Monday, January 27, 2014

Today, a grey day but one with hope in Christ

Yesterday Mr. Husband and I 
were driving back home from church
and all seemed incredibly foggy;
the salt whitened roads matched the clouds as we
drove on a bridge above things
and all seemed one colour ~ fog.
I have so many people who are struggling.
My friend Mara is going through a very hard time again.
Other friends are in great grief,
stress that comes from mothering young children
or other upheavals that come with life.
I have been thinking about grief lately.
Kathleen Norris's book
speaks of this also; of facing grief and of the 
Psalms helping.
Grief comes even from good things ~ 
I am very blessed in my marriage to Mr. Husband,
who is truly my beloved husband,
but even good change includes a type of grief;
one is no longer single ~ this is a huge change;
marriage means being confronted with one's self and
patterns that do not work in one's new life or
things that were plain unhealthy.
For me it was also leaving Ottawa and my church family;
I can tell that I am moving into the stage of being resettled a bit more;
of feeling that the new things,
for me city, home, church, it was all new at once,
is becoming familiar, one's new beloved.
I had such a good visit in Ottawa;
God gave me a peace that is only from Him;
I love my church there very much and it was wonderful to see 
everyone; I was also blessed that I faced some of the sense of
grief that I still have in me (as I loved and still love Ottawa) 
before my trip... it made everything more peaceful.
It's funny how actually facing grief can bring peace,
though one has to go through the pain of facing the grief.
It's been almost a year since I came down with mono,
on Valentines Day last year.
This morning I felt a bit unwell so I rested...
that is what I did not do this time last year;
I did not let myself rest;
I realize that I was in part staying busy as I did not know how
to face the grief I was in about leaving Ottawa and 
getting settled here.
This year for Valentines Day I am getting two
cookbooks for the price of one 
by choosing them used via amazon.
I am really excited about getting both of these;
I have some friends and family who are GF and slowly learning these
recipes are exciting to me, as I really love hospitality.
I had a fun conversation with my Cat Cleo today.
Those who have pets will understand that one can have
such conversations.
Cleo had been meowing for sometime.
Begging for cat treats I believe.
So I told her that she is an addict to Cat Treats.
after I was finished eating lunch,
I brushed her and then gave her the Cat Treats she'd been wanting.
You know what I told her?
I have the same problem, though it is not cat treats that
are my addiction!
It's more a struggle I have with materialism 
and my love of 
a) distraction (Internet reading is a lot of it)
b) amazon and getting great book deals, for example.
I have a feeling I have more to face in terms of this...
sometimes the struggle of materialism and feeling like
one buys something is really trying to deal with 
a large something in one's life that is really not 
going to be dealt with in this manner at all,
only assuaged for a bit.
Our modern fractured scattered lives do not help this...
I don't think I am alone at all in this,
but I am also praying about it.
How does one change?
What does change look like? 
I am home most days and do not always have a lot of people
or any person to directly talk to...
which leads me to spend a lot of time online as my
place of contact with others.
Much to think on and pray about.  
I know that as I had mono for 6 months last year,
it has taken me longer than I would of wished to get settle
and in new routines.
Lots of patience is needed in life,
and I am finding daily life and such to be no exception.
Yet God is with us,
in all thing things and struggles we find ourselves in. 


Elizabeth @ The Garden Window said...

It all takes time and patience to integrate. Love and prayers to you both and dear Cleo!

Victoria said...

good words. we will be 'home' again soon. I am excited and also very curious as to the emotions it will elicit.

Maria said...

Hi, Elizabeth. Good patience to you. I do really understand what you are saying about materialism and how it is a vain way to satisfy some other underlying need. I suppose the only way to solve it is to address that need. Short of that, to pray about it. I'm glad you had a good visit to Ottawa. I'm glad you're letting yourself rest.

Anonymous said...

Change takes time and patience my dear friend! Sending you much love and prayers xxx

Lisa said...

I think it is a lifelong struggle, Elizabeth. Metanoia, right? Always becoming purified. God isn't revealing these things to you to upset you, but to get you ready to keep going forward.

As you have more things to do - if you have children, or get involved in outside things - you'll be taken away from these habits. Until then, maybe when you are seeing something you want to buy, you can hold off for a week, and pray about it for a while? I've gone through periods where I thought I had to have a certain thing, but didn't get it for some reason, and then found that the strong desire was quite gone!
:) You'll learn; you are young.

Anonymous said...

I've been meaning to re-read Quotidian Mysteries as well...and I also had mono (for the second time) last fall and have a very hard time making myself stop and rest! Thanks for the reminder.