and the last 2 days

Yesterday NYC.  

Breakfast with my Husband.

Then shopping 🛍️

Tea and Sympathy for lunch.

Walked to Harney and Sons.

Walked to 9th St PATH train 

Grabbed a book from my local library.

Home.  Bath. 

Later: our washing machine started leaking water out the door.

Today: diagnostic and parts ordered.  By next week it will God willing be fixed.

Reorganized and cleaned things.

Insomnia again.

May God have mercy on us 🙏

Two Nights Better Sleep, it's like I am a new woman (almost)

Ok. I am actually still tired since I had a week of 

more insomnia but wow, sleep does wonders. 

OK so my beloved blog friend Sara alerted me to two authors

I had not heard of before! BLESSED RELIEF as I needed

new material to read and love! 

OK so Emma M Lion I am still in Volume 1 but I am already planning

on buying all 8 (9 when the next one comes out) volumes this summer.

She's so FUN.  Author Beth Browers is on the cusp of the world stage as an

author and I am so thrilled for her.  

I did a deep dive and researched her on May 5, last week Tuesday.

When you see headlines like this:

Indie author Beth Brower is poised to take her Emma M

Lion series global

you are basically looking at stardom of some level.

Will she be the next Harry Potter? 

I can only HOPE so! 

Because she has SOMETHING and I LOVE it.

Meanwhile, I am listening to music on my light PINK headphones,

as my Husband is still asleep LOL.

I have been up since 5 AM something but that's way better than before.

Yesterday at our local church the Bishop was here

and it was really lovely.

This church is having a real revival, with tons of young people

and it was so beautiful to have the Bishop be surrounded by

young people wanting to know more about how to live as 

a Christian and an Orthodox Christian as well. 

May God protect this church and all Christian churches! 

***

Ok. it's nearing 8 AM.  I am tired!!! Whew.

OH so like after a week or less my newer 

Chromebook Resurrected AGAIN. 

My Husband has a magic touch.

He was like how long has your Chromebook been unplugged?

Days I said. 

And he was like let me look at it, in his kind warm voice

and I said OK and he opened it and 

voilà / wallah ~~  

It magically turned on without him touching a BUTTON. 

We think it may have to do with a battery problem.

I was also using a very small memory drive and 

I noticed it gets hot and something is wrong there so I unplugged that

and we also have adaptive charging on (supposed to go only to 80% but

TBH (to be honest) I think it went to 100% again) so we will see.

***

So that's THAT. 

May God have mercy on us. 

And I pray I keep sleeping better...! 

Life is like that

Life, often inexplicable.  My Chromebook stopped working. Until yesterday.  We think it was over charged and now have adaptive charging on so that it will not be fully charged unless I specify it.

I have had a lot of insomnia this past week, a sort of PTSD-Grief trigger.  

Last night God gave me a better sleep but I am weary and in depletion mode so I have to try to be careful and rest.

My writing project is ongoing.

I am reading some lovely books.

May God have mercy on us. 

beauty & .......

Walked over 3 miles.  I thought how I am not in a hurry to get older like I was when in my 20s! 

50 years old is just half a year away now.

Grief is a very strange thing I find.

All I know is that I am in an intense process of healing and adjusting to my life post-memory loss and the losses I sustained at times still painfully surprise and grieve me.  It is unavoidable and I just have to accept the process that I am in.

I just keep asking God that I will be in His will no matter what.

At the same time I am so grateful for everything I do have, which is an abundance of blessings.

May God have mercy on us all.

briefly here, May 4th 2026

Christ is risen! Truly He is risen!

I still need a lot of quiet.

I can walk again, normally!

Pictures from today and yesterday. 

I'm in a really good but intense of healing and kind of readjustment in a way.

I'm also involved in some very deep dive research that keeps me very busy. 

I read something that made me feel like Albert Einstein just discovering E = mc², though it won't have such huge results, I don't think! 🤣🤣🤣 

But something really clicked for me but I have so much more work to do to really get a handle on what I'm trying to understand.

I pray for God's mercy for all of us.

Christ is Risen 🩷

Truly He is Risen!

****

There is a time for everything.

I had a time of a lot of writing here on my blog.  

But I feel like I need a time of quiet now.  

I see that I am in a new stage of healing in my life.  But this one requires more quiet.

May God have mercy on us all.

Friday Rest and Thankfulness

Today is a rest day for me.  

Last night I was able to go to church and hear the story of St Mary of Egypt being read, by many voices, including a godson of a few years and a future godson to be baptized soon. 

Reading the Healing Autistic Burnout is helping me understand so much.  Including what happened to me when I was put on a horrible high dose of prednisone, which made me severely mentally ill and nearly (literally speaking) killed me. 

My body and mind, my whole being, was suffering deeply during those two months.  I remember that I could barely get off the couch for most of Great Lent 2023.

The good news is that I can heal.  

The difficult news is realizing how sick I still am.  I started coughing again today.  My ankle is hurting.  I am sleeping better but I think I am going to need less caffeine 😥 and more decaf tea for a while.  I am still going to allow myself a little because I love it so much and I have to do things in a way that actually works for me personally.

I can't make chocolate chip cookies for my Pascha basket so I am going to buy some premade ones. 

I learned a lot about adapting to your actual circumstances from my Grandma Ruth.  A few years ago she could no longer lift the metal bowl she used for baking. So she switched to a plastic bowl. There came a time when she could no longer do her Christmas baking for all of us 13 grandkids. For Christmas for decades, once we got older and kid, toys etc. Weren't an option she would bake for us.  I think she did this after my Grandpa John died. He died in 2006. So 20 years ago this fall.  A few years ago she realized that it was her last time to do all that baking. It had become too much for her.  It would take her months to do. She would bake enough bars for 13 tins for Christmas. Plus she would give goodies to others.  My Grandma and I used to talk every week about what we baked that week.  

So I can't go to the Liturgy tonight. But I was able to go yesterday. And that service is just once a year.  So I'm very grateful for that. It was really special. 

I'm listening to a song that God gave me a couple years ago.  In 2024. I can't remember if I posted this one or not. 

It's very gentle and I love the title "the child comes home" it's full of tenderness and trust in God are Father.  That's how it feels to me anyway.  It's very much about a childhood and an experience of being a child that is safe and healing. 

I've been listening to it on repeat.  The book I'm reading, that I've been talking about since I got it yesterday, is explaining things to me that I never knew. 

Listening to music on repeat can be a form of stimming.  That's something that one does to calm the nervous system.  It's very much a neurodivergent trait. They'll really that can be a trait for everyone!!!!  But it was helpful to have it articulated how this can help regulate the nervous system.  How it can calm you down.  I mean I knew that, but it's helpful to read it.  To have affirmations about what are different ways that self-care can look like.  And that being yourself is okay. 

That's something the author said in the book. She could either continue to mask and hide her neurodivergencey or she could be open about it and not be exhausted by all the hiding and she chose the latter. But in so doing she also found a deeper purpose and unexpected career path for herself.  And that's in actually teaching others about what it can be like and how to really be neurodivergent and be well.  

I've often heard at least for women that by the time they turn 50 a lot of them have figured out more of who they are and are learning to just accept themselves as they are. To not be ashamed.  Well I will be 50 in December.  And I'm not going to be ashamed that God made me the way God chose to make me. I'm fearfully and wonderfully made just like anyone else.  The scriptures apply to all of us.  Not to the select few who aren't neurodivergent which I actually think are a select few. 😳🤣🤣🤣🤣🤔🙃 

In other words, it's okay to be yourself.  And my writing project which I talk about a lot but not directly because that would stress me out, my writing project is something just for me.  It's God's Goodwill for me personally.  And I could never write what I'm actually creating if I wasn't neurodivergent.  

I'm not going to explain that further now because I'm way too tired.  And I would get more tired just thinking about it 🤣🤔🙃

But in these things I am grateful. 

May God have mercy on us.

Happiness

Walking outside in warm weather and getting a green smoothie with orange juice. And the place allowing you to put your foot up. 🥰☺️🥳

This book is so insightful and affirming.  Some people think that being neurodivergent is something you should hide or had the word autistic is something that you should be ashamed of. It's not however.  In fact, it's how God made some of us.  And God doesn't make mistakes.  Matter of fact, we're fearfully and wonderfully made! Just like Psalm 139 says. 

Anyway, I love reporting my progress here.  I love but was surprised at this book is so thin, but some of the thin books are the most life-changing.  Distilled wisdom. 

Thank God for His Mercy and Love.  May God have mercy on us.