New jobs sure are tiring! I get tons of training – a new thing for me – I am still in the nervous stage. You know the ‘is my skirt on strait, did I spill on myself?’ and ‘can I really do this job?!’ questions.
I am still taking it all in; the one year position that I have is a position that one usually needs at least 3 to 5 years to have; and believe me, I am really not a super-star librarian at all. GOD is the only reason for this – His provision, His grace, His enabling. (Also, related to God is the prayers of many who love me and the prayers of the Saints, esp. St. Nicholas and St. Xenia and St. Herman).
I feel like professionally this job is going to ‘grow me up’ as it were. I have to learn a lot and become independent professionally in ways I have not learned as of yet. The learning opportunities in this is great – I am really grateful for it, and a bit intimidated.
I guess I am becoming an adult in new ways – today I got life insurance (through work!) and put my mother down as my beneficiary; I learned about pensions and the like. I never thought I would ever have such a job – with benefits. As my parents still do not have such a job, I am astounded.
I feel like this is all such a surprising gift that I struggle not to feel conspicuous or guilty for it. Yet I walk forward in it all, thinking it must be okay, as no one but God could of arranged this…