Monday, October 29, 2018

Sunday: much better, with memories of song and silence

Liturgy this morning, such a blessing to be there.
Talked with the dear man dealing with his wife's unexpected cancer.
Making me think that I need to get going on the bookstore things
so that I can do some more orders,
and get this book: Cancer, My Love.
It's a very well known book, my dear friend in Romania,
she read it, her Mother, her friends... 
I am also getting the Thanksgiving Dinner plans going and 
am so glad about that, and that I can get a lot of the food
delivered, as much as I would love to do it all myself,
this is now crunch time in my life -
Nov-Dec: St Nicholas baking, Christmas baking, gift-making,
gift-preparing, wrapping, Christmas decorating, planning, mailing
and hopefully more quilt-sewing... 
Which means it times for my head cold to go away right? :)
Well, hopefully another week or so and it will be better
that it is... 

We had a walk to the local park,
nearly no one was there... even though it was so beautiful and sunny... 

The trees there still look green, though
I think they are turning yellow, as you can see leaves
on the ground that are such... 

So we live in a very urban area... many old buildings, beautiful churches,
if only they were full, if only more knew that Christ is the answer and would
search for Him... I pray that I can grow in this too... 

I told my Husband that this (above picture with the low clouds) is 
what it looks like in BC where I lived years ago, except 
those low clouds would be mountains... 

I finally remembered to take more books out of our freezer,
odd sentence, but my Husband is very wary of bedbugs so used books
spend a few days in the freezer! 
Well, thank God that this day was much better than yesterday,
I woke from a better sleep with this song in my head,
well the first 2 lines of it
"I am walking on air..."
and I knew that I woke with yesterday's struggle behind me.
I have not listened to that song in years, but it's one,
like the one about rain (I love a rainy night) that makes me think of my Dad
especially... we listened to 'country music' when Peter, Paul and Mary were considered
country music and I remember that the local radio station, when I was a kid
in the 1980s had a morning show that a bunch of my teachers were on once,
though I can't remember much else about it, other than my excitement. 
Did I ever tell you about my first awareness of silence?
Surely as a kid I had many moments of solitude 
(we lived on a highway, with a wood on the other side and fields all 
around us but no neighbours; now these fields are sold and are
full of houses, how things change)
and I had many happy times walking in those fields behind our house,
as a kid, so aware of God as my Father... I was very very blessed....
When I grew up and was at school in BC, 
I remember vividly having dinner with one friend in the Cafeteria and 
telling her how I came across a book that talked about 
being silent in prayer with God
and I remember telling my friend how this idea FREAKED me out
and she felt that too, us, in our early 20s, was scary... 
Even though I had already been to Bible School in Sweden where,
at least then, no music was allowed to be played
out loud, only with headphones. 
And I slow felt all the music I always listened to slowly being poured out of me,
until things were more quiet inside...
Years later, I went through an event that was very difficult for me,
a lot of grief, when I was new in Ottawa and I suddenly stopped listening to a lot of music.
It was pretty much overnight I think.
At the same time, Ancient Faith Radio was pretty new,
not many podcasts (maybe Molly, Fr Tom Hopko and Fredrica M-G?)
and blogs were new (this was 2005) and it was all new
and I found myself listening to Orthodox music, some classical and silence.
(I did some research and in 2005 the above mentioned podcasts had not even begun!)
I have listened to a lot of classical music in recent months, years.... 
I have to watch that I still have silence too; 
it's really not simple anymore;
social media, silence, prayer. 
Yet this is where we live.
This is what we have to navigate and where God placed us.
Just like blogs and us who have been blogging for years
(13 for me, actually probably 14 but my first blog is long gone
If you knew my life story since the inception of this blog,
you would be perhaps a bit amazed (as I am) at how some of the things
I wrote on have connections to my present life.
Let's just say my Husband and I's lives and selves are 'very well matched'
and it will be interesting to see what God does as the years go on.
I keep thinking of the dear man at our local church;
I have always been impacted by other's grief (etc) 
and I know that my own fear of future grief of losing my Husband
is there but also just the knowledge of loss...
I remember how depressed I was, from grief, in those early days.
And here we are, 13 years later, 13 years next month since my +Grandpa died,
less than 1 year since my +Aunt Karen died, two very significant people in my life.
May God help us all in whatever we are facing,
may we seek His will, His peace and His salvation,
above all things.


Gloriade said...

Hello Elizabeth, That was a beautiful blog today both in pictures and words. It's good when we feel we can share deep feelings and know that others will understand. can be difficult to find when there are words coming at us from all sides. And how important for our spiritual self to remember and practice just being still so we can hear and know God.

That is a beautiful park you were walking in and you still have so much autumn color to look forward to in the next few weeks.

elizabeth said...

Hello Gloriade: Thanks so much for your kindness in writing this comment... yes... it IS difficult... and for me also... YES, to learn to be still, to know God!!! God bless you!