Yesterday Mr. Husband and I
were driving back home from church
and all seemed incredibly foggy;
the salt whitened roads matched the clouds as we
drove on a bridge above things
and all seemed one colour ~ fog.
*
I have so many people who are struggling.
My friend
Mara is going through a very hard time again.
Other friends are in great grief,
stress that comes from mothering young children
or other upheavals that come with life.
*
I have been thinking about grief lately.
Kathleen Norris's book
speaks of this also; of facing grief and of the
Psalms helping.
*
Grief comes even from good things ~
I am very blessed in my marriage to Mr. Husband,
who is truly my beloved husband,
but even good change includes a type of grief;
one is no longer single ~ this is a huge change;
marriage means being confronted with one's self and
patterns that do not work in one's new life or
things that were plain unhealthy.
*
For me it was also leaving Ottawa and my church family;
I can tell that I am moving into the stage of being resettled a bit more;
of feeling that the new things,
for me city, home, church, it was all new at once,
is becoming familiar, one's new beloved.
*
I had such a good visit in Ottawa;
God gave me a peace that is only from Him;
I love my church there very much and it was wonderful to see
everyone; I was also blessed that I faced some of the sense of
grief that I still have in me (as I loved and still love Ottawa)
before my trip... it made everything more peaceful.
*
It's funny how actually facing grief can bring peace,
though one has to go through the pain of facing the grief.
*
It's been almost a year since I came down with mono,
on Valentines Day last year.
This morning I felt a bit unwell so I rested...
that is what I did not do this time last year;
I did not let myself rest;
I realize that I was in part staying busy as I did not know how
to face the grief I was in about leaving Ottawa and
getting settled here.
*
This year for Valentines Day I am getting two
cookbooks for the price of one
by choosing them used via amazon.
I am really excited about getting both of these;
I have some friends and family who are GF and slowly learning these
recipes are exciting to me, as I really love hospitality.
*
I had a fun conversation with my Cat Cleo today.
Those who have pets will understand that one can have
such conversations.
Cleo had been meowing for sometime.
Begging for cat treats I believe.
So I told her that she is an addict to Cat Treats.
Eventually,
after I was finished eating lunch,
I brushed her and then gave her the Cat Treats she'd been wanting.
You know what I told her?
I have the same problem, though it is not cat treats that
are my addiction!
It's more a struggle I have with materialism
and my love of
a) distraction (Internet reading is a lot of it)
b) amazon and getting great book deals, for example.
*
I have a feeling I have more to face in terms of this...
sometimes the struggle of materialism and feeling like
one buys something is really trying to deal with
a large something in one's life that is really not
going to be dealt with in this manner at all,
only assuaged for a bit.
*
Our modern fractured scattered lives do not help this...
*
I don't think I am alone at all in this,
but I am also praying about it.
How does one change?
What does change look like?
I am home most days and do not always have a lot of people
or any person to directly talk to...
which leads me to spend a lot of time online as my
place of contact with others.
*
Much to think on and pray about.
I know that as I had mono for 6 months last year,
it has taken me longer than I would of wished to get settle
and in new routines.
*
Lots of patience is needed in life,
and I am finding daily life and such to be no exception.
*
Yet God is with us,
in all thing things and struggles we find ourselves in.
