A Very Special Party

Yesterday was a very special birthday party for one of my

adult godchildren and the baptism of her third son that morning.

I texted the group that morning saying

I have had 12 hours sleep TOTAL in 72 hours so I can't have wine

but I am excited to come and am looking forward to it!

***

The whole day was full of God's mercy and grace.

My Husband and I were the first to arrive to church about 8:30 or so.

This is rare.  

Together we lit most of the lampada and candles in church

while our local priest was in the Altar.

I greeted my Goddaughter's Daughter when they came,

showing her my rings on my fingers and explaining them to her,

giving her big hugs (she's maybe 8 or so?)... 

More and more people showed up for the baptism and it was 

a very special baptismal liturgy and it was like Heaven on Earth.

I have an album that has 460 pictures of that baptism.

This is about normal for me when it's a really special one.

A priest and his wife showed up, visiting Grandchildren,

I knew them in Ottawa; we left about the same time;

I texted my sister-friend that I saw them and she texted me back,

asking that I say hi to them for her and I did

so that was so meaningful to me because part of my heart is always in 

Ottawa Ontario Canada and later I texted my two Romanian friends who

are both Romanian who I knew from Ottawa days,

one of them is still in Ottawa, the other returned with her Husband to

Bucharest within a year or so of my leaving Ottawa to marry my Husband.

I got to hold my friend's baby for part of the baptism, when

the godparents (the parents of the baby I held) were going around the

baptism font following the priest, and with the parents, 

holding on the priest's stole, 

so very much like the dance of Isaiah in the wedding ceremony, esp. perhaps in the

Romanian and Bukovian traditions... 

***

That liturgy was so heavenly,

the godfather and father standing the whole time, near the 

baptism font and icon table,

which is in front of the steps to the Altar itself. 

Like this:

This picture was taken when I had just entered the church,

before everyone else came and before my Husband and I 

lit all the lampada and candles (that were waiting to be lit)... 

***

it was such a blessed liturgy,

a blessing for everyone there...

***

My Husband and I went to the coffee hour briefly,

I thank God found a decaf sachet of lady Earl grey and had

a cup of tea... the church hall has been renovated and the heavy curtain that 

separated the stage from the hall has been removed,

causing the acoustics to change, unfortunately not for the better

as it's much louder... 

friends of mine who are older find it that way and the one woman

is a lifetime member of the church and remembers when it was full like that

when they were kids...

I also was there many times when it was a full hall and it was not as loud.

It's a difficult trade off to be honest. 

***

I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP as per Elaine Aron's book) 

and for sure am what is now called AuDHD

(autism and ADHD) and I had VERY little sleep

which means I am experiencing burnout 

and am way more sensitive than when I get more sleep.

I've been having light sensitivity issues on a huge scale again,

noises can be painful, and I am still not sleeping well.

I got 3 hours sleep this night.  

***

I will try to rest today.

I hope to make a casserole, the turkey is already thawed,

it will not be hard to make. 

I think I will use my red Dutch oven for it.

my Husband and I are trying to use up things in the freezer;

I also have a huge grocery order coming today,

thank God for Fresh Direct!

We have not gotten groceries since I returned last Thursday.

***

My Husband and I were the first to arrive at the birthday party event.

That was great because it gave us a bit of time to talk to the Host who was

doing the party.

Most of the people there were ones I knew, and everyone was very kind and friendly.

***

However the noise after 1 hour 10 minutes was my limit,

it was becoming extremely painful for me,

I was so very tired.

***

Because I had already texted everyone who was coming to the party by

group text, I did not have to explain myself which made me feel

more seen and safe without having to say anything because

everyone already knew.

So I got our dear local priest's blessing after telling my Husband I needed to leave

and then said goodbye to my goddaughter and her Husband who

understood what was going on with me and we got a nice picture of my

goddaughter and myself.

***

Then I was finally blessedly alone in one of my favourite places in the whole world,

that is the park that you see all the pictures of here.

I walked home, to be honest I was so exhausted I did cry a bit

out of sheer fatigue...

and I got home, it was a humid day so my clothes had to be washed,

which is why when we went to the party, we went by cab so that I would not

feel gross for the party (my body runs hot and that means practically speaking,

sweat.  LOL).

***

I had the house blessedly to myself,

I ran a bath, listened to calming music,

texted my sister-friend, and my two Romanian close lady friends

and another one of my beloved goddaughters and

I felt like I had just gone through a battle and had won it,

by God's mercy and grace alone.

Because I wanted to be an adult, to not lose my composure

at the party when so exhausted,

and I am dealing with a lot of AuADHD and Complex PTSD

triggers right now and sleep is not happening much...

***

My Husband arrived home about quarter after 4 pm,

he was careful with his wine intake which I am so glad that he is

very disciplined that way... everyone at the party was of course,

but I am writing about my gratefulness here of my Husband for being

a trustworthy man whose character, intellect and very being is a blessing to me.

***

I washed all our towels, washed my pretty dress and such,

ate the leftover lamb gyro from the night before;

I want to make the turkey casserole because I plan on freezing some of it

for later easy meals.

And cooking is calming for me, as is baking.

***

Today is a very rainy day,

I hear the rain falling right now, the gutters sound full...

I have been texting my Ottawa-Romanian friend this morning,

***

Including the cute collage of the purse and hat that I have above,

so the hat is from Amazon, very fun and vintage.

The purse I thought was maybe 40 dollars,

it's Kate Spade, my Husband found it for free and gave it to me,

people give away stuff on sidewalks around here.

OK. So apparently it's probably at least 100 dollars for that purse.

I don't really have a concept of brand names and what they cost LOL

(it's so sad about the actual Kate Spade, may God have mercy on her

troubled soul :( )... and her family here on earth...

***

This purse that basically God gave me by my Husband finding it for free,

neither of us realizing how much it would cost new,

is really really lovely.  It stands up when you put it down, is elegant

and simple.

***

I bought a backpack pink purse that is bigger for other things

and I often use a pink fanny pack for my normal life.

***

I grew up in a lovely family and we always had enough food

and a place to sleep and we went to Christian schools when they

were more affordable, but even then, my parents could not pay

like some, by which I mean my Dad was / is a self-employed house painter,

he does really good work.  He did our home, so now you know it's good! :)

***

So if you are self-employed and in a down market, you may not have work

all the time, he could never predict this sort of thing

and now I see how much my parents lived by Faith in God.

***

They went into debt to send us all to a Christian high school;

I did not go to a secular school at all until my Masters degree in

Library and Information Science.

***

Boy was that different.

I liked the program, the people, my classmates were all nice

for the most part.

But I grew up very sheltered and I remember going to a party at

a classmates apartment and I basically left immediately.

Because I did not realize they would be drinking

and when I went and smelted beer on the breath of a classmate,

I left because that sort of thing scares me.

It's funny, that; but I knew by then that if people are even 

tipsy, they are not in full control of themselves in the same way

and that is not a safe place for me personally because I have no

context for that sort of thing, having never experienced it.

***

It's funny because I vividly remember one of the very few times

I was downtown Grand Rapids and I talked with a homeless man who

called people Matey or something, like a Sailor and I really liked him.

Yeah, that neurodivergent brain that does not see danger, that's me.

I had to learn.  But that guy was funny regardless.

And I used to talk to a guy by the Rideau Centre who was often begging,

suffering sunstroke and probably very under the influence of alcohol. 

But I was always in broad daylight and sensed no from him in that context.

***

I can sense danger but sometimes I really don't.

Anyway, the cool thing was that when I was saying bye to everyone in Ottawa,

I saw this man on the street, sober. walking on Elgin and he saw me, recognized me

and was all happy to see me.

I saw a woman that way too, she shook my hands goodbye.

She always talked with me when asking for money by the side of the road on Metcalfe Street in the early

morning when all the government works were going to work 

(including me, I worked in government and business and health sectors depending on the job).

The woman was middle aged, always wore a blue bandada and is why I started wearing one myself,

when I was struggling to find work after having some really good jobs.

To this day I like wearing hats! All different colours too!

***

It's basically a deluge outside right now!

I am so glad to be having a 'rain day' and stay inside and rest.

***

thank you to everyone praying for me right now.

I have had probably 16 or so hours of sleep since Wednesday night, last week.

***

May God have mercy on us all.

A beautiful baptismal liturgy

 

Today was a really special day. A baptismal liturgy, it was so beautiful done that way. I would do it that way all the time! So special! here's a few of my pictures!

So: I am on about 12 hours sleep (total) in 4 days now. It's just 11 PM; I tried to sleep once already but it did not work.

I understand a lot of the reasons why this is happening (Complex-PTSD and life) but it's also very hard. I am trying to do what I can to support myself through this. Including no sugar, no caffiene tea, green smoothies, lots of protein. When you are hit with insomnia at this level, I can now say with better understanding, that you are becoming very physically depleted and are very vunerable to getting physically sick.

I am trying not to do this because if I get sick (like a sinus infection; I had terrible sinus pain two nights after I flew home because flying can cause problems with my ears and I forgot and listened to music on my headphones which made it worse)... if I were to fall ill to a cold or something like this, if it became a sinus infection, I am in a tough spot because i am allergic to antibiotics.

I can tell you something else though: when you are suffering like this, God gives you a lot of mercy and grace to help you in the suffering. We just have to keep going to Christ for help and mercy...