Sunday, August 20, 2017

A blessing

Mr Husband and I made it to our 
far-away church today!
Thank God, I was not car sick (was a bit worried about that).
I was able to see many of the kids and many friends.
It was so very nice to be back!
We went to the store after, really quickly, for things we 
cannot easily get via grocery delivery
and I sat on the bench and looked at the flower section that
we go to Pascha Sunday day to get flowers
for our Pascha table and for gifts.
That was so lovely, just to see 
and be reminded of happier times.
Mr Husband and I are hoping to do a staycation in September
and I am excited for this.
The hope that we will have better days ahead and
a chance to have some rest is quite welcome about now.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Today, the feast of Transfiguration of the Lord

We went to the new calendar feast of Transfiguration 13 days ago
but are still fasting on the old calendar so today is the feast
and so I made fish and used more of our beautiful dishes,
ones I had not used since my injury.
I am still learning about my injury and I can see that
it is going to take some months yet to heal.
I am living very much in Elizabeth Goudge books and am 
now on the last book of the Eliot Trilogy 
(Bird in the Tree, Herb of Grace/Pilgrims Inn, The Heart of the Family)
and I really don't want to leave.
It's funny, it's so clear that the two wars were so deeply felt
at the time and yet Elizabeth Goudge creates worlds in her
fiction to heal the physical, mental illness and exhaustion
and creates such places that I, and I think many others,
do not want to leave... it's remarkable. 
 So, our groceries were delivered and I opened the first box
and all I could see was Romaine Lettuce.
I opened the second box, more lettuce!
Husband asks, did you get the wrong order?
I don't know, I say, and look up the email and see that somehow
on our order was not 2 lettuces but 13.
We are good customers and they are refunding us; no idea how that happened
but we are now giving away lettuce to others and somehow God
gave us something to give to others on this Feast day,
even though we were unable to go to liturgy for it 
(a first really it seems, though it's possible I worked on it years ago; 
hard to say)... 
We've had some good days.  
I've had some poor sleeps and was quite tired as a result.
Today was a bit more of a pain-and-swelling day.
But I am loving living in Elizabeth Goudge's books
and am doing my best to maintain peace in our home
and inwardly...
We are talking to my parents about them visiting us 
sometime this fall.
My healing is taking a lot longer than I expected.
In all things, I know, I need to trust God....
He is our peace...

Friday, August 18, 2017

how to endure

Well. Another week coming to a close. I looked up how long it can take to heal from the type of break I have; could be 3 more months. Then I read, in the third of the Elizabeth Goudge trilogy, about how Sally, (one of the characters in the novel), when she was exhausted, would just think to herself: "I just have to do the next thing" and nothing more. And that's how she would endure the hard times. So pretty much nightly I have swelling and foot pain. But something that has helped me this week is what helped this character in the EG book: what a priest told me once: just do the thing in front of you that needs doing.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

A summary of today

So, today. A good day! I went to my local church for the Feast of Dormition (new calendar). Went to diner for lunch via cab (we pretty much use lyft all the time now), and then cabbed home. Rested. Great phone call. Hunted through art supplies searching for a small scissors that I don't know if it is there, found a bunch of cool stuff that I forgot I had. Put most of stuff back. Noticed foot was hurting. Rested. More foot pain. Used knee scooter for a bit to get around, had a simple dinner. I am learning more every day about how to navigate this in-between space where I am healing but not yet healed. Being attentive to things and upfront with myself and others about what I can/can't do in a day or at the moment is really freeing. It's like I can rest and be quiet inside more. So, today was a simple but good day. I am thankful.

Monday, August 14, 2017

When asked why I am alive, I thought about it and wrote this

Been thinking about this one. I think there are various levels.

1. To live and die (as) a Christian; faithful to Christ, the Church, fasts, feasts, sacraments of confession, Eucharist.... 

2. To create a place of beauty and refuge, a haven, in a troubled world. That's always been my desire. When I was young though I was not aware that I also needed a place of beauty and refuge that would heal me. Ultimately this is found only with Christ and in His Church; but in small ways our homes can be 'little home churches' and also places of beauty and order that can give rest. I have not achieved this yet as my Husband can attest (I have house clutter etc) but this is really a big part of what I feel I can actually do in my life.

 3. In small (and imperfect ways) point to the HOPE that there really ARE places of hope, beauty, dignity and rest and that with Christ we really can be saved; that in the midst of all the trouble, there can be those places that can heal, restore and give rest to a very weary and troubled world. 

4. This (#3) can be done through books and even some movies (at least in the past) ... Elizabeth Goudge books are big in this (rest, refuge, beauty, hope, Christ) but I know even of a movie like the Sound of Music has given to one I knew a dream and vision of a life that was so much better than the one she knew.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Focusing on that which is light-filled and joyful

So, in light of the fact that the news of the day as usual is not great, to the point of awfulness, I thought I would say some joyful/ delightful/ light-filled things. Not making 'light* of the heavy things but to remember that beauty, dignity and delight are still possible in the midst of things - though sorrow can make this hard to see - (I remember when at 21 I had one of my first huge losses in my life and did not understand how the sun was still shining) - however - still.
So after vespers a young brother and sister were sitting on a pew at the front of church. The boy got up first and the littler sister stayed on the pew, with full concentration and purpose, held her big teddy bear backpack open, put one medium sized teddy bear inside and then a smaller teddy bear inside, on top of the bigger one, stuffing them in like a woman with an awesome bag and then carefully zipping the bag shut. It was so sweet.
While she was doing this, the Mother helped her older son kiss an icon on a taller stand (of Christ's transfiguration). ...
And then she went and kissed the Mother of God's icon (with the help of her Mom) and then, standing back on her feet, kissed the candle stand next to it, and then the Cross next to that... the boy coming and doing the same thing with her...
A Child's sense of an ordered world, where it is natural to express love to Christ, His Mother and to Church itself, is just such a delight, a truly beautiful thing to see.
In the midst of strife, confusion, and worse, it's worth remembering that today there were two young kids in church who were so happy to be there and were kissing icons and Crosses, conscious of goodness, safety and love.

Friday, August 11, 2017

New Boot

It's so much better.
I still walk "like an injured person" as someone 
accurately said, but at least I have a better fit.
I've had a inward struggle the last days.
Nothing to blog about really,
just the things that thrown at you.
I as in a lot of pain in the middle of the night
and was really comforted by friends via social media
who prayed for me.
I had made my favourite lamb dish, baked some 
more strawberry cake and had a bath 
and was basically walking on and off for a long time,
my ankle swelled up and I had more pain.
I am still learning,
as I had thought that I had to walk through the pain as
my muscles need to be worked.
So more balance needed.
I am beginning to see this as one of my most hard years since
that hard year of job loss and sickness, 7 or so years ago.
Well, nothing can be done except go through it
until we find ourselves on the other side of it.

Wednesday, August 09, 2017


Today is the first time since May 10th 
that I left the house without crutches.
I took a cab to PT and back again.
PT is good but ouch, atrophied muscles 
hurt when one is using them after weeks of
I had to rest after coming back home and
having a late lunch.
Tomorrow I get to be home all day
and I plan on resting, doing my PT and enjoying 
the quiet.
I am thankful for the progress and 
it's so wonderful to be able to stand up
and walk! Even if walking is often a bit painful...
it's still such a joy and a privilege! 

Tuesday, August 08, 2017

Standing, Standing...and walking! and baking!

I got the shoe lift yesterday in the mail,
after PT and I have been mainly walking without crutches 
ever since.... (it is still painful at times but worth it).
So today I baked for the first time!
A bit of a small one bowl wonder recipe! 
I hope to bake another on soon!
And the toaster oven = not so hot house!
I also did a card and origami puppy dog for a 
young sweet girl I know! 
And tonight I went to vespers for St Herman
*by myself* 
(took a cab there...that's often how I got there pre-injury).
So that was quite wonderful.
I go back to PT again tomorrow.
My foot muscles are still really tight/stiff.
Lots of work yet to be done.
And hopefully I get a better air cast/boot soon too, 
been having some problems with the one I have.
Husband brought me home 3 roses!
Don't they look so pretty with my new table runner
from my quilting-friend?
It's so nice to have some good things to report today!