Monday, September 20, 2010

In-between

I finally got a picture
that somewhat dramatically shows the light
of my lampada
at night.
*
I am waiting to hear about the interview I flew out for;
waiting to have my other interview tomorrow;
waiting to hear if I get interviews from other applications;
waiting to have time to do more job applications.
This is the in-between time.
*
In general, as of late, it has been very good time.
*
I only lose my sense of peace if I start thinking
that I must do one or the other
(i.e. job / city).
*
God has His timing and His work and His will.
Not to mention a lot of patience
and the gift of time so that I could get to this point of job interviews,
this in-between time.
*
I have been re-reading parts of the book on
Reading the stories about
St. John of Shanghai and Sans Fransisco
is a great comfort.
*
I have been realizing in the last while that the reading of books,
such as that of St. John,
is not only of greater value
that reading of others books that I currently own,
but that my anxiety levels are down;
a lot has happened for the good
in my life
since I officially declared war on anxiety
this past April.
*
I still have more to grow and learn,
but so far what has helped me the most are these things:
a) trips to monasteries for advice, prayer and to be where prayer is happening
b) continued liturgical life and confession as per my spiritual father
c) a really good naturopath who was recommended to me by trustworthy sources
d) making different reading and listening choices.
f) being home in August helped too.
*
At the same time,
I am still waging war on it.
*
In the next weeks and months the hope is that I will be
employed again.
This may or may not involve moving.
Either way my routine and life will change
and I know I will feel overwhelmed.
*
It seems, however, that I have been given some tools
that will help me with what will come.
*
the point of all decisions is based on seeking Christ
and our salvation.
My choices are made in order to gain peace
and, I pray, to one day be more fully rooted in Christ.
*
Meanwhile,
I must say I still feel a bit of apprehension about the interview tomorrow.
No pretending that I do not.
But at the same time
the quietness of today and the memory of the Saints
is a comfort....

8 comments:

margaret said...

I found when I stopped fretting and wanting (so hard!) that things came together and felt so natural.

Mimi said...

That is such a gorgeous photo.

I agree, that old bumper sticker of "Let go, Let God" is pithy, but has a lot of truth to it. Sometimes, I am holding onto things too much and fretting.

I type that like I have it all figured out, naturally :) Intellectual knowledge and daily practice are two different things...

You are always in my prayers, dear friend.

Anna said...

What a lovely photo - so dramatic and so peaceful too. A propos of the holding onto things thread, have you read Perelandra (or Voyage to Venus) by CS Lewis? It has a very good passage or two about that subject. Thinking of you from a flat full of packing boxes! (so much for letting go of stuff...)

Mat. Emily said...

Beautiful photo!

Thinking about you during this time of waiting...

Marfa said...

What a lovely icon corner...how did you capture that photo? Do you have a tripod? I wish you a blessed feast of the Nativity of the Theotokos!

elizabeth said...

Margaret - yes... thank God...

Mimi - thank you for your prayers. Yep, I am with you on the two diff things...

Anna - I should look at this again sometime... CS Lewis has a lot of insight! May God bless you as you pack!

Mat Emily - thanks so much!

Marfa - Thanks! Actually I just took the photo while standing a good bit back from it... sometimes with God's mercy my camera just takes cool photos! I admit that I was happy with this one myself :)

Wishing you also a blessed feast of the Nativity of the Theotokos! I am so excited to go to liturgy! It is literally like pre-Christmas! :)

thegeekywife said...

Ah, so it is now Tues afternoon. Which means you are already on the phone or about to be!

Give Cleo a hug!

elizabeth said...

Thanks GW... the interview is until 3.30... can't wait for it to be done!