Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Thank God

The interview is over! By many people's prayers, I believe I interviewed well. (Thank you everyone who has prayed for me!) Now I am waiting to see about the second round of interviews. I really need God's wisdom and guidance in this!

I found praying the Our Father, esp. the "Thy will be done" helpful.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

the day before

Cleo is looking up at me with her blue eyes. I am trying to focus on reviewing for my interview tomorrow at 11. outside my window I can see small green leaves on trees.

sometimes I wish my blog was more than what it is. I think a lot of thoughts but do not have much time to put them down.

it is so hard to prepare for interviews.

Lord have mercy!

Please pray for me. and if I can pray for you, please also let me know!

Sunday, April 27, 2008


Pasca is glorious.

Christ is Risen! Indeed He is Risen!

May we all learn, after dying with Him, to then rise with Him!

Friday, April 25, 2008

Great and Holy Friday

Glory to Thy Passion O Lord, Glory to Thy long suffering!

Every Holy Week is so unique.

I am feeling overwhelmed but very cared for. I found a beautiful Pasca outfit. All white. Praying that it does not rain.

I have an interview for a job I applied for this coming Wednesday and have no idea how to prepare (and will not start to do so until earliest Bright Monday afternoon).

I applied for another job online yesterday (the one I think I really want, but before interviews it is hard to know).

Interviews, as it does for many, makes me nervous. Invariably I go shopping - this time new jacket and light pink blouse. any thoughts on light pink with black pants and jacket for an interview?


I know what I need to do most of all: pray the verses in Matthew 6 about not worrying:

do not worry about the clothes you will wear

and Seek First God's Kingdom.

I am really excited for Pasca. And this is the first time I have gotten a Pasca outfit, one that I hope will last a good number of years.

(FYI for those who wonder, I do not have a digital camera and do not know how to post pictures; I am also lazy, sorry.)

I know that the Pasca baskets and Pasca outfits are beyond second place in comparison to Christ's Passion and Resurrection. Yet, it feels wonderful to try to prepare one's self with one's best clothes, shoes, baskets for Pasca.

Now I have so much to do ... Holy Friday was not supposed to be as frantic as my morning will be, but I must continue to trust in God's mercy. And I pray that as I go about things, that my heart can learn to be awake to God and to watch.

Blessed Holy Weekend to all.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Holy Tuesday, Good Things Happening

It is Holy Tuesday!

I admit it feels a bit surreal to me, as I am also on vacation. And let me tell you just being able to be at my house during the day and not waking up between 5 and 6 am is great!

Tonight I am visiting another church for Tuesday's Bridegroom Matins... I am greatly anticipating this, as these are some of my all time favourite services of the liturgical year.

So the good things, other than what I already mentioned:

1. I got screen into the first part of a (government, aka red tape) completion for a job! In about 2 weeks I will go and do a test on the computer on specific librarian skills to see if I can do that job.

2. I went to the public library (aka not as much red tape) today and asked in person about a job posting that is due tomorrow. Cover Letter notes have been made. And what is better is that I feel I actually have stuff to say! Thank You God for Your Mercy.

So both of these job opportunities I will be waiting to see if I get an interview for.

I was nervous about going in person and am so glad I did...

Now I have to do more work...

Some special friends are praying for me for this and I feel really blessed and supported. God is so good to me, even when I get scared and my faith is small and shaky.

Okay. Time for dinner. I always feel drained after doing informal networking with the other librarians I would be working with! Now to see what is in my fridge...

Monday, April 21, 2008

Holy Week, Holy Monday

Thank God. Survival of Lent 2008 has happened.

My house is slowly getting cleaned. I felt by the end of Lent that I had nothing to give to God. I have since been told that I have one thing I can give: my willingness.

Psalm 51 "Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit."

I am listening to Bach as I clean my house; I went grocery shopping. They were out of ice cream - I hope to get some by Pasca to continue my tradition of having it for breakfast on Pasca morning after waking up (as in I will be going to sleep at 2-3 AM after the Pasca liturgy and basket blessing; we do not have a Sunday AM liturgy that day). Ice cream for breakfast is one of the great things of being Orthodox and an adult! :)

And, it fits my sense of humour.

I have to research the library job today and go to the library tomorrow and try to introduce myself to a manager to tell them I will be applying.

about this I am just a little NERVOUS. but I know I need to do it; various people agreed including my Deacon. Would love prayers for this...

I have been home most of today, much to my Cat's delight. I had been finding my work a bit stressful of late, so I am glad for the week break. I hope my next job has vacation days too! I could really get used to this...

Wishing everyone a good Holy Week... and Great and Holy Pasca! (in case I do not blog again this week).

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

5th week of Lent

We are almost to Lazarus Saturday and Palm Sunday.

Two cover letters to write.

My house is a mess. My Cat Cleo is Cute.

It is warm now! Sunny even; the snow piles are almost all melted.

I am dreaming of Pasca baskets, chocolate chip cookies and ice cream.

I am praying that I can be changed by the services.

The 5th week is long and I am tired.

Thank God that He is near to the weak and the weary. How I need His mercy, His protection!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

The pull towards Holy Week amidst Cover Letters

We are almost in the 5th and last week of Lent!!! I think a lot of us feel a bit battered by now. The marathon to Holy Week is always challenging, often in unexpected or unforeseen ways. But straggling and bedraggled, we are coming.

I am working on a cover letter again. I am slowly getting a format down so that I can use again, with changes according to job description.

It is such a challenge to look for work! It takes a lot of perseverance and spiritual battles against apathy and despair. Perfect for Lent!!

I am starting the feel the pull towards Holy Week; the prayers of Bridegroom Matins are coming back; the freedom, intensity and otherness of this week. I can't wait. My spiritual father has said if one could only live 7 days, these are the 7 days to live.

I have taken the whole week off. Works well since I need to use up my vacation time; to me this was not even something I thought about not doing. I am an Orthodox convert - isn't that just something we would do? :)

It is also practical - Pasca flu can really happen. The services can be intense, long and deeply beautiful. I could go on...

But I better finish the draft of my cover letter so I can go to vespers on time...

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Job Seeking, God's will

I am following up with a resume and cover letter... I am feeling hopeful but am trying to remain conscious of being in God's hands.

A few years ago, when I was desperate to return to Ottawa to live (I had finally found my spiritual father as well as a city and church that had become home) my spiritual father kept telling me:

it is okay to ask God for the desires of your heart, but ask like Christ did in Gethsemane.

During this period of time, I realized that:

the safest place to be is in God's will, Christ died on the Cross in obedience to God's will. This means that Christ was safe while being crucified.

Oh to love Christ enough to always seek to be in His care and to be willing to follow Him, even to the Cross -- so that we too can come to the Resurrection...

Monday, April 07, 2008

love and humility

i have begun to read more on what the Church Fathers teach reading humility - that love and humility are the same. the more i read and seek to be taught by the Church, the greater is my gratitude for being brought into a Church that can teach and Shepherd me. that i can learn about deep spiritual teachings on humility and love.

truly i have such along way to go in understanding how to love or how to be humble.

i have been advised to mediate on 1 Cor 13:3-13.

Here is part of this passage (NKJV)

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. ...

i have often failed.

forgive me a sinner.

Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

God is so good to me

I have been given some special Orthodox books lately during Lent. And as my priest and spiritual Father said in a sermon, Lent is a gift from God for us.

I seek to be thankful.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Post mainly on God as the source of Joy, of Love

This sinus cold I have just does not want to let go! I am taking the day off today to rest and try to get past it. When I do anything I tend to do it well and so this cold seems to have quite the grip, particularly on the breathing/exhaustion factor.

As I really want to go to Church this weekend (including tomorrow for presanctified liturgy) I really want to have more energy. Lord have mercy.

Other thoughts.

I read a blog post from a former classmate of mine about evil things going on in Korea. I pointed out that Satan is the destroyer. I have been thinking of this since a talk I heard by the holy hermit priest-monk who visits my church from time to time. The devil seeks to destroy. I can see this more now and understand the creation story better/in a new light.

Adam and Eve had paradise with God; Satan tempted them so that their paradise would be destroyed.

I can see a little more how God is the source of JOY, of all creative good.

I can also see Western culture continuing a fast decline - in many areas - not just the arts - but in basic dignity and goodness. Watching a video of people "making out" is seen not as gross but as something worth watching. I was relieved that at least one other person at the table, when this video was mentioned, said "gross" right away.

Humans are made with Joy, in the image of God. Seeing humans misuse each other and the consumerist approach to other humans (i.e. that video) demeans and denigrates what is holy.

We are truly in a battle for our souls and for our nation's souls. I feel like we have all been sleeping so long and we need to wake up. I need to wake up.

The Orthodox church prepares people for battle; the Church does not hide the Saints and the suffering they went through. The Christian Church has had more martyrs this century than in all before. Many of these in Orthodox countries; many monks, nuns, priests... other Christians as well.

I was greatly impressed by Fr. Roman Braga's book and feel the need to seek to learn the spiritual disciplines taught within the Church.

Last thought: my spiritual sister astounded me with this fact: Christianity's foundation (i.e. how we are to live) is the Beatitudes.