Tuesday, April 21, 2015

A Sunny Day full of many things....

Photo above from the 9 day panahyda for 
Mr. Husband's godson.
So I've been writing how the grief
sometimes when you are in sudden grief,
a lot of other things become clear
and gives the motifvation to work through them
and figure it out.
Sometimes to do this I need help;
I am not afraid to ask for what I need or to work to get it.
So I am seeing an older Catholic woman who has
counselled people in berevament situations,
my first meeting was today.
It went well though it was really just a 
'here I am, here's the deal and where do we go from here' 
first meeting.
But it went well and I have more lined up with her
to help me do the grief work;
it's for me working through years of this
that I did not have a chance to do before,
as I alluded to.
I worry at times that I will overwhelm 
someone by writing about grief,
but I also think it is really important to write about.
I don't read this blog all the time now,
but Amy Welborn's blog documents
the sudden loss of her husband and 
somewhere along the way she mentiones going
to a person to work out the grief with.
I am thinking it may be worth getting her book on this sudden loss.
So of course I am not the grieving widow
but I am a grieving friend
and sometimes a shock means some rocks get loose
and one needs to look at what is left when
the rocks are gone
and re-figure things out.
I am kind of still in a 
'where am I now' state, is best I can explain it.
One of my closet friends in NJ just lost her husband;
my church munchkin his father.
I am remembering a woman who died 20 years ago
and who I never grieved properly.
All I know is now is the time.
For me grieving is also showing love for the person
who is gone and I am really excited for this;
the sadness of course is hard to bear
but when you love, it is much easier.
And in other ways I am re-figuring things out
that are a bit more nebolous but basically is a need
to understand my roles in my life since I got married
and so many of my relationships have changed.
I will tell you one thing though:
I refuse to be ashamed to say I am getting help by talking to someone.
Our culture seems so much about only
being happy or at least don't mention it when you are not,
but that just does not work.
Perhaps you noticed.
Anyway, some beautiful things up next and 
a new old beautiful One that I failed to see
the full meaning and profundity of...
until today that is...
Look: cute dress!!! 

 My new dress, DV to be worn at a wedding I am going to later
this summer. 
It's great colours and I love the drape of it.

I've not yet lived through an April at our new home and
it was so neat to see flowering trees near by...
poor Mr. Husband's allergies are raging though, so 
he is not as happy to see them all...

I am re-reading this book by Jerry Sittser on loss and
it is really good to revisit. 

Ok, my so NOT organic weakness.
A Snickers Ice Cream Bar. 
And here's the profoundity.
I walked to the beautiful weathered Catholic statue
of the Mother of God and I saw what looked like a 
red  ball that someone put by her feet and then I looked closer and saw...

It is the promise in Genesis come true:
 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; 
it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

The Mother of God bore Christ and
by this the serpent was put down forever,
he is crushed.
It was just so good to remember,
when seeing so much evil and tragdgy in the world,
evil does not win and it's head is crushed.
And that was the profundity that today gave me.
I am so thankful.


Lisa said...

How interesting that someone put that apple there!! Wow. I wish you all the best in your sessions with this woman. xo

Juliana said...

I'm so glad you've found someone to work through these things with. I've been seeing a counselor for a long time and it really is so helpful (in addition to the spiritual counseling of confession).

This post has so much good in it, despite the grief, despite the sadness. I know how hard these things are--Fr. Matthew's death hit me much the same way. Rocks are loosened, one must find the way to a new normal, to figure out where the ground under one's feet lies. I pray you find your way through with joy in the midst of the sadness.

Love you.

Elizabeth @ The Garden Window said...

There is no shame whatsoever in seeking appropriate and timely help in such situations; you are being very wise.

Your dress is delightful - I hope the weather for the wedding will be as sunny and summery as the dress itself :-)

The statue of the Mother of God is lovely.