Going Towards Lent

Hard to believe Christmas is over,

spring is slowly coming

and Lent is quickly coming towards us.

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I've been exploring WordPress after being frustrated with

Blogger for not loading my pictures.

But I am finding WordPress to be less intuitive,

lacking simplicity and ease of use.

Not impressed but disappointed as I like the wordpress blogs I see.

But how did anyone managed to get use to it and

load pictures quickly,

I do not know.

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Speaking of quickly,

is it just me or is it really hard to be efficient and keep up

with house keeping?

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It is hard to be patient sometimes, in this regards.

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Here's a great podcast that I listened to while

doing dishes -

Fr. Tom Hopko on lenten reading

I listened to it with a librarian's delight

and my love of planning.

But I had to admit to myself that, as Fr. Hopko says,

I must pray as I can, not as I wish I can.

I wish I had the spiritual strength to do more

and I know I have to go towards this,

but at the level I am at I have to keep it simple.

1. Try to maintain the prayer rule I have now

2. Goal: pray the prayer of St. Ephraim once a day

3. Try to do some of the daily Scripture readings,

as I am able.

It was about lent year three where I tried to really

do more during Lent and now, a good 4 years later,

I feel that I took on too much,

at least for that time.

It is enough to humbly realize that I have a hard time

keeping up with what I do now and

to ask God's mercy.

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And frankly,

it took me years to realize how much I loved

the idea of looking like one who prays

or even thinking about how I will do it

or even blogging about how important it is to love God

and pray with great attention

and that all of the above is not prayer.

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Not that I don't pray or that God does not have mercy on my

youthful attempts and dreams for this.

No, it is good. It is good to pray as one is able.

But it is also good to realize that perhaps

others pray with a great depth than one's self,

that one's heart if often hard;

I love the prayers that ask for mercy

due to hardness of heart, due to lack of tears for one's

faithlessness.

Isn't it wonderful to have a Heavenly Father who

wants us to admit our state,

as my spiritual father counseled us,

and that we will be welcomed with heavenly rejoicing

as we admit how far away we are,

how we squandered everything

how we are not worthy to be a son or daughter of God

and that as we admit this

we are ushered into the Kingdom,

dressed with the robe of baptism,

and a party with all our friends is given.

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So best to admit one's state.

If we cannot see at all where we are

and how frail and feeble

and that we thus need God's help,

we cannot grow in repentance and be healed.

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So we need to pluck up our courage

and pray that God will help us welcome lent

and pray as we are able

and, as Fr. Tom's podcast said,

live a little more as we are meant to live.

Lord help and protect us.