Saturday, November 25, 2006

thoughts written from/on my kitchen table

I wrote the comment below on Stacy’s blog (http://theloveofgodismadness.blogspot.com/) …

It is a challenge; sometimes I think that if one does not find their mate in school, or if they do not show up at church, it is really hard to find one at all… I seem to have three distinct groups of friends:

Christians who are single and are not dating (I only know of one friend who may be going into the dating stage)
Christians who are married
My non-Christian friends are more diverse, but in general they have someone they consider a partner or have just broken up with one… their lives are very different in this area, as their beliefs are quite different than the Christians I know and have as my friends…

Anyway, here’s the comment:



As I sit in the quiet of the morning, in my kitchen... I am not sure what to say, but I think there is some real validity to this.

sometimes life circumstances themselves lead to this catch-22... for me I have a MLIS (a master for librarians to be librarians) and am slowly building a professional career. a lot of my goals are happening: I have the apartment now, the cutest Cat Cleo, am living in the city I desired, going to the orthodox church that is my home, ...

and I know, at least at church, according to my friends there, I appear home-like, as in apple crumble or Neapolitan ice cream. I love to cook, love home stuff, but...

I still have found no one to marry etc. so I guess the one thing that I am not sure about is the softness issue;

I think a lot of it also has to do with what one wants; what is non-negotiable...

for me I would need a faithful orthodox Christian, one who reads, thinks and is intelligent. and education and job actually may be an issue. I find it a really strange thing to think that I would be making more than my potential husband. esp. when I would not want to feel that I have no choice but to work FT... or work at all, when the potential kids were young.

it creates real challenges.

the other challenge is that as those who are SWANS who have made a place for themselves and who are passing or have passed their 20's and may not want to move and start a new life somewhere else... (location seems to be an issue, the more non-negotiables, the less people in an area who would match/fit...)

I would be interested in reading the book about this that was mentioned in the end of the article...

4 comments:

Simply Victoria said...

is it hard being single? I wonder if it's easier for some than for others. I don't know. I often envy my single friends their mobility and freedome, while at the same time, I would never wish away all the blessings I have been given. I just wonder.

elizabeth said...

i think it is a hard question to answer. i think it can be very hard to be single; i struggle often with feeling totally unseen... so many of my freinds, and good freinds at that, are married; i often feel like they have no idea what it is like to have to be alone, to struggle to maintain life ... working FT, doing all the house-related things, and everything else, by one's self...

i do have a freedom of choice... i live alone and can have my house in whatever way i leave it;

but my curtians are not hung; it takes 2 people to do it; i carry laundry down 5 flights to the laundry room; if i want groceries, i have to walk and carry them; there is no one present to talk to; i have to pick up the phone; no hugs from family (i chose ottawa), ... these are the things that are hard...

and there is no one to help support me $$ as well... my contract ends jan 26, and i am trying not to worry...

so it can be a burden to be single; i struggle daily to trust God for my needs, that i will have a job, that i can keep my apartment, have the strength to carry on and do it well, and not get sick (i have no sick days, no vacation days)...

but: i know that i have no experience being married; i have no idea how hard it can be, or at times how lonely, or what it feels like when one may disagree with their mate, or when their children worry them, or worse...

that God for GOD. that He is with all of us, in the times of struggle and in the times of joy...

He never leaves us, He promises...

Simply Victoria said...

Solitude, or the constant chaos of a family. I have single christian friends who really hate being single, and want nothing more than to be married with kids (single men and women alike!). I just don't have a perspective on their struggle, and tend to think 'what, are they crazy? the single life must be so grand!'.
thanks for shedding some light.

elizabeth said...

your welcome... sometimes the solitude is wonderful; but solitude, when not chosen, can be difficult at times; i read once that the difference between solitude and lonliness is that one is chosen...

though i think the saints show a better way..... to learn to dwell in God's presence always, is the deepest reality of all, and is not lonely...