It was a good day.
Walked 30 minutes!
Mr Husband worked from home.
I read a hard to find DE Stevenson book,
The Tall Stranger
and loved it.
It was a lovely day to have rain.
Cozy.
***
I was aware of missing Cleo more today.
I don't think I process her loss evenly,
as in it was super hard at the beginning but like
I have read about injuries,
at first there is shock, later there is pain.
I miss Cleo. I miss talking with and to her.
I miss seeing her.
It's just the way it is.
52 days and it's just going to take a long time I think.
I have good days, I don't cry every day now. But. I miss her.
She's not coming back.
I can never hold her again or feel her warm furry self.
I had her 13 years; I was 29, I believe, when I got her.
I will be 43 at the end of December.
29 to 43 is a big difference.
I am really glad for things that make losing Cleo easier than
it could have been for me.
Like being married to Mr Husband and having a nice home together.
The library in NYC I can go to and work.
Lots of things I can do.
***
I still feel, esp at times, a bit lost about the fact that I don't
really have many friends local to me who are in my situation;
married but no kids and being a homemaker and not having a paid job.
Shoot, I finally came up with a phrase for the ever present question
of "what do you do?" that people ask her.
I say: everything but paid work and then list various things so that
people have something to latch on to;
as in they don't know what to do with me; anomaly.
There's a lot of really good reasons for me not to work
and I am really happy to be creating the home I have with my Husband;
I know that my Husband is blessed by this
and I can be there for others in a way I could not if I was working.
***
And I am slowly working on essays but really, between some
unexpected but good coming-up-fast visits with friends and the
wedding we are going to, and the fact that it's halfway to November and
I have a lot of baking for St Nicholas day and Christmas + 4 or more
potential dinners or lunches I hope to do between now and then,
I am not really going to get to essay writing much until,
God-willing, the new year.
***
Praying for so many.
May the Lord have mercy on us all!
