Thursday, October 24, 2013

One of those days...

It's sunny this morning.
For various reasons I am quite tired
and I realized that today I have to rest.
No baking today.

I got my silver candle sticks polished earlier this week;
I had forgotten how they gleamed.

This week has been one that is good but hard;
hard to hear of beloved friend's struggles and suffering.
Hard as I keep tripping up with insomnia
for this reason or that.
I told Mr. Husband I have been running on some sort of
faulty autopilot.
The other day I went to our near by grocery,
talked to the neighbour lady on the way,
got the few things I needed,
one I did not ~ key west lime juice ~
{I hope to make Mr. Husband a nice pie}
got to the till, was chatting a bit with the
mother of a young baby ahead of me,
then got my few things rung in
and then it hit me.
I forgot my purse.
So the checkout person kept my stuff in a bag
at the till, I walked home,
thinking cereal, wallet, I don't want to forget to pick up a
bag of cereal, 
went back, changed into my rain coat and hat,
since rain had started,
grabbed my purse and went back to the store.
Only to find a tall homeless man
smoking a cigarette that was down to the stub
who asked me for $25.00 to buy some new shoes.
Food I had to give, a little money yes, but $25.00 no.
He begged.
I felt horrible.
His name is Don, I asked, saying I would pray for him.
He did not want the prayers but the money.
I felt so rotten/miserable guilty that I
even called Mr. Husband at work about it,
once I left the man who took the cookies and change
but kept asking for more...
My Grandma read this book and assured me that it was
better not to give the money, that much.
I told her that if there had been a shoe store there,
I would of bought him some shoes.
The man named Don was gone when I came
back out with my groceries in tow.
Given that the USA has some of the worst food laws
in Western worlds anyway,
and that milk and butter is suspect,
I buy organic here; but it made me feel like a
downright heel, with my organic food
and not giving the man the money.
Well, I know prayer is a lot better than money.
Poverty is so difficult.
He was a rough looking guy; I knew he was
guilting me up and down for the money he wanted
but somehow it smote me inside.

I've been thinking about that a lot I guess.
And about those who are without.
Poverty, struggle, that so many do not have
proper food.
When I bake bread,
I keep wishing I could give it to those who
really need it.
Yet here I am,
tired today knowing I need to rest up to regain
I guess it is a mystery.
Why some are born poor, some middle class,
some rich.
I listened to a wonderful sermon about
how God gives us what we need in life
for our salvation
and that for everyone it is different.
I've also read that riches is a test from God
to those it is given,
and with my ability to buy organic food,
that counts me in...

Oh that God will have mercy on us!
God who is so deeply merciful!
May Christ reach down and save us,
as He did St. Peter when he was sinking in the
deep waters.
May Christ so come to us.


Matushka Anna said...


E Helena E said...

This is a difficult situation in which one is often torn and uncertain about doing the right thing. I miss you and really value all your updates!

Juliana said...

It is hard; we have so many beggars, especially near us, as we are so close to major roadways, and I am always at a loss of the best thing to do.

The thing that came to my mind when I was reading was, "The poor you will always have among you, and whenever you wish, you can do good to them, but you will not always have me." (Mark 14;7) make of it what you will.

Hoping you can get some rest soon; sleep deprivation makes everything seem a little grayer and hard to decipher.

Michelle M. said...

It is difficult to know the right thing to do in situations like that. My husband always errs on the side of helping, but will do so through actions rather than giving money. He will get the person a warm meal and drive them somewhere. But I am uncomfortable with these actions sometimes because you never know if the person has a knife or a gun on them. I worry for my husband's safety and the safety of my family. Prayer is the best remedy and the best way to help someone when you can't do so in physical ways. Hugs!!

Orthocathfacingeast said...

Thanks for sharing this.
God bless you...

Elizabeth @ The Garden Window said...

I also would err on the side of buying items rather than giving cash...but it is a hard call indeed.

Sorry you are having a tough day; I hope you manage to get a good night's sleep and feel better soon!

Lisa said...

Yes. Amen.
I was also quite wiped out.

Martha said...

I was listening to this (while painting the flowers inside our new church), this week, and thought that Fr. Seraphim Rose touches on this subject of giving, perhaps (7 minutes into the talk he gave in 1982)
Although I've always never wanted to be taken advantage of and will give, but not always, and not EXACTLY what they ask for (usually $), but what they NEED. ♥ I would've done what you did.