Thursday, Sunshine and Cloud

Wow. 

Today was intense. 

I am really making some progress, with God's help,

in healing but it takes so much energy.

I am super exhausted. 

So. Apparently I don't have a fracture 

or not an 'acute' fracture at any rate, so the 

report said.  But the thing is, I need to see those

images and I need more medical advice about my feet 

because I can tell I don't know enough and 

I am having pain and need to find out what to do, why

and how to make it better. 

***

Meanwhile,

I wrote this earlier on social media:

This is such an incredible moment in my life. 

I had a really good conversation with a therapist I've had for over 2 years.

 She's a really good one and absolutely a gift from God to me. 

And she and I are both seeing that I'm really healing now. 

And appropriately the journal I've been using for notes of things to talk to her about

 and things she said to me has just ended I wrote the last page today.

 I will get a new journal for a new beginning that will continue with her.

 But I wanted to share this Joy with you not because my struggles are over 

because I don't think our struggles are over until heaven. 

But because I'm able to learn to stand on my own Feet Again 

and talk about what I've gone through and how complex PTSD is very real

 and how in the midst of the most difficult darkest times 

even when I felt like all was lost God was still there and

 if I can say anything it's just that even when we feel are most alone God

 is still there with us in our great loneliness.

***

I am reading more of the Let Go Theory book.

It's giving me a lot of think about.

It's missing a deep dimension called 

God, the Holy Trinity and the Hope God brings

but it does have a lot of practical advice

and she has an impressive biblography and 

I am glad to be reading it. 

Also because it's helping me re-engage my brain, 

to think through things 

while the book is giving me the hooks to think about how

to do exactly what I need right now:

rewire my brain so I can be myself again, 

confident, cheerful, with a more consistant sense of humour. 

So that's good. 

****

But wow, it's exhausting work.

I am glad for it but I would also be really glad 

if I could get more sleep!

***

Well, one day at a time. 

May God have mercy on us and save us.