from Monday

Pictures from our Parish Feast Day! So beautiful...

A Romanian Princess who became an Abbess

I was looking up pictures of Mother Alexandra (a Romanian Princess who founded a Monastery in Ellwood City PA) and found some talks recorded in 1975.  I am sharing them below.  Above are two framed pictures (post cards) I have of her.  

Steps in the Spiritual Life - Part 1 - Mother Alexandra (Princess Ileana of Romania)

Steps in the Spiritual Life - Part 2 - Mother Alexandra (Princess Ileana of Romania)

Steps in the Spiritual Life - Part 3 - Mother Alexandra (Princess Ileana of Romania)

Steps in the Spiritual Life - Part 4 - Mother Alexandra (Princess Ileana of Romania)

Steps in the Spiritual Life - Part 5 - Mother Alexandra (Princess Ileana of Romania)

Steps in the Spiritual Life - Part 6 - Mother Alexandra (Princess Ileana of Romania)

I found Part 4 first so I listened to that one so far.  

I found this to be a special find!

May we have her prayers! ❤️🕯🙏

a beautiful feast day!

I got my new phone! I still have more to do to set up my phone but so far it's working well!  The voice activated talk text is working much better on my new phone! And I'm able to blog pictures again on my phone! 

So that is a noticeable improvement! I don't however have have my pictures from today so I will keep this short…

I do not have Instagram on my new phone. I'm not sure if I'm going to try to have it or not.

One thing at a time!

May God have mercy on us all!

NYC on a Sunny Thursday!

I worked super hard on my writing today - left at 8, got in about 9 am to library, set up, then had breakfast (tea and a homemade bar), then research with break for lunch and going to the MET for other research, leaving library at 7 getting home after 8! 

It's a good thing I am a librarian, some of the research I am doing is fairly involved... but I am figuring it out! Sometimes one abstract (of an article) at a time! 

I got two novels from my library, Anne Tyler's latest novel and a YA novel that I read part of at the library and wanted to finish! 

It's been a long day but a good one.  ... I walked 13k steps, it was sunny, I had ice cream: 

Well, it's late now and I had a very full day.  

It was so good to have this day, it felt really refreshing and encouraging because I was able to have time to really sit down and do some research... 

May God bless protect and save us! 

What Day Is It Again?

 

I've made the vegan cranberry muffins 3 times in the last week and a half.  They are so delicious.  Recipe at top of this post.  I finally added it to my recipes page.

I drank so much tea today.  It was impressive.

Our days are so busy.  Last month was incredibly busy with family visits, etc.

DV I am going to NYC tomorrow to resume work on my writing project.  I am relieved to be starting this again.  It's what I have to do right now and by this I am being taught a lot.

I got to see, when I was in MI, one of my oldest friends.  I really don't have a lot of friends left there but she is one for life and I thank God for her. 

Earlier I thought it was Friday; I promptly called my Mom after realizing it was Wednesday and then forgot that it was, indeed, Wednesday! 

It is late now, so for now, may God bless and keep you, make His light shine upon you... 

Tuesday Feast Day

Today was St Peter and Paul day! 11 years ago my priest in Ottawa gave me the blessing for my Husband to know about me (I knew about him for a month and a half before he knew about me).  We will be married 10 years DV this September! 

So liturgy was beautiful.  The flowers, stunning.  I got to have this Feast twice as I was at the Monastary in Michigan (on new calendar as they say) and had it there... the unity of St Peter and Paul is so beautiful... 

I've been thinking a lot about unity and what it means as a Christian to both desire unity with God (union with, communion...) and unity with others (that they shall be one) ... 

I got some new books (Orthodox books from a Monastery in England that I got via 8th Day Books which is lovely.

So we do have these.  We really hope it is not that plus more.  You can imagine that this has been a stressor for us!  

We are already brainstorming how we may deal with this (could be that our crawl space above the ceiling will need to be examined and that means emptying the pantry again (just refilled it a week ago exactly).  Because I have sciatica (as far as we know), doing that much work can equal being in pain.  So, we are researching hiring someone to do this for us.   

I have researched new cell phones.  Soon that will probably be over.  

I managed to get my writing table clean! That was a feat. 

I did a bit of reading and brainstorming for my ongoing writing project.  That was good. 

I had my first ice cream cone of the season! My Husband and I made a trip to Trader Joes to pick up their French Vanilla Ice Cream. :) 

Well, it's time to work towards bedtime.  I have so much to do and will just have to keep working on it all. 

May God save us and have mercy on us!

Saturday adventures

Last night my Husband and I were talking....

....and suddenly discovered these above us on the wall. A whole swarm of them 😳😳😳😳😳😳

Of course we texted neighours and arranged for professional help to come...

In other news, I just love a good black tea with cranberry muffins. ❤

I am working on getting used to doing some manageable strength training... 1 lb weights to start with.... I have lost some arm strength and at 45 that is just NOT OK. So a new goal....

I am going to try to post a picture via my chromebook as I thought the muffin on the pretty plate (Royal Albert!) was darling 🥰

A Friday in July

Still have not replaced my phone. My phone doesn't let me load pictures here so this post is without any. 

I went swimming this morning! Woke up at 5 AM so I listened to early prayers live at my home Monastery  And I made my favourite vegan orange cranberry muffins.  

I went to Harney and Sons in Soho NYC yesterday! Refilled both my Royal Palace tea and Decaf Paris tea! Walked about 5 miles!!! 

You can imagine that with the early morning and yesterday's walking that I am tired today!

My Dad had minor knee surgery today thank God that it went well ❤ 

I made a simple pasta earlier this week: a smaller jar of pasta (about the size of a can of vegetables) 2/3 of a box of macaroni and a can of drained white beans. We put nutritional yeast on for "cheese" ... it was simple and tasty!

I am just loving having pots of tea... 

I hope you have some encouragement today! May God help us!

Well, I'm Back

 

Picture of the church in Michigan where I became Orthodox 18 years ago this August. 

My Husband and I had a month long adventure... we drove to Michigan the Friday of Memorial Day weekend... it was one of the best trips out we've had yet.  Thank God we left early and missed the storms...

My beloved worked remotely (a new perk because of the pandemic) most of the time he was there... he drove back by himself (we were all praying!) as I had to be at my foster-nephew's birthday party this past weekend... and I had a wonderful long monastary visit that was a real balm to my heart... the birthday party went well... and I met some of the now 3 year old's birth family and that went well... it's not easy (the grief) and I can't write about it more but I can say that I have a lot of hope and am praying a lot about this. 

I got some great advice (and research time!) for my writing project at the Monastery... I can't tell you what a deep blessing that time was... I only can wish everyone would have such blessings! 

I got back last night... my Husband picked me up... and today he helped me put the pantry back to rights... we had to empty much of it so that we could have our AC fixed back in May! 

I really felt like I had a journey this past month, and a lot of it was grieving what we hoped for (an adopted newphew) and adjusting to how things were going. I definetly had a lot of grieving and processing.  Thanks to everyone who has left comments and/or prayed for me (and family) about this...

I feel like my head is back on straight.  Now tomorrow DV I hope to finish cleaning the house (mostly done now! that pantry was a lot of work!).  And then I have to get back to my writing project.

I am mostly off Instagram right now (sorry about that) but I realized that I need to devote more time to the writing project and Instagram is quite addictive for me and I would lose too much time on it.  And I feel very called to my writing project and realized I could not do everything. 

Well, that's what's going on in my world.  I pray that God will have mercy on all of us and save us!

Quick hello

Still quite busy here.

My sister and her family are in the process of losing their foster son who they thought they would be adopting, he has been with them for the first 3 years of his life.  Obviously I can't write more here but there is grief for all of us who are in this situation. 

I am finding that I need more and more time away from social media.  My priorities are changing, but it's also grief that requires me to be away more; plus stepping away from what was a social media phone addiction. 

Really though I am just in a time of complicated grief over various things and also a time when I am, I hope, maturing in various ways.

Life is just very full and very busy.

Sending my love to all and praying for God's mercy and saving...

Quickly, here, June 2022

 

It's amazing that it's already June!

I am doing fine...

busy, will be busy until July...

just popping in to say hello...

It is the last fast free week I think until Christmas!

Pentecost was this past Sunday...

All is green now... beautiful... hope that we have

in Christ... it never ends....

may God have mercy on us all!

May is flying by

So I need a new phone. Will be working on this some what soon. I think that's why I can't load pictures to my blog via my phone.  I am typing this on my phone so no pictures but oh well.

I continued to be in a really busy season. 

I am thinking of Madeleine L'Engle a lot. Last year I read a newer collection of essays/interviews of/by her.  Seems that early in her writing career, she was pulled in so many directions (as a wife, Mom, writer) that she ended up getting sick and in hospital. 

Now that I am working on a big writing project I can see how hard this is to balance. I saw a meme like quote about if you are serious about writing you must devote 1 or 2 hours a day to it. 

This is how I reacted to such an idea:

😳😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Seriously. I don't have usually the ability to set aside time. I grab it as I can.  

Sometimes I work on my writing for much of the day. That's rare but occurs sometimes. 

There is not a day that I am not working on it. 

My reading for it is incredibly varied even though I have 2 books I especially want to read. Or finish.

Well. I don't have much more to say now. 

May God have mercy on us and save us.

I am getting better at grief work

There is a lot of loss right now in my life on various fronts, between my foster-nephew, the w-a-r and other things.  I am learning to face it, deal with it (accept it, not get stuck in it, have really good boundries about it). 

It's cool that I see that at least I am understanding something a bit better!

I read 15 pages of my big book yesterday.  Felt great.  Not even a chance to get 1 page in today but life is just really busy right now. 

I wrote the above on Tuesday!

Today is Wednesday!

Things continue to be quite busy.  I read about 1.5 pages of my book today, yesterday nothing.  But I am writing some for the writing project that the book I am reading is for.  

Tomorrow I am in NYC again! And this morning I was at liturgy. So beautiful. 

I am nearing the end of a smaller book, Orthodox, super vintage (1958 is early for Orthodox books in English!) that is for my writing project and boy oh boy, it's a treasure of a book.  

Well, I need to get ready for tomorrow and to bed.  So not saying more now.  But God is good to us, even in difficult times... 

Well That's Better At Least

 

We went away just for Sat-Sunday.  I got some great yogurt and jam last night!  

Worshipped with a long time NJ-life (as in my life since I moved here) friend this morning and visit with her family afterwards.  

I just feel like my mind, at least for a moment, is a little more clear.  I read a lot about a holy Greek monk who was newly sainted this past year.  

I have two goals for my writing project this summer (finish reading 2 big books).  Narrowing it down (actually it's still a lot) has helped my stress levels as my writing project has so many facets that just doing 2 over the summer is more than enough.  And it's needed work to see what I am actually doing as they are the most key books I have to finish for the reasearch part.  (I have lots more research to do but these books are more 'primary' and the rest is more 'secondary' research). 

Anyway.  Life is still quite busy but even having a moment when I feel my head clear, even if only for a snatch of time, is a blessing.

I know some people have had a hard time commenting.  Sorry I have not been able to look into that yet.  It's been busy and I have not even unpacked from being away overnight...

May God have mercy on us all!

Here I am again

 

I booked a plane ticket for mid-summer for me to be at my sister's foster son's birthday party.  He will be 3.  And so far it seems that his bioDad, in the end, will have him (as in take him from my sister and brother-in-law).  We were told originally, and until last year, that he was going to be in our forever family.  I am 46 next birthday and have no children, which was one of my biggest dreams of my life that did not come true.  So you can understand that this is very hard for me personally.  Losing my foster nephew who I held as a baby thinking, as we all did, that he was going to be adopted by my sister (like his half sister was the summer before he was born) is incredibly painful. 

I can't go into more details than this other than to say that the foster care system failed numerous times in the management of this case and the failures themselves are awful for everyone (including the biodad).

I can only ask your prayers as we have no choice in traveling this unexpected path of grief.  

16 Pairs of Socks

I got behind on laundry (and my Husband inadvertnaly hid my dirty socks, long but simple story) and finally I will have socks clean again. 

I am so tired it's ridiculous.

Monday is supposed to be my rest day.  But I can't function in a messy house.  And I needed socks.  

I did talk with a friend, my dear dear friend in Romania.  That alone is a profound blessing. 

I am hoping go to away this weekend.  So this week is going to involve a lot of rest just so I can do this. It's one of those if I don't grab the opportunity, it will be a long time before it comes again. 

I bought a cute skirt at the VNA. With these (last picture) shiny flowers.  8 fell off when I dried it (we dry all linens that we get used to be sure they are 'bug free' before we even wash them).  

I would love to sew them back on (there is lots on this skirt) but realistically I won't have the time. 

The top teapot picture is slightly blurry.  It's a really cute one, vintage Japan teapot, most likely from the 1950s.  I got it for 10$ at the VNA rummage sale.  I love it. 

I am sleeping better but once I have a super bad night of sleep it takes days for me to recover.

May God have mercy on us all. 

  

Beauty for today

 

Isn't this plate/saucer and teacup darling? in MINT condition! Got on Friday at the VNA rummage sale.  Thursday night I had terrible insomina again so taking it much easier this coming week. 

Sending my love to all those grieving today on what for others is a happy Mother's day.

God is with us and He loves us. 

I can only say this once

My phone won't let me download pictures right now 😳🙄🤦‍♀️

I know that I am not here much. My writing project is taking over my brain not to mention my time. 

I am trying to post nearly daily here

https://instagram.com/elizabeth_reads_and_cooks?

So you can have a snippet into my life. 

I am doing well. I have a crazy full schedule from here through mid-July. That's right I really did just say mid-July. 

I am not sleeping through the night again so am extra exhausted. 

The w-a-r continues to break my heart. 

My writing project challenges me in mindblowing ways wonderful intense and sometimes difficult. 

I was in NYC yesterday it was GLORIOUS. and I bought a new pink cream lip stain and it was just the frivolous fun I needed. 

Seriously life is beautiful hard and a wild ride. I am so thankful for my one beautiful life.

Do keep tabs on me via Instagram. You can go to the website without having an account. You are welcome there. 

Sorry I don't have the strength for daily blogging.  

Pray for me if you would. If my writing project works I hope to publish (seriously in about 10 years it's an ambitious project).

You all are a gift to me. ❤🙏🕯🌷🌸

CHRIST IS RISEN 

GOD IS WITH US 

Dear hearts never despair 

God is with us. 

❤🙏🕯

Bright Tuesday 2022

I managed to make chicken salad, egg salad sandwiches and beef roast slices with cheddar cheese mini buns. 

My friend Photini and I had a nice visit. 

Tomorrow other friends are visiting and we hope to visit other friends as well. 

May God so grant.🙏

Bright Monday 2022

Bright Monday.  I tried all 3 of my new Pascha teas.  I had my favourite soup. Take out.  I am feeling a bit rung out. Tomorrow I am making a simple tea for myself and my friend Photini.  

May God preserve us and save us.

Pascha 2022

Pascha was very good 💗💐🙏🕯☦ 💗 Two pictures of our evening Pascha table. 

3 hours of sleep necessitate a short post as I am going to sleep now!

Christ is Risen!

sleep that elusive sleep

Meanwhile Holy Week is so beautiful. Deeply immersive. A church friend said that he read that the grace within Holy week can sustain us for a year. It really is deeply special. 

Onward

Great Lent has ended... now for the bridge between Lent and Holy Week... I am glad... my heart has a lot of heaviness about some things in the world as it is now... how deeply we need Christ and the immersive Holy Week to reorient our lives! 

May God bless us and save us and have mercy on us! 

beginning to turn towards Pascha

I put careful small stitches in two sides of this rushnyk in the middle with some of the white folded carefully. So that it would fit on my table better. I stitched it loosely so I can easily undo it later if needed. 

It felt very poignant to put this one away. This was put out before the w-a-r began. 

I realized that I never put up my Lenten icons this year. The horror beginning February 24th really derailed me.  

I don't think any of us will realize how difficult it has been until later. 

We ordered our Pascha bread this year from a Monastery. It came today and is now in the freezer. 

We went to church tonight. A real blessing. 

Every day a little more progress. Soon I will put up more Pascha/Easter decorations. 

May the Lord have mercy on us. 

Once Again, I Can't Sleep...

 

I may have slept but if I did, I woke again. 

So.  Here I am. It's 12:30 AM EST here.  I am not overly worried about sleep right now because I know I still have a chance at it and overall have been sleeping better again. 

So yesterday (Tuesday) my Husband was back at work again (as in office, in NYC).  He goes in sometimes now, the virus situation here is stable at the moment.  And I do mean at the moment, I have no idea when and if it will surge again.  This is profoundly a time when all we can do is 'constantly pivot' as things are in a great deal of flux. 

I feel like I am learning to do that in life.  I feel in ways that I am growing up a lot.  I mean, I know I am an adult, I am 45 years old now.  But I have had to do a lot of growing, learning, as we all hope we are doing.  Some of the work in this way has taken me decades.  

Like I used to not know what to do with sadness. Or anxiety. And I will always struggle with both.  I am wired that way. 

BUT.  I am not as afraid of it.  And anxiety is harder for me to deal with than sadness.  Here's the thing:

Learning to deal with hard emotions is a lot of work. For me, I have realized some simple but deep truths:

*don't ignore or avoid the feeling of sadness or worry.  Instead FEEL it. Acknowlege it.  BUT. Don't Get Stuck In It.* 

So.  Yeah. My writing project helps me not get stuck.  I am reading, slowly, a book of short stories by Dorothy Sayers so I don't get stuck in it.  

Another way to say it is:

*Change the Channel.*

If I start shutting down because of huge anxiety then it's time to PIVOT. It's time to do something else.  Then the name of the game is DISTRACT myself about what I am worried about so that I don't get stuck there and instead can move on to something else and REBALANCE. 

It's not about denial of worry.  It's what I have learned to do WITH IT. 

And if I stuff it down and ignore it, and don't look at it at all, then I will merely have it blow up later (often the same day) and will be shut down by it.

Feel it. Acknowlege it. Don't Get Stuck In it.

I mean if I was Saintly I would just be so aware of God's presence and peace while living in my life with all it's disperate struggles.  Since I am not, the above is how I have learned to deal with it.

And yes, prayer should be part of it. But seriously if I am getting stuck I will do anything (that still is God honouring) to get past it.  Reading a little bit of Agatha Christie to do so is fully OK. 

Anxiety used to shut me out and shut me down.  

Learning to cope with one's own self is a huge process.  And I will be learning as long as I live as I know that, for instance, anxiety, is a huge struggle for me personally. 

Yesterday, which is kind of still ongoing since I am not sure if I fully slept yet, was a good day.  I had the house to myself (rare since the pandemic began).  I did some research for my writing project.  Ordered 2 books on it.  My mind continued to be amazed (mind blown) about what I am learning.  

I loved this by a new to me author who, in her case, wound up writing huge novels that had huge sucess 

I can tell you one thing.  My writing project, if God every allows it to be finished, is going to take me YEARS.  I am guessing 10 years.  Maybe more.  And that also is FULLY OK. 

And I can tell you something else. IT'S SO FUN. I am loving it so much.  

And without it, I feel like I would be on the floor depressed and unable to get up.

With it, conversely, I am able to better handle my life, better able to deal with sadness, even anxiety.  It's like so much better that I don't even care if, in the end, it's not published.

YES I want it to be.  But it's so much fun that I can just stay in today and not know it's future (or my own!). 

So basically it's an Act of God in my life holding me up.

I have some real griefs right now.  And yes, insomnia happens to me when I am in grief.  But I have a way through.

I can't tell you, again, how greatful I am for each of you and for those who comment, who pray, for email me when I tell you I am struggling.

I am sorry I can't always be here on my blog like I used to be.  It's just that life - and - my writing project - are quite time consuming. 

It's like I have an autodidact PhD and the 'dissertation' is what I ended up writing and the research is real (and so FUN) but thankfully there is no language learning requirement because then it may never get done LOL.

Well, it's nearly 1 AM.  I am going to try to go back to the magical place called 'a good night's sleep'.

God bless you all, each and every one. May the Lord save us, have mercy on us, comfort us, protect us and bring us through whatever huge struggle we are now in.  ❤

today and an unexpected gift

 

A friend and I just finally exchanged Christmas (!) gifts yesterday, Sunday.  We were busy so opened our gift today.  And inside was this beautiful rushnyk.  It's vintage, made in Lviv Ukriane when it was still part of the USSR (it had a tag, I translated it with google's help!). 

I already know that I will put it on my table where I have my writing table or my 'tea for two' table.  I will change it out soon for Pascha. 

You can imagine, realizing my friend found this for me months ago, had it for me in January (we kept missing each other) and now I am given it.  Well.  So many layers of meaning. 

Today was a pretty good day. This is a very busy week. I have something everyday till next Monday (thankfully tomorrow I can be home, it's online stuff). 

thank you again everyone who left a comment.  I really appreciate each and everyone. 

May God have mercy on us all.

I need to write this down

first thanks so much everyone who commented or emailed me about my last post.  I can't say anything more about it but thank you so very much. 

I want to share a story about the w-a-r and this is your 'trigger warning' because one thing I share is especially heartbreaking. 

Ok. So recently I was talking with one of my friends with Ukrianian connections.  I know lots of people that fit that catagory. 

It was heartwrenching. 

It was a story of a woman who had to grab her children, her sister's children and FLEE because of the w-a-r ... on her way to a safe place to go into Poland, she saw a two year old child (this is going to be hard to read FYI).  The child was sitting all alone on top of his recently killed mother.  My friend pronounced the word killed as 'kilt' which I looked up and Google told me this:

As verbs the difference between kill and kilt

is that kill is to put to death; to extinguish the life of while kilt is to gather up (skirts) around the body.

And that woman with her own children, her sister's children, saw this young child, two years old on top of it's dead mother, grabbed the orphaned baby and ran to the escape into Poland. 

She gathered up the child like the verb kilt. 

So I don't know about you, but I am crying just writing this so I remember and can tell you about it.

Thankfully she did not have problems at the boarder (no papers on the child to identify the child or mother) but this is w-a-r and she could not leave a child at 2 in the chaos with a mother who no longer is alive to care for the child.  

She is working on getting legal papers for the child now. 

The person narrating this to me told me that the first week of the w-a-r she could not sleep and does not even remember feeding her own children.  And this person is someone Stateside who has family overseas were the w-a-r is.  

Yeah.

So.

I cried about this recently again.  

This is why I can't read too much news.  I can't because I am not only a highly sensitive person; but because I can get news first hand from many who I know personally. 

Talk about getting a crash course on life and what it means to be a Christian. 

But these stories are so important.  And so, I am recording it here, to have a small marker as a tribute to the awful tragegy and pain of w-a-r. 

*******

Other than this, I am doing pretty well.  My writing project continues to hold me up and hold my interest.  I am in grief but also functioning.  I still laugh, wash the dishes, bake.  I get lost in thoughts about math.  Or I think about ideas and connections between them.  I got news of a couple's upcoming marriage and rejoiced.  

****

May God have mercy on us all.