(52) A quiet rainy day, peaceful while missing my Cleo Cat

It was a good day.

Walked 30 minutes!

Mr Husband worked from home.

I read a hard to find DE Stevenson book, 

The Tall Stranger

and loved it. 

It was a lovely day to have rain.

Cozy.

***

I was aware of missing Cleo more today.

I don't think I process her loss evenly,

as in it was super hard at the beginning but like 

I have read about injuries,

at first there is shock, later there is pain.

I miss Cleo.  I miss talking with and to her.

I miss seeing her.

It's just the way it is. 

52 days and it's just going to take a long time I think.

I have good days, I don't cry every day now.  But.  I miss her.

She's not coming back. 

I can never hold her again or feel her warm furry self. 

I had her 13 years; I was 29, I believe, when I got her. 

I will be 43 at the end of December.

29 to 43 is a big difference.

I am really glad for things that make losing Cleo easier than

it could have been for me.

Like being married to Mr Husband and having a nice home together.

The library in NYC I can go to and work.

Lots of things I can do.

***

I still feel, esp at times, a bit lost about the fact that I don't 

really have many friends local to me who are in my situation;

married but no kids and being a homemaker and not having a paid job.

Shoot, I finally came up with a phrase for the ever present question

of "what do you do?" that people ask her.

I say: everything but paid work and then list various things so that

people have something to latch on to; 

as in they don't know what to do with me; anomaly. 

There's a lot of really good reasons for me not to work

and I am really happy to be creating the home I have with my Husband; 

I know that my Husband is blessed by this

and I can be there for others in a way I could not if I was working. 

***

And I am slowly working on essays but really, between some 

unexpected but good coming-up-fast visits with friends and the 

wedding we are going to, and the fact that it's halfway to November and 

I have a lot of baking for St Nicholas day and Christmas + 4 or more

potential dinners or lunches I hope to do between now and then,

I am not really going to get to essay writing much until, 

God-willing, the new year. 

***

Praying for so many.

May the Lord have mercy on us all! 

(51) A beautiful day for walking in NYC

I did a ton of walking today!! 

Google fit reports that I had 200 move minutes, 37 heart points, 

15,170 steps, 1,835 calories burned and 3.55 miles walked!

I walked using light rail, the PATH train and the subway.

I walked during the lunch hour, meandering here and there. 

I walked to the subway after being at the library for some hours,

with a break to walk and have lunch, 

to the 23rd subway station and from there walked to 

Trader Joes (food, chocolate, the best soaps...!) and to Michael's

(for more fun yarn for knitting washcloths!) and then 

back to the PATBH to NJ to meet my friend for dinner

and go to the church class together!

It was great being at the library.  

I did a lot of planning, note taking and email errands

(I am so behind on emails, again!)

This (Junior's) cheesecake is seriously the best.

Beautiful restaurant I saw...very costly menu!

My much cheaper meal, a surprisingly good burger!

Dinner! So delicious! chicken tortilla soup and kale salad! 

This is the inside of a lovely small 'clutch' like mini-purse,

the fabric is coming out of the metal part.

Does anyone know how to fix this? 

Please advise! 

***

I had a really good day.

It was a blessing to see my friend.

One of the biggest things I struggle with is

routine and, as times, loneliness, 

so being able to go to the library and NYC is a real blessing.

I really enjoy it. 

***

Well, I am understandably tired now;

I was gone 12 hours from home!

I did have a moment when I was walking to the PATH to go back 

to NJ that I suddenly had this surge of happiness to go home

and see Cleo again and of course remembered right after that

this was not possible, that Cleo was not at home waiting for me.

That's really sad, that's she not here. It's a pI am rocess.

I am really glad I had Cleo to love. 

***

Makeup news: I got it down to 15 minutes this morning. 

Between having my brushes in order of use and getting the hang of it,

it will take much less time than at the beginning! 

I am still pondering it all.

***

I am so grateful for God's mercy.

Church class was really good again tonight.

That's a real blessing.

***

I pray that each of you is given 

the strenght, the comfort, the courage, that you need

and that all of us will see Christ above all, 

and His comfort, His salvation.... 

(50) ~ Canadian Thanksgiving 2019

What a good day this turned out to be...

I had some moments of sadness (Cleo's absence esp) but 

felt so glad that I FINALLY baked the turtle bars

(though I clearly made an error in making the 3rd little one, as I needed more

topping but will make it work...)

I also need to rewrite the recipe for these bars, perhaps tomorrow! 

***

We enjoyed hot turtle bar right before dinner...

I got out my little Canadian flag tray that I got at IKEA in Ottawa

before I moved, with the purpose of having Canadian Thanksgiving

in my new life with Mr Husband... 

***

Oh, to answer Granny Marigold's question about if I knew,

when I met my then boyfriend now Mr Husband for the first time

in Ottawa for Canadian Thanksgiving weekend...

if I knew he was going to become my Husband....

We had been emailing since later July of that year and, as we

were both older (I was then 34 and he was past 45), 

we were not dating to just 'have fun' dating.

Both of us do not see life that way - as in we would never had just 

dated without the hope of marriage. 

We talked about it tonight and we both agreed even on the same wording,

we would not have wanted to invest in a long distance relationship if there

was not a very distinct chance at marriage.

Actually Mr Husband is the only man I dated and I got my wish,

to date only one person and marry him! 

So by the time we met, I was already thinking marriage,

though we were still in the making-sure-this-was-indeed-a-good-thing

stage of things.... I knew more when I visited him in November in NJ

and even more when my Oma died and my now Husband then boyfriend

went to the funeral with me; he met so many relatives, as my Mom

is the youngest of 8 children and all my Aunts and Uncles are

grandparents by now and had all at least 2-3 children each themselves...

then I knew... and by December we were talking wedding plans... not sure

exactly how/when that happened but so it was... !

***

I really feel that my marriage to Mr Husband is really one of the 

miracles of God in my life, in our life.

And it is one that we ask God to protect every night;

we always pray for our marriage, as life is not easy

and marriage is a joy but also work and needs to be 

continually bathed in prayer.

Anyone who has been married more than a few years will tell you,

there are highs and lows in marriage, just like they are in life itself.

Prayer, communication, a willingness to see oneself and the other in truth

(i.e. you see not only one's failings but the other's point of view etc.)

and a good sense of humour are all 

"bare necessities" for a long lasting marriage...!

And I really feel that asking God for protection for one's marriage 

is so important; it is too easy to think one has it made already,

that one's marriage is a sure thing without work and prayer ... I believe that

living like this can lead to heartbreak...

***

Well, on to other things.... I practiced the makeup for the wedding,

got it down to 30 minutes, I am sure soon it will be 20 minutes with 

a bit more practice.  I am pleased with my progress!

***

I did so much laundry today! 

I had found some more great thick towels at the VNA rummage sale

and boy do I love the luxury of such

soft thick towels that I got for only a few dollars!

***

I listened to more of Tolkien's Silmarillion while I was

sort and folding laundry...

***

I also talked with my Grandma and later my Mom,

when I was washing dishes, before I made the 

turtle bars.

***

one of the things I listened to while baking was

this Hobbit music...

I can't really watch the Tolkien movies;

too much for me; 

I'd rather read them or listen to them any day,

but I enjoy some of the sound track...

***

Tomorrow I hope to go to NYC to my library and that really cheers me up.

I have somewhere to go now, 

a place to do work, even if slowly, on my writing,

a routine, familiar faces, a trip by PATH and subway that I have done

various times and that I enjoy.

This is really one of the turns for me for the better in my life.

Really helps me not only with the loss of Cleo but 

with when the weeks are long and I don't have anyone in particular to see.

So I find that this library makes all the difference for me,

at least in this part of my life,

this chapter of it, that is.

***

Well, it is beyond time for me to seek to sleep.

May God bless and protect us all!

And help us when things are difficult, exhausting,

worrying and a huge struggle... 

(47) Clean and Quiet

I was finally able to do some phone errands today!

And the house did get a cleaning...

I had to rest too, however, not sure what the cause was,

but I did not feel that good in the afternoon...

I did have my flu shot yesterday and my arm was still

hurting today from it!

I am feeling a lot better tonight, thank God!

Mr Husband brought home this beautiful bouquet of yellow flowers!

I am praying that tomorrow is a good day for me and that I can 

prepare the food as planned for the small Sunday dinner.

***

I was missing Cleo today, I miss her presence,

her being nearby.

***

I pray that each of you, no matter what exhaustion, illness or worry

you may have, that yet you are given the grace to keep on,

and that you are reminded that you are alone and 

that we have much to grant us hope...

(46) I found that to be fun

I woke up early...

It was a sunny morning, but I could tell it was cold! 

I had gotten up early so that I could be ready for grocery delivery by 8 AM!

The delivery man said that at 4 AM his truck did not need the refrigerator part on

as it was only 35F at the time in there! 

***

Well, if you have known me a long time, 

you would know that I am a bit of a nerd. 

I like to do things right when I am doing them.

So, I had another (my last) makeup lesson.

Yep. And I brought the notes she wrote last time,

a typed up note of what I knew I wanted to buy this time,

and a pen to write more notes and masking tape.

The kind makeup artist/teacher was like 

why did you bring masking tape?

HA! It was because she had different brushes for different things.

I brought my own (newly cleaned) brushes and when

we went from step to step, I quickly tore off a bit of tape,

wrapped it to the brush she said was the right one and numbered it. 

Yep. Nerdy! :)

But hey, makeup for the wedding will be a breeze.

I know exactly what to do and what to use and it's all set.

And I can tell that I was right to return one thing (itch factor) and get

a few other things ... my makeup had been on for hours, no 

dry skin, no itch, no problems. 

So that's a problem solved!  

***

Then I went to JC Penny.

I brought the necklace with.

The picture above was the first things I found.

The reds were too bright 

(as fellow customer who was kind confirmed it when I asked her

opinion on them as well).

I put them all back.

Then I found these 4 and used a necklace display for a quick

social media discussion (and I called my Mom right away as she is my 

number one fashion consultant) and took these pictures:

 The pair I choose, that my Mom and others also liked, and the one

I liked the best, is the last one in the 4 pictures above. 

Then I went on to my eye doctors and got my new glasses.

They are really great, I am quite pleased with them.

And they are the same colour red, I believe. 

So right when I was looking at the earrings and the necklace before buying 

the earrings, I took the necklace out of it's cloth bag and found that it had

broken! I was shocked! But thank God it was not really broken,

a small ring had come loose and so 2 pieces had separated. 

I went to Kay Jewelers and a man fixed the ring for me, free of charge! 

***

At home I found that one of the rings was not closed very well...

at first I thought it was perhaps the one he fixed but later I felt it was

actually another place, and boy was I glad to have caught the second ring

having a problem too!

After dinner, I found my jewelry making kit I bought this summer and 

fixed it! Meanwhile, dinner was leftovers and a salad!

I used my new tray for the first time!

While I could not make the opening look fully closed, 

I am pretty sure the small ring holding the 2 pieces together is 

much more secure.

***

I wanted to share a sweet email card I got in the first week of Cleo dying.

It made me cry but is so sweet and I really appreciate it.

I will always love my Cleo Cat!

***

One more happy thing:

my Husband bought this grey vest for 3$ at the VNA rummage sale

and not only did it fit great but I think it goes well with this suit jacket!

Obviously he will NOT wear it with a stripped shirt,

that was merely the shirt he was wearing today to work.

I am so pleased as he lost the vest that went with this jacket and pants.

Now we have everything figure out for sartorial consideration and planning

for our friend's wedding! :) 

***

Also I found an inexpensive sparkly deep/dark red nail polish that I may wear for the

wedding... :) I had a lot of fun getting things for this special occasion

and know that all of the things I have found/gotten I will use again, DV.

after the wedding!  I am already thinking of possible future outfits

with the new jewelry and hat... 

***

Well, it was a fun "light" day and sometimes those days are nice to have.

Tomorrow is clean-the-house day and begin preparing for the 

dinner party on Sunday night that we DV (=Lord willing)

hope to have!

***

I pray that God's mercy will be with us 

no matter if our day was an easier one or a deeply

difficult day....