(81) 3 double batches of cookies baked does make one's day better

I baked 3 double batches of cookies, 

1 of cranberry chocolate chip

and 2 of just straight glorious chocolate chip.

I saved 4 for Mr Husband and I to eat hot out of the oven;

they were so hot the top of my mouth is still burnt but it was worth it. 

I spent the day in solitude, reading the second of Abigail Thomas' recent memoirs

and baking, and thinking about things, including loneliness. 

I did get more sleep last night and I did feel a lot better for it. 

Nothing about my situation itself has changed; 

sometimes I feel encouraged sometimes discouraged; I am seeing that it is a very

long road to do anything good or build anything in one's life. 

But that is reality and the reality of the situation is that

I have a Husband who is my best friend, a home that I am very happy in,

family that loves me, church family (though spread out and not like I had in Ottawa

because of where we live and because you can't replicate anything or anyone)... 

I still miss my Cleo Cat.  I was thinking today about how this year

when I, God willing, put up the Christmas tree Cleo won't be there to jump in 

the box the minute it is empty and the tree is up... or in the process of being 

put up... I miss her.  She's just not around; her constant comforting presence,

her demands, the routine of having a cat; it's just gone.  I am mostly

OK but if I think of her death and the actual saying goodbye, 

I almost reel over, feeling like I was just punched in the gut. 

I am trying to do my Christmas baking way early this year

and need to get going on St Nicholas baking.

I made a mistake and bought a margarine that still has dairy in it

so my vegan cookie baking progress took a hit. 

(vegan for fasting periods including the Advent/Nativity fast). 

Maybe tomorrow I can bake more Koek.

That is something I can make. 

And I love it. 

So Abigail Thomas and her books.  Granny Marigold mentioned

her book Three Dog Life and I looked it up and emailed myself

(and snoozed it until I was back from our trip) to get it from my library.

Which I did do on Tuesday.

Three Dog Life is a well written book chronicling 

how she has to make a new life for herself 

after her Husband has a terrible accident and

 is locked, mentally, basically, in a suspended present 

with no short term memory and lessening ling term memory.... 

he was a reporter newly retired...they were living in NYC....

***

I found it worth reading, sad but in a way that makes you think.

Her latest book, What Comes Next and How to Love It 

was in some ways a follow on to this book but in a lot of ways not at all,

showing how narrative focus is one her strengths as a memoirist. 

It's more gritty, with family heartache, tragedy and mess.

I thought it was well written.  Sad in ways the other book was not;

I can't imagine not believing in God who I believe is in relationship with me

as one of the many Christians living now and that I have experienced, 

in actual experience, God's love and presence. 

To be like this writer, and think that we cease to exist when no one can remember us,

well it's so sad but a common belief today.

One that is dealt with by the very popular YA book the fault in our stars 

the question of meaning and memory - will anyone remember us past our

living right now family and if not, what meaning does our life have?

I was struck then and am struck again how different my life is

because I am a Christian and an Orthodox Christian at that.

Simply put, when someone dies what one says in sympathy is:

Memory Eternal.

It's part of the prayer service for the departed, it's KEY to the funeral

and it's because of Christ's Resurrection and the belief that

God will remember us forever and that He will bring us all back

on that last day, or perhaps the first of new days,

when Christ returns and all will be made new.

Elder Sophrony writes that one of the biggest most significant days of our lives

is the day we die, as it is the beginning of our eternal life.

The meaning of our life is found linked to our death.

This is profoundly different than what Abigail Thomas seems to believe

and I can understand why without such hope, that I and all Orthodox Christians have,

one would struggle with depression and even alcoholism like she discusses.

I found her book well written.  

I also feel like there is such a chasm between what people who don't believe

in anything beyond the material of this world and those who are Christians

and believe in eternal life and in salvation.

How to speak to those on the other side of this and who are struggling so much

with a deep loss of meaning in their lives.  It's a question I have...

***

I think about this a lot especially as I see so many in this situation. 

***

I think music maybe one of the last things that can communicate hope.

I feel that this song does.

I do wish that I can write and give others hope that my life can

be lived in a way that gives courage to others and points them to 

the hope that is so deeply found in Christ and in the Church.

***

Thanks to those who commented on my last post and who emailed me.

I truly appreciate this and was encouraged! Thank you!

Means so much!

***

May God help us!