I was worrying about something today,
feeling all heavy and unable to shake it,
read two fun books (here and here),
talked to an old friend on the phone
(that alone was a victory, sometimes when I get stuck in worry,
I have a hard time reaching out) and that conversation as such a blessing.
And then I went and did an errand, still waiting to get some
news about the thing I was worrying about.
And when I finally did, I found I was still a bit stuck.
And so I talked to my Mom and well, she and I are quite different;
she does not struggle like I have for years with anxiety; just different people,
different Crosses; anyway she said something that helped me re-focus and
settle in a more peaceful way.
Basically, she advised me to accept what today is.
Accept that today, this and this is what is happening;
accept it, love those in your life, be supportive,
even if you don't understand or don't know what it means long term;
it's one of those unbloggable hard places where the only clear direction
is to take the very next step and see what that step means and
then in time, another step, another waiting and so on.
In another way, it was encouragement that I have been counseled on in
various ways for years:
be with God today.
Be IN today.
Not obsessing about a past one wishes
was different in ways or thinking of a future that one
does not know and can't control.
See the good in today. BE in today.
LOVE today. Create that warm loving home that my Husband
can find comfort in. Light the candles.
Take the warm hot bath with other candles.
Listen to beautiful classical music.
Pray together. Read Scripture. Read your Psalter.
Accept the day for what it is and be at peace,
knowing that God sees the next steps,
the ones that I wish to see; the ones that I wonder about.
I still have a long way to go on this.
I have never been good with waiting or with what seems,
at least momentary, like a perplexing unknown.
And seek to be thankful, to not despair, to HOPE.
And that is all I need for what feels like a severe mercy of