I am still working on kicking my sinus cold to the curb.
It's quite the unwelcomed visitor who does not seem to be
getting the 'leave now' ' I want to be healthy' message very quickly...
***
I had an invite to see an old friend in NYC tomorrow,
but I had to say I could not come.
I am going to have a busy week later on and I am still really
beat from this cold... I can't risk a relapse, but it is disappointing.
But I am just walking a bit and really it was just going to be too soon to
do something that would be a bigger trip.
***
So a friend dropped by for lunch today and that was really really nice.
I was inspired to get my many coloured knit blanket out and work on it.
I also wrote some letters this morning.
***
I am listening to this lovely series of Georgian Chant
I discovered it when I was dating Mr Husband and still living in Ottawa.
My Husband has a lot on his plate right now and I have a feeling he may be working
late again today. I really miss him when he is gone, esp. after such a nice weekend
but it's how it is and I can't complain about it.
***
Our staycation had to be postponed; I am not sure exactly when it will be,
the fall is always busy and difficult to plan.
***
I talked to my dear sister-friend for a little bit today and that was
really lovely; first time we had talked in quite a while; she has 4 kids now
and summers are really busy for her now.
Anyway, we talked about how now that we are either near 40 or at 40 (me),
we see that the self we thought we could become has not happened.
For me I see that when I was in my 20s I got a really silly idea in my head
that I could become someone I simply was NOT and am not going to be.
But then there are other things I thought I could just get better at,
but I can see how much "life" gets in the way, as well as my own
personality (I am more free spirited, not someone who can
easily do the same thing all the time) and the like.
So, in this way, I find myself disappointing, as in I thought
I would be "further along" but really I think that was just
youthful pride and while I am loved, I am not the person
who I thought I was or would be.
***
But I am also aware that God loves me despite it.
And that doing the little I am doing is what I have to keep doing.
And that I may not be able to do what I thought I was
able to do, but I can still do "something" ... like a little bit
of sewing or knitting, I can have a meaningful life,
even if it is small and less than I thought I would do,
in terms of "accomplishments" and that this is OK
and that I have to keep trying to orient myself towards
Christ, like I wrote a dear blog friend recently,
be like the flower facing the sunshine...
7 comments:
Your thoughts about the state of things at 40 are interesting. I'm 38 this year, and I've been thinking along similar lines for the past two years or so. It just gets more and more the closer I get to 40. Part of me thinks that the best is yet to come, and part of me thinks I've just wasted so much time! I know that isn't really the case but it can feel that way sometimes. I try to hold on to the examples of people I admire who really hit their stride in their 40s or beyond. :)
I think many of us think that what we do with our days isn't significant. At 60, and retired, I think I spend too much time just entertaining myself, but even when we stay home a lot we can encourage others online or get involved in a few select things outside of home. I'm trying to find a couple of ways I can serve others at church by helping with the children's programs (AWANA) and maybe women's ministries (not sure exactly what that IS yet). I heard of one lady who sews simple little dresses that she sends to little girls in Africa. There are so many little things we can do. I think we spend too much time comparing ourselves to others instead of finding our own niche. I know God can use us. I need to spend more time quietly listening to Him and getting some leading. I'm reading The Joy of Listening to God by Joyce Huggett. I think it was written in the '80's, but it's really interesting and inspiring. I know your comments on my blog encourage me! :)
Julia ~ thanks ~ emailed you~
Lisa ~ yes, it is true that we can encourage each other! I think what I was trying to say is that I used to think I was 'greater' or 'better' than I was - I don't think this is a bad thing - but actually more of a tempered sober look at myself as I am and not as some make-believe person that I thought I was. But yes, I must also remember that small ones can still make a difference in other's lives and I do pray that I am doing at least a little of what God would want me to be doing!
LOVELY music... I could list to that all day... I think I will! So very sorry your staycation plans have had to be put aside for a while. I hope in the meantime you will have some delights to cheer and sustain you both. Such pretty stationery and cards you have! It's hard to get stationery over here now. Too much digital. ;) Your patchwork blanket is getting BIG! I like those white squares--almost like windows. ..."I find myself disappointing, as in I thought I would be "further along" but really I think that was just youthful pride and while I am loved, I am not the person who I thought I was or would be."... WOW... what you said with that struck me so much, for I have always felt like that! Disappointed in my own self, and how striving to be as I'd like to be, doesn't always materialize. For a long time I felt like much was wasted--my potential wasted, time wasted. I try to look ahead now. It took me a looong time to understand how much God loves me--just as I am, and that I do try. As long as I turn to Him, to do His will, that is what matters most. To set my heart and life on heavenly things. There is comfort in repentance, and at the same time learning live fully in God's love. And that I am but one of His many delights. :) ((HUGS))
Tracy ~ yes, it's beautiful music! I am blessed that we have the big rummage sale in NJ, this is where I get the stationary - it's often quite vintage - I think I have stationary from the 50's through 1995! There are still paper stores here, but I hate to buy stationary at full price - it's so costly I find! I think I find that life has challenges that pretty much keep me from some of my goals and I have to just accept this for now. It's hard to really understand, as to get perspective on one's own life is not always easy in the present!
Tracy ~ yes, it's beautiful music! I am blessed that we have the big rummage sale in NJ, this is where I get the stationary - it's often quite vintage - I think I have stationary from the 50's through 1995! There are still paper stores here, but I hate to buy stationary at full price - it's so costly I find! I think I find that life has challenges that pretty much keep me from some of my goals and I have to just accept this for now. It's hard to really understand, as to get perspective on one's own life is not always easy in the present!
I know around the time I turned 40 (I'll be 43 in a few weeks), I started to give myself permission to be more of who I really am. I started to forgive myself for not being or doing some of the things I had imagined I would do or be when I was younger. The amount of time I spent apologizing for imaginary shortcomings decreased. I made much more sincere efforts to stop comparing myself to others. I tried to live my life as it was instead of waiting to live it when certain conditions were met. Now, I have by no means succeeded in all of these endeavors, but at least now I feel they are worthy goals.
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