Monday, April 20, 2015

Hard Hit

I have been emailing 
with my Ottawa Matuska about grief
and she reminded me that
new grief can also open wounds of old grief.
*
The recent loss of Mr. Husband's godson
was so sudden and shocking to us
that it is only now that I can see that
for me I am really hard hit
and it's layers of grief,
even though I've worked through a lot of this
before, new layers emerge.
*
This is not the first time I have been close to a family
with sudden loss.
*
When I was 18, so young myself,
two Mothers, neighbours of ours, both died suddenly,
within months of each other. 
One death was on the road, tragic early and shocking.
The other death was on the person's property,
involved a snowmobile and worse.
I can't really write here in depth about either
as they are just not my stories to tell,
but I can tell you that both were incredibly tragic 
and lead both families to worse ends,
even further death years later.
*
At 18 years old,
I saw the young boy crying behind the casket of his Mother,
I went to a Mother-daughter banquet with the young daughter,
I was with a teenage daughter of the other family
while she picked out pictures for the funeral display;
I was at the funeral hearing the Grandmother, Mother of
the Mother, cry out in agony at the funeral; 
I was the only one in my family there and saw
how the Mother's Mother had to be physically carried out
at the end of the funeral.
*
I was 18.
*
20 years later I am 38.
*
And my church munchkin's father is gone.
*
It will take a while for this to all settle.
*
Thankfully I have support of all kinds that I am using
and will get through this.
*
It will just take time, patience, prayer and
what seems to be called 'grief work'...


2 comments:

Elizabeth @ The Garden Window said...

Each bereavement seems to bring back a degree of the pain of previous ones too in my experience. It takes a considerable amount of time to work through grief - be sure to take good care of your physical health as well.
Much love to you all.

October Rose said...

Yes. I have experienced this too.

You are continually in my thoughts and prayers.