New jobs sure are tiring! I get tons of training – a new thing for me – I am still in the nervous stage. You know the ‘is my skirt on strait, did I spill on myself?’ and ‘can I really do this job?!’ questions.
I am still taking it all in; the one year position that I have is a position that one usually needs at least 3 to 5 years to have; and believe me, I am really not a super-star librarian at all. GOD is the only reason for this – His provision, His grace, His enabling. (Also, related to God is the prayers of many who love me and the prayers of the Saints, esp. St. Nicholas and St. Xenia and St. Herman).
I feel like professionally this job is going to ‘grow me up’ as it were. I have to learn a lot and become independent professionally in ways I have not learned as of yet. The learning opportunities in this is great – I am really grateful for it, and a bit intimidated.
I guess I am becoming an adult in new ways – today I got life insurance (through work!) and put my mother down as my beneficiary; I learned about pensions and the like. I never thought I would ever have such a job – with benefits. As my parents still do not have such a job, I am astounded.
I feel like this is all such a surprising gift that I struggle not to feel conspicuous or guilty for it. Yet I walk forward in it all, thinking it must be okay, as no one but God could of arranged this…
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
15 days
i found out that i have 15 (working) days of vacation! 3 weeks! wow.
one of the weeks i will take off is Holy Week, so that leaves 2 more weeks, plus a week for Christmas that i can have off, provided i make up the time later...
in my family, as my dad was and is self-employed, there never were paid vacations; no pension, no benefits. for me, then, to have all these things in the job is so incredible to me, i am overwhelmed by it.
my first day of work went well. i was tired - lots to take in - but by God's grace i was able to keep my wits about me...
one of the weeks i will take off is Holy Week, so that leaves 2 more weeks, plus a week for Christmas that i can have off, provided i make up the time later...
in my family, as my dad was and is self-employed, there never were paid vacations; no pension, no benefits. for me, then, to have all these things in the job is so incredible to me, i am overwhelmed by it.
my first day of work went well. i was tired - lots to take in - but by God's grace i was able to keep my wits about me...
Monday, May 28, 2007
Tomorrow: the beginning of the next page of my career as a librarian
I start my job tomorrow! Would love prayers – Tuesday 8 am I will be handing in my letter of offer and tax information and then it will begin.
I am excited but a bit nervous too – I feel like a schoolgirl who just changed schools and is meeting new people, going to be learning new tasks. I got a haircut, some new clothes and sandals; I told my spiritual father that I start tomorrow; told others; my family knows.
Today I am going to clean my house and try to figure out what to cook for the week. So much to do… but it is a quiet morning and the sky is a deep blue and the sun is strong and white.
I am excited but a bit nervous too – I feel like a schoolgirl who just changed schools and is meeting new people, going to be learning new tasks. I got a haircut, some new clothes and sandals; I told my spiritual father that I start tomorrow; told others; my family knows.
Today I am going to clean my house and try to figure out what to cook for the week. So much to do… but it is a quiet morning and the sky is a deep blue and the sun is strong and white.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Wait no longer: the job has been offered
I wrote the post I just posted this morning. When I went online I had an email waiting for me regarding my references. An hour later I got a call, offering me the one year position!
To summarize: the permanent position I was not feeling at peace with. (I have not to this day heard back from them). I was concerned that this job would be a prolonged stress to me and the other job is the one I felt myself wanting. I even wrote in my journal to that effect this morning. So I talked with my sister, my Matuska, my Grandmother and my Mother.
By the time I talked with my Mother it was to tell her I was going to accept the job. I have since accepted the job on voice mail and email. I have to sign the letter of offer and they hope I will be able to start on this coming Tuesday, May 29th!
We are all relieved. I for one feel tired actually. Relieved and tired. No cloud nine, no euphoria, just thankful, relieved and tired.
Glory to God for His abundant mercy and goodness that He keeps pouring down in and on my life...
To summarize: the permanent position I was not feeling at peace with. (I have not to this day heard back from them). I was concerned that this job would be a prolonged stress to me and the other job is the one I felt myself wanting. I even wrote in my journal to that effect this morning. So I talked with my sister, my Matuska, my Grandmother and my Mother.
By the time I talked with my Mother it was to tell her I was going to accept the job. I have since accepted the job on voice mail and email. I have to sign the letter of offer and they hope I will be able to start on this coming Tuesday, May 29th!
We are all relieved. I for one feel tired actually. Relieved and tired. No cloud nine, no euphoria, just thankful, relieved and tired.
Glory to God for His abundant mercy and goodness that He keeps pouring down in and on my life...
Waiting
God, as always, is wise in His timing. We are awaiting Pentecost. One of my good friends told me of a priest’s sermon she heard while on vacation. She said it was about three lines. About not using the Pascal greeting, not using the Christ in our midst greeting (I am guessing this priest was referring to using the Ascension greeting, which I believe the reply is something to the effect of “Christ ascended into glory”; my Matuska referred to it last Thursday in the church kitchen). Then, if we do not use the two greetings, this priest said, what do we do? His answer: we wait.
Wait and watch for Pentecost.
My Grandmother loves the verses about waiting on the Lord; my Grandfather use to sing in churches – he had a lovely voice and he was more good-looking than Elvis – I’ve seen pictures. Anyway my Grandfather used to sing a song about waiting on the Lord.
I miss my Grandfather. I never did have any one on one conversations with him, like I should have, though I did have some special ones with both of my Grandparents. But I am still learning about him and I really need to make continued work of finding out more while my Grandmother is still in good health.
I know my Grandfather, who many prayed for over a year ago when he died, had a heart for God and for spreading His Gospel. My priest once told me, when I was worrying over my relatives who know nothing of the Orthodox church, that God does not hold people responsible for what they did not know. Well, my Grandfather is a testimony to me still. His last words to me, over the phone, were that prayer is the best thing. This was after telling him that all my churches were praying for him (I have been part of 4 orthodox churches). Of course he also got what they call “a kick” out of this fact; Elizabeth being enthusiastically loving to the end of his earthly life.
I am so glad I am Orthodox, and know that I can pray still for my Grandfather; and I hear him prayed for every Saturday at vespers. I am so blessed and I love my church here.
So I am waiting. Drinking hot camomile lemon Tetley tea in a heavy blue and white teacup and waiting. I keep thinking of the prayer glory to You for Your longsuffering that we sang during the Bridegroom Matins. I must become like Christ through waiting.
Wait and watch for Pentecost.
My Grandmother loves the verses about waiting on the Lord; my Grandfather use to sing in churches – he had a lovely voice and he was more good-looking than Elvis – I’ve seen pictures. Anyway my Grandfather used to sing a song about waiting on the Lord.
I miss my Grandfather. I never did have any one on one conversations with him, like I should have, though I did have some special ones with both of my Grandparents. But I am still learning about him and I really need to make continued work of finding out more while my Grandmother is still in good health.
I know my Grandfather, who many prayed for over a year ago when he died, had a heart for God and for spreading His Gospel. My priest once told me, when I was worrying over my relatives who know nothing of the Orthodox church, that God does not hold people responsible for what they did not know. Well, my Grandfather is a testimony to me still. His last words to me, over the phone, were that prayer is the best thing. This was after telling him that all my churches were praying for him (I have been part of 4 orthodox churches). Of course he also got what they call “a kick” out of this fact; Elizabeth being enthusiastically loving to the end of his earthly life.
I am so glad I am Orthodox, and know that I can pray still for my Grandfather; and I hear him prayed for every Saturday at vespers. I am so blessed and I love my church here.
So I am waiting. Drinking hot camomile lemon Tetley tea in a heavy blue and white teacup and waiting. I keep thinking of the prayer glory to You for Your longsuffering that we sang during the Bridegroom Matins. I must become like Christ through waiting.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Classic Elizabeth (or at least Sheepish Elizabeth)
I can still take the cake but I sure am missing the ice cream. So no news on the job front. I called a friend out West for moral support. forgetting that TODAY is her Birthday. Yes, and we have known each other for nearly TEN years. Matter-a-fact years ago when I was in Michigan I called her on her birthday, not realizing it was her birthday. SIGH. and she always remembers my birthday.
sheepish for sure. Thank God that I have been given patient friends who excel in being gracious.
well, if you would pass me that shovel over there, I will try to start digging myself out... while trying not to dirty my semi-clean wool...
sheepish for sure. Thank God that I have been given patient friends who excel in being gracious.
well, if you would pass me that shovel over there, I will try to start digging myself out... while trying not to dirty my semi-clean wool...
Sunday, May 20, 2007
quiet happiness
i had the honour and extreme privilege of seeing John Samuel be baptised!
Later, when i was in my church, i had the images of the baptism coming in and out of my vision during liturgy. Of course i told everyone (okay not everyone but those who know me and also the parents) about the baptism. i was full of joy...
i am aware of a contentment that comes from being in my liturgical routine, and knowing that there is a various church things to go to this week.
so i am thankful - for the normal routine things of life and for a church to work out salvation in...
Many many Years to newly baptised and illumined John Samuel!
Later, when i was in my church, i had the images of the baptism coming in and out of my vision during liturgy. Of course i told everyone (okay not everyone but those who know me and also the parents) about the baptism. i was full of joy...
i am aware of a contentment that comes from being in my liturgical routine, and knowing that there is a various church things to go to this week.
so i am thankful - for the normal routine things of life and for a church to work out salvation in...
Many many Years to newly baptised and illumined John Samuel!
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Discovering a blog and discussing the self
Wow.
I have just discovered this:
http://janotec.typepad.com/terrace/2007/05/why_i_am_not_a_.html
And the blog it is from - http://janotec.typepad.com/terrace/
What should I say? I am relieved to find a blog that not only acknowledges literature and the importance of words (I was an English major) but that speaks to the concerns I am seeing. Concerns that are only growing in me; I have been wondering how to explain my thoughts on why social justice is NOT enough and is NOT to be the main focus of a Christian’s life but is to be a normal part of it.
I have studied a lot of things over the years. I find myself still thinking of it. I have gone, in the last 13 years from diving into liberal thought (through feminism), back to a more conservative stance, only to dive back into it, but not to the same extreme, and then: I read Kathleen Norris’ Cloister Walk. Though this, and the prayers of my roommate-at-the-time I started journeying out of feminism and into a deeper understanding of the world, of tradition, of what it is like to live as a free person. I have a lot of hope now, because of Norris’ struggle and study; I was introduced to many saints and began to understand the greater complexity and depth of the past and of tradition. At the same time I began realizing how feminist theory was way too simple and failed to do what it thought it was setting out to accomplish.
Now I can see – feminist and other gender theory was and is destroying the understanding of a human person, not to mention destroying the understanding of what it is to be a man or to be a woman. Some theory, from what I remember of it, even doubted the ability to communicate at all, using language. Ironic, isn’t it, that they could use language to say this. Hmmm. OF COURSE I would need to re-study this to remember exactly what was going on. However my memory is not fully faulty!
There is a lot, within what is called gender theory, that says that there is no human self, that all of gender and self-understanding and personhood is constructed, has not essentialness, no grounding in reality. They doubt the conception of reality and saying that all of reality, as we see it, is from a constructed framework, put on us instead of being within us.
This denies so many things. It denies:
*the Holy Spirit
*the soul
*God as the Creator
*the world being inside of the Church, not the other way around
*Christ as in the Incarnation – Human and Divine – Christ did not become a person that was constructed by His surroundings! He was Himself all the way through, consistently, faithfully, without wavering
*the resurrection of the dead and the final judgement
*human agency and responsibility (and it denies that it denies this point)
It denies this:
24 "The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. 25 And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. 26 From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. 27 God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 28' For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.’
Acts 17: 24-28 NKJV
I have just discovered this:
http://janotec.typepad.com/terrace/2007/05/why_i_am_not_a_.html
And the blog it is from - http://janotec.typepad.com/terrace/
What should I say? I am relieved to find a blog that not only acknowledges literature and the importance of words (I was an English major) but that speaks to the concerns I am seeing. Concerns that are only growing in me; I have been wondering how to explain my thoughts on why social justice is NOT enough and is NOT to be the main focus of a Christian’s life but is to be a normal part of it.
I have studied a lot of things over the years. I find myself still thinking of it. I have gone, in the last 13 years from diving into liberal thought (through feminism), back to a more conservative stance, only to dive back into it, but not to the same extreme, and then: I read Kathleen Norris’ Cloister Walk. Though this, and the prayers of my roommate-at-the-time I started journeying out of feminism and into a deeper understanding of the world, of tradition, of what it is like to live as a free person. I have a lot of hope now, because of Norris’ struggle and study; I was introduced to many saints and began to understand the greater complexity and depth of the past and of tradition. At the same time I began realizing how feminist theory was way too simple and failed to do what it thought it was setting out to accomplish.
Now I can see – feminist and other gender theory was and is destroying the understanding of a human person, not to mention destroying the understanding of what it is to be a man or to be a woman. Some theory, from what I remember of it, even doubted the ability to communicate at all, using language. Ironic, isn’t it, that they could use language to say this. Hmmm. OF COURSE I would need to re-study this to remember exactly what was going on. However my memory is not fully faulty!
There is a lot, within what is called gender theory, that says that there is no human self, that all of gender and self-understanding and personhood is constructed, has not essentialness, no grounding in reality. They doubt the conception of reality and saying that all of reality, as we see it, is from a constructed framework, put on us instead of being within us.
This denies so many things. It denies:
*the Holy Spirit
*the soul
*God as the Creator
*the world being inside of the Church, not the other way around
*Christ as in the Incarnation – Human and Divine – Christ did not become a person that was constructed by His surroundings! He was Himself all the way through, consistently, faithfully, without wavering
*the resurrection of the dead and the final judgement
*human agency and responsibility (and it denies that it denies this point)
It denies this:
24 "The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. 25 And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. 26 From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. 27 God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 28' For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.’
Acts 17: 24-28 NKJV
Friday, May 18, 2007
I am reading...
Gilead by Marilynne Robinson.
It is safe to say that this is going to be one of the best new books I have read this year.
Elizabeth Goudge, who is one of my favourites, is of course near the top of my list... but this newer author is quite something!
Matter-a-fact I think she ranks up there with Walker Percy, who I really need to read more of someday. Not to mention that Annie Dillard is supposed to have a new book out soon...
Other authors I am currently reading or reading about:
*biography of Dorothy Sayers
*Agatha Christie
*May Sarton
*Rod Dreher
*DE Stevenson (Mrs Tim gets a job; England, war time; a happy book)
*a Miss Read book
*got three Elizabeth Goudge books I have not read yet (figured I needed the encouragement)
*Marilynne Robinson (have 3 of her 4 books at home currently)
*Lee Smith
*Josephine Tey
(also Raymond Chandler's letters, and an early book by Anne Marrow Lindbergh, but I own these books and so find I take longer to read them!...just picked them up again)
light fun fiction:
*Laura Childs
*second newest from Mary Higgins Clark
The public library is a great service!
I really do recommend the book Gilead by M Robinson - I find it incredibly well-written and insightful. And wonderfully humbling because the writing is so well-crafted, as if carved slowly out of choice wood, that it puts all that I have written to shame.
It is safe to say that this is going to be one of the best new books I have read this year.
Elizabeth Goudge, who is one of my favourites, is of course near the top of my list... but this newer author is quite something!
Matter-a-fact I think she ranks up there with Walker Percy, who I really need to read more of someday. Not to mention that Annie Dillard is supposed to have a new book out soon...
Other authors I am currently reading or reading about:
*biography of Dorothy Sayers
*Agatha Christie
*May Sarton
*Rod Dreher
*DE Stevenson (Mrs Tim gets a job; England, war time; a happy book)
*a Miss Read book
*got three Elizabeth Goudge books I have not read yet (figured I needed the encouragement)
*Marilynne Robinson (have 3 of her 4 books at home currently)
*Lee Smith
*Josephine Tey
(also Raymond Chandler's letters, and an early book by Anne Marrow Lindbergh, but I own these books and so find I take longer to read them!...just picked them up again)
light fun fiction:
*Laura Childs
*second newest from Mary Higgins Clark
The public library is a great service!
I really do recommend the book Gilead by M Robinson - I find it incredibly well-written and insightful. And wonderfully humbling because the writing is so well-crafted, as if carved slowly out of choice wood, that it puts all that I have written to shame.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Happy Feast Day!
I am off to church for morning liturgy. This is the good part of being unemployed!
God is good and His mercy endures forever...
The Joy of the Feast!
God is good and His mercy endures forever...
The Joy of the Feast!
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
in two hours...
the installation of my internet was finished--20 minutes on phone to install the router here i am at home, with internet.
sadly no news of job yet. nothing. not one peep. the waiting...
i cannot complain though. i get a break from work and that has been great. i have not had days to rest like this in a long time - i had some days last summer - but they were never fully calm days, as i was in the midst of an intense last term of my librarian degree and was looking to move back to ottawa.
i am still hoping i will get one of the jobs i interviewed for.
meanwhile, my house is getting clean and my errands are still just beginning.
i better get moving on this!
sadly no news of job yet. nothing. not one peep. the waiting...
i cannot complain though. i get a break from work and that has been great. i have not had days to rest like this in a long time - i had some days last summer - but they were never fully calm days, as i was in the midst of an intense last term of my librarian degree and was looking to move back to ottawa.
i am still hoping i will get one of the jobs i interviewed for.
meanwhile, my house is getting clean and my errands are still just beginning.
i better get moving on this!
Friday, May 11, 2007
nothing yet
Well. I was supposed to work on getting internet today, but I did not. (am at the public library). My job is done now and I am waiting to hear about the 2 interviews. the one year Mat Leave position did call my boss for a reference.
It is the waiting and not being able to plan for my summer that is hard.
but God has been very good to me and it is upon Him that i wait...
It is the waiting and not being able to plan for my summer that is hard.
but God has been very good to me and it is upon Him that i wait...
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
age and needing God's mercy
i was a volunteer this morning and was asked:
1. are you a student volunteer (no i am a real librarian!)
2. upon writing a list - are you writing your Christmas list? (no, i am writing a list of what i want for my apartment, a list i write when ever i am bored)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
sigh. clearly i have much work to do. i should not mind so much to be assumed to be young, but i still do. and being asked about what i am writing, was strange.
lots to learn in how to love - how to be patient, generous, long-suffering, to live in humility.
well. that's how it is for now.
i still do not know about job future; my job is done this thursday.
i am relieved that God is full of long-suffering and mercy; i need both...
1. are you a student volunteer (no i am a real librarian!)
2. upon writing a list - are you writing your Christmas list? (no, i am writing a list of what i want for my apartment, a list i write when ever i am bored)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
sigh. clearly i have much work to do. i should not mind so much to be assumed to be young, but i still do. and being asked about what i am writing, was strange.
lots to learn in how to love - how to be patient, generous, long-suffering, to live in humility.
well. that's how it is for now.
i still do not know about job future; my job is done this thursday.
i am relieved that God is full of long-suffering and mercy; i need both...
Friday, May 04, 2007
still waiting
i made it through another interview! and i think that one was the best one yet. have no idea at the outcome, but was thinking of Psalm 16 and how God can bring us to the right, even pleasant, place...
i am so tired now - the test and interview last week and then another interview this week.
this weekend i am going to be quiet, stay home (other than sat and sun church), watch movies that i like (yea public library!), clean and seek the stillness that is of God.
(FYI: i still do not have internet at home, so i am not able to comment much (am writing this during my lunch hour) ... i hope to be rectifying this situation in the next few weeks) ... i am still reading various blogs, but do not have time to comment.)
i am so tired now - the test and interview last week and then another interview this week.
this weekend i am going to be quiet, stay home (other than sat and sun church), watch movies that i like (yea public library!), clean and seek the stillness that is of God.
(FYI: i still do not have internet at home, so i am not able to comment much (am writing this during my lunch hour) ... i hope to be rectifying this situation in the next few weeks) ... i am still reading various blogs, but do not have time to comment.)
Monday, April 30, 2007
Waiting
i am very encouraged by all the prayers that many have prayed for me RE: job finding. i think the Friday interview went well. i am supposed to find out by mid-week. i have another interview this Friday at 8:30 AM and am hoping to cancel it because i was offered the other job... but God knows and i am seeking His mercy.
FYI - my Internet at home has been down so my blog-reading is behind... sigh.
wishing good things for all reading this...
FYI - my Internet at home has been down so my blog-reading is behind... sigh.
wishing good things for all reading this...
Thursday, April 26, 2007
oh to learn peace!
this week has been a battle to stay at peace - job interview friday - another thing today - my job ending in 2 weeks - the unknown.
yet to God all is known and i need to rest in this and in the truth of God's care for me.
i am glad to be in the church; i can see that acquiring peace is something one must battle for, and perhaps for a very long time. but at least i am in a place where i know i am safe to battle within...
yet to God all is known and i need to rest in this and in the truth of God's care for me.
i am glad to be in the church; i can see that acquiring peace is something one must battle for, and perhaps for a very long time. but at least i am in a place where i know i am safe to battle within...
Monday, April 23, 2007
quietness
i am dwelling in quietness this evening. preparing slowly for the interview but trying to be really careful to not do too much and get my nerves up. i have been re-reading an Anne George mystery about two older Southern sisters. ah. i LOVE mysteries. my Cat wanted to eat my Popcorn. yep. so i gave her cat treats, which she devoured. then she looked and looked at me. ah that silent begging. i told her no popcorn. she seems content.
the line from the Protestant hymn came to mind: praise God from whom all blessings flow...
Amen.
the line from the Protestant hymn came to mind: praise God from whom all blessings flow...
Amen.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
thankful
i strive to be thankful while being overwhelmed. i struggle to not be afraid and then i read how Christ tells His disciples not to fear and brings their boat into the harbour they were heading towards.
in my small but astoundingly loved by God life, i have been granted the friday interview (in a week) for a job i would love. i found out last night i also have a test to see if i will get an interview for another job that i may love too. (though my vote is with the first one). this test is thursday afternoon, my interview friday afternoon. two weeks ago was holy week. one week ago i had a raging head cold. domestically my house is in chaos.
but God is good and abundantly merciful. i am very grateful to those who are praying for me. i know i would of never gotten as far as i have without the prayers of many.
Thanks be to God...
in my small but astoundingly loved by God life, i have been granted the friday interview (in a week) for a job i would love. i found out last night i also have a test to see if i will get an interview for another job that i may love too. (though my vote is with the first one). this test is thursday afternoon, my interview friday afternoon. two weeks ago was holy week. one week ago i had a raging head cold. domestically my house is in chaos.
but God is good and abundantly merciful. i am very grateful to those who are praying for me. i know i would of never gotten as far as i have without the prayers of many.
Thanks be to God...
Thursday, April 19, 2007
trust you understand...
i read all these great blog posts today, as a break in between resume and cover letter editing. i did not have time to comment on them, so please take this as the comment (if i comment on your blog in general then i have read your latest post, thanks to bloglines).
God is blessing me so much with support from my family and friends - a church family local and universal. May God be praised for His abundant goodness.
God is blessing me so much with support from my family and friends - a church family local and universal. May God be praised for His abundant goodness.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
the job saga begins - updated!
thanks for the prayers thus far; very appreciated; i called the would-be-new-boss and got some more information (and of course thought of another question to ask after the fact). the interviews are going to start before the deadline! i hope to get my resume and cover letter in by tomorrow if i can -
need prayers for this for sure - so i can at least get an interview...
hope everyone is doing well. it is sunny today in Ottawa!
UPDATE:
received this email tonight:
Please advise if you are interested and available for a job interview next Thursday, April 26 or Friday, April 27 and what time(s). I am interviewing some local applicants...
So i apparently i have an interview! i have not even submitted my resume yet! (she knows my boss...)
wow.
also significantly: i held a child in my arms tonight. Young John Samuel. i was so blessed tonight. deeply, richly blessed.
need prayers for this for sure - so i can at least get an interview...
hope everyone is doing well. it is sunny today in Ottawa!
UPDATE:
received this email tonight:
Please advise if you are interested and available for a job interview next Thursday, April 26 or Friday, April 27 and what time(s). I am interviewing some local applicants...
So i apparently i have an interview! i have not even submitted my resume yet! (she knows my boss...)
wow.
also significantly: i held a child in my arms tonight. Young John Samuel. i was so blessed tonight. deeply, richly blessed.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
procrastination
okay. i hung out with Cleo my Cat. i had my ice cream. i read my blogs. commented. now i have to work on my resume!
there is a job i would REALLY REALLY like that's application is due May 2nd. Prayers welcome... esp. as my job ends May 10th.
okay... no more blogs elizabeth, work on your resume!
there is a job i would REALLY REALLY like that's application is due May 2nd. Prayers welcome... esp. as my job ends May 10th.
okay... no more blogs elizabeth, work on your resume!
Sunday, April 15, 2007
thought
this (i think i read it in CS Lewis' work) has been in my mind this week, hard as it is for me to do:
possess my soul in patience.
once again, a life time project, this.
possess my soul in patience.
once again, a life time project, this.
Friday, April 13, 2007
all i can say is
that I am striving to be and am thankful. thankful that I tried to learn the French word for Kleenex today - mouchoirs (I forget how to pronounce it already!) - I said it to everyone at work, holding my Kleenex box - I literally went through oh, a box within 3 hours or so. when I do anything, I like to do it well! :)
I am surprisingly happy - happy that my parents are alive (not that they were in danger) - happy that Cleo my Cat is running around - happy that I know how to have a cold in style as it were (think mint tea, nutrigrain bars, the best Kleenex can offer me, no-name VICKS). its great! I even got an Agatha Christie book I may not have read before from the library... and new socks. (handy, having stores on my walk home).
I talked for a good while with my friend Asheya out West and heard her son in the background - a beautiful 15 month old boy!
and I head Pascha songs via ancient faith radio at work.
I am very grateful for a good day, even though, as Madeleine L 'Engle wrote in one of her books, my cold "flourishes".
I am grateful for the time to be quiet and to have to deliberately have to rest. God is good and I so undeserving but yet seeing His mercy.
I am surprisingly happy - happy that my parents are alive (not that they were in danger) - happy that Cleo my Cat is running around - happy that I know how to have a cold in style as it were (think mint tea, nutrigrain bars, the best Kleenex can offer me, no-name VICKS). its great! I even got an Agatha Christie book I may not have read before from the library... and new socks. (handy, having stores on my walk home).
I talked for a good while with my friend Asheya out West and heard her son in the background - a beautiful 15 month old boy!
and I head Pascha songs via ancient faith radio at work.
I am very grateful for a good day, even though, as Madeleine L 'Engle wrote in one of her books, my cold "flourishes".
I am grateful for the time to be quiet and to have to deliberately have to rest. God is good and I so undeserving but yet seeing His mercy.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Staying In
Today I decided to stay home and rest. I have no sick days at my work, so it was not a light decision – as I will lose money and only have till May 10 of work at this point. And yesterday I went to work – nose dripping and other head cold things – I was so tired it was hard to concentrate. So today I decided, in the early morning hours, to stay home. I called in sick and went back to bed. Years ago Cheryl told me how taking a nap can be an act of faith, when in school and overburdened with work. I guess I view this day like this as well.
So I am being quiet, drinking juice (almost out of it though), tea (I have tons of tea) and cold and flu drink (have to take some yet today). The cold is in my ears now but I am thankful for a day to rest.
I love my apartment, I love seeing the wet snow falling outside my window and having Cleo my cat near by. (We’ll just ignore the fact that there should not be wet snow in mid-April!).
I also love that I have many of my favourite books with me, and that things are momentarily okay. Life has lots of challenges, and is full of grief, but God’s love keeps pouring down, slowly breaking into my awareness; this gives me hope.
So I am being quiet, drinking juice (almost out of it though), tea (I have tons of tea) and cold and flu drink (have to take some yet today). The cold is in my ears now but I am thankful for a day to rest.
I love my apartment, I love seeing the wet snow falling outside my window and having Cleo my cat near by. (We’ll just ignore the fact that there should not be wet snow in mid-April!).
I also love that I have many of my favourite books with me, and that things are momentarily okay. Life has lots of challenges, and is full of grief, but God’s love keeps pouring down, slowly breaking into my awareness; this gives me hope.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
After Pascha Cold Is Nothing...
The cold hit me last night; used a box of Kleenex already. But I am trying to take it in good humour – too bad my Cat Cleo will not help out around the house while I drink tea and read books (the sure cure). : )
One of my friends who I do not know well, but met at my London Orthodox Church, emailed me the other day to tell me that her father had died unexpectedly. Please pray for her, her family and father.
And so I am grateful for all I have – head cold – big deal! That I can call home and talking my parents – what a gift.
Hope everyone is recovering peacefully from Pascha.
One of my friends who I do not know well, but met at my London Orthodox Church, emailed me the other day to tell me that her father had died unexpectedly. Please pray for her, her family and father.
And so I am grateful for all I have – head cold – big deal! That I can call home and talking my parents – what a gift.
Hope everyone is recovering peacefully from Pascha.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Lent's End
Brings me back to the beginning...
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner,
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner,
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy...
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner,
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner,
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy...
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Save Rosia Montana – Now!
found this through one of Mama Monk's blog links (http://mamamonk.blogspot.com/).
All I know of the Romanian people and their saints I love - I cannot imagine (okay sadly I can a bit) that some Canadians want to destroy this area -- Lord have mercy on us...
from http://www.rosiamontana.ro/index_en.shtml :
What’s behind Gabriel Resources Rosia Montana mine proposal? The large scale open cast cyanide gold mine proposal at Rosia Montana is about preparing the grounds for an ecologic time bomb. Its preparation entails the destruction of: 5 Mountains, a unique cultural patrimony, 10 Churches, 12 Cemeteries and 958 farms. Locals refusing to make to the mining project are threatened with expropriation. Click here to learn more.
All I know of the Romanian people and their saints I love - I cannot imagine (okay sadly I can a bit) that some Canadians want to destroy this area -- Lord have mercy on us...
from http://www.rosiamontana.ro/index_en.shtml :
What’s behind Gabriel Resources Rosia Montana mine proposal? The large scale open cast cyanide gold mine proposal at Rosia Montana is about preparing the grounds for an ecologic time bomb. Its preparation entails the destruction of: 5 Mountains, a unique cultural patrimony, 10 Churches, 12 Cemeteries and 958 farms. Locals refusing to make to the mining project are threatened with expropriation. Click here to learn more.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Oh
So it is the end of the fiscal year at work next week; my boss walks quickly past my office door and back again (oddly enough I have an office, rare for my level of librarianship actually). Our monthly meeting was postponed a week; our acquisitions people have been pulling their hair out. Yet do I realize why I have been feeling so STIR CRAZY for all of February and March, to various degrees of intensity?
Nope. It takes talking with the Head of Reference, who has a lot more experience and insight than I, to say the pressure around here has been intense to a ridiculous degree. Then I realized, and she affirmed, that I was absorbing the atmosphere into myself, and it was making me feel like a mouse in a wheel, running everywhere and getting no where (and thus running all the more frantically).
Now I understand. What to do about it I am not sure, but I am feeling a bit better just realizing. I am always disappointed that I miss obvious things like this. Oh well. good thing God loves me anyway.
Here I thought it was just living in a city (just read E post on missing living in the country).
God have mercy on us all!
Nope. It takes talking with the Head of Reference, who has a lot more experience and insight than I, to say the pressure around here has been intense to a ridiculous degree. Then I realized, and she affirmed, that I was absorbing the atmosphere into myself, and it was making me feel like a mouse in a wheel, running everywhere and getting no where (and thus running all the more frantically).
Now I understand. What to do about it I am not sure, but I am feeling a bit better just realizing. I am always disappointed that I miss obvious things like this. Oh well. good thing God loves me anyway.
Here I thought it was just living in a city (just read E post on missing living in the country).
God have mercy on us all!
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Oh hi, is that myself I see in the mirror?
One of my good, treasured literature, art, and word loving friends tamie added me to her blog and I have gone to friends blogs through her blog… it is incredible how technology brings people in full circles; back but not back; and then I think of my blog, here, and well am sometimes not sure if I should groan, blush or just shyly say “hi” that is me here in this blog, though I often feel it is a very little sliver of me, but what is to be expected…
And perhaps the me always changes; currently me in the mirror means I am probably talking to my cat to be precise; I have this tall thin IKEA mirror and usually if I look in it I am either looking around the corner at my cat or am holding her and saying “look at my glory cat” because her eyes have two shades of blue, if the lighting is right, so that it is a darker and then lighter blue as you go in toward the iris. My church (this really does correspond, really) has more than life-size panel of the Resurrection of Christ and the darker to lighter blue is radiating from Christ, who is a blaze of white as He rescues Adam and Eve in Hades; blue-showing His glory. So Cleo reminds me of this every time I look at her, my glory cat.
What do you see in your mirror?
And perhaps the me always changes; currently me in the mirror means I am probably talking to my cat to be precise; I have this tall thin IKEA mirror and usually if I look in it I am either looking around the corner at my cat or am holding her and saying “look at my glory cat” because her eyes have two shades of blue, if the lighting is right, so that it is a darker and then lighter blue as you go in toward the iris. My church (this really does correspond, really) has more than life-size panel of the Resurrection of Christ and the darker to lighter blue is radiating from Christ, who is a blaze of white as He rescues Adam and Eve in Hades; blue-showing His glory. So Cleo reminds me of this every time I look at her, my glory cat.
What do you see in your mirror?
Monday, March 19, 2007
Thanks Victoria
 | My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Milady the Right Reverend Elizabeth the Ovine of Yockenthwait Walden Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title |
Pet Food Recall
Be sure to check what your Dog or Cat is eating - huge recall underway. I am thankful that my Cat Cleo should be fine, as the dry Iams Cat food was not tainted - http://us.iams.com/iams/en_US/jsp/IAMS_Page.jsp?pageID=PCA&articleID=300003
See this list for brands, from the Menu Website:
Recalled Cat Product Information
Recall Information 1-866-895-2708
Americas Choice, Preferred Pets
Authority
Best Choice
Companion
Compliments
Demoulas Market Basket
Eukanuba
Fine Feline Cat
Food Lion
Foodtown
Giant Companion
Hannaford
Hill Country Fare
Hy-Vee
Iams
Laura Lynn
Li'l Red
Loving Meals
Meijer's Main Choice
Nutriplan
Nutro Max Gourmet Classics
Nutro Natural Choice
Paws
Pet Pride
Presidents Choice
Price Chopper
Priority
Save-A-Lot
Schnucks
Science Diet Feline Savory Cuts Cans
Sophistacat
Special Kitty Canada
Special Kitty US
Springfield Prize
Sprout
Total Pet
Wegmans
Western Family
White Rose
Winn Dixie
list is from:
http://www.menufoods.com/recall/product_cat.html
See this list for brands, from the Menu Website:
Recalled Cat Product Information
Recall Information 1-866-895-2708
Americas Choice, Preferred Pets
Authority
Best Choice
Companion
Compliments
Demoulas Market Basket
Eukanuba
Fine Feline Cat
Food Lion
Foodtown
Giant Companion
Hannaford
Hill Country Fare
Hy-Vee
Iams
Laura Lynn
Li'l Red
Loving Meals
Meijer's Main Choice
Nutriplan
Nutro Max Gourmet Classics
Nutro Natural Choice
Paws
Pet Pride
Presidents Choice
Price Chopper
Priority
Save-A-Lot
Schnucks
Science Diet Feline Savory Cuts Cans
Sophistacat
Special Kitty Canada
Special Kitty US
Springfield Prize
Sprout
Total Pet
Wegmans
Western Family
White Rose
Winn Dixie
list is from:
http://www.menufoods.com/recall/product_cat.html
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Quick Amazement
So I was walking home from the grocery store last night and a woman ran up to me, asking if I could talk to her for a minute. She asked if my name was Elizabeth and then introduced herself. She is one of my best friends from 10 years ago. I was astounded. We knew each other when we were in the beginning of university and were both in the States. Now we live 2 blocks from each other.
God is so merciful to me, and how much I need His mercy.
God is so merciful to me, and how much I need His mercy.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
What Life is Really About
The quote below is from the P. Lavra in Kiev. It is a good reminder about what our life is really to be about:
But building and restoration of churches does not mean only construction of churches and cathedrals, it means building temples of the Living God in human souls of those who come to our worldly churches searching for God, healing and salvation.
http://www.lavra.kiev.ua/en/main.php?id=90
But building and restoration of churches does not mean only construction of churches and cathedrals, it means building temples of the Living God in human souls of those who come to our worldly churches searching for God, healing and salvation.
http://www.lavra.kiev.ua/en/main.php?id=90
Friday, March 09, 2007
God’s Faithfulness
I thought today that I would write either one post or perhaps a series of posts reflecting on God’s love, grace and faithfulness that He has lavished my life with, His mercy following me all of my days.
The time that I am currently thinking of was the summer in-between my first and second time (known time that is, I was at St. Herman’s a few years before but my friend thought it was Catholic and I did too) at St. Herman’s. (St. Herman’s being my first Orthodox church).
I had just graduated from university, had figured out that I wanted to stay in BC Canada and was in the process of getting duel citizenship (US and Canada). Most of my friends had left for the summer and I no longer had a ride to the Anglican mission I had been attending. I had no idea how hard it would be to find a job after graduation and my parents helped me buy groceries from afar-paying for my VISA bills which I used for groceries. I had just been getting to know my friend KT better, my beloved friend churchmouse was getting married at the end of the summer. I became received my Canadian citizenship on June 13 that summer, if I remember correctly. I did not have anyone to celebrate this with who I knew well, and so it was a lonely time. But my one of my librarian friends from my university gave me a gift for this event and she and I are still in contact through email and pray often for each other. She is also the one who told me about the MLIS (library school) program that I got my degree from.
I was working on learning how to do resumes, interviews, and cover letters at a community centre and my landlords, who are Christians, were patient with me and encouraging. I met my friend Melody that summer. Though there were few friends and I have a lot of evenings and days alone, not even going to church much, as I did not have a ride, the friends I did have and meet that summer are still my friends today.
I must especially remember this: when I was in the midst of job searching and running out of money (I was doing ESL tutoring that summer through the writing centre, which is where I first met Biss) and did not know how I was going to pay rent for the coming month. During this time, I got a phone call from Student Ministries at my Christian University saying they had something for me to pick up. It was an envelope and it had either 200.00 or 250.00 dollars in it! It was the exact amount I needed to pay that coming months rent.
I must remember all of these above said events and thank and praise God for His faithfulness and remember to trust Him with my future.
The time that I am currently thinking of was the summer in-between my first and second time (known time that is, I was at St. Herman’s a few years before but my friend thought it was Catholic and I did too) at St. Herman’s. (St. Herman’s being my first Orthodox church).
I had just graduated from university, had figured out that I wanted to stay in BC Canada and was in the process of getting duel citizenship (US and Canada). Most of my friends had left for the summer and I no longer had a ride to the Anglican mission I had been attending. I had no idea how hard it would be to find a job after graduation and my parents helped me buy groceries from afar-paying for my VISA bills which I used for groceries. I had just been getting to know my friend KT better, my beloved friend churchmouse was getting married at the end of the summer. I became received my Canadian citizenship on June 13 that summer, if I remember correctly. I did not have anyone to celebrate this with who I knew well, and so it was a lonely time. But my one of my librarian friends from my university gave me a gift for this event and she and I are still in contact through email and pray often for each other. She is also the one who told me about the MLIS (library school) program that I got my degree from.
I was working on learning how to do resumes, interviews, and cover letters at a community centre and my landlords, who are Christians, were patient with me and encouraging. I met my friend Melody that summer. Though there were few friends and I have a lot of evenings and days alone, not even going to church much, as I did not have a ride, the friends I did have and meet that summer are still my friends today.
I must especially remember this: when I was in the midst of job searching and running out of money (I was doing ESL tutoring that summer through the writing centre, which is where I first met Biss) and did not know how I was going to pay rent for the coming month. During this time, I got a phone call from Student Ministries at my Christian University saying they had something for me to pick up. It was an envelope and it had either 200.00 or 250.00 dollars in it! It was the exact amount I needed to pay that coming months rent.
I must remember all of these above said events and thank and praise God for His faithfulness and remember to trust Him with my future.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Enjoying small (yet not small) things
I know that the times when one is happy with one’s lot – esp. for me – I tend to be a bit like Eeyore (of Winnie the Pooh world) are momentary. So I am enjoying that fact that I walked to church this weekend, had two meals (because of lent) with my church family and watched thick snow swirl down from my window on Saturday, with my Cat Cleo on my lap. And various people at my various churches are all having babies. An all around happy weekend, just waiting now for Churchmouse’s baby to emerge…
Saturday, March 03, 2007
CS Lewis – Letters (and my reflections, memories)
“It is right and inevitable that we should be much concerned about the salvation of those we love. But we must be careful not to expect or demand that their salvation should conform to some ready-made pattern of our own. Some Protestant sects have gone very wrong about this. They have a whole programme of conversion etc. marked out, the same for everyone, and will not believe that anyone can be saved who doesn’t go through it “just so.” But (see my last chapter in Problem of Pain) God has His own way with each soul. There is no evidence that St. John underwent the same kind of “conversion” as St. Paul.” Page 446, Letter to “Mrs Ashton” 2 February 1955 CS Lewis
“Well, let’s go on disagreeing but don’t let us judge. What doesn’t suit us may suit possible converts of a different type.
My model here is the behaviour of the congregation at a “Russian Orthodox” service, where some sit, some lie on their faces, some stand, some kneel, some walk about and no one takes the slightest notice of what anyone else is doing. That is good sense, good manners, and good Christianity. “Mind one’s own business” is a good rule in religion as in other things…” page 454, Letter to “Mrs. Ashton” 13 March 1955 CS Lewis
These quotations were like the honey I returned to this week, nourishing me. Of course, about the latter quotation, as I am Orthodox I know that unfortunately we are not always that good in church. Converts and cradles (those who grew up in the Orthodox church) are different and I find, as a convert, that there are expectations by those who are ethnically Orthodox that are cultural. When I started wearing (it took me a good while to feel comfortable in my own skin at my current church, which is my home, is becoming my blood and that is one of the largest centres of my life) my head covering (one is from k. francis; she gave me one of the greatest treasures of my life; the other is from my friend Amy and it is white, a chrismation gift) a lovely older member of the parish asked me who had died. I had not idea that in some places one wears this to symbolize/show grief. A small example; yet it is very freeing to be in a church where one is not judged by what they wear (head covering is fully a personal choice, which I also firmly believe in—I would NEVER expect it of another) and is loved.
I often, it seems, forget that I am loved, or rather that I am loveable. My church is good for me that way-they love but without overwhelming or seeking to make someone to be identical to themselves.
I think it can be a danger of any person, include those of us who are orthodox, to make expectations of another. The great thing though is that everyone is different. Even those who convert to the Orthodox Church – their reasons for coming to the church and for converting are unique. We were laughing at my “reason” for first coming to St. Herman’s. Why did I go those first two times? Simple! I did not have a ride to my church. Yep. No inward searching, no looking for something better (though I should have been looking, but I did not know there was anything to find), no discovering Orthodoxy first through literature. God even kept it from me that some of my closest friends were looking into the Orthodox Church. So there I was-I came in Lent and was overwhelmed but curious-the liturgy made a big impact on me. And then I came again on Labour Day and watched and read the first page of courage to pray. I was at a Labour Day gathering at Kurt and Victoria’s – I came with Phil and Shannon—and I read that first page on their couch and realized, right then and there that I had found the book I was looking for all my life.
And so it began. By October 4 of that year I was telling my cousin Bryan all about it as I was in Michigan for my wonderful beautiful most loved sister’s wedding. And I was made a catechumen late that following February and was chrismated, at my Antiochian church in Michigan in early August, almost a year since that Labour Day weekend. (I have moved a lot as I was a student and have belonged to 4 churches).
It was three years ago last Friday that I became a catechumen at St. Herman’s! It was one of the happiest days of my life – I remember Seraphim noting how big my smile was and I remember RW telling me how I appeared, rushing in the doors because I was late for becoming a catechumen, as there was miscommunication with my ride!
Glory to God!
“Well, let’s go on disagreeing but don’t let us judge. What doesn’t suit us may suit possible converts of a different type.
My model here is the behaviour of the congregation at a “Russian Orthodox” service, where some sit, some lie on their faces, some stand, some kneel, some walk about and no one takes the slightest notice of what anyone else is doing. That is good sense, good manners, and good Christianity. “Mind one’s own business” is a good rule in religion as in other things…” page 454, Letter to “Mrs. Ashton” 13 March 1955 CS Lewis
These quotations were like the honey I returned to this week, nourishing me. Of course, about the latter quotation, as I am Orthodox I know that unfortunately we are not always that good in church. Converts and cradles (those who grew up in the Orthodox church) are different and I find, as a convert, that there are expectations by those who are ethnically Orthodox that are cultural. When I started wearing (it took me a good while to feel comfortable in my own skin at my current church, which is my home, is becoming my blood and that is one of the largest centres of my life) my head covering (one is from k. francis; she gave me one of the greatest treasures of my life; the other is from my friend Amy and it is white, a chrismation gift) a lovely older member of the parish asked me who had died. I had not idea that in some places one wears this to symbolize/show grief. A small example; yet it is very freeing to be in a church where one is not judged by what they wear (head covering is fully a personal choice, which I also firmly believe in—I would NEVER expect it of another) and is loved.
I often, it seems, forget that I am loved, or rather that I am loveable. My church is good for me that way-they love but without overwhelming or seeking to make someone to be identical to themselves.
I think it can be a danger of any person, include those of us who are orthodox, to make expectations of another. The great thing though is that everyone is different. Even those who convert to the Orthodox Church – their reasons for coming to the church and for converting are unique. We were laughing at my “reason” for first coming to St. Herman’s. Why did I go those first two times? Simple! I did not have a ride to my church. Yep. No inward searching, no looking for something better (though I should have been looking, but I did not know there was anything to find), no discovering Orthodoxy first through literature. God even kept it from me that some of my closest friends were looking into the Orthodox Church. So there I was-I came in Lent and was overwhelmed but curious-the liturgy made a big impact on me. And then I came again on Labour Day and watched and read the first page of courage to pray. I was at a Labour Day gathering at Kurt and Victoria’s – I came with Phil and Shannon—and I read that first page on their couch and realized, right then and there that I had found the book I was looking for all my life.
And so it began. By October 4 of that year I was telling my cousin Bryan all about it as I was in Michigan for my wonderful beautiful most loved sister’s wedding. And I was made a catechumen late that following February and was chrismated, at my Antiochian church in Michigan in early August, almost a year since that Labour Day weekend. (I have moved a lot as I was a student and have belonged to 4 churches).
It was three years ago last Friday that I became a catechumen at St. Herman’s! It was one of the happiest days of my life – I remember Seraphim noting how big my smile was and I remember RW telling me how I appeared, rushing in the doors because I was late for becoming a catechumen, as there was miscommunication with my ride!
Glory to God!
Friday, March 02, 2007
New thoughts but not much time to write on them
I had this conversation with a colleague the other day. I had noticed her as someone who is very much herself and comfortable with this. She talked all about the importance of being oneself and that it is a waste of time and effort to being anything but yourself.
Very simple, and I think that we have all heard it before. But you know I found myself really thinking about it afterwards. Even wrote down the details of the conversation in my paper journal… I am also growing in my awareness that I am not always that self-aware and, moreover, do not know how I appear to others.
This colleague said I am quite different – unique – she was about to try to describe me, but stopped!!! I actually was disappointed; I hope I was disappointed not due to vanity but because I have no idea of how I am in the world. Like I live with myself ALL THE TIME (it does get annoying at times, let me tell you) so I am not that aware of how I appear to others. Okay so I know I do something eccentrically, like eat my lunches with a real plate and cutlery, but I heard that plastic can seep through and infect food, and who wants that?! Besides, I like to feel civilized a little bit; I also take a suitcase with me a lot!!! So it’s a bit easier than bearing it all on my back. What can I say, other than that I inwardly cheer when I see another woman walking to work dragging a small suitcase too : )
The only other thing can think of right now is that I don’t listen to much music, other than ancient faith radio and at home the news in French (I am trying to learn it, sigh.) well and I do not have a TV and have not seen a movie in a theatre since well, since the Twin Towers came out – so a few years. And I don’t drink anything caffeinated, and have never had coffee. Basically perhaps I don’t quite live in the era I am living in, perhaps. But WHY do something like that!!
On other news – read prince Caspian again last night and started on the horse and his boy. I had to tear myself away from it this morning. And all to walk to work in the midst of what was 40 Km gusts of wind and ice pellets. My friend at work said I would be like a feather in the wind! (I am not the thin-ish side). She said it in French though, so I need to learn this expression too…
Very simple, and I think that we have all heard it before. But you know I found myself really thinking about it afterwards. Even wrote down the details of the conversation in my paper journal… I am also growing in my awareness that I am not always that self-aware and, moreover, do not know how I appear to others.
This colleague said I am quite different – unique – she was about to try to describe me, but stopped!!! I actually was disappointed; I hope I was disappointed not due to vanity but because I have no idea of how I am in the world. Like I live with myself ALL THE TIME (it does get annoying at times, let me tell you) so I am not that aware of how I appear to others. Okay so I know I do something eccentrically, like eat my lunches with a real plate and cutlery, but I heard that plastic can seep through and infect food, and who wants that?! Besides, I like to feel civilized a little bit; I also take a suitcase with me a lot!!! So it’s a bit easier than bearing it all on my back. What can I say, other than that I inwardly cheer when I see another woman walking to work dragging a small suitcase too : )
The only other thing can think of right now is that I don’t listen to much music, other than ancient faith radio and at home the news in French (I am trying to learn it, sigh.) well and I do not have a TV and have not seen a movie in a theatre since well, since the Twin Towers came out – so a few years. And I don’t drink anything caffeinated, and have never had coffee. Basically perhaps I don’t quite live in the era I am living in, perhaps. But WHY do something like that!!
On other news – read prince Caspian again last night and started on the horse and his boy. I had to tear myself away from it this morning. And all to walk to work in the midst of what was 40 Km gusts of wind and ice pellets. My friend at work said I would be like a feather in the wind! (I am not the thin-ish side). She said it in French though, so I need to learn this expression too…
vishing-beware of it!
i had not heard of this as of yet. so i am letting others know so we can all avoid it. appears to be a new way scam artists are doing fraud. using VOIP they appear on caller ID to be a legit business and then ask for personal information that they use for their own benefit. high tech swindlers. go here for more info:
http://www.gazette.rcmp-grc.gc.ca/article-en.html?category_id=55&article_id=317
http://www.gazette.rcmp-grc.gc.ca/article-en.html?category_id=55&article_id=317
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
AHHHH
did you ever feel like if u ever do one more serious or intense thing you will explode?
well that is me currently; so today i took a different route home from work (i walk daily) and tonight i am going out DV w. a friend for a walk and maybe a tea...
and this weekend i hope to go DV thrift store shopping (w. church before this and after it!) on Sat.
well, i better go make dinner and then study French. i am trying to learn French as an adult and, since i grew up in the States, i am starting from point zero. i"d say i am at 0.5 now!
i did not sleep well last night so i think i was up by 4 am or so - crazy. but i prayed and lit candles and this was wonderful...
Glory to God in all things. i am truly greatly blessed...
well that is me currently; so today i took a different route home from work (i walk daily) and tonight i am going out DV w. a friend for a walk and maybe a tea...
and this weekend i hope to go DV thrift store shopping (w. church before this and after it!) on Sat.
well, i better go make dinner and then study French. i am trying to learn French as an adult and, since i grew up in the States, i am starting from point zero. i"d say i am at 0.5 now!
i did not sleep well last night so i think i was up by 4 am or so - crazy. but i prayed and lit candles and this was wonderful...
Glory to God in all things. i am truly greatly blessed...
Friday, February 23, 2007
Stacy Asked
Okay. Why is this book with me so much right now and how is it impacting me?
This book, for those who do not know, is a series of letters CS Lewis wrote to an American Lady from (I do not have the book with me) the 1950s till 1963, when he fell asleep in the Lord.
CS Lewis was a committed Christian by then and often gives this woman encouragement, prays for her daily and shares of his current life and spiritual advice as well. I am struck again and again by his patience and love for this woman, and that it was a special friendship, though I sense that he had many friendships. His wife Joy wrote one of the letters to her, when he was esp. busy and this letter is very warm and powerful. Joy had already almost died from cancer and writes identifying with the woman’s suffering and not at all considering hers more than or above her own.
I see a lot of patience, humility and Christian charity in these letters.
When I was young, and CS Lewis was my Dad’s favourite author, I knew he was a professor, and I did not know he had died in ’63 so I thought when I grew up I would have him as my professor; I imagined him to be like the professor uncle in Narnia.
I guess now I would say that not only did he teach me how to think when I was young – I waded through his book Mere Christianity when I was in middle school – but now he is teaching me how to live.
His advice on being meek and patient with oneself, on enduring suffering by taking it literally one day at a time, looking to God in the present hour, has impacted me as he was writing this advice in the midst of personal suffering.
He often writes of Confession and of prayer – and gives a picture of growing old that gives one hope, in the midst of it all.
And it is a series of letters (I am not at the end, rather read this morning over breakfast of his wife’s death; I almost started crying; it was a short 5 line letter, but the ramifications behind it were strong and I could feel it) is honest and not at all pretending that life as a Christian excludes suffering. Instead he writes of how Joy, dying, was stronger than he, and was supporting himself as well, and in some letters reminds this woman that the nightmare (current life) will soon be over…
I feel that in reading this short book I have entered into his life and understand things much more – even that when a wife dies the husband may not only feel her loss but the loss of her support – a double loss at it were. I had never thought of that angle before.
As I was reading, I kept thinking, I need to read this again, when I am older and suffering more than I am now. I do not live (or try not to) in the illusion that youth and good health, or even relative good health, will always be with me, or that life will get easier, though I do keep hoping.
In the end, I feel like I am being given also spiritual counsel that corresponds with my present life in ways that startled and challenged me.
If only I remember this gift and how unworthy I am to receive it…
This book, for those who do not know, is a series of letters CS Lewis wrote to an American Lady from (I do not have the book with me) the 1950s till 1963, when he fell asleep in the Lord.
CS Lewis was a committed Christian by then and often gives this woman encouragement, prays for her daily and shares of his current life and spiritual advice as well. I am struck again and again by his patience and love for this woman, and that it was a special friendship, though I sense that he had many friendships. His wife Joy wrote one of the letters to her, when he was esp. busy and this letter is very warm and powerful. Joy had already almost died from cancer and writes identifying with the woman’s suffering and not at all considering hers more than or above her own.
I see a lot of patience, humility and Christian charity in these letters.
When I was young, and CS Lewis was my Dad’s favourite author, I knew he was a professor, and I did not know he had died in ’63 so I thought when I grew up I would have him as my professor; I imagined him to be like the professor uncle in Narnia.
I guess now I would say that not only did he teach me how to think when I was young – I waded through his book Mere Christianity when I was in middle school – but now he is teaching me how to live.
His advice on being meek and patient with oneself, on enduring suffering by taking it literally one day at a time, looking to God in the present hour, has impacted me as he was writing this advice in the midst of personal suffering.
He often writes of Confession and of prayer – and gives a picture of growing old that gives one hope, in the midst of it all.
And it is a series of letters (I am not at the end, rather read this morning over breakfast of his wife’s death; I almost started crying; it was a short 5 line letter, but the ramifications behind it were strong and I could feel it) is honest and not at all pretending that life as a Christian excludes suffering. Instead he writes of how Joy, dying, was stronger than he, and was supporting himself as well, and in some letters reminds this woman that the nightmare (current life) will soon be over…
I feel that in reading this short book I have entered into his life and understand things much more – even that when a wife dies the husband may not only feel her loss but the loss of her support – a double loss at it were. I had never thought of that angle before.
As I was reading, I kept thinking, I need to read this again, when I am older and suffering more than I am now. I do not live (or try not to) in the illusion that youth and good health, or even relative good health, will always be with me, or that life will get easier, though I do keep hoping.
In the end, I feel like I am being given also spiritual counsel that corresponds with my present life in ways that startled and challenged me.
If only I remember this gift and how unworthy I am to receive it…
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
single awareness day
no one where i work (in Canada) had heard this phrase. maybe it is American?!?
culturally i do not know if i will ever figure life out - i m a dutch-american-canadian orthodox christian. what that means, well. At least God knows.
i am procrastinating on both dinner and writing out a job app. for which i am missing vespers at my very good friends' church, so i better get cracking...
happy St. V. day to all... :) better than using the short version SAD :)
culturally i do not know if i will ever figure life out - i m a dutch-american-canadian orthodox christian. what that means, well. At least God knows.
i am procrastinating on both dinner and writing out a job app. for which i am missing vespers at my very good friends' church, so i better get cracking...
happy St. V. day to all... :) better than using the short version SAD :)
Monday, February 12, 2007
My friends, they are smarter than I!
One of my friends made a very appropriate comment, when we were talking on the phone. We are both converts to Orthodoxy and she reminded me that we are in a way in two things. We are not new to Christianity, both of us being Christians all of our lives; but we are new to Orthodoxy. This was a good reminder for me. Yes, I am such a baby when it comes to Orthodoxy, and the more I go into it, gloriously, the more I realize I do not know. Yet I have walked (or stumbled at least) with God for as long as I can remember; and it is in God’s great compassion and mercy that He has brought me to a church and provided me with a spiritual father who can guide me as I learn to walk, yet already walking.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Better, I think
My cat Cleo is looking at my laptop; I am sitting in my kitchen on my old ‘70s gold armchair, listening to French radio while I cook my dinner. I love moments like this.
I am rereading Agatha Christie’s murder on the orient express. Of course I remember it already, but still enjoy reading it; I find her books comforting and relaxing.
I am librarian and though libraries are generally quiet, we sure do a lot of work in them! My workdays go fast and are full of various things; I enjoy it, but it is good to be home too…
Lent is going to make my weeks quite full; I will only have 2 or so nights at home per week; of course this is my choice and I make it freely. It makes nights at home very savoured; and with lots of phone calls at times too… I like to keep up with my friends who are scattered over North America…
For now, I am off to attend to my dinner, which is cooking on the stove.
I am rereading Agatha Christie’s murder on the orient express. Of course I remember it already, but still enjoy reading it; I find her books comforting and relaxing.
I am librarian and though libraries are generally quiet, we sure do a lot of work in them! My workdays go fast and are full of various things; I enjoy it, but it is good to be home too…
Lent is going to make my weeks quite full; I will only have 2 or so nights at home per week; of course this is my choice and I make it freely. It makes nights at home very savoured; and with lots of phone calls at times too… I like to keep up with my friends who are scattered over North America…
For now, I am off to attend to my dinner, which is cooking on the stove.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
So.
Did you ever have times when all of a sudden you are either restless or in someway at a saturation point?
This is how I have felt in the last day or so; like I have been walking and walking on a long arduous road and now…
I want to go drive my car that was sold years ago in Michigan on the summer country roads at 65 mph listening to the radio… on the back roads of Caledonia and the rest of Kent county.
Knowing me, it will take a long time (potentially) to figure out WHAT this means.
You know, I do not think this is what I am supposed to feel right before Lent. When I am supposed to go even harder, as it were.
It seems that as usual things are a bit jumbled for me; sometimes I think I have lived my life in upside down decades, old when I was to be young, and young now that I am well… getting older, what ever that means…
If I remember right, in medieval times, 32 was the age of maturity, of becoming an adult. I have under 2 years now.
I have been praying that I will know what it means to be an adult, to be come innocent as a dove, but wise as a snake.
Juxtapose this with the necessity for humility, and wisdom takes on many new levels…
I hope I am at least learning something, since I am learning that I have never really known who I am on many levels; it is surprising to realize that I have to figure this out yet.
Well… back to the internal challenging process of life and pursuing salvation… (and here I wanted to drive a car!)
This is how I have felt in the last day or so; like I have been walking and walking on a long arduous road and now…
I want to go drive my car that was sold years ago in Michigan on the summer country roads at 65 mph listening to the radio… on the back roads of Caledonia and the rest of Kent county.
Knowing me, it will take a long time (potentially) to figure out WHAT this means.
You know, I do not think this is what I am supposed to feel right before Lent. When I am supposed to go even harder, as it were.
It seems that as usual things are a bit jumbled for me; sometimes I think I have lived my life in upside down decades, old when I was to be young, and young now that I am well… getting older, what ever that means…
If I remember right, in medieval times, 32 was the age of maturity, of becoming an adult. I have under 2 years now.
I have been praying that I will know what it means to be an adult, to be come innocent as a dove, but wise as a snake.
Juxtapose this with the necessity for humility, and wisdom takes on many new levels…
I hope I am at least learning something, since I am learning that I have never really known who I am on many levels; it is surprising to realize that I have to figure this out yet.
Well… back to the internal challenging process of life and pursuing salvation… (and here I wanted to drive a car!)
Monday, January 29, 2007
over
i have been able to change to the new blogger system now.
God has been merciful and my contract has been extended until May 10. Now i need to keep trusting Him that i will have employment after this.
today i have a day off, a break in between service. i am thankful.
God has been merciful and my contract has been extended until May 10. Now i need to keep trusting Him that i will have employment after this.
today i have a day off, a break in between service. i am thankful.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Various
I am sitting in quiet in my house, with candles.
This computer is warm on my lap; it is cold outside.
I was hoping to switch over the new blogger, and the option (I had seen it before) was not there at all.
I am grateful to be able to pray for those I love... or some of those I love...
Often, now, I am seeing things it seems, almost for the first time; even seeing glimpses of myself that I did not fully know where there; these things I think show me more of God, somehow...
That God alone can search the ground of one's heart.
Oh that I would learn to love Him more.
This computer is warm on my lap; it is cold outside.
I was hoping to switch over the new blogger, and the option (I had seen it before) was not there at all.
I am grateful to be able to pray for those I love... or some of those I love...
Often, now, I am seeing things it seems, almost for the first time; even seeing glimpses of myself that I did not fully know where there; these things I think show me more of God, somehow...
That God alone can search the ground of one's heart.
Oh that I would learn to love Him more.
Friday, January 19, 2007
loving beyond or after the death of one you love
To love someone is to wish them to live forever; Madeleine L’ Engle quoted someone who said something similar; but more startlingly beautiful; I think it may have even been someone like one of the Orthodox saints who said this…
It is so hard to let those you love go; I do not know what I would do if I did not have the church and being able to pray for those who have died. My friends who are protestant, bless them, say things like ‘well we know that person does not need prayer anymore’ or ‘glad to know they are in heaven now’; it seems so empty and sad. A shut door, an END instead of a continuation of life in God and to continue to pray for a person as they continue the completion of a life loving and seeking God.
I do like the concept of a persons life on earth being in the final completion at the point of death; that then it is all summed up, suddenly complete, finished; but not finished; nothing not being annihilation but something different; more than saying good bye to a decade of life; more like saying hello to a new life, yet a continued life.
Life after death—indescribable, not well known to us who are still on this side of death; yet real.
I think it is harder when someone you love dies and you did not know them to be sick, did not get to say goodbye; however temporary the goodbye.
It is so hard to let those you love go; I do not know what I would do if I did not have the church and being able to pray for those who have died. My friends who are protestant, bless them, say things like ‘well we know that person does not need prayer anymore’ or ‘glad to know they are in heaven now’; it seems so empty and sad. A shut door, an END instead of a continuation of life in God and to continue to pray for a person as they continue the completion of a life loving and seeking God.
I do like the concept of a persons life on earth being in the final completion at the point of death; that then it is all summed up, suddenly complete, finished; but not finished; nothing not being annihilation but something different; more than saying good bye to a decade of life; more like saying hello to a new life, yet a continued life.
Life after death—indescribable, not well known to us who are still on this side of death; yet real.
I think it is harder when someone you love dies and you did not know them to be sick, did not get to say goodbye; however temporary the goodbye.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
may God bless
All those who go before us, leaving us bereft of their presence, if only for a short time.
Monday, January 01, 2007
The latest lovely things
Another list. I read somewhere, probably in one of my recently read mystery books, that woman love list making… I for one do...
1. I got to be ALONE all day. Wow. I have been longing for this! A long weekend and I did not have boxes to unpack! The only people I talked to today were my parents, for a bit, on the phone.
2. Cleo my Cat. Still cute. Today she tried to open a cupboard door with her paw and she threw up in the bathtub. Well, that is a lot better than the carpet, so I did not mind too much. I am not the squeamish type when it comes to things like this.
3. My over a year long fast from most music is, apparently, over. I am listening to Eva Cassidy right now.
4. I read, for the first time, in ten years, Elizabeth Goudge’s The Scent of Water. This book transformed my life when I read it at 19 – the colours out my window were deeper, brighter after I read it. I have never been the same. She led me all the way to the Orthodox Church, even though she I believe was High Anglican her whole life. She understands the love of the Mother of God, and many other deep sweet things.
5. I have had tea out of my teacup I got when I was 20, living in Sweden. A small round cup and saucer, with pink, blue, yellow and green. I also used a clear glass cup and plate that my Mom picked up for me years ago. Mind you, I own many teacups – over 30 without exaggerating. I come from generations of dish-loving women and am happy to continue this tradition.
6. I have been living in candlelight a lot these past nights; there is nothing like it.
7. I have not felt this consciously happy in a long time. I love the days when all is quiet, within me and also externally. If I could learn how to keep this stillness in my daily life, I would of gained more than half the world.
1. I got to be ALONE all day. Wow. I have been longing for this! A long weekend and I did not have boxes to unpack! The only people I talked to today were my parents, for a bit, on the phone.
2. Cleo my Cat. Still cute. Today she tried to open a cupboard door with her paw and she threw up in the bathtub. Well, that is a lot better than the carpet, so I did not mind too much. I am not the squeamish type when it comes to things like this.
3. My over a year long fast from most music is, apparently, over. I am listening to Eva Cassidy right now.
4. I read, for the first time, in ten years, Elizabeth Goudge’s The Scent of Water. This book transformed my life when I read it at 19 – the colours out my window were deeper, brighter after I read it. I have never been the same. She led me all the way to the Orthodox Church, even though she I believe was High Anglican her whole life. She understands the love of the Mother of God, and many other deep sweet things.
5. I have had tea out of my teacup I got when I was 20, living in Sweden. A small round cup and saucer, with pink, blue, yellow and green. I also used a clear glass cup and plate that my Mom picked up for me years ago. Mind you, I own many teacups – over 30 without exaggerating. I come from generations of dish-loving women and am happy to continue this tradition.
6. I have been living in candlelight a lot these past nights; there is nothing like it.
7. I have not felt this consciously happy in a long time. I love the days when all is quiet, within me and also externally. If I could learn how to keep this stillness in my daily life, I would of gained more than half the world.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
A simple list on this quiet day
Here are the latest lovely things:
1. I turned 30. yesterday (!); had a wonderful day with friends in person and on the phone
2. Today I rested, put things in my house and made a list for groceries… more to do, but I feel lethargic…
3. My cat Cleo (just thought I would mention her)
4. I am so grateful that God exists; I need the hope He brings…
1. I turned 30. yesterday (!); had a wonderful day with friends in person and on the phone
2. Today I rested, put things in my house and made a list for groceries… more to do, but I feel lethargic…
3. My cat Cleo (just thought I would mention her)
4. I am so grateful that God exists; I need the hope He brings…
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Christmas.
Here’s the list:
1. My Oma turned 98 Christmas eve, I was there
2. My family really loves me; I was comforted
3. It was three years ago Christmas day that I vowed that unless God stopped me, I was going to become Orthodox
4. Three years later I was back in a protestant church for Christmas and could see why I vowed to become Orthodox
5. I love my family; I wish they could experience the Church as I do, but they have no idea or understanding of the difference
6. I came back feeling like my soul had run a marathon; I feel more rested now
7. God has blessed me so much, I must remember and always give thanks
1. My Oma turned 98 Christmas eve, I was there
2. My family really loves me; I was comforted
3. It was three years ago Christmas day that I vowed that unless God stopped me, I was going to become Orthodox
4. Three years later I was back in a protestant church for Christmas and could see why I vowed to become Orthodox
5. I love my family; I wish they could experience the Church as I do, but they have no idea or understanding of the difference
6. I came back feeling like my soul had run a marathon; I feel more rested now
7. God has blessed me so much, I must remember and always give thanks
Friday, December 22, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Young Samuel
The boy who I wrote of, and prayed for, along with many others, died last weekend. He is buried in the cemetery next to the elementary school I went to; the funeral home I have been too more than once; the church I grew up in is where is funeral was.
How bitter a sorrow this is; 3 siblings, parents; they lost their youngest son and brother.
Pray for them; he had only been sick a month and just a literal few days before his 6th birthday, God took him home… and pray for young Samuel; Memory Eternal.
How bitter a sorrow this is; 3 siblings, parents; they lost their youngest son and brother.
Pray for them; he had only been sick a month and just a literal few days before his 6th birthday, God took him home… and pray for young Samuel; Memory Eternal.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
thoughts written from/on my kitchen table
I wrote the comment below on Stacy’s blog (http://theloveofgodismadness.blogspot.com/) …
It is a challenge; sometimes I think that if one does not find their mate in school, or if they do not show up at church, it is really hard to find one at all… I seem to have three distinct groups of friends:
Christians who are single and are not dating (I only know of one friend who may be going into the dating stage)
Christians who are married
My non-Christian friends are more diverse, but in general they have someone they consider a partner or have just broken up with one… their lives are very different in this area, as their beliefs are quite different than the Christians I know and have as my friends…
Anyway, here’s the comment:
As I sit in the quiet of the morning, in my kitchen... I am not sure what to say, but I think there is some real validity to this.
sometimes life circumstances themselves lead to this catch-22... for me I have a MLIS (a master for librarians to be librarians) and am slowly building a professional career. a lot of my goals are happening: I have the apartment now, the cutest Cat Cleo, am living in the city I desired, going to the orthodox church that is my home, ...
and I know, at least at church, according to my friends there, I appear home-like, as in apple crumble or Neapolitan ice cream. I love to cook, love home stuff, but...
I still have found no one to marry etc. so I guess the one thing that I am not sure about is the softness issue;
I think a lot of it also has to do with what one wants; what is non-negotiable...
for me I would need a faithful orthodox Christian, one who reads, thinks and is intelligent. and education and job actually may be an issue. I find it a really strange thing to think that I would be making more than my potential husband. esp. when I would not want to feel that I have no choice but to work FT... or work at all, when the potential kids were young.
it creates real challenges.
the other challenge is that as those who are SWANS who have made a place for themselves and who are passing or have passed their 20's and may not want to move and start a new life somewhere else... (location seems to be an issue, the more non-negotiables, the less people in an area who would match/fit...)
I would be interested in reading the book about this that was mentioned in the end of the article...
It is a challenge; sometimes I think that if one does not find their mate in school, or if they do not show up at church, it is really hard to find one at all… I seem to have three distinct groups of friends:
Christians who are single and are not dating (I only know of one friend who may be going into the dating stage)
Christians who are married
My non-Christian friends are more diverse, but in general they have someone they consider a partner or have just broken up with one… their lives are very different in this area, as their beliefs are quite different than the Christians I know and have as my friends…
Anyway, here’s the comment:
As I sit in the quiet of the morning, in my kitchen... I am not sure what to say, but I think there is some real validity to this.
sometimes life circumstances themselves lead to this catch-22... for me I have a MLIS (a master for librarians to be librarians) and am slowly building a professional career. a lot of my goals are happening: I have the apartment now, the cutest Cat Cleo, am living in the city I desired, going to the orthodox church that is my home, ...
and I know, at least at church, according to my friends there, I appear home-like, as in apple crumble or Neapolitan ice cream. I love to cook, love home stuff, but...
I still have found no one to marry etc. so I guess the one thing that I am not sure about is the softness issue;
I think a lot of it also has to do with what one wants; what is non-negotiable...
for me I would need a faithful orthodox Christian, one who reads, thinks and is intelligent. and education and job actually may be an issue. I find it a really strange thing to think that I would be making more than my potential husband. esp. when I would not want to feel that I have no choice but to work FT... or work at all, when the potential kids were young.
it creates real challenges.
the other challenge is that as those who are SWANS who have made a place for themselves and who are passing or have passed their 20's and may not want to move and start a new life somewhere else... (location seems to be an issue, the more non-negotiables, the less people in an area who would match/fit...)
I would be interested in reading the book about this that was mentioned in the end of the article...
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Lots going on but nothing to say
That is how I feel I guess. I think of things to write, but not when I have time to write them.
I will write about this though…
I am praying for a little almost 6 year old boy Samuel from MI, a family I have not met, but who live behind my grandma’s house and go to my parents’ church. He has leukaemia and an infection from a bone marrow surgery was taking over…
We had a moleben for St. Nektarious and I asked for his prayers for Samuel later that night as I found out after the service about him from my mother. Today I heard that his fever broke…
I am praying more often for Nadia as well, who suffers greatly from cancer, now…
St. Nektarious, pray to God for us…
I will write about this though…
I am praying for a little almost 6 year old boy Samuel from MI, a family I have not met, but who live behind my grandma’s house and go to my parents’ church. He has leukaemia and an infection from a bone marrow surgery was taking over…
We had a moleben for St. Nektarious and I asked for his prayers for Samuel later that night as I found out after the service about him from my mother. Today I heard that his fever broke…
I am praying more often for Nadia as well, who suffers greatly from cancer, now…
St. Nektarious, pray to God for us…
Sunday, November 12, 2006
The latest
Well. In a lot of ways, not much new to report. I need to start applying again for jobs, my house is slowly (very slowly it feels) gaining order. There has been so much unpacking to do!
I am very happy to be in my little church; it is still a miracle, being there, seeing my spiritual father, being somewhere more stable.
I struggle with feeling unstable though with only having the contract I have not until the end of January. I just have to trust God with all of this…
I am still really happy with my apartment and I still love my cat Cleo lots!
I have been reading the Psalms and other things, and this, along with church, give me the sustenance that I need to keep on going…
I am very happy to be in my little church; it is still a miracle, being there, seeing my spiritual father, being somewhere more stable.
I struggle with feeling unstable though with only having the contract I have not until the end of January. I just have to trust God with all of this…
I am still really happy with my apartment and I still love my cat Cleo lots!
I have been reading the Psalms and other things, and this, along with church, give me the sustenance that I need to keep on going…
Saturday, November 04, 2006
In Ottawa
Well. Today I found a table at the side of the road! A little one, that goes just right beside my oven in my very cool but still very messy kitchen!
I have been tired still, but am on the mend. May I say that I love my apartment. It practically pains me to leave it for work, I love the quietness of it…
I have been reading (began again, from the beginning) PD James’ autobiography _time to be in earnest_ and have really been enjoying it. I really appreciate her writing.
Well. I have been home since about 1.30 today and it is almost time for vespers. I was hoping to do more in my house, but have gotten some things done, and that is good… I am already looking forward to next weekend though; this Saturday there was a morning liturgy that I went to; I really just want a full day at home…
I have been tired still, but am on the mend. May I say that I love my apartment. It practically pains me to leave it for work, I love the quietness of it…
I have been reading (began again, from the beginning) PD James’ autobiography _time to be in earnest_ and have really been enjoying it. I really appreciate her writing.
Well. I have been home since about 1.30 today and it is almost time for vespers. I was hoping to do more in my house, but have gotten some things done, and that is good… I am already looking forward to next weekend though; this Saturday there was a morning liturgy that I went to; I really just want a full day at home…
Saturday, October 28, 2006
I may really be back, this time
I just read lots of blog feeds – catching up as I have not been online much since August. It has been an intense time for me.
London and finishing my MLIS was very exhausting. I did not yet know if I would have a job or when I would have a job; I just knew I desperately wanted to return to Ottawa and begin building a life. God was gracious and let me have a lot of august to pack. I was extremely exhausted and slept a lot, and still did not feel better. Packing was difficult—the apartment overwhelmed me with the chaos of boxes, and all my things; a church friend had tea with me, one who is close to my heart and loves Elizabeth Goudge, and she spoke of God’s peace in the centre of the storm… this was the thread that kept me afloat…. I remember being alone a lot, in that apartment, with my cat, trying to pack up my belongings. I had never packed them up before and not known when I would unpack them again. Wrong or right, I had long thought of my belongings as making my home, and as I long for home, packing things up without knowing when I would have my own little place again was difficult. I remember singing songs to God, feeling like I was slowly drowning, or standing on an island singing, knowing that the water was slowly encroaching the land, slowly covering it all, sinking…
God held on to me and on the morning of August 31 I packed my icons and my uncle came and took all of my things and I went exhausted to a dear friend’s house. I felt out to Ottawa 2 days later with my cat and began a month long journey of living with a special family from my Ottawa church. By then I knew I had an interview after the long labour day weekend and had studied MLIS literature for it on my last full day in London. By the following Wednesday I had word that I had the job. This was a busy time – once I knew I had the job, I went shopping. Replenished my work wardrobe and replaced clothes that were literally falling apart. I bought things for my future apartment. I had one week to find an apartment and thankfully God gave me a great one.
I moved in Sunday October 1st, with the invaluable support and help of the family I was living with and also of beloved church mouse and cathedral dweller. I was already working full time and began taking French classes. I was so exhausted that I would fall asleep upon arriving to my apartment… God kept holding on and I was able to slowly unpack my Ottawa belongings (I admit to owning a lot of things and many more were coming later on). The turning point was when, after a long time, a month and a week, I finally had an Icon corner again. I am making my small little sitting room a little prayer room and most of my icons are going to be in this room.
Then I had a crazy week, just last week. I struggled with insomnia, wrote a test to see if I get screened in for a first interview for a permanent job (my contract ends January 26), and had my family come with all my belongings. Various wonderful people from my church helped me move (and commented that I sure had a lot of belongings!). After this my family decided to drive all night back to London.
This weekend was one of the best of my whole year. I was with my parents, sister, aunts and an uncle. I graduated, had dinner with many of those I was closest too in my London church, and got to be in my aunt and uncle’s old yellow brick roomy wood-filled house. I flew back, tired of course (who would not be if they got in on Saturday at 5 am) to Ottawa, grabbed a taxi and was home in time to walk to vespers. (My rule for going to church is that if I am able to walk, I go to church, so I went to church).
This past week I was still quite tired from the busy last weekend. Work is very demanding and my weeknights were full of unpacking (especially my dishes; I am in a long line of dish-loving women, my Great-Grandmother, Grandmother, Mother, and many Aunts, both sides of the family). Today will be full as well. I hope to go to IKEA and then take a taxi back. Then another friend from church is planning on coming to help me put together the shelf unit (portable pantry for my kitchen) and then I will walk to church, for vespers.
I have been re-reading Gift from the Sea and PD James’ time to be in earnest: a fragment of autobiography. I have been rejoicing that (so far) my apartment and surrounding area has been quiet. It has been over a year now since I stopped listening to most music. This has really helped stabilize me in a past year and a half where I moved 3 times, gained a spiritual father, temporarily lost my Grandfather who feel asleep in the Lord, met many new people, completed my MLIS, did an 8-month co-op and started my first real job. The songs of church often are the songs I hear inside, within me and I think often of my English Professor at TWU who also loves silence….
God is still holding on to me; in the end this is what I hope in:
“For the LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hand. He knows your trudging through this great wilderness. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you; you have lacked nothing”
Deuteronomy 2:7
London and finishing my MLIS was very exhausting. I did not yet know if I would have a job or when I would have a job; I just knew I desperately wanted to return to Ottawa and begin building a life. God was gracious and let me have a lot of august to pack. I was extremely exhausted and slept a lot, and still did not feel better. Packing was difficult—the apartment overwhelmed me with the chaos of boxes, and all my things; a church friend had tea with me, one who is close to my heart and loves Elizabeth Goudge, and she spoke of God’s peace in the centre of the storm… this was the thread that kept me afloat…. I remember being alone a lot, in that apartment, with my cat, trying to pack up my belongings. I had never packed them up before and not known when I would unpack them again. Wrong or right, I had long thought of my belongings as making my home, and as I long for home, packing things up without knowing when I would have my own little place again was difficult. I remember singing songs to God, feeling like I was slowly drowning, or standing on an island singing, knowing that the water was slowly encroaching the land, slowly covering it all, sinking…
God held on to me and on the morning of August 31 I packed my icons and my uncle came and took all of my things and I went exhausted to a dear friend’s house. I felt out to Ottawa 2 days later with my cat and began a month long journey of living with a special family from my Ottawa church. By then I knew I had an interview after the long labour day weekend and had studied MLIS literature for it on my last full day in London. By the following Wednesday I had word that I had the job. This was a busy time – once I knew I had the job, I went shopping. Replenished my work wardrobe and replaced clothes that were literally falling apart. I bought things for my future apartment. I had one week to find an apartment and thankfully God gave me a great one.
I moved in Sunday October 1st, with the invaluable support and help of the family I was living with and also of beloved church mouse and cathedral dweller. I was already working full time and began taking French classes. I was so exhausted that I would fall asleep upon arriving to my apartment… God kept holding on and I was able to slowly unpack my Ottawa belongings (I admit to owning a lot of things and many more were coming later on). The turning point was when, after a long time, a month and a week, I finally had an Icon corner again. I am making my small little sitting room a little prayer room and most of my icons are going to be in this room.
Then I had a crazy week, just last week. I struggled with insomnia, wrote a test to see if I get screened in for a first interview for a permanent job (my contract ends January 26), and had my family come with all my belongings. Various wonderful people from my church helped me move (and commented that I sure had a lot of belongings!). After this my family decided to drive all night back to London.
This weekend was one of the best of my whole year. I was with my parents, sister, aunts and an uncle. I graduated, had dinner with many of those I was closest too in my London church, and got to be in my aunt and uncle’s old yellow brick roomy wood-filled house. I flew back, tired of course (who would not be if they got in on Saturday at 5 am) to Ottawa, grabbed a taxi and was home in time to walk to vespers. (My rule for going to church is that if I am able to walk, I go to church, so I went to church).
This past week I was still quite tired from the busy last weekend. Work is very demanding and my weeknights were full of unpacking (especially my dishes; I am in a long line of dish-loving women, my Great-Grandmother, Grandmother, Mother, and many Aunts, both sides of the family). Today will be full as well. I hope to go to IKEA and then take a taxi back. Then another friend from church is planning on coming to help me put together the shelf unit (portable pantry for my kitchen) and then I will walk to church, for vespers.
I have been re-reading Gift from the Sea and PD James’ time to be in earnest: a fragment of autobiography. I have been rejoicing that (so far) my apartment and surrounding area has been quiet. It has been over a year now since I stopped listening to most music. This has really helped stabilize me in a past year and a half where I moved 3 times, gained a spiritual father, temporarily lost my Grandfather who feel asleep in the Lord, met many new people, completed my MLIS, did an 8-month co-op and started my first real job. The songs of church often are the songs I hear inside, within me and I think often of my English Professor at TWU who also loves silence….
God is still holding on to me; in the end this is what I hope in:
“For the LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hand. He knows your trudging through this great wilderness. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you; you have lacked nothing”
Deuteronomy 2:7
Monday, September 25, 2006
Okay. So it’s been awhile.
Well. All is going amazingly well for me here in Ottawa. It is a dream come true to be back here; on the bus I was thinking how London was like a nightmare for me (no offence to the city of course or those I love there) but Ottawa is home and I am back in my church, and with my church family and spiritual father. This means so incredibly much to me.
My job is going well – my co-op really prepared me well for it and God is giving me a lot of peace in the midst of it.
I move DV into my apartment this weekend! Hopefully on Sunday after church and our church meal…
I have been staying with a great family here and everything is going well.
There are some hard things of course too – someone at my church has cancer and is not doing well. And I love this person. and there are other things.
But yet just to be back, it is enough. More than enough…
My job is going well – my co-op really prepared me well for it and God is giving me a lot of peace in the midst of it.
I move DV into my apartment this weekend! Hopefully on Sunday after church and our church meal…
I have been staying with a great family here and everything is going well.
There are some hard things of course too – someone at my church has cancer and is not doing well. And I love this person. and there are other things.
But yet just to be back, it is enough. More than enough…
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Results of the Interview appear positive
It appears that I got the job. It is a 90 day contract... I am so relieved and feel very grateful to God for His timing and provision. Now I am looking for an apartment.
I am staying with a wonderful family from my church and can see God's hand clearly in my life right now; I feel very taken care of and am thankful.
It has been a big transition to be back; a dream come true, but a big transition in a lot of ways. I am very thankful.
I am staying with a wonderful family from my church and can see God's hand clearly in my life right now; I feel very taken care of and am thankful.
It has been a big transition to be back; a dream come true, but a big transition in a lot of ways. I am very thankful.
Friday, September 01, 2006
A While Since I Last Posted
I am moving to Ottawa. I have an interview this Tuesday at 2 pm (please pray) for a short contract helping to integrate a small library collection into a larger one. I really hope I will have a job soon so I can get an apartment and have my beloved Cat Cleo with me again!
Meanwhile, I am already looking forward to Monday, when I hope to get to sleep in at last…
Meanwhile, I am already looking forward to Monday, when I hope to get to sleep in at last…
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Yikes
I am working on a cover letter for a position in Ottawa – I had been putting it off – thank God that I realized today that this is the last day to apply. OPPS. I’ve been a bit all over the place…I would have been devastated if I had missed this one!
God has been blessing me – though I do not have any word on job things yet – I have been blessed with a week to pack my belongings and yesterday a good LIS friend of mine sent me an early graduation care package! Wow; it was absolutely perfect – a cozy mystery book, handmade soaps, hand rolled incense, beautiful Indian candle holders (for tea lights), a bath ball (one of those fizzy ones) and a lovely card! I felt loved and noticed – she had each of these things individually wrapped… and it is all so fragrant. Such a lovely surprise. Really encouraging.
Well, back to writing this cover letter. These are never easy to write!!! (And I feel like I am falling asleep sitting here, trying to write it).
God has been blessing me – though I do not have any word on job things yet – I have been blessed with a week to pack my belongings and yesterday a good LIS friend of mine sent me an early graduation care package! Wow; it was absolutely perfect – a cozy mystery book, handmade soaps, hand rolled incense, beautiful Indian candle holders (for tea lights), a bath ball (one of those fizzy ones) and a lovely card! I felt loved and noticed – she had each of these things individually wrapped… and it is all so fragrant. Such a lovely surprise. Really encouraging.
Well, back to writing this cover letter. These are never easy to write!!! (And I feel like I am falling asleep sitting here, trying to write it).
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Delicious new simple summer meal
I got this recipe idea from a cookbook called the book lover’s cookbook:
(with a little bit of variation on the bread)
fresh sliced Italian, French or Sourdough bread
brush olive oil on top of slices
layer with slices of cucumber,
then a layer of sliced tomato with lemon-pepper sprinkled on top,
then place one slice of Swiss cheese on top of these two layers.
broil for a couple of minutes, until cheese is melted.
Yum!
(Note: I am going on the old calendar for fasting as I hope to be in Ottawa by later august and my church is old calendar)
(with a little bit of variation on the bread)
fresh sliced Italian, French or Sourdough bread
brush olive oil on top of slices
layer with slices of cucumber,
then a layer of sliced tomato with lemon-pepper sprinkled on top,
then place one slice of Swiss cheese on top of these two layers.
broil for a couple of minutes, until cheese is melted.
Yum!
(Note: I am going on the old calendar for fasting as I hope to be in Ottawa by later august and my church is old calendar)
Finished
I am handing in my last assignment today at 1.30. All of my work for my MLIS degree is now over. In other words, God got me through the last two years and without Him I would of given up, or at least I would have ruined myself in the process…
Now I feel more focused and I am trying to be more aware of God and needing to be in His will … I am officially in the transition between my school-life and my work-life and hope the transition will involve a move and job soon in Ottawa.
Meanwhile I am trying to learn to look to God and praise Him in the midst of great uncertainty.
Now I feel more focused and I am trying to be more aware of God and needing to be in His will … I am officially in the transition between my school-life and my work-life and hope the transition will involve a move and job soon in Ottawa.
Meanwhile I am trying to learn to look to God and praise Him in the midst of great uncertainty.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
more about books
i wrote this list for our MLIS Zine... has a few different things than the post i was tagged for...
Books I love:
The Scent of Water by Elizabeth Goudge
The Daughter of Time by Josephine Tey
The Other Side of the Sun by Madeline L’ Engle (I also love her Crosswick Journals and The Young Unicorns)
The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris
Anything by:
Agatha Christie
Dorothy L. Sayers (esp. the Lord Peter mysteries)
Amanda Cross
The poets Jane Kenyon, Donald Hall
Annie Dilliard
Madeline L’ Engle
Books I want to read:
Books that trace the changing thoughts of humanity through the decades, centuries
Letters by TS Eliot
Books and Journals by Virginia Woolfe
The picture of dorian grey by Oscar Wilde– found the discussion in influence fascinating
This Ever Diverse pair by Owen Barfield
Writings by Gabriel Marcel
Homilies by John Chrysostom
Sayings of the Desert Fathers
List complied by Elizabeth, August 2, 2006
Books I love:
The Scent of Water by Elizabeth Goudge
The Daughter of Time by Josephine Tey
The Other Side of the Sun by Madeline L’ Engle (I also love her Crosswick Journals and The Young Unicorns)
The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris
Anything by:
Agatha Christie
Dorothy L. Sayers (esp. the Lord Peter mysteries)
Amanda Cross
The poets Jane Kenyon, Donald Hall
Annie Dilliard
Madeline L’ Engle
Books I want to read:
Books that trace the changing thoughts of humanity through the decades, centuries
Letters by TS Eliot
Books and Journals by Virginia Woolfe
The picture of dorian grey by Oscar Wilde– found the discussion in influence fascinating
This Ever Diverse pair by Owen Barfield
Writings by Gabriel Marcel
Homilies by John Chrysostom
Sayings of the Desert Fathers
List complied by Elizabeth, August 2, 2006
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
look! i did my first 'tag' entry; on BOOKS.
Okay—I did the book list that Victoria asked me too. Of course I often went beyond writing about just ONE book. :) Thanks for asking me to do this one Victoria... :)
People I would want to hear from and thus Tag are:
churchmouse Cheryl and cathedraldweller M-Z…
and anyone else who wants to do it and reads this blog (be sure to post a comment so I know to go to your blog)
1. One book that changed your life:
the scent of water by Elizabeth Goudge
2. One book that you’ve read more than once:
the Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris
the circle of quiet by Madeline L’ Engle (and many others by her, including the young unicorns)
3. One book you’d want on a desert island:
the Bible
4. One book that made you laugh:
I keep thinking of a person from my old church who read Jan Karon’s Mitford series and laughed. For myself… I love calvin and hobbes; does this count?! I find the snobbishness in the joy of cooking deliciously funny; I think I have found the brother cadfael’s books to have made me laugh; I find that I laugh more because I feel that I have found a great book, not because of the humour. On the other hand I have a distinct feeling that I am forgetting about a book that made me laugh that I read in the last few months…
5. One book that made you cry:
green dolphin street by Elizabeth Goudge
6. One book that you wish had been written:
When I read the scent of water I wanted to write a book like it. I must admit that I have never thought, oh, I wish I wrote this book. Rather I think, I like how this author communicates; what do I have to communicate and how to do I find the way best to do so, which may include finding out what I best write and how—this could be summarized as searching for my own authorial voice.
7. One book that you wish had never been written:
I have not really thought about this, or in this way. I guess I am pretty much thinking that things in the past cannot be changed, and so I leave it at this. Besides this, I think it is significant to look at how books effect people’s understanding of the world, so I would rather understand lots of the books of the past and present and see what they fit into to see how the have effected the present.
8. One book you’re currently reading:
miss pym disposes by Josephine Tey
In the Heart of Old Canada by William Wood (published in 1913)
9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:
I have been meaning to finish the stone carvers; and This Ever Diverse Pair by owen barfield; books that explore the thought of the past and how it is influncing things now; I have yet to figure out what to read to explore this further. I am supposed to read The Brothers Karamazov but well, I just could not get into it….maybe I will try again sometime. I rather lack the will power and desire to. (which I know must appear heritical on so many levels). I have started reading the picture of dorian grey and found the concept of influence facinating. I have started also reading volume one of TS Eliot’s letters and someday look forward to reading more Virgina Woolfe; a lot of my Bloomsbury-era books are still in Michigan. I also want to read a bit more of May Sarton, esp. her journals, maybe one of her novels (I have not tried them yet) and have so many other books that are still in Michigan… sigh. I think G. Marcel would be a good one to read too; well. So much for that! And eventually I am going to need to read a bit more theology; though I have no idea what…
People I would want to hear from and thus Tag are:
churchmouse Cheryl and cathedraldweller M-Z…
and anyone else who wants to do it and reads this blog (be sure to post a comment so I know to go to your blog)
1. One book that changed your life:
the scent of water by Elizabeth Goudge
2. One book that you’ve read more than once:
the Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris
the circle of quiet by Madeline L’ Engle (and many others by her, including the young unicorns)
3. One book you’d want on a desert island:
the Bible
4. One book that made you laugh:
I keep thinking of a person from my old church who read Jan Karon’s Mitford series and laughed. For myself… I love calvin and hobbes; does this count?! I find the snobbishness in the joy of cooking deliciously funny; I think I have found the brother cadfael’s books to have made me laugh; I find that I laugh more because I feel that I have found a great book, not because of the humour. On the other hand I have a distinct feeling that I am forgetting about a book that made me laugh that I read in the last few months…
5. One book that made you cry:
green dolphin street by Elizabeth Goudge
6. One book that you wish had been written:
When I read the scent of water I wanted to write a book like it. I must admit that I have never thought, oh, I wish I wrote this book. Rather I think, I like how this author communicates; what do I have to communicate and how to do I find the way best to do so, which may include finding out what I best write and how—this could be summarized as searching for my own authorial voice.
7. One book that you wish had never been written:
I have not really thought about this, or in this way. I guess I am pretty much thinking that things in the past cannot be changed, and so I leave it at this. Besides this, I think it is significant to look at how books effect people’s understanding of the world, so I would rather understand lots of the books of the past and present and see what they fit into to see how the have effected the present.
8. One book you’re currently reading:
miss pym disposes by Josephine Tey
In the Heart of Old Canada by William Wood (published in 1913)
9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:
I have been meaning to finish the stone carvers; and This Ever Diverse Pair by owen barfield; books that explore the thought of the past and how it is influncing things now; I have yet to figure out what to read to explore this further. I am supposed to read The Brothers Karamazov but well, I just could not get into it….maybe I will try again sometime. I rather lack the will power and desire to. (which I know must appear heritical on so many levels). I have started reading the picture of dorian grey and found the concept of influence facinating. I have started also reading volume one of TS Eliot’s letters and someday look forward to reading more Virgina Woolfe; a lot of my Bloomsbury-era books are still in Michigan. I also want to read a bit more of May Sarton, esp. her journals, maybe one of her novels (I have not tried them yet) and have so many other books that are still in Michigan… sigh. I think G. Marcel would be a good one to read too; well. So much for that! And eventually I am going to need to read a bit more theology; though I have no idea what…
Phone Calls
I have gotten a cell phone, while I was in Ottawa, for job searching etc (to have an Ottawa phone number). Today I was in my last consumer health class and my phone lit up (it was on silent) with an Ottawa number calling. My heart dropped and rose all at once; of course I could not take the call. I did Google the number and tried the GEDS directory and also Canada411, and double-checked the job agency numbers I am going though, all to no avail. So after class I called them back, left my name and number and invited them to call back and I would be happy to take their call. It was Public Works verifying my address change (they had an old one on file and I was not sure how to change it). So this was good – they have the right contact information – but wow. I was really hoping it was a call for an interview! This waiting, though it is not killing me, it is hard at times.
I have one assignment left and I am packing my house this coming week. My little London church’s feast day is this weekend and the Bishop is coming. I have not met this Bishop yet, and it is strange for me as I plan on relocating to Ottawa in a matter of weeks, Lord Willing and feel my life is at my Ottawa church, which means a different Bishop. Hmmm. My life, it is vaguely complicated I think. Though complications, sometimes, can be fun.
I am doing a lot of trusting and praying about the fact that I do not have a place to live yet for one month’s time and no job yet; just a city I love and a church that feels like home…
(Not that I think moving to Ottawa will solve all problems, actually I am aware that this will not be the case; however I have found a place with good transportation, various friends and a church that has become home).
I have one assignment left and I am packing my house this coming week. My little London church’s feast day is this weekend and the Bishop is coming. I have not met this Bishop yet, and it is strange for me as I plan on relocating to Ottawa in a matter of weeks, Lord Willing and feel my life is at my Ottawa church, which means a different Bishop. Hmmm. My life, it is vaguely complicated I think. Though complications, sometimes, can be fun.
I am doing a lot of trusting and praying about the fact that I do not have a place to live yet for one month’s time and no job yet; just a city I love and a church that feels like home…
(Not that I think moving to Ottawa will solve all problems, actually I am aware that this will not be the case; however I have found a place with good transportation, various friends and a church that has become home).
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Many thoughts, not a lot of time
I have a paper due tomorrow, have not started it yet—I applied for a job that was last minute in posting and it took most of yesterday. I finally got almost all of the bursary that I was promised in June and I am very grateful to God for this. There is so much for me to do right now with job and school stuff.
Overall I am feeling much better than I have since I left Ottawa in May; of course being in Ottawa for 10 days helped! I really felt like I had come home and it was so good to be in my church again. I am anxious to have a job so that I can get an apartment and begin my life in Ottawa in earnest.
I am trusting God as I feel that I cannot do much else than what I am doing now…
Overall I am feeling much better than I have since I left Ottawa in May; of course being in Ottawa for 10 days helped! I really felt like I had come home and it was so good to be in my church again. I am anxious to have a job so that I can get an apartment and begin my life in Ottawa in earnest.
I am trusting God as I feel that I cannot do much else than what I am doing now…
Monday, July 17, 2006
In Ottawa
It was a wonderful weekend of being back in my church; it really is like my home now. I think I am still in a bit of shock that I actually am back; wow. Tears did come down face in vespers and liturgy. Sometimes a head covering can be a good thing for privacy when returning to church. I kept telling my friends I am staying with currently that I feel like I have been living in an alternate universe, while I am at school. It is strange to know that for the summer I am in a different city, apartment and am back in the role of student hood.
Meanwhile I am working on making a brochure for my consumer health class and am slowly doing some job things. I have an interview that does contracts for librarians tomorrow at 1 pm. All Prayers Welcome!
Oh, and speaking of prayer, my former priest in London Ontario who retired last September, Fr. Gregory, has been diagnosed with throat cancer -- the growth in his throat appeared in 4 weeks, the 4th week being so large that he could barely swallow. David P. will remember him from his time there last fall while he was studying in Ontario.
Please pray.
And please if you can pray for my friend Meredith too; she is a young mother with cancer in her back.
Even if you just pray today, while you are reading this, that is significant.
I am thankful to God that we can support each other in prayer.
Meanwhile I am working on making a brochure for my consumer health class and am slowly doing some job things. I have an interview that does contracts for librarians tomorrow at 1 pm. All Prayers Welcome!
Oh, and speaking of prayer, my former priest in London Ontario who retired last September, Fr. Gregory, has been diagnosed with throat cancer -- the growth in his throat appeared in 4 weeks, the 4th week being so large that he could barely swallow. David P. will remember him from his time there last fall while he was studying in Ontario.
Please pray.
And please if you can pray for my friend Meredith too; she is a young mother with cancer in her back.
Even if you just pray today, while you are reading this, that is significant.
I am thankful to God that we can support each other in prayer.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Here to say
Well. Someday, I say, someday: I will be more grown up than I am right now. I would say Lord Willing [DV] but I believe this is indeed what God is quite willing to do within me. I look forward to this; when I handle stress better, when I can be aware of myself and my needs (being centred) and by so doing (and getting better at it) being able to be more present to others. Perhaps I am mixed up in this, but as of yet I do not think so.
Sometimes I think if I knew what I wanted or needed than I would be quicker to know what I am to do in various circumstances. Of course this only works if I remember what the main goal is – to be untied with Christ.
To be honest I have yet to learn how to do this in my daily life, when I am at school working or worrying; I do pray, sometimes, and beg for mercy, but union with Christ; constant and continual abiding in Him and living in His presence regardless of where I am: wow. I have not even begun.
Lord have mercy and please ‘grow me up!’
Sometimes I think if I knew what I wanted or needed than I would be quicker to know what I am to do in various circumstances. Of course this only works if I remember what the main goal is – to be untied with Christ.
To be honest I have yet to learn how to do this in my daily life, when I am at school working or worrying; I do pray, sometimes, and beg for mercy, but union with Christ; constant and continual abiding in Him and living in His presence regardless of where I am: wow. I have not even begun.
Lord have mercy and please ‘grow me up!’
Better
I took a ‘mental health morning’ and rested, talked to my sister, finished re-reading an Amanda Cross novel and went into school this afternoon.
Now I am tired and finishing a paper. I am really quite exhausted. I am going to Ottawa – it has worked out – and I look forward to this.
I read a blog entry from a person in Baghdad; so much unbelievable tragedy. I thought of them and prayed…
Makes my littler worries seem little indeed.
Now I am tired and finishing a paper. I am really quite exhausted. I am going to Ottawa – it has worked out – and I look forward to this.
I read a blog entry from a person in Baghdad; so much unbelievable tragedy. I thought of them and prayed…
Makes my littler worries seem little indeed.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Stress Level High
Well. I am hoping to go to Ottawa but now I do not know for sure if I can go; I feel in such an unstable place and do not know what to do!
I am slowly working on a paper, meanwhile. It is so hard to get everything done when in school; I am tired and longing for a greater stability in my life.
Ironic, as really so much of my life is so good, esp. when one thinks of all of the people in the world who are suffering…
How is it that my (and other classmates) stress levels can be so high and yet we still have it so good?!
I am slowly working on a paper, meanwhile. It is so hard to get everything done when in school; I am tired and longing for a greater stability in my life.
Ironic, as really so much of my life is so good, esp. when one thinks of all of the people in the world who are suffering…
How is it that my (and other classmates) stress levels can be so high and yet we still have it so good?!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Jane Kenyon’s Husband
I just found out that my favourite poet’s husband (my favourite poet being Jane Kenyon, who has passed away from leukemia in 1995) Donald Hall, another one of my favourite poets and essayists, is the US poet laureate this year. I am very pleased. I read about it in a two page article in the New York Times, published today, July 6 06. (Sorry I am not bothering to find out how to link to it). (Note: I am not in anyway trying to take away from Donald Hall himself by refering to him as Jane Kenyon's Husband; actually Jane was often, as I have read, referred to as Donald Hall's wife, instead of poet, as Donald is older than she and had published first).
There is two lovely pictures in the article; one of many of the books in his New England home; I immediately felt the sense of “yes, this is what I want”… an old feeling place, with a bit of austere New England, and books everywhere. Yes, I love books.
I picked up three new to me books today – that a fellow classmate was giving away – and one of them is an early edition of Steinbeck’s The Wayward Bus, published in 1947. I admit I had not heard of this book before, and wonder if it is in print. (I can find out easily, since I do have LIS (library) training. It reminds me that I never did finish reading travels with charley which I was reading a few summers ago when I was shelving at a public library in the States. I think I took it with me to London to Library School, but it fell to the side, as the course work was quite heavy.
I can’t wait to have all of my books in one place…
Back to Donald Hall – his book of essays, Seasons at Eagle Pond, is a wonderful collection; also his book lifework, a prose work about his life as writer, is quite good. FYI, he wrote the children’s book ox-cart man.
So many good books; I eagerly await the day DV when I will have all of mine together (including the 4 I got today that someone did not want)… : )
There is two lovely pictures in the article; one of many of the books in his New England home; I immediately felt the sense of “yes, this is what I want”… an old feeling place, with a bit of austere New England, and books everywhere. Yes, I love books.
I picked up three new to me books today – that a fellow classmate was giving away – and one of them is an early edition of Steinbeck’s The Wayward Bus, published in 1947. I admit I had not heard of this book before, and wonder if it is in print. (I can find out easily, since I do have LIS (library) training. It reminds me that I never did finish reading travels with charley which I was reading a few summers ago when I was shelving at a public library in the States. I think I took it with me to London to Library School, but it fell to the side, as the course work was quite heavy.
I can’t wait to have all of my books in one place…
Back to Donald Hall – his book of essays, Seasons at Eagle Pond, is a wonderful collection; also his book lifework, a prose work about his life as writer, is quite good. FYI, he wrote the children’s book ox-cart man.
So many good books; I eagerly await the day DV when I will have all of mine together (including the 4 I got today that someone did not want)… : )
Ottawa, the city of my heart
How’s that for a sappy title? :) I am going DV (Lord Willing) in a week’s time for a week! And hopefully 2 WEEKENDS. This means being at my church there 2 weekends; very exciting. Happy me! And tomorrow I am getting my hair cut – the group graduation photo is this Monday! I will be there smiling, DV, thinking, I actually made it to this point, amazing!
I have a LOT of work to do meanwhile – I think I have 5 things due in the next 2-3 weeks, which is not tons, but one of the things I am doing is a pathfinder and I will have to find 50 sources for it. (a pathfinder is a research aid on a particular topic, FYI).
And this weekend my parents and brother DV are coming to see my Oma, who is 97, and my Aunt and Uncle and me – we will all stay at my Aunt and Uncle’s place over night; I am very excited about this too. And I will get to see pictures that my mom got developed for me…
So when I am in Ottawa I will be going to different libraries for work/networking. I also hope to go to at least one other job agency—and I am going to get a cell phone with an Ottawa number. Please pray for me – I am really hoping to secure at least a short term contract by September so that I can move into an apartment with my cat Cleo.
I do honestly feel bad that I am leaving my cat for a week. I am getting people to check in on her daily, but I still feel bad. She will really miss me; she missed me like crazy last time.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to help my cat – esp. also in August when I will be moving (have no idea what I will all be doing – if I will be going to MI for a bit, when/how I am moving to Ottawa; how I am getting Cleo with me, etc) please let me know…
Meanwhile, I better go photocopy some things for my paper that I am working on that is due this coming week…
I have a LOT of work to do meanwhile – I think I have 5 things due in the next 2-3 weeks, which is not tons, but one of the things I am doing is a pathfinder and I will have to find 50 sources for it. (a pathfinder is a research aid on a particular topic, FYI).
And this weekend my parents and brother DV are coming to see my Oma, who is 97, and my Aunt and Uncle and me – we will all stay at my Aunt and Uncle’s place over night; I am very excited about this too. And I will get to see pictures that my mom got developed for me…
So when I am in Ottawa I will be going to different libraries for work/networking. I also hope to go to at least one other job agency—and I am going to get a cell phone with an Ottawa number. Please pray for me – I am really hoping to secure at least a short term contract by September so that I can move into an apartment with my cat Cleo.
I do honestly feel bad that I am leaving my cat for a week. I am getting people to check in on her daily, but I still feel bad. She will really miss me; she missed me like crazy last time.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to help my cat – esp. also in August when I will be moving (have no idea what I will all be doing – if I will be going to MI for a bit, when/how I am moving to Ottawa; how I am getting Cleo with me, etc) please let me know…
Meanwhile, I better go photocopy some things for my paper that I am working on that is due this coming week…
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
My Cute Cat
I am sitting on my bed at home, propped up with many pillows, dressed in my nice long khaki-ish skirt and black shirt (I have a presentation to be part of this afternoon) and am typing up a one page paper on my laptop. Cleo is lying on my skirt, right next to my legs, behind my laptop. So cute! I like it that she likes to be by me; she especially appears to like to be with me on my bed when my laptop is out (She also hangs out with me when I am watching a DVD movie on it).
Cleo is quite the smart cat too—she knows when I get the cereal box out that it means “milk” and she will stay on the chair next to my chair, sitting up like a pretty cat princess, waiting for me to give her the last drops of milk left in the bowl. I guess I am a pretty indulgent cat owner, for I do let her have these last drops. Usually Cleo gets lots of attention from me – an early morning and later evening brushing, and lots of pets and the like in between. I feel really lucky to have my lovely Cute Cat Cleo; so often I still can hardly believe that she is mine, it is really a dream come true to have her.
Well, back to writing my paper…
Cleo is quite the smart cat too—she knows when I get the cereal box out that it means “milk” and she will stay on the chair next to my chair, sitting up like a pretty cat princess, waiting for me to give her the last drops of milk left in the bowl. I guess I am a pretty indulgent cat owner, for I do let her have these last drops. Usually Cleo gets lots of attention from me – an early morning and later evening brushing, and lots of pets and the like in between. I feel really lucky to have my lovely Cute Cat Cleo; so often I still can hardly believe that she is mine, it is really a dream come true to have her.
Well, back to writing my paper…
Monday, July 03, 2006
one day, one inch, one mile...
Saturday night I only slept a few hours; I could not fall asleep again; my friend thought it was stress. Could be! I decided that I was not going to write this week’s paper for my archives course so that I could do the security clearance (things have been so busy that I have not had a chance to do this yet) and would give me a little more time and hopefully less stress.
I have to finish a paper and then go home and cook… what to make is another question…
As it is July now I hope that this month will be a new beginning and that good things will come this month – like maybe more peace! I think this would be a good thing…
One day, one prayer, at a time meanwhile…
I have to finish a paper and then go home and cook… what to make is another question…
As it is July now I hope that this month will be a new beginning and that good things will come this month – like maybe more peace! I think this would be a good thing…
One day, one prayer, at a time meanwhile…
Friday, June 30, 2006
(note yesterday marked half a year until i am 30!) [that is not what this post is about though; just wanted to note it]
Well. This has been quite the day; the handmaiden that I got this week was all about suffering—including illness leading to death. I was surprised that within the same week to learn of my former classmates’ cancer; I wrote a blog entry about it and then misposted it to Spruce Island instead of my own blog. With the way aggregators work etc I felt that it was not worth taking it off and reposting it here.
I was able, with the encouragement of a current classmate, to apply to a job; and to be confident.
It seems these days I am anything but confident; more like shaking like a leaf and being unsure of every breath – well – almost that bad at times anyway.
I am not sure how to get out of this feeling that I have at times; this summer is really hard for me in that I have very few friends who I see in person; I think I always get a bit more off balance when I am alone too much; but being alone is not always a choice; I remember reading a book, I think a mystery book actually, that made the very significant distinction, explaining the difference between loneliness and solitude: you can chose solitudes, but loneliness is often found when you do not have a choice; you are alone by circumstances, by default.
I had some really good friends in my LIS year last year, but they have all moved away, graduated etc. There is only one person I see regularly that I know from last year; and then a few others who I see in class only who I knew from before.
I am hoping to go to Ottawa in a few weeks – I really want to go to confession with my spiritual father; I have really missed this.
My priest here in London is great—but one only has one spiritual father; I would not expect my priest here to replace what I had in Ottawa—not only would that be unrealistic, it would not be fair, as no one person – including priests – is alike.
This past year has held some new and at times intense challenges for me – a lot has changed (most of it things that I do not blog about; private/public lives are not always to be mixed) – sometimes it seems that maybe I have handled these changes well; other times I have been struggling to hold on, to know what to do.
I am really hoping to have a job of some sort come September, as this will be how I will be able to get another apartment to live in. I find that having a place to live by myself (and now with Cute Cat Cleo) does help my ability to handle the things that life has thrown at me. I am so grateful that God has given me places that I can make temporary homes/refuges in.
Meanwhile, I really hope to go to Ottawa in a few weeks…
… May the Lord have mercy on us all!
I was able, with the encouragement of a current classmate, to apply to a job; and to be confident.
It seems these days I am anything but confident; more like shaking like a leaf and being unsure of every breath – well – almost that bad at times anyway.
I am not sure how to get out of this feeling that I have at times; this summer is really hard for me in that I have very few friends who I see in person; I think I always get a bit more off balance when I am alone too much; but being alone is not always a choice; I remember reading a book, I think a mystery book actually, that made the very significant distinction, explaining the difference between loneliness and solitude: you can chose solitudes, but loneliness is often found when you do not have a choice; you are alone by circumstances, by default.
I had some really good friends in my LIS year last year, but they have all moved away, graduated etc. There is only one person I see regularly that I know from last year; and then a few others who I see in class only who I knew from before.
I am hoping to go to Ottawa in a few weeks – I really want to go to confession with my spiritual father; I have really missed this.
My priest here in London is great—but one only has one spiritual father; I would not expect my priest here to replace what I had in Ottawa—not only would that be unrealistic, it would not be fair, as no one person – including priests – is alike.
This past year has held some new and at times intense challenges for me – a lot has changed (most of it things that I do not blog about; private/public lives are not always to be mixed) – sometimes it seems that maybe I have handled these changes well; other times I have been struggling to hold on, to know what to do.
I am really hoping to have a job of some sort come September, as this will be how I will be able to get another apartment to live in. I find that having a place to live by myself (and now with Cute Cat Cleo) does help my ability to handle the things that life has thrown at me. I am so grateful that God has given me places that I can make temporary homes/refuges in.
Meanwhile, I really hope to go to Ottawa in a few weeks…
… May the Lord have mercy on us all!
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Question for today:
How do we make decisions on where we live, where we put our money? I read (and need to reread) an article in the handmaiden late last night that talked about materialism—and not encouraging the urge to consume, to buy things, to keep ‘getting’. And that the North American culture is such a culture of entitlement—as in we feel entitled to all the good things. Similar to what my library class (I am taking two medical LIS courses) professors said yesterday: people do not expect to be sick and if they do not feel well, they expect to get a cure. So what are deliberate ways we can live for God with our possessions and money choices and also in considerations for ‘career advancement’ and constantly living up or beyond the salary we make? Any thoughts?
I think with this is the question of how do/can we learn to live in constant gratitude and contentment?
I think with this is the question of how do/can we learn to live in constant gratitude and contentment?
Friday, June 23, 2006
A long week
Well. All I can say is that I am surviving—I have been extremely overly exhausted from being away for 5 days; I applied to a job today (and then accidentally emailed the autosend email thanking me for my submission; ahhhhhh! Funny but not funny all in one).
I am working on a presentation and seeking to regain energy and strength. I am hoping for a quiet weekend where I can get work done, go to church and feel more whole again.
I am so thankful for friends who support me (i.e. listen to me) when the going seems a bit harder.
And of course I am grateful to God for sustaining me through all sorts of days.
I am working on a presentation and seeking to regain energy and strength. I am hoping for a quiet weekend where I can get work done, go to church and feel more whole again.
I am so thankful for friends who support me (i.e. listen to me) when the going seems a bit harder.
And of course I am grateful to God for sustaining me through all sorts of days.
Monday, June 19, 2006
on my way back to my summer '06 home
Well I am in Detroit; it is pouring rain outside, the kind of rain that is blowing, soaking everything, is coming down fast and on a slant because of the wind. It is not the kind of rain that gardeners want, as it comes too quickly to soak into the ground; it runs off instead.
I am so tired! Whenever I visit my family I am up late at night, up again in the morning and busy all day in between sleep and waking. On Thursday I went to garage sales, a thrift store, had tea and lunch at my aunt’s house and talked. I got lots of things of course – the real surprise being 2 icons – never thought I would be given 2 icons at a garage sale in GR MI! I also got tons of candles, 2 shirts and some other kitchen things. I spend the whole night with my favourite cousin and then Friday I used to work on resumes and I packed almost all of my fragile things that are still at my parents home – teacups and saucers, tea plates, Holly Hobbie things and other decorations. Saturday was my close friend’s wedding – she was beautiful of course – and the wedding and reception went well. I am so honoured to have her in my life. That night I finished the packing of breakables after falling into an exhausted sleep on my parent’s couch. Sunday was church and visits with family for Father’s Day. My Grandmother gave me her bread machine.
I feel more and more that I am in the process of carving out a life for myself; I am more and more wanting a real apartment, with good paint and space for all of my (many) belongings. I have been waiting for over 10 years for this, and hope that I can have a job so I can move almost all of my things to Ottawa.
Meanwhile I will keep praying for this, and asking for God’s mercy and guidance.
I am so tired! Whenever I visit my family I am up late at night, up again in the morning and busy all day in between sleep and waking. On Thursday I went to garage sales, a thrift store, had tea and lunch at my aunt’s house and talked. I got lots of things of course – the real surprise being 2 icons – never thought I would be given 2 icons at a garage sale in GR MI! I also got tons of candles, 2 shirts and some other kitchen things. I spend the whole night with my favourite cousin and then Friday I used to work on resumes and I packed almost all of my fragile things that are still at my parents home – teacups and saucers, tea plates, Holly Hobbie things and other decorations. Saturday was my close friend’s wedding – she was beautiful of course – and the wedding and reception went well. I am so honoured to have her in my life. That night I finished the packing of breakables after falling into an exhausted sleep on my parent’s couch. Sunday was church and visits with family for Father’s Day. My Grandmother gave me her bread machine.
I feel more and more that I am in the process of carving out a life for myself; I am more and more wanting a real apartment, with good paint and space for all of my (many) belongings. I have been waiting for over 10 years for this, and hope that I can have a job so I can move almost all of my things to Ottawa.
Meanwhile I will keep praying for this, and asking for God’s mercy and guidance.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Wow! Unexpected Provision, Take Two
I am nearly fully astounded I think. First this morning left on the grad lounge table was a lovely soft cover large thick Cookbook called The Recipe Encyclopedia: the complete illustrated guide to cooking. When things are left on this table it is like the Side of the Road: FREE. So I now have this really cool cookbook, with great pictures!
[Side note: this of course is another reason to visit me and the others from St. Herman’s who DV will be living in Ottawa… I have another great source for making good food!]
Here is what really surprised me (and I was quite happy with the cookbook…) I found out today that I got a graduate bursary of 2 grand. Wow. I can totally save a bit of money for moving etc! This is incredible.
Though the fact that this week I have felt quite peaceful in general is an even bigger miracle. I am so grateful…
And to top it off I am going home to MI to DV:
*see one of my closest friends get married
*see family
*see other good friends
*go garage sale shopping with some female family members (mom, sister, cousin, aunts)
*go to my church in MI (I have 4 ½ churches)
*avoid doing homework!
*work on job resume
*hang out with my parents (and bug my Mom esp. … I have been advocating for some homemade chocolate chip cookies)
And of course this is a Fast-Free week! For the Feast of Pentecost. It is nice to have some feasting. I am praying that all goes well for me this week as I leave…
Hope everyone else is doing well…
[Side note: this of course is another reason to visit me and the others from St. Herman’s who DV will be living in Ottawa… I have another great source for making good food!]
Here is what really surprised me (and I was quite happy with the cookbook…) I found out today that I got a graduate bursary of 2 grand. Wow. I can totally save a bit of money for moving etc! This is incredible.
Though the fact that this week I have felt quite peaceful in general is an even bigger miracle. I am so grateful…
And to top it off I am going home to MI to DV:
*see one of my closest friends get married
*see family
*see other good friends
*go garage sale shopping with some female family members (mom, sister, cousin, aunts)
*go to my church in MI (I have 4 ½ churches)
*avoid doing homework!
*work on job resume
*hang out with my parents (and bug my Mom esp. … I have been advocating for some homemade chocolate chip cookies)
And of course this is a Fast-Free week! For the Feast of Pentecost. It is nice to have some feasting. I am praying that all goes well for me this week as I leave…
Hope everyone else is doing well…
Monday, June 12, 2006
short update -- and prayer opportunity! :)
I am going to be applying for two medical librarian positions in Ottawa! I have been blessed with a classmate (beginning her PhD) helping me with my resume…
This Wednesday I am going home to MI for one of my closet friend’s wedding! I look forward to a break and to seeing her, my family and church…
The job applications are due June 23 and June 30 – please pray!
This Wednesday I am going home to MI for one of my closet friend’s wedding! I look forward to a break and to seeing her, my family and church…
The job applications are due June 23 and June 30 – please pray!
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Unexpected Provision
So, nearly a month ago I stood by my icon corner and specifically asked God if I could have a 5-shelf bookshelf. I was able to go to the store that night and my friend’s dad assembled it for me. I had been thinking since then that I really wished I had a little night stand to put my alarm clock, glasses and the like on. Never thought to ask God for it. After I came back from grocery shopping (it got hot and humid here so I was out buying summerish food) someone had left a nightstand and two lamps (a tall one and a short cute squat one) by the side of the road! They are now cleaned and in my apartment – I had really wanted a lamp for my dinning room area, and again had not thought to ask for it. So I felt so encouraged. And this morning I read Psalm 120 and 121 and felt like maybe I could actually believe that God will take care of me and bring me back to Ottawa, with a job. That things were not going to suddenly go terribly wrong and that, with God’s grace, I could work towards my goal of returning Ottawa and it could happen.
I feel that I need a lot of wisdom to know how to best care for my future, and how to think of it; how to prepare and what to do to find a job… I think what I will ask now is for this wisdom…
I feel that I need a lot of wisdom to know how to best care for my future, and how to think of it; how to prepare and what to do to find a job… I think what I will ask now is for this wisdom…
Monday, May 29, 2006
Finishing up
I am done with my paper that is due today! – I had to start over a third of it over late Friday night because I misunderstood the database, as I was unfamiliar with it! Live and learn…
I am so tired though and slept very poorly last night – I am looking forward to being home tonight with my cat!
Down below it was Memorial Day (in Canada we have Victoria Day, which is a week before) and my family was camping for the weekend. I missed being able to call them and even more missed camping with them! I love the woods, camp fires, pizza's made on the fire and s'mores. Oh well.
It has been fun to read the blogs of those of us who are traveling! I will not be doing much traveling this summer, though I will go down to see my friend get married in about two weeks.
I am so tired though and slept very poorly last night – I am looking forward to being home tonight with my cat!
Down below it was Memorial Day (in Canada we have Victoria Day, which is a week before) and my family was camping for the weekend. I missed being able to call them and even more missed camping with them! I love the woods, camp fires, pizza's made on the fire and s'mores. Oh well.
It has been fun to read the blogs of those of us who are traveling! I will not be doing much traveling this summer, though I will go down to see my friend get married in about two weeks.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
reflections on the place (time) i am in...
I am in the central library of my little city right now; I am on the third floor, and have window seat as it were for the tops of buildings; I can see the spires of an old church in the distance. It is quiet here; I am aware also of the loneliness of my surroundings; not the books, or the people treading quiet on carpet, but that I am in library school and often feel like I do not quite fit. For instance, it is surprisingly unusual for library students to go to public libraries as a public place; for me I go usually every Saturday. I am Orthodox and there is only one person at my church near my age in my little London church; this person I know only by acquaintance; he is often gone because of his work and though we share the same church space, I feel that we are worlds apart. I find the realization of my loneliness, no matter how temporary, to be hard. It is where the mire of self-pity tempts me the most—that I am different and somehow alone.
When I was in Ottawa I was sometimes aware of loneliness there—that I was new in town, that people at the church I love do not know me well (save a few exceptions) but I was usually happy at church, esp. when I would be feeding people, cleaning up or spending time with specific people. I miss my spiritual father there so much – I could feel better just sitting next to him or nearby. I had never experience this sort of thing before—a loving father who can also guide me in spiritual things. Not that I did not have wonderful priests before—not at all—but with all my moving around and the past uncertainty in my life, I never made the connection like I have with the priest at my church there. I feel so lucky, so blessed (an old version of the Psalms in the BCP uses the word ‘luck’ so I for one do not mind using this word) to have had the many experiences at my church. I long to return, more and more.
If I fear anything right now, one of the top fears is that I will not be able to return; that I will have to continue to live in exile. And I think in some ways I have been living in exile for a very long time, so this desire is very present within me. Yet I have hope—yes, hope in God; also hope in things I have presently: doing the flowers for my little church here, my friends, the Akatist I am praying slowly through one page per night, in the fact that God has provided for me every step of the way; that I have been taught by my spiritual father that God takes our desires into account, that I can sincerely and humbly present my request, my desire to live in Ottawa, to Him; that God listens; cares; saves.
What greater hope is there than this! How blessed I am…
I am in my program’s smallish library now; late last night, as I was sitting in my old gold chair, journaling, with Cleo the Cat near by, I realized that one of the reasons I had been more aware of loneliness is because my week has been so intense—I have been gone daily between 10 and 13 plus hours from home, working on school work—I find that I feel really isolated when I work so much. Like I am suddenly disconnected from my family, friends, sense of place; as if calling my parents (I do this quite often) was like talking to them after days and days of being away. I have a paper to finish this morning (I am exhausted and do not want to even look at it) and then after a 3 hour class this afternoon, and a meeting after that, I have to start my next paper – it is due Monday (today being Thursday) and I refuse to work on it on Sunday. This means more intense work this weekend.
Thank God for His mercy; that God will sustain me through this. Pray for me if you would…
When I was in Ottawa I was sometimes aware of loneliness there—that I was new in town, that people at the church I love do not know me well (save a few exceptions) but I was usually happy at church, esp. when I would be feeding people, cleaning up or spending time with specific people. I miss my spiritual father there so much – I could feel better just sitting next to him or nearby. I had never experience this sort of thing before—a loving father who can also guide me in spiritual things. Not that I did not have wonderful priests before—not at all—but with all my moving around and the past uncertainty in my life, I never made the connection like I have with the priest at my church there. I feel so lucky, so blessed (an old version of the Psalms in the BCP uses the word ‘luck’ so I for one do not mind using this word) to have had the many experiences at my church. I long to return, more and more.
If I fear anything right now, one of the top fears is that I will not be able to return; that I will have to continue to live in exile. And I think in some ways I have been living in exile for a very long time, so this desire is very present within me. Yet I have hope—yes, hope in God; also hope in things I have presently: doing the flowers for my little church here, my friends, the Akatist I am praying slowly through one page per night, in the fact that God has provided for me every step of the way; that I have been taught by my spiritual father that God takes our desires into account, that I can sincerely and humbly present my request, my desire to live in Ottawa, to Him; that God listens; cares; saves.
What greater hope is there than this! How blessed I am…
I am in my program’s smallish library now; late last night, as I was sitting in my old gold chair, journaling, with Cleo the Cat near by, I realized that one of the reasons I had been more aware of loneliness is because my week has been so intense—I have been gone daily between 10 and 13 plus hours from home, working on school work—I find that I feel really isolated when I work so much. Like I am suddenly disconnected from my family, friends, sense of place; as if calling my parents (I do this quite often) was like talking to them after days and days of being away. I have a paper to finish this morning (I am exhausted and do not want to even look at it) and then after a 3 hour class this afternoon, and a meeting after that, I have to start my next paper – it is due Monday (today being Thursday) and I refuse to work on it on Sunday. This means more intense work this weekend.
Thank God for His mercy; that God will sustain me through this. Pray for me if you would…
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