Thursday, April 14, 2016

Lent Day 32 ~ quiet with some sewing and reading

A constant effort to keep things clean.

I opened our treasure that we purchased a while ago.
Do you see Mother Alexandra's early publication listed,
when she was still 
HRH Princess Ileana of Romania? 
Here is some information on her if you do not know of this 
wonderful person - first Princess and later Monastic.

I, like many, are struggling with what to eat this Lent.
First it was the sickness, the flu,
now, well.  I am just struggling.
Making smoothies are at least a good step,
but it's going to take a while before I get the full grove
back. I really miss cooking.  I have over 130 cookbooks.
(Many given to me over the years, or gotten at sales).
I remember when I use to cook and years ago do grocery lists 
based on what I was going to make.
So much has changed since then.
For various reasons.  
I can't remember, in a lot of cases, how I functioned before I was married.
I often wonder, what did I eat? 
By necessity we've fallen into eating at our diner a lot.
The flu took a lot out of me.
If we eat at our diner, it means we have left overs for at least 1 or 2 days.
I am really hoping for better.
It's so hard to balance things for me right now,
to do things in the right time.

I managed to sew/quilt the top row of my godson's quilt.
I had a moment of panic/despair that I had broken my machine,
when the presser foot (that which makes it work, going fast or slow) 
would not speed up, even when I had it all the way down 
(It's really much like a gas pedal that way).
My Quilting Friend quickly reassured me and that I had just 
inadvertently moved the switch from fast to slow 
and whew, it worked again.
I have had some realizations about how things are for me
in terms of what I watch.
I always knew I was not like others in so many ways,
but it includes TV/Movies and I am so easily upset now by seeing
vile behaviour that I have to be incredibly careful in what I watch.
I've known this for a long time,
my Grandma is the same,
We are deeply impacted by what we watch.
It's like we have no filter on our soul and the images
are imprinted there; they deeply impact us.
I had a teacher in junior high who had us watch footage
of WWI and WWII and I think it all began there,
when I was forced to watch real people dying.
So, now, I have to be careful.
The Tolkien movies - not for me.  Totally unnerving.
Harry Potter - well don't like how that series ended to begin with,
but that aside, I could never watch the movies.
And so now I realize also that 
the beautiful British shows are not for me, 
even though everyone raved about them.
Yes, beautiful. Yes, period pieces, fashion, beauty.
But the character's horrid behaviour.
It disturbs, angers and unnerves me. 
I've realized in part because I either really liked the 
character and are sad for their poor choice and/or
get worried about it
[I realize that it is fiction that I am watching,
but I also know that it represents so many poor 
souls who are caught up in such things].
Makes me feel so different than others,
and I mean everyone practically in my own circles,
that I can't watch such things.
But I can't help it.
I can't let such things into my view,
my consciousness. 
They stay there, lodged, a type of torment,
seeing such broken lives, foolish decisions and 
behaviour that can only lead to spiritual and physical death.
And it makes me mourn with sadness.
The lostness of it, the way people are destroying their own lives.
So I have learned a new trick:
Before watching something that is recommended to me,
I google it.
I find the plot spoilers. 
I read them. 
I am often troubled by what I read but at least
it stops me from watching them.
The Walton's, I can watch.
The BBC Austen movies, yes.
Austen has a wholeness to her, a goodness.
Out of Africa I watched but not without some struggle.
Beautiful.  Deeply Sad.
But also a clear example of how woman's choices can 
destroy their lives.
I don't know that I want to watch many things like that movie even. 
I don't expect many to understand this but it's how it is for me
and there is no getting around it.
Much better for me to be reading Elizabeth Goudge and such things...
and Jane Austen, CS Lewis....
Well, that was Lent Day 32!


Elizabeth @ The Garden Window said...

You have a beautiful, tender and loving soul, my friend. If there were more like you, the world would be a much nicer place.

Tracy said...

What a DELIGHT to find your blog! :) I'm not sure how I did--and like most things with the Internet we go down a rabbit hole--but very glad to be here! Happy you & your husband are feeling better after such long illness. And hope your kitty Cleo will be well too (Our kitty Charlie will be 16 this year!) Very much enjoying all you share here. I quilt and sew too, and love too cook and things home-keeping. This post of yours spoke to me a a lot as I feel very much the same way when it comes to TV/movies, books, media and all sorts--that I'm too sensitive, and do not want to be damaged by them. We haven't had a TV in years, but do watch things occasionally via Internet or go to the movies. I've come to be very, very selective with what watch, look at, read, etc. I try to ask the questions: Is this about Love? Does/will this bring me closer, or farther away, from God? I need such soul filters! These questions help me make the right choices, and to not worry to feel strange among my family, friends, acquaintances, etc. Because when we choose to watch, look at, read things "higher" or more gentle than the mainstream, we are the odd ones out... LOL! So very much I empathize and understand where you are coming from. Know that you are not along in your feelings. It is good to know we are not alone. :) Oh, and what fun to discover Loome Theological Booksellers thanks to you... I didn't know about them before--what a beautiful selection they have! Bookmarking now... Anyway, so glad to meet you! And wishing you & yours a blessed journey to Pascha celebration!

Nancy said...

I like what you say about having no filter, I'm realizing my filter isn't too strong either. Thanks for articulating that.

Paula said...

I know what you mean (though I love LOR/Hobbit). There are lots of movies I won't watch. I often call those ones 'mom' movies (meaning my mom because she loves them). The ones where I KNOW I'll be sobbing through them (Steel Magnolias, even Forest Gump, Big Hero 6). Even Ella and mom telling me about a scene in Inside/Out made me cry. That's one reason why I never started watching Outlander. I enjoyed the books but there was a lot of unnecessary twisted violence that I didn't need to see on tv. We won't even get into creepy movies. Basically I stick to rom/com and period films with the occasional action flick for Colin :)

Cleo said...

How I enjoy sharing your life and faith. Yours is the first blog I read each day. We are in the world but not of it, and I receive encouragement from your gentle, wholesome ways and deep faith. God bless you always. Kalyee Sarakostee ke kalyee Anastasee.

Cleo said...

How I enjoy sharing your life and faith. Yours is the first blog I read each day. We are in the world but not of it, and I receive encouragement from your gentle, wholesome ways and deep faith. God bless you always. Kalyee Sarakostee ke kalyee Anastasee.

elizabeth said...

Thanks Everyone!!!

Elizabeth, I appreciate your words of love...

Tracy! so nice to meet you! left a comment on your blog just now!

Nancy, you are welcome!

Paula, so nice to have others who understand!

Cleo - while you don't always comment, when you do it is always timely and always with deep encouragement. Thank you. You are a real blessing to me. Thank you!