And that was Monday...

Well, what a Monday.

I talked to a friend very early in the day, a good conversation,

I am still pondering it.

Today things got cleaned.

I still have more laundry to do.

I still have more errands to do. Always to do.

HOWEVER, tonight. Tonight I finished Rossi's healing presence book.

And it was prefect, how the end mirrors the beginning.

And I want to read it again. 

I found it a most encouraging insightful book.

I am enjoying these Journals too. 

And that was probably the most peaceful part of today.

Rossi's book, towards the end, talks about ambiguity and the need to 

living with a lot of not knowing.

I would say that is the hardest part of the whole unbloggable saga

we have been in, just so many levels of that.

Things are a bit better (but yet so many levels of uncertainty) 

but I feel we have more supports in place that are helping us 

deal with those layers of unknowing.

This sort of growth is hard and we are weary,

even if a bit more peaceful.

But I am finding that by looking for peaceful moments,

one is more likely to have them.

I am pondering Miss Read and Tasha Tudor.

I recently read Miss Read's Early Days and she talks

about focusing on the things of life that bring joy, a sense of peace

and well-being - for Miss Read nature was a big part of this

and it shows in her books, quiet, calm, ordered books, 

full of characters with struggles, eccentricities and weakness,

and she loves them all.... this is one of the most remarkable things about 

Miss Read, she just loves people and this pours out into her books, 

as she loves those she creates in her novels.

 Tasha Tudor does this too, this looking to nature and such

but I feel that Tasha was a bit more complicated and frankly, 

based on what I have read about her childhood, 

from her account and this one, that is rather a forthright telling of a complicated tale,

that her life had a lot of upheaval when she was young

and encouraged her to grasp for life on her own terms and the way she wanted.

I could not miss how she said two times in her Private World book that she 

always got what she wanted.  Yes, but I think she probably ignored the price

at which this cost her.

Anyway, the biggest thing I wanted to ponder and write about,

I who loved esp. the pictures in her Private World and much of what she had to say,

is that there is a difference between being unwilling to look at oneself,

as unknowable as one can be to oneself (I love that in Thrush Green

Miss Read has Agnes understanding her dear friend Dorothy better than

Dorothy understood herself) and completely will yourself

to never think of your failures or what has gone wrong in one's life.

I feel like Tasha Tudor blurred that line a bit too much

and it really caused a falling out with some of her children.

(I am talking about the line in her book about sometimes memories of 

her failures comes to her but she immediately casts such thoughts away

and looks at the beauty of nature instead).

But she had such difficulties herself with her parents, such as they were

and I feel that many become, in part, the adults that they are, because they 

can not fully face the possible pain/instability of their childhood

and it seems that Tasha's determination to look to what is beautiful and 

in nature rather than think of her mistakes is in that line...but ... it is hard and I am not 

writing this with a dislike towards Tasha, no, I love the tea she drank, I love the pictures in the

Private World; rather, merely, I refuse to do a hero worship that would keep me from

seeing her as a complicated person who had successes and failures in life

and that it is better to sort them out and accept her as she was but not 

think that one must emulate everything about her.

***

In all of this, I am seeking to figure out the line between what it means to be

keep oneself in a peaceful state inwardly, which of course ultimately, 

I believe only can come from God and from prayer, however, 

I am also aware and pondering what it means to do, as Rossi recommends,

be in the present moment, to not allow oneself to worry about a future that one 

does not know or control; what is the difference between a wrongful denial of 

reality, a denial that is taking place because one wants to stay at peace, and the 

rightful way of being that nurtures and sustains inward peace because one is not involving 

themselves with things that are disturbing or out of one's control.

I am glad that my life is such that I can, at least for now,

cultivate a peaceful home, a quiet life and ponder such things.

I pray I always will have this but my biggest prayer is that

I will be saved and in God's will, however that comes to be. 

***

ps: about the pictures above:

I am slowing knitting a boarder for a new many coloured blanket, joining all the

squares in this one as I go, a lovely way to do it, that had

been suggested to me via my blog some long time back.

Also I was putting away sugar I bought for baking and moved one of my 

jars of corn starch and lo and behold, there was my missing 1 tbs spoon that was part

of the set I got as a wedding shower gift! 

Very pleased to have this back! 

***

pps: my system, physically, is a bit 'off' and I don't know why.

Stress? nerves? other? I won't write on it here more than this mention

but I would appreciate prayers nonetheless for a common aliment that is 

cropping up too much for my liking. Prayers requested...