Lent and Bring Present with God

Second day of lent is coming to a close.
I find myself catching my breath;
thinking panicked thoughts
what devastation will come this lent?
as each lent has had its challenges...
*
But then I have to remember that
God is with me,
with us,
just as the prayer in the Great Compline says
our God is with us;
and that we are and can be
under the Theotokos protection.
*
I have been learning over the last year
that I have to be present within this day
to be with God right now
and that in this I will be protected.
Yes, hard times and trials will come again;
I know this;
the little bit of happiness I have now with
Orthoman I am savouring;
not that I believe that something will go wrong with
our relationship
but that we will have trials and heartache
to face together;
actually my only prayer to God to this end
is that He, with our cooperation,
will protect us and that we will not have or let
enmity grow between us;
I don't ask that we will not face dark valleys
but that we can face them together.
*
Living with God
and remembering His powerful protection,
that He loves us and will not abandon us
and that the Saints are with us
is how to face lent without fear
even when we face
unexpected devastation;
God will not leave us to face our dark valleys alone.

Yay! Short term contract is being offered!

Yay!
I will be working for all of March
unless HR at the new place of employment is
very very slow.
This is great.
And great that I don't have to work this week
when there's lots of extra services.
I feel really blessed.

Lent, first evening

Cleo and I are hanging out.

I'm hoping for a good night sleep.

Lent has begun and I am already tired...

Lord, help us to stay on the ladder!

Blessed Lent

This morning I switched my icons
knowing that when I returned home
it would be Great Lent
and that I would of been at forgiveness vespers.
Forgive me a sinner!
Blessed and good lent to all!

Happiness on the Eve of Lent

It is almost Lent.
I've been enjoying my pictures I took of last
Dormition Fast and Feast...
I am going to need new pictures soon
to be in the right season...
*
I wrote a who is my
beloved Orthoman post
on my new blog,
in case you wanted more information
and/or wanted or needed assurance
that I have the support of my family and friends
and of both of our spiritual fathers
regarding my Orthoman and I's
steady progress towards
marriage.
*
I am slowly reading different books on marriage
and Orthoman and I are working through
one of the books together.
We talk about real issues of our lives
and we work through things
as we learn to communicate.
It really takes a lot of energy, time, commitment,
forgiveness and love.
I've talked to various friends about their marriages
now and also just over the years
that I have known them
and have gotten a lot of beautiful and concrete
advice from them.
*
I am very blessed.
*
Tomorrow Great and Holy Lent begins.
So today I want to ask for forgiveness
for any way I may have hurt, offended or in anyway
been unkind.
Please forgive me, a sinner.

Peaceful Beautiful Friday Evening

Old picture of the time during the Dormition Fast.
Well, I am so relieved to finally be able to have
announced how my life is changing.
Just a note -
I realized tonight that I forgot to change the RSS
feeds for my new blog
and I have fixed this and it is now
subscribable via google reader.
You're all invited there;
I am going to keep comments off on it
for a while
to give myself some time to adjust to everything,
but comments will stay on this blog
and I,
as you can see,
am not forsaking my beloved first Orthoblog! :)
Hard to imagine that God willing
my life will be different after next
Dormition Fast,
Lord Willing.
*
I spent the evening with my close dear friend
who is really my
sister-friend
and we talked about my plans and we
both can't imagine me leaving.
*
I don't even want to think about that part sometimes.
I mean really,
Cleo is the cutest cat of all of Canada
but what if there is a cat in the States who is cuter?
The disappointment may be quite overwhelming
for my dear Cleo Cat
darling of all she surveys.
*
 Still waiting to hear about the contract job.
Last heard is that the paperwork is now in process
but still don't know the outcome of the
process. 
So that means I don't have to go to work on Monday.
Somehow,
given the amount of laundry I need to do,
that I have to go grocery shopping
and that I need to do paperwork
not starting this Monday is not bad.
Besides being the first fully day of Lent.
*
With everything that is going on for me
it is going to be a challenge to
do Lent properly.
How does one do Lent, a potential new job
and continued moving and wedding logistics?
It's not like I am waiting to the last minute to do either.
Anyway,
one thing at a time
and I am going to try to really treasure this last Lent
that God willing I have in Ottawa
with my church family and spiritual father.
I can't wait DV to stand in church with my spiritual father
and our Deacon and all my church family
for the Canon of St. Andrew of Crete.
Lord have mercy and help our Lent to be fruitful!

Protection during unexpected times

One of my favourite icons of the Theotokos

is this one,

the Protection of the Mother of God.

I also love St. Phanourios.

In the past two years I have asked his prayers

at various times

and have a service to him in English.

St. Phanourios'

prayers help people find things,

often deep things,

like spiritual fathers, jobs, life direction.

I have asked his protection on many occasions

and for his provision.

This past September I asked his help

for a request very dear and close to my heart.

So close that for months afterwards

I could not blog about it at all.

Well,

at the eve of Great Lent, it is time to share

what I have been given.

It was completely unexpected

and is flipping my life utterly upside down.

Soon I will change my living room
icon corner icons
for lent.
The Mother of God will stay in the centre
and Christ the Bridegroom
and
St. Ephraim the Syrian
will flank her on each side.
Waiting for the time when I change these icons for
my Paschal icons of
Christ's Resurrection
and the icon of
the Theotokos Life Giving Spring.

What I have to tell you now is so big
in my small life
the life of one
Orthodox woman who is also
a librarian
with the Cutest Cat in Canada
that I have started a new blog
for this new beginning.

I don't plan on stopping my blog here
but needed a different blog outlet...
right now I don't have the comments on for this
new blog
as I am still in the
processing-needing-some-silence-stage
but it is finally time to share it with you.
Wonderful and totally
unexpected.

Good Samaritan

So on the way to the dentist,

the bus driver saw a person at the side of the road, injured.

He stopped, asked the person if (I think it was a female) she was okay,

then pulled the bus over and went to the person,

went back to the bus and called for help

and paramedics came by ambulance

and we left when the paramedics

assured the driver that they were all set.

So like my bus driver was a good Samaritan today!

It made me late for my dentist appointment

but was really cool to see someone care like that!

Esp. since I have met some bus drivers

who don't seem as compassionate.

So very cool!

Beauty in Late February

Since it is not super cold and white new snow
here in Ottawa
I like everyone is ready for Spring.
*
I went today to a friend's house
with another close friend
and we prayed the
Akathist to the Protection of the Mother of God
which I found very comforting.
*
I finally heard back again from my potential employer
and am emailing my references,
explaining that I already have a verbal offer
(which I hope is still on!)
*
Still have my cold
and have a dentist appointment tomorrow
needed sadly
and more costly that I would wish
but I feel a bit strengthened and
have some renewed hope.
Lots of work to be done
and I am still feeling very weary
but at least a little more
hopeful.

This Day is Done...

I have turned off the comment moderation
as per these instuctions
as I am finding the new blogger comment box moderation
to be very difficult to read.
*
I have a wonderful visit with one of my close friends;
it is so wonderful to be able to have dear friends
of which I can share with them my heart.
*
Still no word if I have that temporary job or not.
*
My cold is abating somewhat but still lingering.
Had bad imsomnia and hope that
tonight will be better...

Setting of the Sun

Cleo has not been eating as much

and had two sneezing fits;

uh oh, hope she is not getting sick too...

I am really looking forward to feeling better

and walking these Ottawa streets again...

Hard to believe that Lent is near now.

Lent to me is always a little scary

because many of my hardest times

and heartaches and things of

emotional devastation levels

have happened

during Great Lent.

*

Must trust God to see me through.

May God help us

be our protection

strength

and refuge.

Prayers, Thoughts and Hope

Trusting the Mother of God's protection.

*

Missed Sunday liturgy today due to continuing head cold.

*

Continuing to think of my dear friends in BC.

Let's remember Maureen's father,

Noah

and all those on our hearts,

the ill, the troubled, the lonely.

*

Let's remember that God is our hope

and that all the heartbreak, pain

and illness that

we are constantly confronted with

is answered only in Christ and in

His Cross and Resurrection.

God is our Hope, our Surety,

our Provider of every good thing.

Quiet Saturday

Cleo is sitting near me.

This head cold has me sleeping much of the day

and night.

Outside my apartment people are working

in the hallways,

tearing up carpet.

Cleo has been distressed by the noise

but I look at her and tell her

Cleo, it's okay.

I have my lampada burning bright

to St. George

for some dear BC friends.

When I am sick I can still burn

a candle in prayer.

It may not seem like a lot

but I know that the very light

burning steady and bright

for them

is enough

and that God is holding vigil with them

and that God and the Theotokos

and the Saints

protect and over shadow us

and that God's mercy is there

in our times of weakness

and distress.

Turning my eyes toward Christ

Read this tonight and was not only

reminded of the truth but

comforted.

"Have you ever thought how infectious fear can be?

It spreads from one person to another

more quickly and certainly

than any of the fevers we know so well.

You can refuse the spirit of fear,

which never comes to us from God.

(And if He does not send it to us, who does?).

Instead, open your heart wide to the

spirit of "power and love and a calm

and well-balanced mind and

discipline and self-control

(2 Timothy 1:7 Amplified).

Because fear is so infectious, let us, for the sake

of others and ourselves,

refuse it.....

When we are downhearted or fearful or weak, we are saying to

everybody

(by the way we look and by our timidity, if not by our words),

"After all, the Lord can't be absolutely trusted."

We have a Saviour who has never once failed us.

He never will fail us.

He has loved and led and guarded us all these years."

-Amy Carmichael

You are my hiding place

*

Lord have mercy.

Boy do I need lent.

Fall and get up, fall and get up...

*

I can be doing okay with the anxiety

or well,

kind of okay and then

wham! head cold and uncertainty

and well,

I needed the reminder

again.

*

Lord help us

and forgive us.

Overwrought

I have come down with a nasty head cold,

the kind that includes sinus, teeth and ear pain.

The job contract I was offered

is now in limbo

and I don't know if I have work or not.

*

I feel very exhausted and overwrought.

I am drinking lots of tea,

a friend is bringing food over later today

and I have been sleeping as much as I can.

*

Asking your prayers.

Also asking your prayers for a man I know

who fell seriously ill recently.

Lord help us!

Prayer Request for Maureen's Father

Asking your prayers for one of our

Sister in Christ's Fathers -

Maureen's Dad who

has very recently been diagnosed with

brain cancer.

Please if you can remember

Maureen, her Father and Mother

in your prayers.

*

Lord have mercy!

Lord have mercy!

Lord have mercy!

*

Most Holy Theotokos save us!

Noah: prayer emergency

FB update on Noah:

Kate Estes
Jeff (Kate's husband) here. Noah's central line (broviac) came out a little over an hour ago. This is a true emergency. It has taken a while to sort out, but Noah will be admitted to the children's hospital in Columbia SC where they can put in a new dual lumen line. 911 has now been called. They will start an IV, take him to the local hospital, and that hospital will send him to Columbia. He has no access to fluids, medicine, calories/sugar, pain meds, etc. right now. He will probably have surgery tonight.

We have never been to this hospital and since Kate will be in the ambulance I will not be with them. Please pray for the paramedics, for Noah, for Kate, and for the doctors/surgeon.
Kate will update.

DV

Some have been asking what

DV

stands for.

I grew up with this one...

It is for Lord willing

and is from Latin:

Deo Volente (Latin: Lord Willing).

*

Years ago I remember being in Holy Week

and realizing that

1. one is safest in God's will

2. Christ died on the Cross, fulfilling His Father's will

3. This means even on the Cross Christ was safe

as He was in God's will.

So...

DV =

Lord Willing;

DV = where are true safety is.

Joy at the end of January

I had dinner with my dear friends

and had some great quality time

with my godson.

He can stand when you hold him up now!

He's growing so much -

his face is taking on a more older baby shape,

he is very verbal and was so smiley.

He is such a joy to me

and to all those who love him!

January is almost done

Celebrated with some close friends

a long awaited scholastic achievement last night.

Tonight I am DV

going to a friends place for dinner.

I am grateful.

Thought we could all use a taste of summer

Just look at that yellow colour...

Winter sure can be a bit of a slog,

can it not?

Lots of slush on the sidewalks here

snow melting into puddles upon puddles

all to be avoided

when walking to church.

*

I am helping a friend with her paper

for school and am thrilled to be

helping her

in her very significant endeavour.

*

Um, I can feel Lent is coming;

I love Lent for it's focus

for being in church more

for standing in church with my spiritual father

praying the Canon of St. Andrew of Crete

and going to the presanctified liturgies on Fridays.

*

Lent is also a time of great temptation

and for me often a time of great personal

loss or pain.

So as much as I long for lent,

being with my church family more,

focusing my life,

giving what Fr. Thomas Hopko calls

our tithe to the church,

the tithe of the year

*

I think I need to listen/read that podcast again

(on the tithe of the year).

*

Noah continues to struggle.

*

So many need our prayers...

*

May God be our help and protection.

Prayers Requested...

Latest Facebook update from Noah's Mom Kate:

VERY bad labs today. Liver numbers are 50 times higher than they should be (they are measuring the enzymes put off by the death of liver tissue) and rocketing up fast. They were 1,100 a week ago and are 1,800 as of today. BUN is up only slightly (bad kidney number) but Noah always has a lower than normal BUN so having it elevated is significant. Bili is up a bit and there are lots of other labs that are off.

Worse of all, the MRSA is still growing out in his urine after almost 2 weeks of antibiotics, AND he is growing out another bacteria as well now. Yes, he GOT a new bladder infection while on antibiotics. Both bugs are obviously resistant to the Zyvox he is on.

The swelling continues to worsen. He doesn't look like the same child. He is still as sweet as ever, though, and he just doesn't complain. He did get teary and choked up yesterday and quietly told me that Mary Faith gets to go to birthday parties and to friends houses and he can't go to them anymore. I loved on him and told reminded him that he's been to lots of birthday parties, but he wasn't buying it - he was sad that he can't go anymore. He also pointed out that he can't play hide and seek anymore because it is too hard to walk.

I don't know how much more my heart can handle.

Please also remember my Grandma who is still recovering from her fall.
She is getting better but is still very tired and has some pain.

Short Term Contract

Much to my surprise I just got word

that I have a short term contract for

1.5 months

and it is only a 5 minute walk from my home.

The contract may continue after March

but it is yet to be determined.

I start God willing February 16th.

Have lots to do to get ready...

I of course called my Mom

to tell her the good news

and said how happy Oma would be to hear

of my new work contract

and I told my Mom I would ask God to tell her in heaven...

St. John of Kronstadt

In all your works, either at home or at the place of your service, do not forget that all your strength, your light and your success are in Christ and His Cross; therefore, do not fail to call upon the Lord before beginning any work, saying: Jesus, help me! Jesus, enlighten me! Thus your heart will be supported and warmed by lively faith and hope in Christ, for His is the power and glory unto ages of ages.

St. John of Kronstadt

Noah's Foundation

Please go here to see the

foundation that Noah's family

has started in Noah's honour,

with imput from Noah.

It's very dear.

Noah continues to struggle mightly

and needs our prayers.

Noah is very sick - please pray

Latest blog update:

We are right back where we were three weeks ago today. Noah's fever has continued to climb and isn't responding to fever meds (tylenol and ibuprofen alternating every 4 hours). His fever was 104.9 the last two times we checked.

He now has some fluid in his right lung, which is where the fluid build up started last time. The difference is that last time, we gave lasix which eventually worked to pull the fluid off. He's been on lasix ever since then, and this time he's getting the fluid in spite of the lasix. I just spoke to his infusion pharmacist and he said that the other good choices for diuretics are not available IV. Unless they can find something IV that will work on this fluid, it could continue to fill his lungs.

He is making urine, but it is very dark - butterscotch colored. He is retching a LOT. He's insisting on sleeping sitting up - I've managed to put the head of his bed back just enough so that he isn't falling forward, but with every tiny adjustment back he opens his eyes and shakes his head "no." It probably helps him breathe better to be upright so we're only barely reclining him.

Any touch or movement makes him start retching again, so I don't even feel like I can climb into bed and snuggle with him. I slept on an inflatable mattress by his side all night - using the word "slept" very loosely of course.

Please go here to send Kate a word of comfort during this time.

Prayers for those in need

Noah is ill again.

Let us pray for all those who are

struggling.

May the Mother of God help, protect,

shelter and comfort.

Cleo

I did a huge pre-spring cleaning today of my

apartment.

Above is where I found Cleo when I turned

my back for 1 minute!

Holy Supper

Did a simple version of the Holy Supper.

Borscht, Perogies, Bread, Fruits.

The bread I saved from my Oma's

Panahkyda.

Today liturgically is her birthday;

as well as in actuality my Grandpa's birthday;

I talked to my Grandma today

as I try to always do to remember my

Grandfather;

my Grandma always told him he was born on the

12th day of Christmas,

Epiphany as they know it....

The borscht turned out really well!

Did it a simple way as I did not have

a lot of time.

1 can beets with juice

1 can northern white beans

2 very big carrots chopped up small

3 large potatoes chopped up small

half of a larger can of tomato sauce

sauteed until caramelized onion with lots of margarine

added three or so cloves of garlic half way through

and some ground sea salt and pepper

chopped up and added lots of dill at the end.

Perogies with lots of caramelized onions

done in a generous amount of margarine.

Dried apricots and figs.

Water for dinner

and black tea afterwards,

as per request of guests.

It was a lovely meal!

Then we went to church for Great Compline and

the Litya.

We made it to Christmas Eve!!

Christ is born! Glorify Him!

Noah needs our prayers

Latest update on Noah

from his Mom Kate Estes via FB:

*
Nurse just came to draw Noah's labs. NO blood return from either lumen! :-( In other words, a clot or fibrin sheath is blocking his central line. Waiting to hear from the doctor. PLEASE pray.

Cleo Care in early January 2012

Dear friends:

I am taking Cleo to the vet for the first time

in some years today.

She is going to need a test done which involves a

needle.

She also does not like car rides and gets scared.

Please can I have any advice on how to get Cleo through this

and comfort her afterwards?

Thanks to some FB friends I have a good

beginning of what to do,

but want as much advice as possible...

January's Beginning - Peace, Loss and Prayer Requests

Today was a day where I was quiet

and caught up with

various friends online

and by phone.

I found out that my Uncle, one of my Oma's sons,

fell on New Years Eve

and broke his pelvis.

Lord have mercy.

He is still in hospital and they can't do surgery

and there will have to be some rehab for him.

Please I ask your prayers.

One of my close friends just lost her Grandmother.

I am planning for both

a Holy Supper

and Christmas Day dinner.

*

What are your traditions for Christmas dinner?

I am thinking of a slow cooker roast beef

with carrots and potatoes.

Would love to hear your suggestions.

*

Today was a bank holiday

and I have not heard yet about the job

I applied for.

Tomorrow is another day.

God is very good to us

and will not leave us

in all times

and places.

New Year

Today after liturgy

I had my Oma's memorial service.

This was very good;

I wish already for another one for her...

My friends and I went out to eat afterwards in

memory of her

since there exceptionally was not a church meal

after liturgy today.

Grief is no easy thing but it was a relief

to have these prayers in the church for her.

As much as I had wished to have my house

clean for New Years

I was too sick to manage getting the whole house

prepared.

I am slowly getting better from the bad

chest cold I have been having

and was able to go to my friend's New Years Eve

Dinner party which was really nice.

I am hoping to get my house cleaned tomorrow

and that I finally will be well enough to do so.

I love my strand of white lights

that a dear friend gave me.

I hope to host the Holy Supper

again this Christmas Eve

which is this Friday.

*

I have not heard yet about the job proposal that

I submitted and hope to hear tomorrow.

*

The whole job searching thing I find

very difficult.

*

It was so good to have the service for my Oma today.

I really miss her but felt more sure

of being near her in Christ

during the prayers for her at church

and this is indeed a deep blessing.