Tuesday, June 06, 2023

A Tired Tuesday

I slept pretty badly last night. Thanks Lisa for your suggestions 😊 have been up since 3:30 AMbut I take some medicine normally that I forgot to take so I should be better now. 

So I take after my Opa in not sleeping well at times.

Also had I realized today that I had found out about our priest and Matushka retiring and moving December 11th.  By January 7 I was on prednisone and was manic for about 1.5 months then had progressive memory loss that got better and stabilized about March 5 but I was in huge emotional shock for at least another month and didn't feel well till about end of March.... then I got a cold, the rash returned and my friend Peter died on April 14th.  

So I am just really grieving the loss of my Priest and Matushka who I didn't get to say goodbye to because I lost my memory. 

And our choir director of our local church also retiring from our church so it's another goodbye. 

So it's just going to take time. 

Reading Elizabeth Gougde about loss was really good (a different type of loss but still it helped).

May God have mercy on us 🙏 





Monday, June 05, 2023

beauty and struggle


I am struggling a bit more than normal I think. 

I was so sick for the first 3 months of this year. 

I was remembering the last weekend my Mom was here.  My memory was back.  I was still on prednisone.  Twice I got so chilled that I was shaking uncontrollably for being so cold.  It was physically exhausting.  Once was on the way home. I just kept thinking about the homeless who are cold and distracted myself. 

My Mom and Husband helped. I slept with layers of cloths, 4 water bottles and many blankets.   Drank hot tea.  It was like the cold was deep inside me and my whole body was shaking. 

I am so grateful for my Husband. 

He took good care of me. 

It was traumatic for him too.  Sometimes I didn't know who he even was. 

I scared my friends and family.  It was really difficult. 

Well. I have been having a hard time sleeping.  I think I am still in a lot of grief in ways.  I have had a lot of loss.  

There are good things of course abundantly.   

May God have mercy on us 🙏 


challenging and beautiful


I needed the above readings.  The struggle is to try to live it.

Lord help and have mercy 🙏 


Sunday, June 04, 2023

New Beginnings


It was a beautiful beginning with our new priest and his family 🙏❤️

May God have mercy on us all 🙏

Saturday, June 03, 2023

tomorrow


We welcome the new priest and his family to our local church. 

Tonight we went to our faraway church. 

Wednesday, May 31, 2023

Wednesday Struggles and Joys

The Light Keeper captures the mystery, beauty and power of the oceans, seas and vast lakes. It contains lighthouses that guide and guard the ships and sailors. This is a novel that glories in books written centuries ago to our present, from Tagore to the poems of Mary Oliver. It is a story of friendship, of love, of deep aching questions. It has one of the most mathematically brillant plots I have ever experienced. It is a book that is difficult to put its worth into words. I have read it twice and can't wait to read it again. It is a most beautifully written offering and, if I could, I would send a copy to everyone reading this praise of The Light Keeper by Sherry Shenoda.
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I posted this review on my public IG page.

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I am working on my writing project again. I like the process of it. I hope to type in a lot of edits tomorrow. 

I have been overtired so resting. 

But I have also been walking a lot more. 


Compared to March when I was very sick 

Yes a HUGE difference there!

I hope I can keep it up. 

All last year was hard and I had less steps. 

Well. That's about all for today. 

May God have mercy on us 🙏 

Sunday, May 28, 2023

Many moments and God’s mercy


So many things.

1. On Tuesday, my friend Peter's 40th day since his passing, which is a special day that one prays for the newly departed, I met a monk from Romania outside of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. He is now praying for Peter. I can’t tell you how deeply encouraging this was and is. 

2. Last vespers with choir director of my local church who I have known over 10 years. 

3. Saw my special tea-loving friend at church. She is moving to Florida and I am going to miss her so much. 

4. Saw Waltons with my beloved Husband. It felt like old times. 

5. I am slowly returning to myself... I have had my memory since the second week of March but the emotional shock and physical depletion + a second rash (all gone!) + Peter's death (and the shock of it) really impacted me.

6. We are getting more estimates for our roof as it needs fixing. That is taking a while. 

7. I have a schedule for my writing project that I am trying out this week for times that I work only on that project. 

8. I have been walking about 5k steps a day.  I am very thankful. 

9. New local priest comes this week and first liturgy is this coming Sunday: Pentecost. 

May God have mercy on us 🙏 



Friday, May 19, 2023

a kind word


[Pictures from yesterday]

I went to the dentist in NYC today.  I walked 7500 steps....almost 3 miles.... I was hoping to go to the MET Museum too. However I was really tired and it felt like too much. 

My Husband understood and encouraged me by saying that I am still recovering and working up stamina. 

When I looked at my Google Fit app on my phone I realized that he is right. I have not been walking as much as I am now since last August. 

I am trying so hard to rebuild my life. I am grateful for my Husband's kindness. 

May God help us 🙏 

Tuesday, May 16, 2023

Tuesday joys and concerns


I walked this morning! About 2 miles in 40 minutes best I have done in many months.

I have a new friend an immigrant who needs reading and conversation help as she is learning English. We spent time together this morning. It is not easy for her family and I am concerned about their difficulties. 

This afternoon and early evening I worked on writing project. Just chipping away slowly. 

It was a rare day where my goals for the day actually happen. 

I am very thankful. 

Life is rarely this way for me... 

May God have mercy on us 🙏 

Monday, May 15, 2023

Monday... home and outside in Spring


These white blossoms on trees on my walk have a very sweet smell....

From my afternoon walk...

This picture of lady liberty from last week....

I did some editing and research today on my writing project. It is going to take a LONG time. 

pleximama: the devotional book that I posted from is this one: 

lt is very good but also very challenging. 

I am so glad that I can take long walks again. 

May God have mercy on us 🙏 

Sunday beauty


Festive lunch.  Beautiful roses on our walk. Tea from my goddaughter. 

May God have mercy on us 🙏 

Friday, May 12, 2023

The Scent of Roses in Springtime

My Husband and I went a walk tonight. These roses all smelled so wonderfully 💕 

It reminded me of God’s faithfulness, that like the roses that return in Springtime, so much more certain is God’s care....

May God comfort us, save us, and have mercy 🙏

Pondering the Art of Acceptance




I managed longer walk again yesterday.  I've been struggling a lot with exhaustion lately.  

I am thinking about the art of acceptance that comes in the process of grief and loss; the art of acceptance in the process of getting past trauma.  Plus the acceptance of the brokenness of us all as human beings living in a confused world.  Forgiveness comes with acceptance... 

This video was really striking to me about how to live and move on from things: 

How to BE PRESENT. 

How to let go of the Past & how to live in the Present

Also these quotes I found worth pondering.  The first one is Madeleine writing about some people who maligned and attacked her writing.

"Can one be a Christian with a heart full of hate? I know that when hate flickers in my heart Christ cannot come in. So, as I pray for compassion and understanding for myself, I pray for compassion and understanding for these poor women. If they deny themselves the richness of love, they are indeed poor!" -- Madeleine L'Engle from Penguins and Golden Calves

from Fr Stephen Freeman:

"Subjectivity itself, the world as we experience it inside our heads, is notoriously changeable and fails every test of reliability. It is the chimera of our existence, and can never be its foundation.

Years ago, when I was in college, I suffered a severe bout of depression. I was hospitalized for a week. After the hospital, I “white-knuckled” my way through the world and found a path back to sanity. One of those paths was to distrust my subjective experience. Nothing “sounded like fun” (that’s the nature of depression). But I reasoned that I needed to have fun and decided to treat fun as an objective activity. My now-wife and I began doing things that were the “kind of things people do for fun,” in an effort to teach my brain and body how to do something they had lost. It was very therapeutic." 

From: When Miracles Ceased by Fr Stephen Freeman 

I am slowly coming to terms with various things I have suffered in the last year and a half.  The losses.  The months of illness.  My father-confessor's retirement and leaving when I was still in and out of memory loss.  

Today we are remembering a Monk from Optina who became a Saint and this line from the online telling of his life really struck me:

"While he managed to preserve a radiant peace during which many of his spiritual children visited him, his life was difficult and full of threats from the Soviet authorities including threats of deportation to Kamchatka."  - Nectarius of Optina (emphasis mine)

Such a good reminder that with Christ is peace, even in the midst of great difficulties. 

I am praying that I can grow in this.  I think part of it for me really is the acceptance of difficulties, of one's losses, of differences in points of view.  

This prayer I find helpful: "nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.” from HERE.

May God help us and have mercy on us. 

Wednesday, May 10, 2023

tea shelf packed away...


Today was quite busy. Our pantry was emptied. We hired help. We have both AC and roof things to look into so we may not have that much use of our library/ chapel for a while.

Our local church gets a new priest and family soon. 

We are praying for them.

May God help us and have mercy 🙏

Monday, May 08, 2023

A quiet Monday


I did some research on my writing project! I am researching the Cloisters right now! 

I was really tired today. 

First time picking up my devotional book since I got sick. 

May God have mercy on us 🙏 

Sunday, May 07, 2023

A sunny Sunday

No pictures today.  It was a good day. Church, lunch out and time with friends. 

I am really tired and can tell I will need a lot of rest. 

Thanking God. 

Saturday, May 06, 2023

A beautiful Spring day


We had a lovely day away today. 

It was very needed and I am grateful for it. 

May God have mercy on us all 🙏