Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Lent Day 38 ~ Waiting, Pondering


Today I hope to get more Cleo the Cat News.
I wanted to share what my Father-Confessor here in NJ said to me a couple years back,
when I said I was missing Ottawa... 
[since I have been writing about missing it...}
it was not what I expected to hear, but I understand it, at least in part.
He told me about St. Mary of Egypt and how she was tempted 
to go back to her past life, to thinking of the things she missed, 
like the fish, the (evil!) songs, ... 
While St. Mary lived in blatant passion filled hedonistic sin, 
and she left it all to follow Christ and learn to live a life of repentance...
she lived in the desert of Egypt alone with God for decades, 
never returning to her past life of sin.
..... I was trying to follow Christ in Ottawa and had a lovely church home there,
but still, one of the Monastics that I know and trust told me that getting married
was like taking up one's Cross and leaving everything for Christ.
I don't expect to ever live in Ottawa again.
Sometimes I really miss it, like now, it's been since August that I have been
and then it was not the visit I had hoped and longed for, as
my Husband and I got really ill. 
I also know that even if I did return, 
which is not planned for, 
it would not at all be the same.
Two of my best friends there are gone,
are in Romania again.
My Church there is still wonderful, but quite 
different - it's gained a lot of new members, they are singing 
new melodies for a lot of the music (glorious by the way),
the choir has at least doubled in size,
the kids are grown up, new kids have come.
New ways of doing things are in place.
Some of my good friends there are a good 30-40 years old than I am.
If I were to go back to live, which would not be for many years,
and not planned on at all,
a lot or all of these people would be gone from this earth.
You just can't go back and expect it to be the same.
I still do have many close and dear friends there,
but well, it's just not the same.
And there are things here in my life that I could not have in my 
old much beloved church ~ like Sunday School ~ I direct it at my
church here in NJ and love that, it's one of the greatest things of my weekly life.
And I do book sales.  Because it is a smaller church and newer,
I can serve in ways I could not in Ottawa.
So I really have gained a lot being here.
 I have to keep working on a life here.
It's not easy, but life is not supposed to be. 
I hope to go to NYC tomorrow,
Cleo Cat food, Trader Joe's, and looking for a blouse for 
Pascha. We will see.
One thing I have learned is that I must try to not 
have long term plans.
To imagine that I will live anywhere for a long time is just
living in a fictional reality, to be avoided.
My Husband and I have no idea the future.
No idea if we will stay living where we are when he retires,
if that is what God gifts us with,
time to be together in retirement.
And our parents are not getting any younger and none of my family
lives in Ottawa... I will always love Ottawa
and cherish the time I had there, but most likely it was only a time
and that of a real gift of 7 beautiful but hard years,
where God showed me that even in great struggle, He will provide what I need,
often in unexpected ways, and with friends who helped me
in those years.
We, at least if we try to follow God, even if poorly,
are given what we need at the time, not necessarily what we want,
but enough, something, someone, to help us in that particular stage in
the journey of our lives,
the journey that we hope to make to prepare us for the Kingdom of God.


Cleo Report: 
1a. My Vet is great. 1b. it is not a pancreas problem. 
2. Cleo HAS (we've been checking throughout today) gained between 1 and 2 lbs. And this is GOOD. Also she is not in pain, also good. 
3. We are going to do liver support meds for a month and then recheck blood work. 
We talked to vet about all options and feel this is the best one. 
Now we just have to figure out IF she will take the meds (we doubt it) 
or if we will have to either crush or compound them (most likely). 
I am hoping that somehow she was just sick and will recover on her own, with the liver support meds.


Realization that Mr Husband and I had:
I inadvertently bought *Sweetened* Almond Milk 
instead of unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk.
Whew, that explains it! 


Cleo now has FOUR meds to take,
2 only for 2 weeks and 1 of those 2x day.
2 more for 1 month and then blood work.
I managed to get one down (most important) and
am still working on the rest.

She does seem to weigh about 2 lbs more,
she needs at least 3 lbs more than this though.


I am really hoping to go to NYC for a bit.
I have to keep making this place home.


Presanctified liturgy was beautiful.
Well, that wraps up Lent day 38!
We are almost through the 40 days!!! 


Pom Pom said...

Cleo seems better. I hope she'll take her meds.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

Sending positive thoughts to Cleo...these photos are amazing!

Elizabeth @ The Garden Window said...

You are very wise; it is best (and easiest) to concentrate on just living one day at a time, and to its fullest, without fretting about what the next day will bring..

Tia said...

Beautiful pics! My family and I really should visit that parish on our informal "tour of Orthodox churches". :)

Glad Cleo is gaining and seemingly on the mend. Hopefully the meds go down easily. It's tricky to force the bloom where God has planted us, but as my priest tells us, how we work through it is all for our salvation.

Do y'all like rice pudding? Maybe you could make it to use up the sweetened almond milk. Add some spices, some vanilla, cook a while and it's a nice treat. (I may or may not have made 2 batches during Lent this year. It was a supply/demand thing. ;) )

karen said...

hugs to you my friend! It's hard relocating and starting life over, especially when you miss a dear place. When we moved from MI to PA I was so lonesome for the MI friends. Who over the course of a year, moved on split up and some divorced changing the dynamics of our tight bond. Look forward, enjoy the NOW is the best we can do. You are where you are because that is what is meant to be.

praying for sweet dear cleo (and you!)!

Paula said...

Guess that's why I was meant to marry a farmer :) I couldn't imagine living life not being able to plan for the future or even know where we'll be living. Colin's family has been on this farm since the early '60s. Farmers don't move. Which works for me! It's not surprising since I grew up in my Great Grandmother's house (the house she lived in since she married HER farmer in 1927). Our family isn't the moving around kind.

So glad Cleo is putting on some weight. I wonder if she would do well with a food change? When we brought Tim in and started feeding him the usual food he got so sick. My pet expert friend suggested a slightly better brand and he's been great since.

I got a chuckle when you said about the almond milk mix-up. Once I accidentally bought Ella the unsweetened vanilla milk (she drinks the original sweetened). Good thing I had a bottle of Nesquik, that was the only way I could get her to drink it.

Nancy said...

All we have is today. I read something referring to yesterday and tomorrow as being the two days of the week about which we should not worry: "This leaves only one day - today. Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burden of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow,that we break down" I try to remember that. Glad to hear things are looking up for Cleo.