Almost there

(Flowers from the Feast of the Dormition of the Mother of God
from last August in Michigan).

*

Wow.

We are at the 5th week of lent.

The 5th week often has had very painful things in it

in the past;

I said this to one from my church and the reply was

must be because it is so close to Holy Week.

This makes sense;

Holy Week, as my spiritual father says,

is, if you were only to live for 7 days,

the 7 days you would want to live

and that these 7 days contain

everything needed for one's salvation;

(he is quick to add of course one needs to go to church

year round).

*

It is hard to believe Holy Week is almost upon us.

I have great anticipation for this week.

*

Meanwhile this coming week I will have to do a lot

of job searching activities.

Please pray for me.

Another Day Closer to Pascha

Our days sure can be a mix of sunshine and cloud!

I know many of us are really battered

and just wishing for Lent to end.

***

Lent can really have a lot of unexpected trials;

if not outward, there are often (or also) many

inward trails to be navigated.

We find ourselves at the end feeling that we did not even begin;

indeed, St. Silouan, at the end of his life, said he had not even begun

to gain the needed humility...

***

Indeed,

I know I have done so little,

have barely been able to hold to any of what I hoped to do.

Yet,

or, even so,

I feel that I am being taught that

God is with me

God is with us

God will not leave us

we are not alone

we are not abandoned

God in the Holy Trinity

The Mother of our Lord Jesus Christ

and all the Saints

and all of God's Angels

are with us

are praying for us

and God is doing everything He can to save us;

a friend once told me,

God is more interested in saving us than we are wanting to be saved.

***

Pascha is near!

Holy Week is calling us!

Let us pray that God will be merciful

and clothe us in white

and that we can live more in His eternal Pascha

of which we soon will be in.

***

May the Good Lord protect us as we go through

the rest of this last week of Lent

and into Palm Sunday

and

Holy Week.

5th Week of Lent 2010

This is a time I pray,

this 5th week of Lent,

of healing,

for all of us.

For me, liturgically speaking, this week

last year was when I was laid off at my last job.

As those who followed me back then know,

it was a very painful end to a very complex

job situation,

where I was a solo librarian at private business place.

***

I have seen this Lent be a time of healing,

and with possible blooms of further healing.

I am seeing a little more

how much God loves and that the call to repentance

is a call to be healed;

to acknowledge our brokenness, our open sores and wounds

and repent before the Lord and ask to be healed.

And it may be that our repentance

is very small.

But we are small. We are weak. We must pray and ask in God's mercy

that we will give all of our seeking and prayers

and repentance to Him,

as little as they are,

and trust that they can be come all,

like the Widow who gave a small penny to the Lord

in the temple but by doing so

put in all she had

and so her little

became

everything.

The precious little three year old girl

who was very ill and whom I asked your prayers for

has shown significant improvement,

but is not fully healed yet.

Please keep her in your prayers

and let us thank God that she has improved already!

***

I wish and pray to God that all of us will have a blessed

5th week of Lent and that God will be with us

as we see how little we can do

and how much God can do with our little.

At Home

Home in my apartment. I am so happy in my little home with Cat Cleo.

I have insomnia meds now. Two nights of broken sleep.

Am moving forward on many levels. Still processing everything that is happening.

Realized last night how the way I was let go from work gave no closure.

I hope I am not getting sick.

Lord help us all - Amen.

The Setting Sun

God is so merciful to us.

I continue to pray that things will improve. I am asking God to provide for me; I love living here in Ottawa, in my apartment, in my small church-going life here.

It is night now, the city lights are out, I am inside. I slept very little last night - typical when something traumatic happens to me - to have insomnia. It is the old calendar feast of the Annunciation and when I read the Gospel for this, I was heartened.

I am preparing my resume, found career counseling place, I have a whole list of things to do. I need wisdom to know when to do what.

As I woke up this morning (or noticed it was light, I do not know how much I slept) I realized I was still in a state of shock. I was not going to work today to serve my clients. I realized how much I cared about them and that I was sad. Of course the termination was traumatic and wounded me; I have been aware of this too. My little library is not mine anymore to serve in. Just when I thought I was beginning to really understand my work, it was taken away.

When I knew, in February, that things were not going well for me, I went through a large sense of shock, fear and dismay - questioning if I did the right thing to move into my beloved new apartment and buying furniture. But now that the second shock, of losing my job, is wearing off I know the answer. Everyone has different priorities on this one, and I am not saying my decision to buy something is right or better. Not in the least! However, my last apartment had very little storage and this apartment has such a good sense of space. I can actually keep things clean. And the beauty of the apartment, and the cleanness of it, is very restorative. (Also I had saved money for furniture for sometime, so I did not have credit card debt, which can be so dangerous).

And I am able to be hospitable here which can help in the path towards salvation - to learn to practice hospitality, like Abraham.

The encouragement and prayers of all of you, and of other friends and family, is helping me through. I have a possibly long road ahead of me and know that I need God's mercy and many prayers. ... Right now I feel peaceful but in my weakness I have often lost this sense of peace.

Yet God is merciful and is here.

May the Lord have mercy on us all as we journey towards Pasca!

Prayer Needed

Christ is in our midst!

Today on the 5th Monday of Great Lent I went to work. I started my day, prepared what was needed and was then called into a meeting.

I had, as my readers know, been working in the corporate world. A world that I found very difficult to work in. Well, that has ended. The meeting was brief, quick and I was fired, they did not allow me to return to my desk, they packed up my belongings (including my Icons) and saw me to the door.

I am still a bit in shock, confused to say the least. But I must believe in God and that He does not allow anything to happen without a reason.

I think what is hardest for me is trying to know what to do next. I really do not know if I can continue to be a librarian. But I do not know what to do instead.

This is when not being married is the hardest for me - I wish I had someone like this to go through this with. Of course another income would be nice.

That said, God is with me, with us.

Please pray for me, a sinner.

5th week of Lent

We are almost to Lazarus Saturday and Palm Sunday.

Two cover letters to write.

My house is a mess. My Cat Cleo is Cute.

It is warm now! Sunny even; the snow piles are almost all melted.

I am dreaming of Pasca baskets, chocolate chip cookies and ice cream.

I am praying that I can be changed by the services.

The 5th week is long and I am tired.

Thank God that He is near to the weak and the weary. How I need His mercy, His protection!