(picture by our wonderful photographers)
12. Patience as you get routines down
When one is newly married, it takes time
to settle in and get new routines.
Same with any significant change ~ job, child, a move.
It takes time and things often
do not go as quick as one would like.
Just realizing and accepting this can really help.
13. Family Meetings
Something that helps Mr. Husband and I
is having family meetings.
These sometimes are to discuss something that
is bothering us.
They are also used to discuss what we need to get done
in the following week,
or what each other's priorities are and
figuring out how to prioritize things together.
When having family meetings,
especially when they have to do with something that is
bothering you or your spouse,
(avoiding green-stamping as we discussed earlier)
it is important to remind oneself of the big picture:
that the person you married is much better and more than
the problem you see attached to them.
Another very important key is when one is discussing
something that merits a 'this is bothering me' conversation
it is important to remind the other person that
you love them and that whatever the person is doing
while it is bothering you in some way,
it does not mean or equal to a failure on the other person's part.
Sometimes it is sadly easy to 'point a figure' at the other person
and forget that it is only one aspect of that person AND
that you yourself have probably done the same thing
or worse.
Giving the person time, the benefit of the doubt
and assurances of one's love for them is important
during this time.
And it is so easy to forget this in what we call
'the heat of the moment.'
14. Flexibility
Things change quickly sometimes.
For myself and Mr. Husband,
my getting mono in month 5 of our marriage
changed a lot of things
in rapid succession.
All of a sudden all the things I loved doing as a wife,
cooking, cleaning, baking, grocery shopping, laundry
for instance
I was unable to do.
We have to figure out new ways of doing things.
Some of our solutions were
ordering groceries, sending some laundry out when it got bad, etc.
Everyone will have different solutions
when something like this happens.
It takes some time to figure it out
but it can be done.
Sometimes one also has to accept that
sometimes one's standards have to be lowered.
That fully orderly house or
having fresh baked goods
or no laundry in the hamper
may not happen.
And that is OK.
Of course if you live near family or friends,
don't be afraid to ask for help.
For myself,
I had to learn to communicate more on a daily basis
on how I felt and what I felt I could or could not do.
15. Monastery Visits
Visiting health monasteries is a boon to anyone,
including married couples.
We can be given a short respite,
new strength,
inspiration and courage to go on in our daily lives.
We are introduced often through these visits also
to very good spiritual literature that can help us
as families.
*
So,
these are the lessons I am aware of learning so far!
We are nearing our first year anniversary!
The biggest thing I or my husband
or anyone could say though is that it is ALL done by
God's mercy.
Our Lord Jesus Christ is the Source of ALL good,
of all mercy, of all redemption.
With the Lord,
the Church and all the Saints,
our Guardian Angels,
our marriage can be protected
and the rough patches can be weathered
by the grace and mercy of God.
*
From what I understand every marriage
goes through times of trial and of struggle.
But I also understand that with God's mercy,
we and our marriages can survive and
we pray even flourish!
As one older woman told me recently,
there are peaks and valleys
but God is with us through them all.
*Note: As is obvious as I am married less than 1 year: My lessons learned on marriage are ongoing and of course are not replacing the many good sources on marital harmony or help. Talking to one's priest,
to a counselor whose goal is to sustain marriages and many books may be of help.
A few books I know of on marriage are found here.
12. Patience as you get routines down
When one is newly married, it takes time
to settle in and get new routines.
Same with any significant change ~ job, child, a move.
It takes time and things often
do not go as quick as one would like.
Just realizing and accepting this can really help.
13. Family Meetings
Something that helps Mr. Husband and I
is having family meetings.
These sometimes are to discuss something that
is bothering us.
They are also used to discuss what we need to get done
in the following week,
or what each other's priorities are and
figuring out how to prioritize things together.
When having family meetings,
especially when they have to do with something that is
bothering you or your spouse,
(avoiding green-stamping as we discussed earlier)
it is important to remind oneself of the big picture:
that the person you married is much better and more than
the problem you see attached to them.
Another very important key is when one is discussing
something that merits a 'this is bothering me' conversation
it is important to remind the other person that
you love them and that whatever the person is doing
while it is bothering you in some way,
it does not mean or equal to a failure on the other person's part.
Sometimes it is sadly easy to 'point a figure' at the other person
and forget that it is only one aspect of that person AND
that you yourself have probably done the same thing
or worse.
Giving the person time, the benefit of the doubt
and assurances of one's love for them is important
during this time.
And it is so easy to forget this in what we call
'the heat of the moment.'
14. Flexibility
Things change quickly sometimes.
For myself and Mr. Husband,
my getting mono in month 5 of our marriage
changed a lot of things
in rapid succession.
All of a sudden all the things I loved doing as a wife,
cooking, cleaning, baking, grocery shopping, laundry
for instance
I was unable to do.
We have to figure out new ways of doing things.
Some of our solutions were
ordering groceries, sending some laundry out when it got bad, etc.
Everyone will have different solutions
when something like this happens.
It takes some time to figure it out
but it can be done.
Sometimes one also has to accept that
sometimes one's standards have to be lowered.
That fully orderly house or
having fresh baked goods
or no laundry in the hamper
may not happen.
And that is OK.
Of course if you live near family or friends,
don't be afraid to ask for help.
For myself,
I had to learn to communicate more on a daily basis
on how I felt and what I felt I could or could not do.
15. Monastery Visits
Visiting health monasteries is a boon to anyone,
including married couples.
We can be given a short respite,
new strength,
inspiration and courage to go on in our daily lives.
We are introduced often through these visits also
to very good spiritual literature that can help us
as families.
*
So,
these are the lessons I am aware of learning so far!
We are nearing our first year anniversary!
The biggest thing I or my husband
or anyone could say though is that it is ALL done by
God's mercy.
Our Lord Jesus Christ is the Source of ALL good,
of all mercy, of all redemption.
With the Lord,
the Church and all the Saints,
our Guardian Angels,
our marriage can be protected
and the rough patches can be weathered
by the grace and mercy of God.
*
From what I understand every marriage
goes through times of trial and of struggle.
But I also understand that with God's mercy,
we and our marriages can survive and
we pray even flourish!
As one older woman told me recently,
there are peaks and valleys
but God is with us through them all.
*Note: As is obvious as I am married less than 1 year: My lessons learned on marriage are ongoing and of course are not replacing the many good sources on marital harmony or help. Talking to one's priest,
to a counselor whose goal is to sustain marriages and many books may be of help.
A few books I know of on marriage are found here.
3 comments:
You should write a book! I just saw this and had to share this sweet picture of mice with you: http://mouseshouses.blogspot.com/2013/08/proposal.html
Thanks Martha! Every blogger I think wishes to be a writer... that includes me :)
very cute picture of mice! Thanks for showing me! :)
Marriage always has its ups and downs; some can be very difficult and painful. It is a form of martyrdom but a huge part in dealing with the difficulties is always to see your partner as a beloved child of God and your partner, whom you choose freely to spend your life with. Respect is essential, as are consideration and kindness.
Post a Comment