Friday, cold, rainy but with baking, book reading and hot tea with toast

Well.

What to tell you first?

Driving. I made it.  I was really stressed, esp the trip to pick the car back up.

Lots of rain, poor visibility

and typical NJ pushy cars honking when there is no need. 

Were talking 1.2 miles or so of driving.  And I still did not like it. Sigh.

Moving on.

Tea this morning was good.

I thought for both lunch and dinner making a vegan soup and did not.

I had a lot of toast today.  

I baked in-between lunch and dinner which is partly why I did not make soup.

Space, dishes needing washed, all that.

BUT! Turtle bars were made today! 

So that's good. 

Note to self: don't over cook the caramel when melting it in microwave. 

Check.  At least the holiday baking has begun. I hope to do more next week....

Well, this is a really wonderful article that I read to Mr Husband last night.

Very apt reading for today for me as today I found it hard to be patient.

The old unbloggable, well, that hope I had may be evaporating. :(

The article though is really worth reading, how God really does 

do things in the right time and that we must wait on Him.

Another nice thing, I've been reading Ordinary Wonders out loud

to my Husband later at night and that's been really nice.

We are almost done with reading it.

We are thinking of doing a book or two of letters for the next read.

I finished The House on the Cliff by DE Stevenson today. 

I liked it but found myself tempted by it too,

as in, 'wouldn't it be nice to be given a place unexpectedly in the

countryside and have it dropped in one's lap' which I don't think is in 

the plan for our lives... 

patience, patience is needed... 

***

My Mom brought to my place in Nj the pink daily flip calendar that I have had probably nearing 30 years, over 25 years for sure. So easy to read such words and still not want to think of oneself as needing its message. Pondering this fact plus the message (picture above) ..... 

Thank God that He is full of patience and kindness....

***

I appreciated this which I saw on social media today:

Yes, that is what I need to work on again: to rejoice!

***

Another nice thing is that I am still slowly reading Fr Alexander S's Journals,

gives a lot to think about.  Sometimes I feel like I have no idea what

he is speaking of but other times I feel like he is speaking directly to what I see or

am thinking about or need to be hearing. 

My sister-friend had this book (and still does) for years and I always wanted to read it

and now I am... this is a blessing! 

***

Another HUGE blessing is that my Husband and I are going to this 

concert that now only has a few standing room only tickets....

We've never gone to a concert together, 

I've gone to a few Chanticleer ones a few years back (so lovely)

but this is a really rare thing for us and to hear Elder Zacharias of Essex 

beforehand, HUGE dream come true.

***

[A side note, I am still trying to figure out what to wear! I am thinking 

a long skirt, maybe my gold corduroy one with my maroon shirt and a black jacket, 

black boots, a gold with maroon scarf and my black (faux pill box) hat,

 my red wool jacket and black boots]... weather says 'no rain' Monday...

Also, silly question, but do you think he would have time to autograph a book?

how many hundreds of people will be there? I have no idea.  Just to hear him, see him,

that will be incredible.  I have his books, many of them, 

I was given some by dear dear friends 

of ours in Ottawa on our 6th wedding anniversary.... 

Movie stars, singers, much of pop culture,

I have left behind, do not know, don't want to know.

But Elder Zacharias. Yes.  Him I want to see, hear and I hope in time read his books. 

I know he has deep things to say and I know some of my greatest treasures are the books

from the Essex Monastery.  Treasures.

***

I have to come back again and again to the lesson about being with God today,

not worrying or even dwelling on the future.

Being thankful.  Doing what I can and not what I can't.

***

May God help us all, as we look for His mercy.

Being thankful when one needs patience....

As I wrote elsewhere.... 

background - we are back to square one with finding full time help for 

the month of June.... :( 

Not a lot of time, so here's what I wrote earlier.... 

Well, I am in need of another happy list! We are still scrambling to find new help and I've been a bit worried today. But telling you all what was wonderful in today will help with that! 

1. I got cards in the mail again! I am saving them to open over the weekend to have a little 'cheer me up'! 

2. I got a tower of chocolate from my Husband's family today. I seriously should have a party here that is just to eat my chocolate. :) 

3. I got the most wonderful gift in the mail, so surprising ... I did not have it, had heard of it but never thought I would have a copy - a small pamphlet written by Elizabeth Goudge of what I would call the Lady's Chapel in my mind but is more accurately thought of as THE Lady's Chapel, as in the Mother of God's. I love Elizabeth Goudge's books very much so this was a very dear small book to receive (I read it already, it's lovely!!!)...

 4. My Husband. He does so much to help me, even gets me plain yogurt for me with just dollop of jam dropped in and not stirred, just the way I like it! 

5. My Husband got another thing of milk and some bananas for me after vespers and a surprise too - a smoothie drink for me to enjoy later... since I can't make smoothies myself at present. So kind and thoughtful!

 6. I had a really nice short talk on the phone with my Mom and that was so nice. ...

 7. I finished another wash cloth, as in I knitted it, a pink one :). 

8. I have been reading about CS Lewis and how George MacDonald's book Phantastes was such a big book for him. (Picture included of this book). 

9. I listened to parts of vigil via Holy Transfiguration Monastery tonight and heard them sing 'O Gladsome Light' to the tune my church in Ottawa sang it when I was there. 

There, lots of things to rejoice in while we deal with the casted foot and help-search! 

Also the Gospel was about Christ and fishermen being given lots of fish.

 Surely the Lord will also provide for me!

A new morning

Cleo was looking so cute
looking out the window
but then she turned to look at me...
Still cute however...

When I open the bedroom door
it is my icons that I see.
I have a little table lampada
in the middle and
at times when it is dark
and it is lit
and I open the door
it is so heartening...

I am still waiting to put this icon up;
have two ideas of where it may go...

I love these thick monastery candles.

Various Orthodox books
that I am reading
slowly
a little at a time...
the art of prayer
I have been working on for two years or so...

Prayer books and Saints Lives...

When I sit reading
this is what I see...
St. Irene, St. Ephraim...a small
icon of the Mother of God
and a dear friend's wedding blessing
that she wrote from her family...

The icon of the our Lord Jesus Christ
shines out brightly;
yes,
those are my rabbits...
from my undergrad days
a good 14 or so years ago now;
wow, how time has flown by...
 

The Pochaev Mother of God.
*
That Mr. Husband did a prayer in front of
a copy of this icon
near his old home
one night with a cat rubbing his leg
nearby was a turning point in
our early relationship
as I love this icon very much.
*
I am grateful for the mercies of God being new
every morning.
It's been a real up-and-down week
and I am hoping for a better day today.
*
Transitions are usually a bit
hard for me at the beginning and
some days are easier than others.
*
I am realizing how much I crave the sunlight
and light in the day time.
*
Prayer helps, reading...
*
The book by Elizabeth Elliot that
has grief and how to
work through it as one of its
themes.
*
While I understand and fully believe
that I have not lost
what I had in Ottawa
in terms of it is within me
and all the goodness will always exist
because God exists
but it is like I have to pick up
everything again
anew
try again
deal with myself again;
reminds me of what the monk said to me
about a month ago
trying to build a house for one's soul
is not always quickly done
easy and it can be
frustrating as one
seeks to build it.
*
There is a lot of learning for me
here as I encounter new things
new people,
new ways of being at church
new town, stores and places.
*
I am really hoping that I manage to
go swimming tomorrow morning.
This may be a small thing
but I am finding I have to start there,
small, small, small.
*
The library is still closed in this town.
I thought of volunteering at the hospital and
found they are not accepting anyone new
until January.
*
It is not that I don't have TONS to do at home.
I do.
Like the wedding pictures I still have not gotten to
for various reasons.
Paperwork and other research for our household.
*
The point is that I need avenues to find
Elizabeth in this new land
and ways to get out of the house and make new connections
build a new life.
*
These things do not always come easily to me.
But with God things are possible and
His mercy is everlasting.

fighting for thanksgiving

This has been a very tough week emotionally.

And I know that having too much time on my hands

and being alone a lot

is really hard on me.

Those of you who have children or a busy job

may think I am lucky

to have such quiet

and I guess I am in ways.

But right now I can't see it.

If you are working or have a family

you have people to talk to.

A reason to wake up in the morning.

Thank God I wake up to His mercies

new every morning.

Frankly my struggle is to stay up.

To not take short naps

that I do not need.

That is what I am fighting right now.

Emotional weariness.

Black thoughts.

I must FIGHT despair.

I am taking measures

that will help me.

Called my naturopath (she sees me at no cost currently)

so I can get advice.

Called a friend.

Got my list out of places I need to contact

to see if they can use my research services.

Need to contact job agencies.

I know that the only

happy ever after is heaven

and we must fight to be Christians

but thank God that God wants to save us

more than we want to be saved.

The prayer

Lord save me whether I will it or not

is key to our lives.

Education is not a sure-fire ticket to getting work.

I have a Masters degree.

I have worked in places that, in the world's eyes,

are prestigious.

But it does not equal a job.

All I know is that I asked God to save in

whatever means it took.

If this is what it takes for me

and God does and allows everything for our good

to save us

then I have to continue to learn to welcome the

uncertainty

the my money will run out by summers end

what do I do?

My word for the year is

thankfulness.

Thankfulness can save you

it can turn a bitter or despairing soul into

one of peace,

one capable of obtaining eternal joy

(as Fr. Alexander Schmemann has said)

Last November the week I called my

Thanksgiving week

(it was US thanksgiving that week)

I got the tax bill, a huge rash on my face

that I was told could be a

symptom of a life-altering or life-threatening disease.

(as far as I know it was not btw).

So thanksgiving may not keep

life's challenges at bay.

But:

without thanksgiving for ALL things

where would we be?

So I and all of us have to keep fighting

to look to Christ

to trust God in all the details of our lives

to be thankful

to give glory to God all the days of our life.

That is the true measure of our life, our days:

are we giving glory to God or to ourselves?

May the Lord help us to turn in every way

to Him.