Amazing how different each day is...

Well, here we are again! 

So, I ended up sleeping soundly (after a late start to sleeping) till 10 AM.

I think the cold + 4 NYC trips in 7 days + lots of work at home caught up with me! 

Today was a quiet day... I heard that taking a decongestant over a week could be 

not the thing to do, so I did not take my cold med this morning and of course

felt worse... and worse... a hot bath, netipot, hot tea, diffuser with eucalyptus,

steam, more tea... nothing was helping... until I put on thieves, RC and eucalyptus oil

with olive oil as a base, like you would put on vicks.  That really surprised me,

how it put a dent in the pain and sinus issues.  I was running low on the first 2 of those oils

so I ordered more tonight (after consulting with Mr Husband of course!) and also

an inexpensive ointment a friend suggested... 

We sure got a case of the sinus here, as author +Anne George described it in her delightful

mysteries that I read in my 20s... (should think of getting these again, maybe in the new

year, since I kinda ordered some more DE Stevenson this week 

(and on that note, more of her books are being reprinted!!! including the Mrs Tim books!!!

Coming in January as per Amazon info! so excited!)

It's funny, every time I look up +Anne George, of whom there is not tons to find online,

I am sad she has died.  I think she understood sickness and suffering

and her mystery books were a hoot, as they say.

It's amazing how beautiful the world is but how much suffering is in it.

I am thinking of various friends suffering, 

I am thinking of our own suffering,

but also the world, past, present, sadly future...

so much...

yet, there is beauty and people creating beauty.

I can't tell you how much this song is giving me comfort

and making me feel like I am being pierced with the REALITY of beauty

Found that video today (above), it's beautiful too, along with the music.

Alexis Ffrench is new to me composer but I sure appreciate this music of his.

I texted it to my cousin H today and that was so nice, that connection with her,

sharing the music, she immediately wanted to play it on the piano! :) 

I found this piece later which I like nearly as well (which since I love

Bluebird a LOT) is saying something, and this video of it I found really lovely:

It's beautiful.

I think it is beauty that God is bringing my way that,

with prayer of course, and tea, books, classical music, 

that is keeping me afloat in all of our personal current suffering.

It's incredible how music can do that... 

I read a quote from Elizabeth Goudge's Dean's Watch and I think I need

to read this book again... 

Well, today was good but kind of difficult too

but thank God we had all we need and chicken soup is the meal of the hour!

So so glad I made a big pot of it! 

I am also glad for grocery delivery services and that today was sunny.

I did not get out today but that is how it is...

Looks like we may be a nor'easter on Saturday...

I hope all will be well with that! 

God bless and protect us all, may He pour out His mercy! 

And on to today {still sick but thankful}

Thank you all for your kind comments,

each was really encouraging!!! 

BTW, I realized after posting and looking at my post again later,

that blogger is having a difficulty sending comments right now.

I noticed that gmail is offering a new look again and by the sounds of it

that is the cause of the problem (see here)

so I will be more deliberate in looking at my comments on my 

internal dashboard to try to see them all.

***

So at present it feels like I have a cold in my throat;

as in I have drainage like a cold that is bothering my throat but my

nose is oddly not yet impacted; I've had it before that a cold 

sneaks in round about and starts somewhere other than in my nose

so that's what may be happening (we will see) and if so,

I may be in for another week or so of this.

Boo :( ... so my throat is swollen I think because of the drainage at present

and I am fatigued as if I have a doozy of a cold. 

But your comments were honestly quite encouraging.

Thanks.  I know that when one is feeling under the weather

everything seems a bit harder to bear than normal

and things have been hard and so, I am glad I have friends who care!

***

I've been re-reading DE Stevenson which has been just right

and I realized I needed to add lemon and honey to my herbal tea

and have black tea as well as it cheers me up.

***

Well, other than this Deb P on IG (of Smitten Kitchen fame)

posted on Stories a fun vintage cookbook and I ordered it!

I did not know of this cookbook but they are part of the 1980s-now 

fame of NYC/East Coast/American cooking world (James Beard, Julia Child) I found out

with a small bit of research. So that's fun also as I love

reading about these cooks/chefs and the like.

***

I love reading cookbooks and have been loving this one all over again:

Marion Cunningham worked with James Beard

and this book (and The Supper Book) have so many

mouth watering recipes that I want to make! 

I used the above (The Breakfast Book) 

for the epic brunch I had for my goddaughter and her Mother

that I see I still have not blogged about but will try to do so

this week.... 

***

Anyway, please if you may pray that I am able to go to liturgy tomorrow

as our local priest is going to be honoured for 55 years of service + marriage and 

I missed vespers with the Bishop (who will return tomorrow DV) so that I will

have more strength to go tomorrow... 

***

I am more resolved again to patience, 

as I wrote on social media earlier today:

This [sickness] is another lesson in the many 

layers of learning to be more patient. 

Our Good Lord knows that I need the lessons

 even when I have to make myself be thankful, 

for I do know that patience brings inward peace,

 ultimately as all of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, 

the parts of love (1 Corinthians ch 13) do.

Greatful for my time in Ottawa while sick with a cold in NJ

Last week I felt that I was coming down with a cold.

I took lots of vitamins and seemed better.... 

but this week, 

with plumbers coming back and other random things,

including not sleeping well,

I was not able to get the rest I needed

and now have a flourishing head cold.

*

Please pray for me.

I thought I was going to have my 'meet & greet' for

the Sunday School year this Sunday 

and now I don't even know if I will be able to go to

church myself. 

Quite disappointing :(

yet I still hope I will be better by then!

*

Meanwhile,

I thought I would show a bit of things 

I stocked up on in Ottawa;

a new to me tea...

I have the Tetley 'warm' tea and am almost out...

I still have a hard time with the fact that I just can't go

to a grocer and get some things that are on the shelves

in Ottawa... but I must be thankful for what I do have

and that is a LOT and it includes this lovely tea:

More books.

When I saw this book (the red one) by  

Archimandrite Aimilianos of Simonopetra on Mount Athos

at the Monastery I began reading it in 

the monastery bookstore and found within it an 

essay on prayer. 

I was drawn into it and thus bought it.

Something I am learning about Orthodox life and Orthodox books:

I am no where near the state of prayer, holiness or goodness that

many (if not all) the books write on... but I can still read them.

The Orthodox church has at once one path to God (Jesus Christ) and

many ways to Christ, by which I mean each person

is so unique, including in their brokenness, that different 

advice is needed to help in their healing.

Within this I am learning there can be parts of essays, esp. those 

written to monastics, that I can't really do or even think of doing.

But I can be inspired by them to struggle according to 

my strength and abilities. 

I have not finished the essay on prayer yet

but was very moved by the image I found in it of needing

to pursue God with one's whole being and constantly 

call out to God.

*

I have met people and monastics who I see as 

holy, as far beyond where I am;

I find this to be a great encouragement that 

even though I can struggle with things in my life for years,

there are people who have struggled and gone on past the struggle

and have gained a holiness, a deep love for people

that shows me what I too want, 

even if feebly... 

the books are the same for me...

I got these two books from my Ottawa church bookstore.

They had been there for years and now that I am slowly

selling books at my NJ church, I realized that it would be hard

to get these books State side as it were as both books 

are from Greece and so they came home with me.

At this point in my life I can't say I will be at all

at the level of what these books talk about 

but I can still gain something and grow in 

understanding at least.

This one is by New Rome Press

and while it took a little bit of getting use to all the 

many quotations in it, it's really quite good.

I really like how despair is described and about 

our loving Heavenly Father.

I stocked up on some Ottawa treats...

Bridgehead tea (DV to be used in tea making for Christmas

again this year), an egg substitute for special baking during 

the fasts and my Fry's cocoa (even though it is not as good as 

in fair trade, it's also tradition and cheaper....and I use a lot of cocoa...)

and a granola that I would eat at times before I married and moved... 

Most specially, 

the white basket I bought for the fruit I had blessed

on the Feast of Transfiguration and 

candles from the Greek Monastery.

*

I love lighting candles at home for people and 

it is one of the few things I can do for others often.

And my Munchkin who stayed with me this summer

loved lighting them with me also...

*

And so while I have a cold and 

am quite fatigued from that, I can at least seek

to remember the many incredible blessings God has given me,

in my marriage to Mr. Husband, our home, my time in Ottawa

and the books and special things I wrote about here.

*

I do ask your prayers as I really wanted to do Sunday School 

this weekend and am just feeling down-for-the-count right now

and I would LOVE to hear what is going on for you today!

I know many of you have kids going back to school,

or are looking forward to the fall or maybe

are struggling with something, as it seems we often are. 

Do leave a comment and if I can light a candle for you today... 

God is with us and loves us and is merciful... 

Tuesday, Cloudy, Warm Impressions and Greatfulness

I had this recently.
The smell was so strongly attached to my Oma,
I was so surprised.
I think my Aunt P. must have had mocha cookies.

The small knit unbelievably orange scarf.

I am so glad of the two scarves I finished.
Above and below.

So I've been knitting a lovely
blue scarf for another gift
when I realized I had added stitches.
I talked with my sister for a long time today;
have to do it during day due to time difference
between Romania and here.

I showed her my mistake and then frogged it.
Then I went looking for my needle.
Could not find it anywhere;
same one I had lost before!
Only to realize I had put the needle in the bag it stays in
when I am not working on it...!
Sigh.
So glad I still have this needle!
*
Such blessings, being able to knit and
have different sized needles to choose from...

Cleo is so cute.

I had insomnia again.
But in the middle of it I had this deep
impression and feeling of love for
Mr. Husband,
it rather made up for it.

My chocolate bar in one of our Pascha baskets.
Counting down, getting ready...

 

Each of your comments are such a blessing to me
as I navigate getting better from
the mono.
Thank you.
*
I am still tired of course.
Insomnia never helps with that!
But each day is different and God's mercy is
truly new every morning.
*
Saw this three part interview with a young
Irish boy who died in the 1980's of a rare disease.
His life and his faith in Christ is incredible ~
if you have the time,
I would take a look.
*
Go here for some empathy and comfort on
Mothering and exhaustion.
*
Now I think it may just be time for a short nap...
I am so thankful that my Mr. Husband
affirms that my top priority is to get better...
the mono will not be forever....
One step a time...

Another very full day of God's mercy

 

Accomplishments and things about today:

1. The above dishcloth has more rows.
Pictures later.

2. My allergic reaction was only worsening.
I went to a derm and she
only shook her head at the
medical treatment I had yesterday
at the ER.
(what a surprise, sigh).
So I am on much higher meds now.

3. Good news: she does not think it was a return of
the dreaded rash I had a few years ago
that those who have known me for a long
time will remember.

4.  I had this really cool Coptic Christian taxi driver
and we talked all about God, St. Menas,
Archangel Michael, St. George,
St. Mary of Egypt, St. Paul of Thebes.
And King David and the Giant.
And he told me this:
Pope Shanouda had said
"put God between your troubles and you and 
God will stay and your troubles will leave".

5. Mr. Husband is wonderful and supportive.

I am so thankful for all of my friends who prayed for me today;
I did not have time to blog but did email and FB
and each person who prayed
I am SO thankful for!

Praying now for a quiet weekend and God's mercy....

Simply not the break I had in mind

It's been two weeks since
I fell ill with something that my doctor
calls mono and that has
my throat swollen.
*
I had forgotten how frustrating it is
to just be home and be so limited
in what I can do.
*
I had broken my foot a few years ago
so I've had a go of time when I could do very little.
*
So to say I wanted to get out of the house
is an understatement at this point.
*
Well,
I got out of the house.
*
One moment I am dreaming of all I want to do
when I am better from whatever I have
and the next I have this sudden
almost-everywhere allergic reaction
going on while Mr. Husband is at work and
am told by my doctor's nurse to call
911 and go to ER by ambulance.

By the time Mr. Husband comes
carrying this beautiful single
rose that he got outside of the transit depot
I have my go-back-home-papers
with very little medicine
and nothing but conflicting information
in what felt a frustrating comedy of errors.
That am my doctor said never take
the antibiotic I am currently on again.

 

The mugs I ordered came in the mail,
the ones so there is one less thing to worry 
about in the dishwasher mugs.
*
One side says
love
and the other
endures all things.
*
I guess this is what I am called to endure right now.
*
Meanwhile,
I hope my insomnia will subside,
I hope the allergic reaction will continue to subside
and this past night
Mr. Husband and I watched
the first third of
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
that we talked about watching on our honeymoon
but never go to actually watching.
*
My yarn and needles came.
I now am knitting the dish cloth on circular needles
which is nice,
no more dropping stitches.
I got some longer needles too that I am
experimenting with and some new yarns;
soft, great colours.
*
The mercy of the Lord endures forever, hallelujah
is in my head,
a honestly wonderful song
I heard the other day again
on Ancient Faith Radio.
*
I am still dreaming of baking bread again
and a normal Saturday with Mr. Husband
with I in the kitchen frying up
potatoes in oil or butter
and enjoying my red flour and sugar pots
in my kitchen with sunlight pouring in.

February's End

Safe to say that
here in our house
we are all getting quite fatigued.

Years ago my spiritual father
talked about in a homily
how even just a very little bit
done during Lent
when it is all we can do
is enough.
That God will honour it.

Soup from a friend this past weekend
now heating on the stove.
I love this little pan.
It is from my parent's old set
and I've always favoured this one,
the smallest one.

I had to rip it (the dish cloth) out again;
here it is with another new beginning.
I realized what I did however.
I had half of it with what seemed to be
two extra rows.
I had put the needles down
and then started knitting on the wrong one
doubling a half-done row.

Learning anything new takes
a lot of time, vigilance and persistence.
How can it not be the same
in our spiritual lives,
in prayer?

My yarn and new needles are probably downstairs
right now;
I looked and saw online that they were out for
delivery.
How strange that I will not be racing down
the stairs to get them;
yet how good it must be
as this must be where I am
today.
Being careful.
Deliberate.
Balancing and remembering what to do.
Seeking to rest.

 

Last summer
seems like so long ago.
I was given this hand lotion as part of
my friend's Ottawa bridal shower.
*
What a happy day that was.
Soon Mr. Husband and I will have been
married 6 months.
*
I told Mr. Husband yesterday
that sometimes we are just called
to struggle together
our faces looking to Christ.
*
I have another post I want to share,
about what I have learned
but in the same way still have to learn
about being with God today.
*
Cleo meanwhile is sitting by me
and my soup is cooled and ready to eat.

Night Watches, 1 week at home...

It's been a week strait
other than Sunday evening for a dinner
at a neighbour's
after the house blessing
since I've been out of the house.
*
I don't even go downstairs to get the mail.
The whole temptation to lift things
but frankly it's the
meds I'm one for one more day
making me needing to sit or lay down all day
that keep me up late at night.
Somehow does not seem like a good combination
with mono.
*
However,
if anything this can be a personal lesson on
not getting what I want.
That will of mine,
it likes to take me places and instead
Christ in His mercy wants
me to be led.
*
May it be so.
*
St. John the Baptist prayed
let me decrease and Christ increase.
In today's culture
this seems like one of the most
revolutionary things to do:
let Christ envelope you.


I am praying
as I can
on the couch, in bed,
in the night watches
for those I love,
worry for
and feel their struggle;
know their struggle.
May the Lord help them quickly;
May the Mother of God protect them
and bring her loving presence to
the sufferings and struggles of their lives.

May St. Katherine's serenity
and Cross protect and be with us.
*
May Christ's light
seen shining in the darkness
give us the way unto we walk.
May we not fear the darkness
because God is still with us
right beside us
in it,
refusing to leave us,
promising never to abandon us.

 

From the Prologue of Ochrid for today New Calendar
on St. Seraphim and being at peace:

REFLECTION

For every man, peace of soul is precious. With those who have attained peace of soul, the body can be in constant motion; in work, in pain, but their souls, affixed to God, always remain in unwavering peace. St. Seraphim of Sarov teaches: "It is necessary to concern oneself with all means in order to preserve peace of soul and not to be disturbed by the insults of others. That is why it is necessary, at all costs, to restrain yourself from anger with the help of vigilance over one's self, preserving the mind and heart from indecent movements. For preserving peace of soul, it is also necessary to avoid judging others. By not judging and by silence, peace of the soul is preserved. When a man is in such a state of mind, he receives divine revelations. In order for man to be preserved from judging others, he must be vigilant over himself; he must not receive from anyone non-spiritual thoughts and he should be dead toward everything worldly. We must tirelessly guard the heart from indecent thoughts and influences. `With closest custody, guard your heart for in it are the sources of life.'

(Proverbs 4:23). From perpetual vigilance over the heart, purity is born, in which the Lord is seen according to the words of eternal truth: `Blessed are the pure in heart:for they shall see God' "(St. Matthew 5:8).

*

It is easy to forget that

peace is to be found like this.

But truly what 

I just quoted above is the way.

*

I loved also the following from the same date

on Christ's care and labour for us,

like a deeply loving Father,

like He is as our Saviour:

*

CONTEMPLATION

To contemplate the Lord Jesus as a Traveler:

1. How He is wearied by traveling, perspiring, hungry and thirsty for my salvation, for your salvation and for the salvation of all men;

2. How even at night, He labors for my salvation, for your salvation and for the salvation of all men;

3. How on every journey, He thinks, He worries and He desires salvation for me, for you and for all men.

*

More found here.

I am seeking to read this wonderful book

nightly before bed.

*

Mr. Husband happens to have a beautiful

book set of it.

It's one of our greatest treasures. 

*

I am also on the first bit of re-reading

the revised edition of 

the blessed surgeon

 and it so good to read...

*

A blessing, 

knit, read, laugh at Cleo's antics,

rest again...

*

Now if only I could sleep this night...

What we must do

What we must do is very hard
and very easy.
*
Come to Christ.
Repent.
Beg for Christ's help,
ask that He dwell in us more
than our self-absorbed selves.
It is easy and it is hard.
*
The victory is Christ's
and we are weak
and in great need of Him.
*
I am thinking about this a lot
as I seek to recover.
The fatigue has kept me sleeping or sitting
on the couch...
*
I spoke to my sister this morning.
She had mono years ago
and reminded me to rest and that
in rest I will recover sooner...
*
Rest:
*
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
    in quietness and trust is your strength,
    but you would have none of it."
Isaiah 30:15 (NIV).
*
My spiritual father often would talk
about the gentleness of Christ
and that He would ask the blind, the sick,
what they wanted
before healing them.
That we have to want to be healed.
That we have to open our hearts.
*
How we want this and yet I find
at least how I often fight it,
if you know what I mean.
Either trying to do get the job done
on my own strength
or getting tangled in a web of distractions
and wrong thinking.

*
Oh to have the peace of Christ in our
hearts for then we can
be at rest
truly we can only be at rest with Christ.
*
Meanwhile, I am knitting...
*
Knitting:
So I ran out of yarn for my first dish cloth
when I was trying to bind it off.
Could not get more than 1/6 of way done.
There were many mistakes in it.
My first try.

So I did something that was
really hard for me to do.
I ripped it all out.
*
I have ordered more yarn and needles;
it is shipped and I hope will come by the weekend.
Meanwhile I don't have as much yarn to work with.
*
But I have some ideas for a small blanket
and I am going to use the newly re-wrapped
ball of blue yarn
to experiment with.
*
I am very tired and can't focus on
learning patterns
so I must deal with what I can do
and learn as I go.

*
Knitting realization:

I wrote this (about the above scarf) yesterday on the FB
that I can't seem to fully stay away from...
*
So... it's pretty strange, this too tired to bake bread...
so I am knitting; 
I am just beginning and 
I was doing pretty good on a simple knit stitch scarf
 but then it got funny and so I ripped it down 
until it was at a good place again and 
found strange amounts of yarn of no use of all 
that I will keep as scraps 
and meanwhile have a good ball of yarn to keep going with 
(first one all used up). 
Somehow this seems parallel often to one's journey
 to Christ through repentance
 - starting over, getting rid of needless junk
 and searching for the way to continue.

Light candles.
Pray.

Look for God and His Mercy.

 

He loves us,
we are sinners.
Christ came born as a weak baby
crucified as a thief
killed death
and offering us His life and His Resurrection.
May God help us enter into His Life.