(Day 5) without Cleo: swimming, ice cream, church and a nice meal

Breakfast with 2 teas...

Mr Husband and I went swimming...he did 20 laps! I however, did 8!

It was good to be swimming.

I woke up this morning thinking about Cleo and praying... 

Did another hard thing today, remember that little bit of ice cream left in the bottom

of the Trader Joes French Vanilla Ice Cream carton? 

Well, I had put it in a small pyrex container in our freezer so I had room for a new

carton of the same ice cream that I bought on Tuesday.

Mr Husband and I ate that ice cream together,

a sort of mourning ritual for me at the very least...

I had, I admit, ice cream 4 times today (one not pictured).

Yep, I am grieving for sure.

Once, when I was in a terrible roommate situation 

(I was young and the other person hurting), I ate a box of 

O Henry ice cream bars (O Henry is a candy bar you can get in Canada)

The snickers ice cream bars are as close to those as I can get

and I admit I love them.  But I also do not allow myself to get them often at all.

However, I did get some this past Wednesday after liturgy and lunch... 

It's funny what one thinks is an extravagant luxury. 

For me it is the candles you see above.

They were either given to me or our neighbours

were giving them away.

Smelled so very good. Comforting; a rich smell, full.

I however I did overheat the bathwater and it nearly scalded my feet.

Oops.  :)  I added cold water and let it cool down a bit... 

Lunch was an enjoyable chicken burger with mayo and a

spinach salad....

***

I was feeling a bit teary on and off today,

was struggling.

And I had not yet (until tonight) gotten to clean the house.

Had various bags on the floor, not put away,

and these bags + other things kept me thinking I suddenly

saw Cleo out of the corner of my eye.

I guess I am still a bit in the shock part of grief; 

I am still looking for her; thinking I saw her,

that somehow her death, was just a nightmare,

I will wake up soon and then realize, quickly, that I am

sadly, quite awake. 

This darling frame is so perfect, so tiny, sent from England from

Elizabeth and of course I cried.

I know what picture of Cleo I want in this frame.

This one, it will look so beautiful in the frame...

It's from this post.

I will probably print this small picture too so I have 2 I can choose from

(both from the same post when Cleo and I lived in Ottawa)

Of course the frame I will have standing horizontally, not vertically as I have photographed it!

Thank you again Elizabeth, this beautiful perfect frame will be most treasured!

You can see why I named Cleo the Cutest Cat of All of Canada! :)

It was good to be at vespers again tonight...

Mr Husband took us out to eat...

and then I made a (store-bought) blini each for us with French Vanilla Ice Cream, 

Strawberries and a dusting of Cocoa! 

After this, Thank God, I was finally able to get the house picked up.

Laundry done, dishes done, the counters cleaned, the tall candles we buy at

the grocery store soaking to get the labels off,

the coffee table (was just strewn with piles of books) clean.

Whew. 

The only thing left to finish is the candles and cleaning off my writing table.

I remembered what Joy has been writing about, how

after life throws another curve ball, she strives to re-establish routine and order.

She is such an inspiration to me, esp. as her own battles can be so fierce. 

***

I had a difficult moment when I realized that my external hard drive that I have had since

Ottawa days does not have a whole slew of folders of pictures.

To find them we are going to have to access my old hard drive and/or a 

click free backup machine/box/thing.  

But we don't have time to do that right now.

First, I have our Slava (the dinner celebrating our Patron Saint, Saint Phanourios +

our 7th wedding anniversary next week Sunday 

and I have a menu but it is going to take

some planning and figuring out.

Second, our new yet-to-be-assembled small buffet which we may get to this week.

Third, I am going to NYC (library book due, nonrenewable) Tuesday.

Wednesday Mr Husband works from home.

By Thursday I have to have all the things for the Slava, esp if I do the 

recipe I was thinking of, as the meat marinades for 2 days. 

Friday is clean-the-house-before-Company-Comes-on-Sunday

plus bake whatever I need to bake and know exactly what I need to prep

for Sunday.... since we plan on going to our far-away church that Sunday,

which does not leave me more than 4 or less hours to be ready.

***

The good news is that I have Cleo pictures I need for now,

and am hoping to get them printed soon...

This is SUCH a relief.

***

For the record, I did watch one Perry Mason episode this afternoon.

***

I am hoping to get back to my dreams, goals and routines but September

I am visiting a lot of family too so I will need to be flexible 

with myself on what is reasonable to accomplish. 

***

I am hoping to blog about Cleo for the next 40 days, 

which is a set time (not that grief is done that's not what I mean by set)

for grieving a person in the Orthodox church,

now I KNOW Cleo is a Cat, my Cleo Cat, and not a person.

I get that. 

But I think for the purposes of grief, 40 days is still a good thing.

I really appreciated Nancy's comment about grief for her cat being 6 months.

That makes a lot of sense.

***

One of the things I have to keep accepting about my grief over Cleo is that

there are going to be a lot of people who are well meaning but 

don't understand what Cleo meant to me, how much I loved her or how many 

stages of my life she was with me for.

And I just have to accept this and not get bothered by it;

just know that there are those in my life who DO understand

and that my Mother is one of them, who when Cleo was dying, told me 

that it was normal to feel sorrow and that it is to be expected. 

***

I am thankful, grateful, for it all.

I pray that whoever is reading this will find Christ,

and the comfort and hope that is in Christ,

no matter how difficult the situation one finds themselves in.

May God bless, sustain and help us!