And on to today {still sick but thankful}

Thank you all for your kind comments,

each was really encouraging!!! 

BTW, I realized after posting and looking at my post again later,

that blogger is having a difficulty sending comments right now.

I noticed that gmail is offering a new look again and by the sounds of it

that is the cause of the problem (see here)

so I will be more deliberate in looking at my comments on my 

internal dashboard to try to see them all.

***

So at present it feels like I have a cold in my throat;

as in I have drainage like a cold that is bothering my throat but my

nose is oddly not yet impacted; I've had it before that a cold 

sneaks in round about and starts somewhere other than in my nose

so that's what may be happening (we will see) and if so,

I may be in for another week or so of this.

Boo :( ... so my throat is swollen I think because of the drainage at present

and I am fatigued as if I have a doozy of a cold. 

But your comments were honestly quite encouraging.

Thanks.  I know that when one is feeling under the weather

everything seems a bit harder to bear than normal

and things have been hard and so, I am glad I have friends who care!

***

I've been re-reading DE Stevenson which has been just right

and I realized I needed to add lemon and honey to my herbal tea

and have black tea as well as it cheers me up.

***

Well, other than this Deb P on IG (of Smitten Kitchen fame)

posted on Stories a fun vintage cookbook and I ordered it!

I did not know of this cookbook but they are part of the 1980s-now 

fame of NYC/East Coast/American cooking world (James Beard, Julia Child) I found out

with a small bit of research. So that's fun also as I love

reading about these cooks/chefs and the like.

***

I love reading cookbooks and have been loving this one all over again:

Marion Cunningham worked with James Beard

and this book (and The Supper Book) have so many

mouth watering recipes that I want to make! 

I used the above (The Breakfast Book) 

for the epic brunch I had for my goddaughter and her Mother

that I see I still have not blogged about but will try to do so

this week.... 

***

Anyway, please if you may pray that I am able to go to liturgy tomorrow

as our local priest is going to be honoured for 55 years of service + marriage and 

I missed vespers with the Bishop (who will return tomorrow DV) so that I will

have more strength to go tomorrow... 

***

I am more resolved again to patience, 

as I wrote on social media earlier today:

This [sickness] is another lesson in the many 

layers of learning to be more patient. 

Our Good Lord knows that I need the lessons

 even when I have to make myself be thankful, 

for I do know that patience brings inward peace,

 ultimately as all of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, 

the parts of love (1 Corinthians ch 13) do.

First Wednesday of Great Lent, 2017

I had a quiet day;

a long talk with my sister-friend, so nice, it has been months.

I was really worn out today and took it easy.

I watched a cheesy Christian film,

knitted wash clothes.

Read a bit more of Laurus. 

{so ends my #lentenkal + yarn along section of this post!}

Mr. Husband took me out for Lenten Middle Eastern food,

I had lentil soup and bread.

We also ordered some for tomorrow.

I do hope to make a soup soon, but at the same time, realized

I needed some re-coop time, and Friday is going to be a busy day....

A trip to continue working on Patrick stuff, and I hope

to go to presanctified liturgy back at home, 

afterwards... if the weather holds and our schedule can happen

as we are thinking. 

And then we went to the 3rd section of the 

Canon of St. Andrew of Crete....

Below are some sections of it that really struck me tonight,

I how repentance and seeing oneself to be a sinner in great need of repentance,

that this is always in conjunction with trusting in God's mercy

and not despairing. 

My Ottawa spiritual father once told me that I needed to keep at an

exact 50/50 balance the fact that

I am a sinner and that God loves me.

I find that the canon has the same balance,

and that it is a very deep text, 

as in we can think we are a sinner worthy of hell

but at the same moment, we do not despair of God's mercy.

And that was Wednesday of the first week of Lent.

***

I do hope to get a more active routine for Lent yet,

but today I just had to do a lot of resting... 

I am weak and the culmination of the stresses of the past 2 months

got to me a bit again and I had to take a breather so that I can resume

life... thank God for His mercy and that I could be at church tonight.

***

I am seeing such mercy in God's care and in that I rest.

A Friend in Suffering

St. Phanourios is not only a Saint

who has become a 

friend in suffering,

but helps one find their way 

through the darkness.

His candle reminds me of the light of Christ

and the Lord really uses His Saints to 

help give us light.

***

I've just published my second essay on St. Phanourios

on just this...

It begins like this....

***

As it is for many, we often spiritually grow through suffering. Elder Sophrony, when writing to his sister Maria, writes about what suffering can give us:

Do you really think that my in my years of monastic life I have escaped periods when the vision of my ruin was so petrifying that it is not permitted to speak of it? But, strangely, when these visions were transformed into an opening up of NEW horizons, into manifestation of the INFINITE LIGHT of another world, could not find words to express my gratitude to God for my experience of hellish torments, because these spiritual events occurred in a sequence such that precisely these intense sufferings were an indispensable condition for the development of the very capacity to receive eternity.

I would never claim to have the level of suffering and consolation that God granted to Elder Sophrony.  But I did go through a period of suffering in my thirties that was incredibly pivotal in my life.  I began to see how St. Phanourios’ prayers and presence were part of what God used to save me.

You can read the rest here, 

on Conciliar Post

or on my blog of publications, found here.

Oh Monday, why do you have to be do difficult!? (+God's mercy)

Well, this has been a Monday.

Various things this morning seemed to be going wrong,

I felt quite discouraged.

***

My sister-friend texted me very consoling but also bracing words:

"...on St. Anthony's feast day (they were at a small church) and the homily 

was about St. Anthony.  The priest quoted him as saying, 

"perseverance in times of difficulty/adversity chases 

the demons away."

***

It helped me: I rallied and was able to do various things,

cleaning, phone errands, finished reading a riveting YA book

by Richard Peck, and researched a few recipies...

and got a lovely gift of three

Madeleine L' Engle books from a dear blog friend,

thank you Sara!

They could not of come on a better day...

and so I had tea and a bit of chocolate...

and began re-reading L' Engle's Walking on Water,

which I first read and read again and again at age 19...

***

I need to start on the other 2 she sent me, as those are new to me books...

but today, well, I was craving the familiar...

***

I was blessed by various friends praying for me,

when I said over a private social media channel that I was feeling

discouraged but a walk would help...

I know the prayers are what helped turn things around,

and my dear friend's words, 

all with the Lord's mercy...

And so I took my walk,

late this afternoon and am going to try to make it a habit...

one of the things that has been difficult for me is that,

esp. with the last year's discouragement about where I live +

getting so sick in Lent, is that

I have not been getting out enough and have lost 

some of the strenght that I normally have from frequent walks...

so Holland, where walking was plentiful,

was more tiring than it may have been if

I were in better physical condition...

I know I have to start slow on trying to get back on my feet,

as it were and I am hoping to just get into a better habit of

getting out, even if it is only a little each day....

and going from there.

***

Well, Mr. Husband is on his way home now,

I will make a simple meal for us

and hot tea and just be glad to see him... 

and thank God for the mercies of this day!

***

Mr. Husband and I are trying to do some small

extra prayers for everything, since the world (and country) we 

live in seems in so much trouble...

we are starting with a bit from this Akathist to the Protection of the Mother of God,

which is also quite bracing and encouraging!

***

I also refound a note about this song, 

which reminds me of my PEI/Halifax classically Anglican Friends

and I enjoyed another listen...

Part 1 of the Feast of Transfiguration, Lunch, Cleo and a small dinner party

We were at our local church this Sunday.

Then simple lunch of pizza, salad and blessed grapes!

A friend was coming for dinner, we ordered 2 takeout dishes 

(which leftovers will tide us over through tomorrow).

I added a fruit salad, green salad, the blessed grapes and we had a bit of 

plum + peach torte for dessert!

I was still enjoying my black tea with milk!

I've been savouring the days of tea with milk; our Julian Calendar 

Dormition Feast starts soon! 

***

While I am wanting to do more of my own cooking,

and last week I managed 2 things,

I was really tired this weekend, and we have lists

unending of things to get done,

so Saturday night was diner food

and last night was wonderful take out!

***

I am hoping to get more quilting done this week,

maybe some in-advance baking,

as well as a trip to NYC later this week.

I hope for 2 mornings of swimming...

***

Today will include cleaning and doing 'at home' errands...

***

Heard a really beautiful sermon/homily yesterday,

about the Feast of Transfiguration, how

there are very few moments in Christ's earthly life that

were joyous and luminous, and that this was one of the.

But that even then, Moses and Elijah were speaking to Christ of

His upcoming Crucifixion...

And how Christ's life on earth was being plunged into darkness,

He being with sinners to bring them light, healing ....

I was deeply consoled with the words of how our lives

have such much darkness in them, but that Christ chose to 

plunge His life into darkness, so that He would suffer with us

and save us, bringing us to His light...

***

Much to think on and to remember.

I felt like these words were like a musical score for one's life,

of hope amidst the many struggles we have,

of a Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ who

dwells with us in the midst of the dark to bring us to light.

May it so be! 

Perspective, Choices and What a picture from 1904 taught me

I have been thinking a lot on how to best be

where I am now, on the small and large scale,

as in my personal life and the larger world that I live in.

*

We all know that there are troubling things daily

in our world.

*

Here is what I am learning on how to 

not have the worries destroy

our peace and our daily lives.

*

I know I will be on this journey the rest of my life,

and that it is by no means a final understanding on 

this but that too is part of what I am learning.

*

We are all living as along as God gives us.

What we have now is the present moment.

The past is gone, the future we do not know.

*

I have struggled with anxiety on various levels

and it is one of my weaknesses.

*

Lately I am learning to do little prayers when I feel overwhelmed,

such as this one from the Psalms:

when I am afraid, I trust in Thee.

and repeat this verse many times

inwardly.

*

Doing small prayers,

crossing myself, saying the Jesus Prayer,

these are all helps.

*

I am learning to tune out a lot of news and worry.

I am learning that you can choose to have a peaceful day

or an anxious day.

It's all where and what you focus on and put your energy towards.

I am learning that if I start worrying and keep dwelling on the worry,

I am putting all of my energy there and it will build.

*

I have this picture in our library/chapel/guestroom that

a dear friend gave us:

It is of Tsar Nicholas, his family and St. Elizabeth as well,,

on Pascha night 1904.

It's so beautiful. 

Above this picture is a handpainted icon of

St. Tsar Nicholas, who is one of the Royal Martyrs

whose feast day is this week.

I learned something looking at this picture recently:

In 1904 they were all celebrating Pascha in their

most beautiful and stately clothes.

They did not know the future,

that soon a war (with Japan) would be going on,

or that they would be martyred in less than 20 years.

*

We don't know what our future is.

But we can choose to have Pascha today.

We can choose to live in the present, whatever that is.

*

We can focus on what we don't have or,

if one has kids, what is bugging oneself about that

current situation in life, 

and of course there are many struggles and challenges

but I am learning that I can choose to be happy or unhappy.

*

For instance, for me I am still working on building community 

and a life.  I am also learning a lot about letting go

and sometimes it is very tiring.

Yet! : I can focus on 

what I still feel I lost leaving Ottawa

or I can look at all I have gained and how

much better it is for me now and how I KNOW that

moving to New Jersey was the BEST thing I could of done

for my new life with Mr. Husband

and apprecaite the new life I have.

*

I can read scary stuff online, thereby paralyzing myself with

fear and being unable to pray, provide a peaceful haven or function...

or I can go read a happy book, work on being at peace

and pray to God....  

*

It's not that I am staying ignormant of troubling things.

But it is that I am deciding that today

I can just appreciate the day I have.

That Cleo is next to me as a type, that I have more

provisions than my daily bread, that I can pray to God

for help for myself and the world.

That I can choose to take care of myself, my home

and my husband and seek to create beauty

and a peaceful place for us to live

in a world that is troubled.

*

And there are things we can do to try

to best survive when we are in a 

difficult place in life.

I really appreciated these words by Joy

about how she is learning to replenish herself

admist many trials in her current life. 

*

Ultimately, 

I am learning that I can choose what this day will be.

I can have self-pity, discontentment or anxiety

or I can practice thankfulness, prayer and striving to be at peace....

I can be with God today and with Him and by His mercy,

I can have peace.

Greatful for my time in Ottawa while sick with a cold in NJ

Last week I felt that I was coming down with a cold.

I took lots of vitamins and seemed better.... 

but this week, 

with plumbers coming back and other random things,

including not sleeping well,

I was not able to get the rest I needed

and now have a flourishing head cold.

*

Please pray for me.

I thought I was going to have my 'meet & greet' for

the Sunday School year this Sunday 

and now I don't even know if I will be able to go to

church myself. 

Quite disappointing :(

yet I still hope I will be better by then!

*

Meanwhile,

I thought I would show a bit of things 

I stocked up on in Ottawa;

a new to me tea...

I have the Tetley 'warm' tea and am almost out...

I still have a hard time with the fact that I just can't go

to a grocer and get some things that are on the shelves

in Ottawa... but I must be thankful for what I do have

and that is a LOT and it includes this lovely tea:

More books.

When I saw this book (the red one) by  

Archimandrite Aimilianos of Simonopetra on Mount Athos

at the Monastery I began reading it in 

the monastery bookstore and found within it an 

essay on prayer. 

I was drawn into it and thus bought it.

Something I am learning about Orthodox life and Orthodox books:

I am no where near the state of prayer, holiness or goodness that

many (if not all) the books write on... but I can still read them.

The Orthodox church has at once one path to God (Jesus Christ) and

many ways to Christ, by which I mean each person

is so unique, including in their brokenness, that different 

advice is needed to help in their healing.

Within this I am learning there can be parts of essays, esp. those 

written to monastics, that I can't really do or even think of doing.

But I can be inspired by them to struggle according to 

my strength and abilities. 

I have not finished the essay on prayer yet

but was very moved by the image I found in it of needing

to pursue God with one's whole being and constantly 

call out to God.

*

I have met people and monastics who I see as 

holy, as far beyond where I am;

I find this to be a great encouragement that 

even though I can struggle with things in my life for years,

there are people who have struggled and gone on past the struggle

and have gained a holiness, a deep love for people

that shows me what I too want, 

even if feebly... 

the books are the same for me...

I got these two books from my Ottawa church bookstore.

They had been there for years and now that I am slowly

selling books at my NJ church, I realized that it would be hard

to get these books State side as it were as both books 

are from Greece and so they came home with me.

At this point in my life I can't say I will be at all

at the level of what these books talk about 

but I can still gain something and grow in 

understanding at least.

This one is by New Rome Press

and while it took a little bit of getting use to all the 

many quotations in it, it's really quite good.

I really like how despair is described and about 

our loving Heavenly Father.

I stocked up on some Ottawa treats...

Bridgehead tea (DV to be used in tea making for Christmas

again this year), an egg substitute for special baking during 

the fasts and my Fry's cocoa (even though it is not as good as 

in fair trade, it's also tradition and cheaper....and I use a lot of cocoa...)

and a granola that I would eat at times before I married and moved... 

Most specially, 

the white basket I bought for the fruit I had blessed

on the Feast of Transfiguration and 

candles from the Greek Monastery.

*

I love lighting candles at home for people and 

it is one of the few things I can do for others often.

And my Munchkin who stayed with me this summer

loved lighting them with me also...

*

And so while I have a cold and 

am quite fatigued from that, I can at least seek

to remember the many incredible blessings God has given me,

in my marriage to Mr. Husband, our home, my time in Ottawa

and the books and special things I wrote about here.

*

I do ask your prayers as I really wanted to do Sunday School 

this weekend and am just feeling down-for-the-count right now

and I would LOVE to hear what is going on for you today!

I know many of you have kids going back to school,

or are looking forward to the fall or maybe

are struggling with something, as it seems we often are. 

Do leave a comment and if I can light a candle for you today... 

God is with us and loves us and is merciful... 

Progress in the Kitchen

I managed to get the kitchen clean.

Plant our first 'new home' gift 

(from our realtor) :).

Spice racks:

One on left was my Oma's 

and one on right was my Mom's.

The icon of the Mother of God that I always have in my kitchen.

St. Euphrosynos the cook is also there!

My Mom and I organized this kitchen together

and I really like what she did!

I love the cheery red canisters done this way!

New teapot from IKEA, replacing the one that broke;

actually the replacement is better than the original

one I had, I think! 

It's a spacious kitchen...

I am hoping to get a pretty print 

to go over the kitchen sink and have it

laminated so water splashes will not 

ruin it...

*

Of course I miss our last kitchen sink but

I just try to dwell on the beauty of everything

else in our home!

*

All in time...

I really want to do some baking again,

I miss it!

We thought we would have pantry shelves built

before we moved in but we had no idea

that the company we had come give us an idea

on pantry shelving via their 'free consultation' would

give us a price of THOUSANDS of dollars.

So we are waiting on that, my goodness!

It's a pantry, not a model home!!!

*

But boy, do I want my pantry shelves.

And two graham cracker pie crusts while I am at it.

The grocery delivery service does not have them,

I bought all ingredients for pie and have to make it this week

(before our fast starts on Monday) and the store 

being a 20 minute walk or so away

 just seems too much in my current state.

*

Mr. Husband is fully open to getting some temporary pantry shelves

but we have not had time to even get them.

(We would later use them in the garage).

IKEA was a no go on that, the local home depot did not have

them in stock and we are short on time.

*

We did have a handyman here yesterday and he put together

some of our IKEA things.

Will blog about that later... when I take pictures, etc.

*

For now, today is going to be a 'rest easy' day as I am,

as many have been gently warning myself about,

quite tired...

I've tried to pace myself in all of this, but it's hard.

IKEA was exhausting and I am unpacking pretty much

the whole house by myself.

Mr. Husband is swamped with work.

*

At least we have the basics now: all the blind are up,

I have a clean kitchen (but no dishwasher, missing that),

and Mr. Husband and I's relationship is 

miraculously well intact in all this craziness of boxes, 

which I know is in part due to the prayers of others,

the mercy of God and a little bit from just how 

super-hero-like my husband can be!

I mean 8 hours in IKEA and we are still friends?! :)

Serious domestic miracle there.

*

We are still finding out about our new condo;

it seems that the owners who sold it to us well,

let's just say did not tell all.

So do pray for us as we go forward in things.

I don't foresee huge problems, FYI but would not mind prayers.

*

Now if I could just get two pie crusts, some bottled energy and

more chocolate :)...

another super-hero quality of my husband is that he does not 

mind that I eat a lot of our chocolate :) :) :)