Monday

I really appreciate it that my blog community

appreciates and sees the beauty

I seek to create in my teas.

*

It is a learning curve for me,

to put together a good tea

and be a good hostess.

**

In time I may read up on the etiquette of hosting dinner parties

and teas, from how to prepare the food,

the table;

am also interested in learning more about conversations

and engaging everyone in the party according to who they are.

***

Meanwhile the tea yesterday was lovely

and I am already dreaming up

other tea / lunch / dinner

party ideas.

At least I am not shy

and certainly not of showing my tea party pictures!

:)

**

In other news, I got an A+ on my quiz!

(I got two wrong verb endings wrong

but still a grade of A+,

I'll take it!!)

*

The test today was a bit more difficult

but I know I passed and did

fairly well.

*

Much more studying to be done this week!

*

Today is the beginning of the Apostles' Fast.

Wishing everyone a good beginning.

Sunday Tea

Cold creamed asparagus soup with leeks.

Chicken and cucumber sandwiches

*

Delicious strawberries and grapes.

Cookies for dessert with

both Chai Tea and Licorice Spice.

**

It was lovely.

***

I am thankful for the opportunity to celebrate

with a few friends.

So glad it is Sunday tomorrow!

Yesterday I made the above pasta;

artichoke, penne noodles, Fia's Pasta Sauce

(from a slower cooker book I have),

mozzarella cheese,

spinach.

Turned out well,

made lots.

We are slowly gearing up for the Apostles' fast!

I am preparing a tea for tomorrow

with a few of my friends;

hope to post pictures of it, of course!

It was a fight against anxiety about the future;

I am glad I have church to strengthen

and encourage us in our struggles.

I am relieve that it will be a fasting time,

I pray that I can quiet my heart...

Wishing you all a wonderful Sunday and

for all who are Orthodox,

a good beginning to the Apostles' Fast!

Early Summer

Wow.

I don't think I realized how much I love summer sunshine!

I love winter sunshine but summer is special too.

It cooled down a bit though, to my delight.

(I find the high humidity tiring).

Today I ran into an old neighbour from my last apartment building;

she has cancer and I did not know.

Am so glad I know now - please say a prayer for her.

I am working on staying in the present

and it sure is nice to do this.

Lot less stressful;

my old neighbour talked to me all about this -

how she is not going to worry about tomorrow but just do

what has to be done today.

She got really sick with the chemo;

she was surprised how many people are in the hospital with cancer.

May the Lord have mercy on us all;

in the beautiful days of summer many still suffer.

*

It is a good reminder as I go through

these days of waiting

on applications.

*

Enjoy today.

Pray.

Repent.

Follow the guidelines of the church

(one of my friends jokingly said the Church says we HAVE to have meat tomorrow

on Friday because it is a fast free week!).

**

I am putting together a nice tea for a few of my friends

right before our next fast.

***

May we seek God in all times and in all places.

Application is in!

I went this morning in person,

in the heat.

It is a fast-free week.

I had a hamburger for lunch.

They forgot my ketchup but it was still pretty good.

***

I can tell that many are praying for me.

**

I was reminded of a Donald Hall poem tonight

the ending is that he is

surprised by happiness.

I have felt moments of peace and happiness

lately;

it sure feels nice.

*

Am trying to live in the moment,

in what is true:

I have enough for today.

I even have enough for tomorrow.

I need to file my taxes (note to self).

But I even have enough for the day after tomorrow.

Give us our daily bread.

I have a place to live.

I found Cleo laying on her back tonight

looked so funny.

My A/C is in (but not exactly installed perfectly yet

however it is IN).

*

My Goddaughter called and left me a voicemail.

*

One of my good friends had a baby boy!

TODAY!

at Home!

Sigh.

je suis tres content.

She saw God taking care of every detail

and the Mother of God's care while she was in labour.

*

Goodness,

no wonder I am feeling happy.

*

That said,

I am aware that I need prayers

and I am so grateful for all of yours.

I feel that this summer is a summer of further

decisions

and I am so thankful to be blessed with

such a great blog community.

*

May God help us all!

For today

It is so hot here

these days.

Just got my A/C in tonight.

Still quite warm.

*

Due to various reasons and circumstances,

I have been home a lot these past few days.

*

Too much studying

not enough people interaction

is inwardly difficult for me.

*

I hope to hand in my application

for the University program.

Am finding it hard to wait.

Yet on God

I must wait

and put my trust.

Reflections

Another picture of the restaurant that my Uncle took

my Dad and I too.

*

God really watched over me as I went to Brampton last week!

The train ended up being a bus to Toronto due to some rail damage

down the line.

Then I was given a taxi drive from Toronto to Brampton!

(Over a 30 minute drive).

I showed the taxi driver a picture of my Oma and myself

on her 100th Birthday.

The taxi driver ended up taking me right to my Oma's place

instead of the train station;

it was so joyous to meet my Mom, who was waiting for me outside the doors.

We both thanked the taxi driver for his generosity...

Oh if only I would remember at all times what care and attention

God gives to us His children!

**

I am trying to work more in French;

with my two new classes I have found it a challenge.

***

Am reading things, including this great blog post

about accepting that we may be in

a state of confusion

but by accepting it and doing what needs doing

we can have a sense of peace

in the midst of it.

*

I am really struggling to organize my time so that I

devote enough to French studies.

Lord help us all!

What time is it?

My time away was good;

it is as it always is; my family is routine oriented;

we spent a lot of time together; my Mother is the youngest

of a family of 8 children

so lots of remembering.

Asked my Oma about what her advice about marriage was

(figured I better ask while I can since by the time I may or may not

get married, she will be, I pray, in heaven, since she is

101 years old currently).

She said to be nice to him and he will be nice to you

and to know when to speak and when to not speak.

Lots of truth in these simple things.

Years ago my Mom's family lived in the house pictured above;

painted then with the wood in yellow and green

and a porch the whole side of the house...

My Uncle took my Dad and I to a cool restaurant

with tons of Victorian decorations.

I love the unexpected restaurants way out in the countryside.

A large part of me still belongs to the countryside

of both Ontario and Michigan...

Cleo missed me.

She always lets me know the night I am home sleeping

about 2 Am

she wakes me up.

If anything I will have lots of experience of waking in the middle of the night

if I ever do have a family.

That cat of mine.

She had two people visit her -- my one friend even texted me pictures of her!

and Cleo always had plenty of food and water.

***

I am wondering what time it is for me.

Reprogramming for sure.

Rethinking

redoing

re-something else I'm sure.

Changing my eating habits

figuring out what I need for exercise (and how to have the time?)

***

I am trying to not be on my computer as much;

I know I need to reorganize my life and time.

**

Moved a shelf unit into my closet,

purging myself of more stuff

being patient with the process.

*

It can be hard to wait

but the process has to be gone through before I will be

where I will be next

(school, job, other yet unknown).

***

May God have mercy on us all.

And tomorrow, the train...

Okay.

Have researched online as much as I can

for this program

French as a Second Language.

*

Vacillate between feeling excited about it

and scared about how much work it would be.

**

However I am saying no to anxiety

and worrying about something or

feeling scared about it

does not mean one does not do it.

***

Finally,

I am going to Brampton tomorrow!

My Oma is 101.

All of my life she has always been here.

Can't imagine her not being

and am so glad I get to see her again.

**

I hope to savor each part of this small

vacation.

***

I have ordered the transcripts to apply to the program

and am going to fill out the application on the train.

Somehow I feel, overall, excited about this.

I think part of it is I always feel excited about school;

must seek to guard my heart also;

I have already had to blog about my dreams being

based in what was not really true.

Like thinking a perfect apartment or job

would give happiness

or

anything else that I really need.

***

After all, the purpose of life is not in having my dreams

of a family or good job or living space.

No.

The end and beginning must be

my faithful Saviour

Jesus Christ.

Oh, well, then...

I know.

Cleo looks too cool for her own good.

Rest assured, she is looking quite normal now

and is resting on the top of my afghan-arm chair.

My new salad meal.

Spinach, boiled egg, non-died cheddar cheese

(cheddar with orange = dyed colour)

a radish, some tomato and cucumber,

avocado.

I dress it up with some olive oil and balsamic vinegar.

Have to come up with a new variation though

or I will get tired of it

(I know my consumerist self too well, sigh).

I made some phone calls today.

I am going to apply to do a major

(a second BA without the electives that my first BA has)

in French as a Second Language

at one of the two local Universities.

This would give me the time and structure

to continue learning French.

It would also give me more debt in student loans;

but not more than I can pay off

(especially if I get a professional library position afterwards).

I don't know the economic future two plus years down the road.

It would be a big investment of what our current culture

considers to be important:

time and money.

Please pray for me that I will make the decision

that God wants me to make

and that I will be able to read and obey His will.

Thank you.

Monday / a Lundi

A Close up of Cleo.

:)

After waking me at 6 am, I find I still love her!

Lucky for her...

A really beautiful day today.

And I achieved my goal of studying this morning in the library.

But OH MY GOODNESS do I have a lot to review

and learn.

Lord help me.

I cannot express how encouraging having my

lampada lit

day and night is.

Light in the darkness;

the light will never be overcome by night.

*

It was recently St. George's Day

(old calendar)

and this year I discovered that there is a

St. Elizabeth the Dragon Slayer

the day of after St. George's Day.

Wow.

*

I have a lot to do to get ready for my short trip away.

Balancing trip-planning, French studying...

**

A friend offered to help me network;

I reworked my resume

and carefully crafted my email to go with the resume.

***

I am reading some books by Christian Protestant author

Archibald Hart;

I admit that I find his website to be a bit overwhelming,

not to mention that he has, with his daughters,

created an Institute.

However,

regardless of my inclinations to want things all tidy

and artistic

(I did a BA in English Lit)

I found my friend's suggestion to take a look at his books

worth while.

As you may remember,

I declared war on anxiety

and part of this war was getting books.

Hart's books (and one that his daughter co-wrote)

are one of the tools I am

using to fight.

I hope to do some book reviews on them,

but for now suffice it to say

that I am trying to build new habits in my life

as part of this effort.

First up is improving my eating habits.

More green and other vegetables.

I tend to eat lots of bread

and not as much in the area of vegetables,

unless I make a good soup.

So far, so good.

It is tricky to understand all the areas

that need to be examined;

and how blessed I am to have such good food

easily available to eat.

***

Second is to get more sleep.

On that note, I better do so presently!

*

Christ is Risen!

Sunday Evening

One never knows where Cleo will be found.

Today it was inside the pillow on my chair.

Quite amusing.

One of the buildings near by City Hall...

My Mother, on Mother's Day,

gave me a good bit of encouragement.

Sometimes I suddenly look at the waves in my life,

I forget, like St. Peter, to look at Christ.

I must keep trying to learn French and see how far I can get by the

end of the summer.

***

I must develop a new routine,

cut out all and any self-pity

and try to work hard at French.

If you could pray for strength for this resolve,

I would appreciate it.

***

I am

Lord Willing

going to Brampton Ontario this week to visit my Oma

who is 101 years old

and my Mother who will be visiting her Mother.

I am grateful for God for giving me such a great

Mom and two wonderful Grandmothers!

*

Christ is Risen!!

Cleo and the week as it winds down

Thanks everyone for your comments

and show of concern for my Cat Cleo.

*

She has been fine the past two days;

little sneezing fits

and lots of meow-give-me-what I want

communication

but okay over all I think.

**

Called a Vet.

The person who I described the situation to

thought that she was okay so far

but to watch to make sure

she does not get worse.

She is eating, drinking, litter-boxing (if you know what I mean!)

and acting her normal self.

Like the picture below?

Ha!

Bet you did know that Cleo is practically fanged.

Always talking, that's Cleo.

She is currently lounging on the gold chair,

napping.

Alana's comment in my last post made me laugh,

thanks!

Here is a link to last Springs huge pre-hairball treatment,

bet your daughter Alana would like the picture! :)

The other day there was a freak down-town rain storm;

two of my friends who live in Ottawa, but not downtown

did not get the rain at all!

The rain lasted a good 10 minutes

and kind of blew in and then blew out.

The sun came out again suddenly

making the newly wet ground beautiful.

***

My one French class is hard

a bit over my head

as I have had very little chance for listening and speaking

(which is why I switched French classes).

I am struggling to find time to study

even though it is the main thing

I am to be doing.

May the Lord help us all.

*

Christ is Risen!

Cleo Question

Warning - conversation about cat and hairballs ensuing.

I admit,

I should brush my very furry cat

more often.

And it is spring.

Hairballs are a comin'.

But I have a question and concern because...

some of the time when Cleo is throwing up

hairballs

(sorry if this is gross but I gotta ask

my friends who may know)

the non-hairball part is, as of late,

discoloured.

Should I be concerned?

Do I need to bring her to the vet?

I have not called the vet yet

due to business

and also that I am trying to conserve money.

Any thoughts?

Settling in for Spring

Had my first French class today.

Taking two part time classes;

ended up doing Mon-Wed nights

and Tues-Thurs mornings!

But one thing at a time.

I must try really hard

but

have some relaxation time as well.

A tough balance.

We had Cemetery Day at my Church's Cemetery

yesterday.

One of our beloved parishioners

who died in 2006 in her very early 40's

is buried there.

So every year for Cemetery Day

I bring my Mexican blanket and spread it by her grave

and myself and others sit on the blanket

and eat by her grave

and sing Christ is Risen to her.

I will always miss her and I know I am not alone

in asking now for her prayers.

For a beautiful example of asking the prayers of those

who have gone to the Lord before us,

I encourage you to listen to this podcast about Fr. George Calciu

by Fredrica Matthewes-Green.

I am reading some great books -

The Jesus Prayer by Fredrica Matthewes-Green is one of these.

***

The trip to the monastery was really wonderful.

So much so that I don't have a single picture!

I got a lot of wise counsel from one of the Sisters there

that I will be pondering over the next days and weeks.

I find it so important to go to monasteries

for counsel

for refreshment

and to be surrounded by the monastics' prayers.

***

Christ is Risen!

Two weeks goes so quickly

Wow.

My two weeks "off" from school are almost gone.

Tomorrow my friend, her two young boys

and I

hope to go to the monastery.

***

I had my Pascha Party.

Cleo did not want to be left out!

Notice my new IKEA 365 dessert tray?

I have been waiting at least 8 years

to have a three-tiered tea tray.

***

Finally, this week, the tray was in stock!

I really love giving dinner parties.

I wish I could do it once a week!

Eating with friends with a beautiful table setting

and tall candles,

talking about a myriad of things,

is such a treat.

And one of the guests brought his violin and treated us

to some beautiful music.

I am already thinking of an after Pentecost dinner party!

The flowers are out!

I hope to take lots of pictures again this summer.

I really love creating beauty,

whether in a good dinner party,

photos I share here

or by going on a walk with a friend...

***

I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed about French

and that by the end of the summer,

I will be needing a job...

***

Am trying to do the best I can,

make the best decisions possible and

live in the present,

trusting God with my life now

and in the days to come.

***

Christ is Risen!!

Spring is springing!

I had a lovely day yesterday with a

dear friend.

We went out of downtown,

where we both live,

and did errands.

I had a gift card

and after getting what I needed from Future Shop

(a store like Best Buy in the States)

I had some money left over...

as I could not get it in cash,

I got three cheap DVDs...

all have French language options, so see

I will be studying and relaxing all at once.

:)

One super girly movie

A Little Princess

One fun movie from years past, also a bit sentimental,

Home Alone.

Yep. My family never watched many movies per say

but us kids watched this one when we were teens,

and it is something I would like!

And one kind of more adult one,

Shawshank Redemption.

***

Fun and almost totally free!

I realized that all of these films are from the early to mid-nineties...

My teen years as they were...

Not sure what movies of today I would like...

But I think those three choices would,

sadly or not, sum up what I like to watch.

Either sentimental old-settings "girl" movies

or Christmas / sentimental movies

or

mysteries of one sort or another without too much

troubling footage.

***

I really don't watch much in terms of movies

and do not plan on getting a TV anytime soon...

But, as one of my best friends told me on the phone,

I was in serious need of some relaxation.

The 40 days of brightness are for our renewal

so it feels fitting...

***

Christ is Risen!

Cleo, still the cutest cat in Canada (she told me herself you know and cats don't lie, she assured me)

Cleo, in the corner of the gold chair,

being furry and beautiful.

Clearly Cleo has found the door to summer.

Notice the tail wag.

Cleo did not feel like blogging.

Love the chair coverings?

Tres belle, n'est pas?

After spilling for the umpteenth time on my

ivory colour chair coverings,

they are done being washed and air drying on racks.

Cleo of course had to sit on the chairs

with towels draped on them.

Of course Cleo is the reason the towels are on them:

Je suis tres intelligente!

***
Je dois parler en français;

je dois écrire en français.

Je besoin de prière a apprendre le langue.

***

(translations:

I am very intelligent

I must speak in French

I must write in French

I need prayer to learn the language. )

(feel free to correct if I did something wrong S.V.P.!)

***

Christ is Risen!

A Quiet Day with lots of time for reflection

I have been going non-stop since Monday's final exam.

I have cleaned,

practiced French with a very patient friend,

been studying more on communication and assertiveness.

I feel that women,

even with all the woman's lib years,

are not taught how to communicate with simple assertiveness.

The war on anxiety I can see will rage on for a good while.

But the battle is the Lord's

and we are not abandoned!

I was practicing French with a friend

who is fluent with it;

I was quite dismayed to see how little

I can do conversationally

with French,

especially listening to someone else speak it.

So glad that I am switching courses

up a bit so I will have more exposer to this part of it.

Read some cool posts recently.

First, my sister and brother-in-law have a great post

with cute baby orphans

who sadly are not open for international adoption.

Did you go look at them?

SO CUTE.

If anyone ever wants to sponsor me on a mission trip to work with the babies

and my sister Rebecca in Romania for a few weeks,

go right ahead!

Of course I would also go visit some great Romanian monasteries while I was there!

*

Molly Sabourin

has a great post that includes a link to her friend Beth

who struggled through the grief of infertility

and later adopted children.

Really beautiful.

**

This post made me think about the situation

that other women find themselves in

and it is a huge grief as well.

My newer very lovely blog friend Anna

wrote on it recently

I discussed it a bit it during bright week as well.

Singleness.

I am 33 now.

I always thought I would be married with children.

I will be 34 in late December.

It can be a huge source of confusion and grief.

I often have to ward off

instant thoughts of jealousy

when seeing so many beautiful families in person

and in the blog world.

But I think Anna is correct - we need to practice thanksgiving

regardless of our situation.

**

I have been thinking about some of the ramifications of what

it can feel like to be single.

I have discussed this with my single friends and

pondered it a bit myself.

One of the struggles that single women (and perhaps single men)

feel is that they are somehow

not good enough

that somehow they lack something that is the reason

that they are not married.

Not only that many of us conclude from the feeling that

somehow they do not measure up

that they are,

by not being with someone,

unwanted.

I have struggled with this feeling

so have many of my friends.

But I have come to this conclusion -

the feeling/conclusion that we are less than others

and / or unwanted,

while a seemingly logical intuitive conclusion,

is untrue.

And is even,

may I be so bold as to say,

a lie of the devil.

This is why I think this:

We have to remember who we are.

We are all individuals who Christ died for.

God loves us so much that He sent His only Son to die for us.

God thinks we are worth His Son dying for us.

We are wanted by God.

I feel that as we grow in the understanding of who we are,

wanted and loved by God

and

accepted and welcomed in His Church

and the Saints

we can gain a sense of healing

and see that the ideas that

we are unwanted, rejected, undesirable

are untrue, no matter what the world may be telling us.

As my spiritual father has told us in church...

The Church, in reality,

is enfolding and encompasses the world

not the world surrounding and being bigger than the Church.

True reality is one of hope

true reality

is the victory of Christ

and His Bride the Church.

Christ's Bride is Beloved and Wanted.

We are invited to be in this Church.

Therefore all humans are wanted

no matter if we are single or married

orphaned

rich or poor.

*

Somehow I feel this understanding is part of our healing,

and will help us

as we live single lives,

balancing hope, grief, as we are struggling towards our salvation.

**

May God have mercy on us all.

***

I am re-reading Elizabeth Goudge's Bird in the Tree

and it is so good for the soul.

It is so hard sometimes

when we are so desperate for a sense of peace

and refuge,

even us who live in the West amidst

considerable affluence

but yet we too feel often worn

and ragged.

Prayer and quietly reading Elizabeth Goudge's books

often restore me.

Elizabeth Goudge went through a lot of inward struggles

and the fruit of these are found in her books.

I thank God for her.

***

Wishing you all a good and healthful day!

Christ is Risen!