopefully my parents are coming in less than 2 weeks

and then we hope we can do a staycation, after this visit.

We will see.

***

I still have some issues with the sinus cold I got

and we are battling on, valiantly I hope but with 

some weariness.

***

I wish there were places to go like in Tolkien's book,

where one could really rest, heal and regain strength.

But Tolkien also show that the times of rest and healing

are so you can go on with your life's quest....

***

May God have mercy on us! 

How much we need His mercy!

Sunday

Local Church.

Walton's date.

Chicken soup, Popcorn, strawberry cake, tea and more tea.

I go into NYC DV tomorrow.

Please pray for me, as I am still getting used to walking and

my foot is not back to normal though I can walk now.

I will be seeing the ophthalmologist. 

Today I finished re-reading the Hobbit and that was

quite lovely.

We made it there and were with...the Kursk Root icon of the Mother of God

I am so so thankful.

Liturgically it was the Church New Year,

yesterday, on September 14th.

***

The Kursk Root icon of the Mother of God is so special.

The first time I saw it was in 2011, late December,

my Husband and I were dating long-distance and

it was when I entered the Church with this icon 

visiting, that I knew that I could marry the man

who is now my Husband.

The Mother of God made it very clear to me.

So this icon is so dear to me.

My Husband, years before I knew him,

had this holy icon in his house,

and once he stayed overnight in a home that this icon was

staying for the evening.

So we both care very much about this icon.

Here are some links about it,

here is a bit of history, here is more and with miracles, 

here has a picture of the icon without the covering and here is more stories and 

here is another story and history and this one tells of how it survived

a direct attack against it. 

***

I was able to pray for so many on my heart

plus for my Husband and myself,

as this past year has had so many difficulties for us.

***

I would say both of us have colds now.

I am trying to balance my life, 

in terms of rest, making food to help us heal and

keep the house in order. 

***

My Husband is working from home today,

we are planning on staying local for Church

and trying to rest.

***

I am so very grateful to see this icon in the Church New Year.

Bishop Nicholas spoke of patience, of the will of God,

being willing to bear our Cross, to have a new beginning,

to forsake our sins and leave them behind,

of the consolation and help we can have from the Mother of God,

to beg for her help.

***

Indeed. 

***

I love this line in the service to the Mother of God:

"Brought low am I, O Virgin, in a place of sickness and in a dwelling of anguish. 

Grant healing to me, transforming all of my illness into full healthfulness."

The last few days

So, I've been a bit up and down in terms of worry

because I think my beloved Husband is coming down with something,

he's valiant but struggling.

So I made, begun yesterday and finished today, 

a really hearty chicken soup.

And I saw that I made this just days before +Patrick died.

This time around I put in a bit too much sour cream,

but it is still delicious. 

And I remembered this immunity-strengthening soup that I made when I was feeling 

better but Mr Husband was still recovering,

last winter when everything bottomed out.

I hope to make this soup next week Tuesday.

***

Today I went to my local church for the new calendar

Feast of the Cross. 

It is also the liturgical new year today and DV tonight

we are going to see the Kursk Root Icon at our far-away church.

I am praying for healing for us there,

as we both have had such a hard go this year.

***

Next week is going to be a bit busy, NYC Monday,

Church Feast Thursday DV. 

The week after that I have 2 NYC trips and the 

Church feast that I went to liturgy today at our

local new calendar church.

It's complicated with the old and new calendar

but we do what we can and I go to the new calendar feasts

because where is better to be than church and the awesome

privilege of having Holy Communion.

*** 

Thanks everyone who commented on my blog this week;

it's really helpful to get feedback when I am processing things

and trying to move forward in it. 

***

Oh, the other day my Husband wanted grilled cheese with

turkey bacon; it felt so good to make this for him.

And I got to use my new sandwich tongs,

which I am finding many uses for!

Just wanted to mention this as it's something

I am taking delight in.

I've been enjoying this mix of music... 

I am finding that I need beautiful music in my day...

I am still a bit congested but a lot better

and I am really hoping I can stay well and be able to 

function more normally again, after so many months of 

being unwell with my broken ankle.

I am still wearing the ankle brace and have not been 

able to go to PT as much for various reasons but

hope to go tomorrow. 

***

Please pray for a couple who is close to my heart

who have a big meeting in the next week

about a foster child they would

love to adopt.  I can't say more than this for obvious

legal reasons but I do ask your prayers.

***

I thank God that He has given me the strength to make the soup

and for all of His blessings! 

Thinking about...

We got the loveliest of presents yesterday!

Fresh soap! Smells so wonderful!

And today I finally had "real tea" again,

instead of just 'feel better sinus tea"...

I still have my cold but I think I am slowly

winning the war and KICKING 

it to the curb where it belongs.

***

Thanks so much all those who commented on my 

last post.

Mat Anna had a great post up today about this and 

from this post and I am still pondering it...

***

So some back story to explain where I am coming from 

and how what Mat Anna writes fits in....

Years ago, back in the late 1990s and early 2000s, when

I was still doing my undergraduate degree at TWU,

I was reading this book that was wildly popular at the time.

It has some good ideas in it I think,

however, it is really quite incomplete.  

Not only did the author's life fall to pieces after writing it,

poor thing, (I do hope she is better now, it was quite a painful

experience from what I know from reading her later things),

but one of the ideas I got from it was just wrong.

Somehow I thought I could imagine the person I wanted to be

and somehow become it.

It really was a persona that was utterly fictional.

I was going to be somehow all of these things:

Poised, Eminently Respectable, Able to Handle Social Situations

with Grace and Ease, Fashionable, and a professional... with

great work clothes and a beautiful home.

Now, in reality this is who I am today:

Sometimes Able to Handle Social Situations, my fashion is 

utterly my own, often what my Husband calls a 'hippie look' with

skirts, dresses, various coloured bandanas that match the 

colours I am wearing that day, and Birkenstock Shoes, Boots and Sandals.

I wear make up only on special occasions.  

I like what I wear and esp my red glasses and long hair. 

Vanity I still have not fled.  

But I am not what I thought I would look like.

Actually I am about 20lbs heavier than what I was back then,

my shoulders are rounding from bad posture, 

and well.  I am MYSELF not some fictional imaginary character 

who was never me.

***

So, that part is mostly not disappointing me; yes, I wish I was

better socially (I still feel quite awkward and mess up) but I am 

happy with how I look, even though I don't have the willowy figure

anymore and well, one day I think I will look more like my Great Aunt and

Grandma, who look perfectly fine, normal woman with big hearts...

other than that I hope I still have long hair, I am curious to see

if it stays curly once it is grey....

This part (my looks) though I am more fine with because my Husband is very

clear with me in liking how I look and that goes a long way,

I know I am VERY blessed. 

***

But other things, like my spiritual life and who I thought I would be by now,

it's not happening.  This is where I am most disappointed with myself,

those same sins again and again.  The same struggles.  And just not

being great at certain types of prayer.

***

But here's what I am thinking may work better about that

and actually help... 

to do this:

accept where I am

not meaning 'give up' but 'accept'... to not hate myself or be unkind

and in this also accept where others are and that

they are struggling with things and themselves as well.

I think I am trying to accept where I am so that I can

keep trying to have the life I do want

(like a clean house, some sewing/crafting, etc).

Right now I see my biggest job being to create a haven

for my Husband.  He's needing this so much right now,

to come home to a peaceful, orderly, loving home.

It's the biggest thing I can do for him.

***

So the other thing I am thinking about, 

 is perhaps for another post,

but it's that confusing balance of accepting who 

you are, loving yourself without being sinful about it

(like approving sin or something)

and knowing that it's OK to let go of shame, guilt

and seeing how things may be making one feel guilty,

for me I struggle with having so much - when others don't;

others I think it can show up other ways,

like 'perfect weight = approval' or even trying to be 

so environmentally conscious because of we should feel

shame for how our race has wrecked the world... it's tricky;

I am all for doing what we can and recycling, but we still

have a right to exist, to use things, to need that plastic 

water bottle because we need water now and are in NYC 

on a really hot day...and our water bottle is empty... but

boy can one feel guilty for needing that water bottle;

I had to learn that better to be hydrated and not fall ill... than

not buying that needed water...

Or a Mother who is struggling with burnout and feels

she can't give everything she feels she should to her kids;

it's OK to not be able to be everything we think we should be.

Somewhere there MUST be a balance between

care-of-self, accepting our inabilities and not giving up

on trying to do better on what one actually CAN do.

***

Kinda like Fr Thomas Hopko said:

Pray as you can, not as you think you must.”

***

Anyway, there it is.

***

Today I was able to clean, do some laundry, 

have real tea, a bath! and enjoy the new

soaps we were given

(I can feel guilty about having such things

instead of enjoying them, I swear we feel

so mixed up in terms of what we should and should

not be feeling guilty about).

***

God loves us.

We are sinners.

We need to keep looking to Christ and praying for help

to do so.....