This has been a very tough week emotionally.
And I know that having too much time on my hands
and being alone a lot
is really hard on me.
Those of you who have children or a busy job
may think I am lucky
to have such quiet
and I guess I am in ways.
But right now I can't see it.
If you are working or have a family
you have people to talk to.
A reason to wake up in the morning.
Thank God I wake up to His mercies
new every morning.
Frankly my struggle is to stay up.
To not take short naps
that I do not need.
That is what I am fighting right now.
I must FIGHT despair.
I am taking measures
that will help me.
Called my naturopath (she sees me at no cost currently)
so I can get advice.
Called a friend.
Got my list out of places I need to contact
to see if they can use my research services.
Need to contact job agencies.
I know that the only
happy ever after is heaven
and we must fight to be Christians
but thank God that God wants to save us
more than we want to be saved.
Lord save me whether I will it or not
is key to our lives.
Education is not a sure-fire ticket to getting work.
I have a Masters degree.
I have worked in places that, in the world's eyes,
But it does not equal a job.
All I know is that I asked God to save in
whatever means it took.
If this is what it takes for me
and God does and allows everything for our good
to save us
then I have to continue to learn to welcome the
the my money will run out by summers end
what do I do?
My word for the year is
Thankfulness can save you
it can turn a bitter or despairing soul into
one of peace,
one capable of obtaining eternal joy
(as Fr. Alexander Schmemann has said)
Last November the week I called my
(it was US thanksgiving that week)
I got the tax bill, a huge rash on my face
that I was told could be a
symptom of a life-altering or life-threatening disease.
(as far as I know it was not btw).
So thanksgiving may not keep
life's challenges at bay.
without thanksgiving for ALL things
where would we be?
So I and all of us have to keep fighting
to look to Christ
to trust God in all the details of our lives
to be thankful
to give glory to God all the days of our life.
That is the true measure of our life, our days:
are we giving glory to God or to ourselves?
May the Lord help us to turn in every way