How many steps does it take

Another job posting

for an Ottawa job.

I will have to do it on Thanksgiving

which is this Monday

as it is due shortly thereafter.

*

Still troubled I am

but making steps

about it.

*

I feel so weary from job interviews,

applications

and the unknown.

*

There are so few moments of life that are easy.

May God help and save us.

Waiting and taking a step

As fall is quickly flying by,

I find myself drawn to the summer pictures.

*

The situation that is troubling me is not yet

resolved

but I am slowly taking steps towards

what I hope will be at least

a movement towards a more full resolution.

*

I have really appreciated your prayers and support.

*

All I need now is God's mercy that

I will be given the humility to understand

what are the next steps in my life.

*

It is so easy to deceive oneself in thinking that

they understand best what they need.

May God have mercy on us

and help us to seek Him

before any other

person,

place,

or material object,

job,

dream,

anything at all.

***

Behold, the Bridegroom comes at midnight,

And blessed is that servant whom He shall find watching,

And again, unworthy is the servant whom He shall find heedless.

Beware, therefore, O my soul, do not be weighed down with sleep,

Lest you be given up to death, and lest you be shut out of the Kingdom.

But rouse yourself...

crying:

Holy, Holy, Holy, art Thou, O our God,

Through the Theotokos have mercy on us.

Troparion of Bridegroom Matins

Ponderings

Talking with a woman in church,

last week,

about the Saints and she commented about the

Cross within the life of the Saints being accepted,

surrendered to, martyred and resurrected;

the renunciation of life for crucifixion with Christ.

How this was the pattern of Christian life.

It really struck me.

We are so blessed by beauty

flowers made by God

yet some of the monks in Scetis

in the book

sayings of the desert fathers

never looked around them

and looked only to God.

I was reading in Matthew earlier this week

narrow is the way and few find it.

How much we need to be in church

pray

and seek God's mercy.

Sometimes it is so easy to forget that the path to God

and to His Kingdom

is narrow and few find it.

We must not assume so easily that was are there,

we must seek God's mercy

and ask Him

to show the way...

all the while trusting on His mercy that if we

seek Him, we will find Him...

He will take us to Himself,

His House with many rooms;

narrow is the way and few find it;

May we look to God

and pray for mercy

all our days...

Another Interview Over

WHEW.

Thank God.

and Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers.

The interview went well.

I would love the job

and told them frankly that

it was a dream job for a librarian.

:)

but it is in God's hands.

*

I feel a bit stronger today

but still have to sort out

what is troubling me that I can't blog about.

So all I can say is I feel a little stronger to be able to do

/ face it

but that the situation is yet unresolved.

So prayers for God's mercy and help much appreciated.

*

Today is a sunny day,

such a change after yesterday's grey and heavy rains.

*

I am so thankful that I was able to do well at the interview.

There are other candidates so it is hard to know

how well they will do

in relation to how I did

so really there is no predicting these things.

So I have to keep waiting.

*

It has been a rough time for me emotionally and

fatigue-wise

(fatigue I think just from the stress of interviews and

waiting to hear what is happening,

staying, moving, which job;

and the recent shock of my Aunt and Uncle losing their house

really impacted me too).

*

In these times were merely can depend on God's help

and mercy.

Another day, another prayer request

I saw a girl today

collapsed on the pavement

in heavy rain

with friends and rescue people surrounding her,

a paramedic truck was on it's way over when I saw her.

Please pray for her.

*

Also, please pray for me.

I have been really inwardly troubled over something

I can't blog about

but is really painful right now.

*

I applied for another Ottawa job.

*

My interview is tomorrow

for an Ottawa job.

*

It is grey and cloudy out

and it mirrors what I feel inside

at present.

*

Yet God is our hope,

our refuge,

our eternal home.

Just In Case

FYI:

I did post the thank you and my award nominations

but it went under my last post

since I began writing it

beforehand...

*

Meanwhile,

Cleo is meowing to me,

a go and pray and have

an early bedtime.

*

But I am saying,

but Cleo I must start on my resume,

it's due tomorrow...

Really,

you would think she would understand! :)

Autumn Sunshine and Leaves

Cleo and I are loving the fall weather.

*

Today I got 4 blog awards;

have a post on my picks almost ready to go;

it made my day!

The leaves are turning.

I am working on a cover letter.

I framed an icon today,

I must show you all some of my newest icons sometime,

I still have not taken a picture of the one of

St. Katherine...

*

Meanwhile,

Cleo and I were hanging out today at home

(Quelle suprise (translated What a surprise))

when Cleo discovered a Wasp inside a lamp shade.

I sprayed and then doused it with water

until it was bedraggled and then

lifted it via a piece of paper outside;

am hoping it recovers but never

comes back inside!

I was walking to church this noon and found a wasp following me,

but did a fast turn about action and thought it had gone.

Was it with me all along? I'll never know

but am thankful I was not stung by it!

This is a soup of my own making!

a can of tomatoes, 1 can kidney beans,

4 small potatoes

3 carrots

1 zucchini

a bunch of fresh then frozen basil

a two big handfuls of spinach

(about half a bag from the store)

a few green beans

2 garlic cloves

3 celery stocks

2 small onions

(all three fried in olive oil before adding

water and vegetable bullion cube)

It turned out pretty good!

I love eating soup with corn tortilla chips!

Well, back to my cover letter.

I hope to post my Thank You Etc post

yet today if possible...

just waiting on one detail...

A Celebration of Lovelies

Mat. Anna brightened my day this morning,

giving me a blog award!

And then suddenly I found that so had

Michelle,

Jodie-Anna

and

Sh. Patty!

Blush,

I was so surprised.

Thank you so very much,

you all touched me by your inclusion.

Thanks.

Well,

who would I give this award to?

First may I mention and include the four who just nominated me?

Michelle has a great love for her kids, ways to be frugal

and is very conscientious of environmental concerns

related to products for children

and often shares resources with us.

Love you Michelle!

Mat. Anna loves music, laughter and her children!

I love hearing what she is up to, making, and

seeing.

And I appreciate how she is concerned for others

and for sick children

and encourages us to pray for them.

Sh. Patty is another one I love!

She loves her children, strives to improve and

who we know is already doing well

by the very fact that she cares about how she

is as a Mother,

and I love her use of colour on her blog...

And for beautiful Jodie-Anna,

who I have just met recently in

our beloved Orthodox blog world:

Jodie-Anna is Canadian like me,

(I am a duel citizen you know, US and Canada,

living in Canada)

she clearly loves using the English language,

I have really enjoyed reading her posts not only

to get to know her but savour her use of words.

*

Wow, for other nominations,

I will never forget to mention Mimi

whose online presence in my life is

daily.

She is faithful, lovely, an expert canner,

always up for learning new things and is

a wonderful via online friend.

Mary's blog and life is constantly evolving

and I really respect her search to balance her life

with 6 kids and a popular online presence.

Margaret and her cats.

She has been such a comfort to me

and I love her humour to bits.

BITS I tell you, Margaret, to bits!

:)

Deb's blog is one I have been reading

for quite sometime;

I always enjoy her reflections and hearing

about her life as a mother and her trips to

the Elwood City Monastery,

Holy Transfiguration.

Marfa's blog is full of colour,

the joy of being a mother

and living out an Orthodox life in

the everyday.

She loves crafts and all things beautiful and

scrumptious.

I would be remiss to not mention Elizabeth

whose prayers and encouragement to me

over these past many months

have blessed me greatly.

And MamaJuliana,

what can I say?

I have loved her via her blog for a good while now!

I love her constant striving, her kids,

and see her as a very special and beautiful woman,

which I continue to tell her :)

Alana's blog I have been reading a few years now.

She is like a friend to me,

by how she shares her life with us,

her struggles, her constant seeking to live a life in the Church

and raise her children.

I love, care for and respect her very much.

Pres. Kathy's blog

is a joy,

and she has been such an encouragement to me,

with her assurance of prayers

and words of advice and encouragement!

Pres. Kathy, I seek to pray for you and family

as well!

RW has been a friend in person

and online

for many years.

She also is always striving,

always seeking to creativity,

loving her family,

taking pictures

and sharing her life.

She is always there, quick to pray for me

and is often on my mind

and is a beautiful strong mother.

Victoria also I have known in person

and continue to love.

I remember the weekend her beloved

DnK became a deacon;

I remember being in my church,

the sun on the wood floors and how I was praying for her

and her now deacon-ed wonderful husband.

I also love Anna

who I met in person this summer,

had wonderful food with,

prayed with in church

and who I enjoy very much,

herself, hearing about her life in England,

and her love and sharing of many Saints.

May I also mention Mat Donna,

whose presence in my life

once in person and online

is one I treasure.

I owe her more than I will ever know;

I am excited for her books and

encourage you to take a look

at her blog...

(her two new books are listed on the right).

I realize I have gone over my 15 people to remember

but there are so many more I could mention!

(and if I read your blog, comment on it and have not mentioned you,

know that you are just as loved...)

I am so richly blessed,

and when looking at the list above,

you are looking at one of the reasons.

Sunday

Liturgy this morning

was beautiful.

I am grateful that God accepts sinners

(i.e. me)

to His Table.

*

I have been struggling with fatigue this past week

and still feel like I may get sick.

*

As my interview for a good Ottawa job is this Thursday

I am really hoping and praying that

I can stay physically strong.

*

I am making vegetable soup

in an effort to seek to stay well.

*

My house is pretty tidy right now,

though it can take me so long to take care of

my recycling.

However,

I gather that others also struggle with housekeeping.

*

Any suggestions for food, drink, whatever,

to stay well

are fully welcome.

*

I thank God for and ask your continued prayers.

I am so grateful for them.

God is so good to us.

The Lord is our ever-present refuge

October 1.

New Calendar Feast of the Protection of the Mother of God.

*

God is richly blessing me on this day.

*

I saw monastics,

was able to be at a liturgy,

and received many blessings.

*

I looked on my church calendar and realized

that I don't know what (job) or where (city) I will be soon.

It is such a strange place to be in.

I am trying to be open to God's will,

whether I stay or leave.

I know I have blogged about this before,

but it is my current life...

*

It is not easy

but I must trust in God's mercy.

*

Let us seek to be thankful for this day,

no matter what or where we find ourselves.

Cat in the Bag

It rained and rained today;

I called a dear friend last minute and went to her house

read books to her oldest son (3 yrs old)

played with her 1 year old,

talked with her, drank tea...

I wrapped up books in this bag

books that

I bring for my bed time reading time with the

3 year old.

Today's picks were

Jesse bear what will you wear

and

The Story of Babar the little Elephant.

Cleo was looking in the books which I quickly rescued

thus rescuing Cleo

as the books were going to fall off with the bag handle around her neck

yikes.

Gotta watch that Cleo Cat!

I let her play with the now empty bag,

which she is now content to sit on top of...

which means no more clean cat-hair-free bag.

But it is too cute to watch her play with it,

so cat in the bag it is...

:)

*

I must say I most love reading to my friend's 3 year old boy.

I brought books that were mine when I was a kid

and have slowly been finding other books

used

for 2.00 each

which is a great deal for a classic kids book, like Babar!

*

The pile of papers in the corner of the Cleo in bag picture

are my future reading material

I will be glad when my interview prep is over!

*

So will Cleo I think...

Links, my Cat and Various Points of Hope

My printer has been on my table for a few weeks

(other than when I have an impromptu dinner party)

since I am printing not only Akathists

but lots of job related interview prep.

*

The interview prep is going well,

as in I am learning tons about the field and thus

the position.

I will have the interview in exactly one week.

*

Meanwhile Cleo is as we speak in her new 'spot' on

the bookshelf.

She is a comfort to me as she is great to give hugs to.

*

Really liked this post by Fr. Stephen;

neurotic Christians;

Yeah.

Sometimes it is just a good reminder to pull back a bit and breathe.

St. Phanourios;

A lovely Greek lady gave us some

St. Phanourios bread.

*

It filled me with a sense of joy, of hope.

This Saint, as you may know,

prays for us to find those things we need...

for me this is the need for a job

and for whatever my heart needs

(I need something, just not sure what!!)

*

It was the best St. Phanourious bread I have ever had;

incredibly light;

the prayer and skill for making this small bread

was not small!

I recently prayed part of the Canon to St. Nina and was hearted

to realize how she prays for those who need

salvation, who need baptism.

On my heart are some deeply loved ones

in my life

who are not yet baptized Christians

and who I deeply wish would come to church and

deepen in their journey towards God in the church

and walk the road of healing towards Christ

that we all pray we are on...

*

Some incredible links I need to share with you,

in case you have not found them yet:

Deb introduced us to these lectures by

Archimandrite Meletios Webber ;

I find listening to him a comfort

partly because I have always found listening to things

relating to Christ and psychology comforting;

I cannot say I was a fully 'normal' child,

as by my teen years I listened to Focus on the Family

(Protestant Christian psychology based discussions

revolving around supporting the family)

and I was still pretty much a kid myself.

Anyway, Fr. Meletios' podcasts and voice I find to be

a comfort.

Another worthy few links:

Another on Fr. Meletios actually - short and worth reading.

I sent this podcast by Fr. Thomas Hopko to a friend

after listening to it myself -

thoughts, feelings, memories -

it encouraged both of us.

Thank God the church has given us practical ways to deal

with ourselves and the struggles we face.

Last link of the day (or at least of this blog post!)

This post by Fr. Stephen about how our life can be with Christ

has been coming back to me in these last days -

how we need to be aware of our real state

and being with God in our helplessness.

*

With the change in weather to grey

the heaviness of various people's suffering

my own uncertain job situation

and intense interview preparations

it has been a huge struggle for me

as of late.

But yet with God it is not impossible.

Read this saying in a email signature,

which sums it up for me:

with faith in Christ all things are possible... but not easy.

When the waves overwhelm us, hear our cry O God

Wow.

Well.

So my Mom talked with my Aunt whose house burnt down;

lots of shock and exhaustion still;

the piano is still intact

as in standing

but with 5 fire trucks the possibility of it actually working again

(i.e. water damage)

is really questionable.

Their friends are bringing them coffee and lots of Tim Horton's food;

I told my Mom how I remembered

a woman, who has also since died,

bringing coffee to a house where there was an unexpected death;

this is what we do,

we bring coffee, food, timbits

we call the prayer chains,

we listen...

*

My Mom talked with someone today who

we know whose wife has

stage 4 brain cancer,

listening to him for a good while

as he described how he has done research to find the

best surgeons for his wife,

just to have her around a little longer;

she has been on my prayer list for some time now...

*

Heard about the tragedy in BC about a young teen's death -

will be bringing these names to church...

I felt overcome by this one

and I have not even lived in BC for some time...

Lord have mercy.

*

Two people I know this week have been

unexpectedly laid-off from their jobs.

*

And on and on it goes;

so much tragedy

so much suffering.

*

Yesterday was

(old calendar)

the feast of the Elevation of the Cross;

I was at liturgy and heard a beautiful homily

that referenced the Romanian Priest

Dumitru Staniloae

who was imprisoned in Romania under communism,

going through horrific tortures

and that he wrote that all

is explained in the Cross;

all the suffering, sadness, loss, senseless tragedies,

all are taken into

are given meaning by

the moment of the Crucifixion of our Lord Christ.

That Fr. Dumitru was imprisoned for so long,

my spiritual father assured us,

means that he too was intimately acquainted with the Cross.

*

May the Holy Cross be our hope and strength

when the waters seem to high,

when the waves overwhelm,

when we are stunned, shocked and in grief,

may the Cross be that which supports,

that which saves us.

Job Interview in October

Okay.

It is official - I have a job interview

(from the phone interview)

on October 7th

in the late hours of the morning.

*

The job is in Ottawa.

*

I will be studying lots for this position.

*

Prayer requested!

*

Thank you also for your love and prayers for my

Aunt and Uncle.

I am hoping to hear more of how they are doing soon...

Losing a house

Thinking of my Aunt and Uncle still today.

Above is my Dad's old chair,

blanket and ladybug pillow done by my Oma.

My Opa (Dutch for Grandpa) made intricate finely done

cross stitch pictures

and wood carvings;

One of the cross stitches that

he made is of the martinitoren in Holland.

He made 9 of them,

one for his wife, my Oma,

and then 8 more

one for each of his children.

Now one of my Opa's martinitoren's is gone.

*

My Mother and I talked about it today,

and how loss is always a call to pray and seek God;

and that all is dust to dust

that we cannot take anything with us.

*

But still,

it is a loss.

My Uncle built that house over many years;

the builder of the house has lost his house.

Beautiful wood floors, wood paneling,

old dishes

long wood dining table,

cabinets

wooden wardrobes

things of beauty...

*

Beauty is in ashes

and the day of the fire

the fire being at night

another one of my Uncles

who lives out West,

was just visiting his sister and brother-in-law,

took detailed pictures of

every room of the house

to show to Oma, his and my Aunt's Mother.

So on my Uncle's camera are the only

pictures they have of the house

and taken the day it burnt.

The house was beautifully made up for

the pictures.

What a blessing to have

and, pragmatic that I am,

I thought of how good it is to have for insurance purposes.

Now of course my Uncle needs to get those pictures downloaded and printed.

*

So a small mercy already.

*

I have been so encouraged by the blog comments and emails

assuring of further prayer for them.

(Thank you!)

*

Winter will be coming soon where they live

so they have a lot of figuring out to do.

My Uncle especially is struggling with the loss of their house;

their barn and vehicles were spared

which is another blessing.

*

I am blessed to have them in my life;

I have pictures of them on my bookshelf

that I see everyday.

Pictures that now I need to see about getting reprinted

so that they will have a small record left of past days.

*

I can't imagine losing the pictures

or the computer,

the list goes on...

*

Yet,

the Lord is good to us

and I pray that this event will only further salvation

of all involved.

*

With Job, who lost all but his wife, and all the Saints,

we can praise God saying,

Glory to God for all things!

Glory to Him in the Highest!

Glory to Him in the Heavens

who has come down

in great humility to save us,

Glory to You O God, Glory to You.

Prayer Request

I post this picture as the icons here are

some of my treasured ones.

The Virgin of Pochaiv

blessed last year on the Holy Icon of Pochaiv,

the Blessed Lady Theotokos;

a small icon of St. George which is the first icon I had of St. George

that is from a lovely person in my church

who got the paper print while at Mt. Athos;

the icon of Christ that is a small replica of the one in

my spiritual father's church office;

the big one of my Patron St. Irene, that was in our church basement

at one time;

the one of Dormition that is from Dormition monastery

that I got last Christmas.

*

I show these as an example of what treasures I would lose

if I lost all my possessions.

*

My Mother called tonight

which is means something has happened

(I call them daily as I have the good phone plan;

thank God I have parents to call who love me).

My Mom is one of 8 children;

her older sister, my Aunt, who lives in Ontario

in the country a bit in the North,

with her husband, my Uncle,

they lost everything last night

in a fire.

*

Apparently they were upstairs

smelled smoke

came to the main floor of the house and it was all aflame.

They escaped with a few clothes, my Aunt's purse and Uncle's wallet.

*

I can't imagine being in the home of your retirement years

(they are upper 60s in age)

all the dishes, all the books, furniture, pictures,

everything is gone.

*

Please pray for them.

The winter is long in their part of Ontario

and I fear that due to some other circumstances that

they will not be able to have a lot

by way of insurance money.

*

I know we one day die and part with our belongings

and that detachment is a good thing,

spiritually speaking,

but it is hard to lose all in one night.

And so many things that were made by my Oma,

so many things that made up the memories of their past

and a house that spoke of an assurance for their future.

*

I am very much like my Aunt,

with many special dishes for teas and dinners.

So if you've known me a while then you understand

a little of what they have lost

(and they had a house, I a small apartment).

*

Please pray for my Aunt and Uncle;

I pray that as a house once covered them

that now prayer will cover them...

*

Lord have mercy...

Looking for the next crumb on the path

Whew.

Interview over.

It was super basic,

just two questions really.

*

I will find out within a week or so if I will have a second interview.

(This one would be in person).

*

Meanwhile,

I am going to prepare for the potentiality of a second interview

so I can do my best at it.

*

Please pray if it is the Lord's will that I will get

a second interview!

I know already that they have several candidates

in mind...

*

Lord have mercy...

In-between

I finally got a picture

that somewhat dramatically shows the light

of my lampada

at night.

*

I am waiting to hear about the interview I flew out for;

waiting to have my other interview tomorrow;

waiting to hear if I get interviews from other applications;

waiting to have time to do more job applications.

This is the in-between time.

*

In general, as of late, it has been very good time.

*

I only lose my sense of peace if I start thinking

that I must do one or the other

(i.e. job / city).

*

God has His timing and His work and His will.

Not to mention a lot of patience

and the gift of time so that I could get to this point of job interviews,

this in-between time.

*

I have been re-reading parts of the book on

Vladika John;

Reading the stories about

St. John of Shanghai and Sans Fransisco

is a great comfort.

*

I have been realizing in the last while that the reading of books,

such as that of St. John,

is not only of greater value

that reading of others books that I currently own,

but that my anxiety levels are down;

a lot has happened for the good

in my life

since I officially declared war on anxiety

this past April.

*

I still have more to grow and learn,

but so far what has helped me the most are these things:

a) trips to monasteries for advice, prayer and to be where prayer is happening

b) continued liturgical life and confession as per my spiritual father

c) a really good naturopath who was recommended to me by trustworthy sources

d) making different reading and listening choices.

f) being home in August helped too.

*

At the same time,

I am still waging war on it.

*

In the next weeks and months the hope is that I will be

employed again.

This may or may not involve moving.

Either way my routine and life will change

and I know I will feel overwhelmed.

*

It seems, however, that I have been given some tools

that will help me with what will come.

*

As Mary said in her most current blog post,

the point of all decisions is based on seeking Christ

and our salvation.

My choices are made in order to gain peace

and, I pray, to one day be more fully rooted in Christ.

*

Meanwhile,

I must say I still feel a bit of apprehension about the interview tomorrow.

No pretending that I do not.

But at the same time

the quietness of today and the memory of the Saints

is a comfort....

Another interview!

I have a phone interview for an Ottawa position

Tuesday afternoon!

*

I feel like I am on some sort of tilt-a-whirl -

moving or not moving?

which job?

Lord have mercy.

May the Lord's will be done.

*

Prayers requested!!