Thursday, June 28, 2007

today i feel...

when i was a kid, i had a cute kids Protestant devotional called _today i feel like a warm fuzzy_ (i think that was the title; i still have it in MI) and it always started with "today i feel...(sad, happy, tired)"

well. today i feel hopeful.

not much else to say, other than Thank God.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007


i got new glass lens today (kept my same frame) and wow. i can see more individual tree leaves; i forget every time what it is like to get new glasses and how there is greater definition to my vision.

i was talking to a cousin of mine today about M. L'Engle's statement that we humans have viewS and God has VIEW. and how we all have so many eyes and see different parts, but with varying vision...

and my cousin commented, it would be like trying to explain to an atom, or a quark what a human body is like...

makes me wonder how much i yet cannot see; and somehow this has to be tied with the humility i know i need, but do not have.

Lord have mercy! and may i add, i am still so happy with the fact that i am a sinner and God loves me.

we often have lots of ups and downs in life, but i feel the best when i can know those two things... (now if i could only remember them more often...)

Monday, June 25, 2007

This just in

A few weeks ago I bought a printer/scanner/copier. Today I installed it! This is very exciting. I have been writing a journal for three years and it is almost at 50,000 words now and I FINALLY get to edit it. This is very exciting. The journal is in no way fit to be published, or even seen by others, but I love to write and still have dreams of being a writer, so this is a very significant step for me.

It feels like Christmas, seeing the pages print so easily, on a ‘fast’ printing setting.

For some reason I have to print the pages in backwards order to get them in 1-88 page order – i.e. I have to tell it to print pages 65-45 for it to end with 65 and begin with 45. odd, but at least I figured this out.

My kitchen is now officially my well as my living and dining room :) I am thankful…

I am printing out the last of it now – for those who do not know, 50,000 words in Garamond equals almost 88 single spaced pages of words! I love words… :)

I think the most complicated part now about the fact that I get to edit is that a lot of the pages were written in this past year or so, the most recent written this morning. So the older things I am guessing will be easier to edit than the newer entries, as I have more distance from them.

Either way, this is part of a dream coming true for me… I have not had a printer in nearly 2 years.

Now the greatest challenge, I realise is this: how to edit out idle words, at that how do I edit them out of my daily life…

It feels like saying again “Lord, teach me to pray.”

Thursday, June 21, 2007

varied details of my life

1. i found out that AGAIN the pipe(s) under my sink is (are) leaking. took out all plastic containers with baking and cooking, all cans, bottles of various vinegars and oils. will have to call landlord tomorrow...

2. made a really yummy new meal:

simple version:

Rice - make.

fry together:

Shrimp precooked and thawed
mix veg with beans, peas and red peppers (frozen bag, made in Canada)
sweet and sour sauce

slightly more complex version:

as above, adding to stir fry portion:

a small spoonful of plum sauce,
a little apple cider vinegar,
a little lite salt soy sauce
some red pepper flakes

tasted great!

and fast-friendly

i go to an Old Calendar Church (it was not on purpose, but i am used to it now and find it has it advantages, like having 2 Christmases) and the fast is LONGER than new calendar... ends July 11th...

3. i really need to eat more meals like the one above. really helps my energy levels.

4. my computer at work DIED this morning. and it was brand new! so work was a bit unusual today, as almost everything i do is on my computer...

5. heard pod cast with Fr. Thomas Hopko on Ancient Faith Radio on their pod cast page. really challenging.

i suddenly saw how even the saints greatest feats are NOTHING if hostility, hatred, condemnation of others, judgement are still being done; 1st Cor 13 - if one does not have love, they have nothing.


it was like seeing another layer of how the Orthodox church understands Scripture and handles it so wisely; i am still seeing how the Church i have joined is, well, The Church.

i have a long way to go on this, but...

my spiritual father said two things are good to know:

1. that i am a sinner
2. that God loves me

personally i find this to be quite profound. and a huge relief...

Lord have mercy!

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Ruth Bell Graham - Memory Eternal

Just found out through my feed to Get Religion that Ruth Bell Graham died; i have her book (something to do with pack rat on the front, i love that book and have read it more than once, though not in the last few years, as most of my books are still in Michigan).

here is the link i found out about her falling asleep:

She has been an inspiration to many many women. may we now honour her in prayers for the newly departed.

Memory eternal; may you dwell in peace in the mansions of the righteous.

this day and a question about God's kingdom

I wrote a post, and then took it off (some may have noticed as it would of come up in blog feeds). I liked what I wrote, but feel that I need to re-write it, based on various factors. Of course I don’t have the time currently.

I am listening to Ancient Faith Radio and in two hours I will be DV walking to church to see a baptism of a beautiful baby girl; she is akin to sunshine to me; whenever I think of her, I think of her bathed in light, held by her mother.

I am having a much needed day of quiet; I have not talked to anyone, have been processing things and doing laundry, cleaning house. I have my A/C hooked up and am so glad for this. My apartment gets hot, and now it is much better. I still struggle with the questions of ecological and environmental implications of A/C but I also know that these machines are made better and more efficient now. I have a small one and from what I know it did not take tons more hydro last year. And it is so nice to dwell in coolness instead of sweltering and feeling like a limp flower, languishing in my own apartment.

I am looking forward to Canada Day, which equals a Day Off from work… two more weeks to go for this. Wow is summer flying by.

I have been thinking a lot about what it means to pursue God’s kingdom; I was struck last week that I know how to build my own kingdom – i.e. job, making my apartment as I want it, doing social things, learning French – but how do I seek GOD and His Kingdom over myself and my little temporal earthly kingdom – this is something I have to learn. Must learn, for my salvation.

Meanwhile, I am grateful to God for my new job (am still adjusting but am getting use to it) and that God has provided for me the means to continue supporting myself and even (I hope) getting the final things this summer for my apartment. It is my first apartment that I have had as a non-student and that I hope to live in for more than one year…

Btw, would LOVE some thoughts (i.e. comments) about how you, reading this, are seeking God’s kingdom – what does this mean for you? In your life where God has put you, how do you see yourself seeking His kingdom over your own?

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Nothing Really New to Report

i am doing well -- for the most part quite happy - more than i have been in a while. i've been cooking again and wanting to cook (this had been diminishing steadily before; a sign of not doing as well). i am so happy that i have lived in my place for over 8 months -it has been 2 years since i have lived somewhere for a year; i have not lived somewhere for over 2 years without a break of at least 2 months for 14 years (i started working at camps for whole summers at age 16).

i am enjoying the mixture of new job and same apartment.

and that i am still here and still going to my church is the biggest thing of all.

i read a quote from _Christ in our midst, letters from a Russian monk_ by fr. john (SVP published it a while ago) about not being afraid of the future and not to think that bad things will happen (i am paraphrasing a bit). this is one of my challenges (of course i have others but i agree with Stacy, a blog is not akin to confession!) right now - to live in the present. to not worry about the future. to trust God.

i am so thankful; i think of a prayer i read years ago - about God protecting the joyful - i am surprised to realize i need this prayer. ... at the same time i know life can change in an instant.

Readings for this week emphasized the Lord's will - (at least the old calendar readings; they can be different it seems). to this end i feel i am still to do what i was learning before: to wait on God and to submit to His will in all things.