A Quiet Day with lots of time for reflection

I have been going non-stop since Monday's final exam.

I have cleaned,

practiced French with a very patient friend,

been studying more on communication and assertiveness.

I feel that women,

even with all the woman's lib years,

are not taught how to communicate with simple assertiveness.

The war on anxiety I can see will rage on for a good while.

But the battle is the Lord's

and we are not abandoned!

I was practicing French with a friend

who is fluent with it;

I was quite dismayed to see how little

I can do conversationally

with French,

especially listening to someone else speak it.

So glad that I am switching courses

up a bit so I will have more exposer to this part of it.

Read some cool posts recently.

First, my sister and brother-in-law have a great post

with cute baby orphans

who sadly are not open for international adoption.

Did you go look at them?

SO CUTE.

If anyone ever wants to sponsor me on a mission trip to work with the babies

and my sister Rebecca in Romania for a few weeks,

go right ahead!

Of course I would also go visit some great Romanian monasteries while I was there!

*

Molly Sabourin

has a great post that includes a link to her friend Beth

who struggled through the grief of infertility

and later adopted children.

Really beautiful.

**

This post made me think about the situation

that other women find themselves in

and it is a huge grief as well.

My newer very lovely blog friend Anna

wrote on it recently

I discussed it a bit it during bright week as well.

Singleness.

I am 33 now.

I always thought I would be married with children.

I will be 34 in late December.

It can be a huge source of confusion and grief.

I often have to ward off

instant thoughts of jealousy

when seeing so many beautiful families in person

and in the blog world.

But I think Anna is correct - we need to practice thanksgiving

regardless of our situation.

**

I have been thinking about some of the ramifications of what

it can feel like to be single.

I have discussed this with my single friends and

pondered it a bit myself.

One of the struggles that single women (and perhaps single men)

feel is that they are somehow

not good enough

that somehow they lack something that is the reason

that they are not married.

Not only that many of us conclude from the feeling that

somehow they do not measure up

that they are,

by not being with someone,

unwanted.

I have struggled with this feeling

so have many of my friends.

But I have come to this conclusion -

the feeling/conclusion that we are less than others

and / or unwanted,

while a seemingly logical intuitive conclusion,

is untrue.

And is even,

may I be so bold as to say,

a lie of the devil.

This is why I think this:

We have to remember who we are.

We are all individuals who Christ died for.

God loves us so much that He sent His only Son to die for us.

God thinks we are worth His Son dying for us.

We are wanted by God.

I feel that as we grow in the understanding of who we are,

wanted and loved by God

and

accepted and welcomed in His Church

and the Saints

we can gain a sense of healing

and see that the ideas that

we are unwanted, rejected, undesirable

are untrue, no matter what the world may be telling us.

As my spiritual father has told us in church...

The Church, in reality,

is enfolding and encompasses the world

not the world surrounding and being bigger than the Church.

True reality is one of hope

true reality

is the victory of Christ

and His Bride the Church.

Christ's Bride is Beloved and Wanted.

We are invited to be in this Church.

Therefore all humans are wanted

no matter if we are single or married

orphaned

rich or poor.

*

Somehow I feel this understanding is part of our healing,

and will help us

as we live single lives,

balancing hope, grief, as we are struggling towards our salvation.

**

May God have mercy on us all.

***

I am re-reading Elizabeth Goudge's Bird in the Tree

and it is so good for the soul.

It is so hard sometimes

when we are so desperate for a sense of peace

and refuge,

even us who live in the West amidst

considerable affluence

but yet we too feel often worn

and ragged.

Prayer and quietly reading Elizabeth Goudge's books

often restore me.

Elizabeth Goudge went through a lot of inward struggles

and the fruit of these are found in her books.

I thank God for her.

***

Wishing you all a good and healthful day!

Christ is Risen!

God uses the weak

As the season turns, I have been thinking about how Fr. Stephen

often reminds us that he is an ignorant man.

+++

To me the following is obvious, but perhaps should be mentioned.

While I have learned things and share them on my blog,

if what I share is of value, it means

it was taught to me.

One of the most wonderful things for me to realize,

as it speaks of the refuge of the Church,

is that the teaching that we are given is from the Church Fathers.

It is so wonderful to realize that following Christ,

being in the Church,

praying in the Church

is for our salvation.

I am unworthy of this salvation, yet God freely offers it.

I am ignorant and often am a beast before God,

yet God is with me.

I am an ignorant woman and

can only pray to be made worthy

of what I am given.

If I offer any words of consolation or of help on my blog,

it is only because God chooses to use the weak and the foolish to shame the wise.

I thank God for His mercy.

++++++

I need God's mercy to now work more diligently on learning French.

I asked a wise and holy man whose prayers to Christ I should ask

for learning French.

St. John of Shanghai and Sans Fransisco - he knew French.

I ask also your prayers.

+++

Speaking of prayers...

This prayer posted by Fr. Stephen is lovely;

if you do not read his blog regularly, this prayer is worth reading.