Lent Day 38 ~ Waiting, Pondering

 

Today I hope to get more Cleo the Cat News.

I wanted to share what my Father-Confessor here in NJ said to me a couple years back,

when I said I was missing Ottawa... 

[since I have been writing about missing it...}

it was not what I expected to hear, but I understand it, at least in part.

He told me about St. Mary of Egypt and how she was tempted 

to go back to her past life, to thinking of the things she missed, 

like the fish, the (evil!) songs, ... 

While St. Mary lived in blatant passion filled hedonistic sin, 

and she left it all to follow Christ and learn to live a life of repentance...

she lived in the desert of Egypt alone with God for decades, 

never returning to her past life of sin.

..... I was trying to follow Christ in Ottawa and had a lovely church home there,

but still, one of the Monastics that I know and trust told me that getting married

was like taking up one's Cross and leaving everything for Christ.

*

I don't expect to ever live in Ottawa again.

Sometimes I really miss it, like now, it's been since August that I have been

and then it was not the visit I had hoped and longed for, as

my Husband and I got really ill. 

*

I also know that even if I did return, 

which is not planned for, 

it would not at all be the same.

*

Two of my best friends there are gone,

are in Romania again.

My Church there is still wonderful, but quite 

different - it's gained a lot of new members, they are singing 

new melodies for a lot of the music (glorious by the way),

the choir has at least doubled in size,

the kids are grown up, new kids have come.

New ways of doing things are in place.

Some of my good friends there are a good 30-40 years old than I am.

If I were to go back to live, which would not be for many years,

and not planned on at all,

a lot or all of these people would be gone from this earth.

You just can't go back and expect it to be the same.
I still do have many close and dear friends there,
but well, it's just not the same.

*

And there are things here in my life that I could not have in my 

old much beloved church ~ like Sunday School ~ I direct it at my

church here in NJ and love that, it's one of the greatest things of my weekly life.

And I do book sales.  Because it is a smaller church and newer,

I can serve in ways I could not in Ottawa.

So I really have gained a lot being here.

*

 I have to keep working on a life here.

It's not easy, but life is not supposed to be. 

*

I hope to go to NYC tomorrow,

Cleo Cat food, Trader Joe's, and looking for a blouse for 

Pascha. We will see.

*

One thing I have learned is that I must try to not 

have long term plans.

To imagine that I will live anywhere for a long time is just

living in a fictional reality, to be avoided.

*

My Husband and I have no idea the future.

No idea if we will stay living where we are when he retires,

if that is what God gifts us with,

time to be together in retirement.

*

And our parents are not getting any younger and none of my family

lives in Ottawa... I will always love Ottawa

and cherish the time I had there, but most likely it was only a time

and that of a real gift of 7 beautiful but hard years,

where God showed me that even in great struggle, He will provide what I need,

often in unexpected ways, and with friends who helped me

in those years.

*

We, at least if we try to follow God, even if poorly,

are given what we need at the time, not necessarily what we want,

but enough, something, someone, to help us in that particular stage in

the journey of our lives,

the journey that we hope to make to prepare us for the Kingdom of God.

****

Cleo Report: 

1a. My Vet is great. 1b. it is not a pancreas problem. 

2. Cleo HAS (we've been checking throughout today) gained between 1 and 2 lbs. And this is GOOD. Also she is not in pain, also good. 

3. We are going to do liver support meds for a month and then recheck blood work. 

We talked to vet about all options and feel this is the best one. 

Now we just have to figure out IF she will take the meds (we doubt it) 

or if we will have to either crush or compound them (most likely). 

I am hoping that somehow she was just sick and will recover on her own, with the liver support meds.

****

Realization that Mr Husband and I had:

I inadvertently bought *Sweetened* Almond Milk 

instead of unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk.

Whew, that explains it! 

****

Cleo now has FOUR meds to take,
2 only for 2 weeks and 1 of those 2x day.
2 more for 1 month and then blood work.
I managed to get one down (most important) and
am still working on the rest.

She does seem to weigh about 2 lbs more,
she needs at least 3 lbs more than this though.

****

I am really hoping to go to NYC for a bit.
I have to keep making this place home.

****

Presanctified liturgy was beautiful.
Well, that wraps up Lent day 38!
We are almost through the 40 days!!!