Tuesday, April 07, 2009

The Setting Sun

God is so merciful to us.

I continue to pray that things will improve. I am asking God to provide for me; I love living here in Ottawa, in my apartment, in my small church-going life here.

It is night now, the city lights are out, I am inside. I slept very little last night - typical when something traumatic happens to me - to have insomnia. It is the old calendar feast of the Annunciation and when I read the Gospel for this, I was heartened.

I am preparing my resume, found career counseling place, I have a whole list of things to do. I need wisdom to know when to do what.

As I woke up this morning (or noticed it was light, I do not know how much I slept) I realized I was still in a state of shock. I was not going to work today to serve my clients. I realized how much I cared about them and that I was sad. Of course the termination was traumatic and wounded me; I have been aware of this too. My little library is not mine anymore to serve in. Just when I thought I was beginning to really understand my work, it was taken away.

When I knew, in February, that things were not going well for me, I went through a large sense of shock, fear and dismay - questioning if I did the right thing to move into my beloved new apartment and buying furniture. But now that the second shock, of losing my job, is wearing off I know the answer. Everyone has different priorities on this one, and I am not saying my decision to buy something is right or better. Not in the least! However, my last apartment had very little storage and this apartment has such a good sense of space. I can actually keep things clean. And the beauty of the apartment, and the cleanness of it, is very restorative. (Also I had saved money for furniture for sometime, so I did not have credit card debt, which can be so dangerous).

And I am able to be hospitable here which can help in the path towards salvation - to learn to practice hospitality, like Abraham.

The encouragement and prayers of all of you, and of other friends and family, is helping me through. I have a possibly long road ahead of me and know that I need God's mercy and many prayers. ... Right now I feel peaceful but in my weakness I have often lost this sense of peace.

Yet God is merciful and is here.

May the Lord have mercy on us all as we journey towards Pasca!

7 comments:

tamie said...

Yes, God is so merciful and there is no doubt that God is with you.

I'm very impressed that you've already found a career counseling place, and have put together your resume. I'm sure that, practically-speaking, you need to get on things right away. But I hope you can also give yourself space to grieve and feel sad and do things that are reviving to you.

I'm certainly thinking a great deal about you right now, and sending my love and prayers.

E Helena E said...

Peace, restoration, and small positive steps. Yes, and self-care.
May God provide and lead you!
Wishing you a peaceful sleep tonight.

elizabeth said...

tamie - thank you. All I had to do for my resume is add my newest experience and the course I took, so the resume was not that hard to do...

I have indeed given myself space to feel sad and thank you for your gentle encouragment to do so.

thank you for your thoughts love and prayers. this means a lot to me.

E-H - well. Sleep. I am going to try again soon! Street sweepers have woken me up... machines, so loud!

Pres. Kathy said...

Our prayers are with you. Many blessings for a beautiful Pascha.

elizabeth said...

thank you so much Pres. Kathy! I wish you also a blessed Pasca!

Philippa said...

Elizabeth,

I would also suggest you network with those people you know, near and far, by sending them an electronic copy of your resume with a cover letter that says something like: "Circumstances have found me looking for work again. Please keep me in mind should anything arise that would suit my skills and talents."

Then flood the market, so to speak.

Victoria said...

It sounds like you are taking things in stride and dealing with this huge shift.
I will keep praying for the Lord's peace for you in this time Elizabeth!