Monday, September 20, 2010


I finally got a picture
that somewhat dramatically shows the light
of my lampada
at night.
I am waiting to hear about the interview I flew out for;
waiting to have my other interview tomorrow;
waiting to hear if I get interviews from other applications;
waiting to have time to do more job applications.
This is the in-between time.
In general, as of late, it has been very good time.
I only lose my sense of peace if I start thinking
that I must do one or the other
(i.e. job / city).
God has His timing and His work and His will.
Not to mention a lot of patience
and the gift of time so that I could get to this point of job interviews,
this in-between time.
I have been re-reading parts of the book on
Reading the stories about
St. John of Shanghai and Sans Fransisco
is a great comfort.
I have been realizing in the last while that the reading of books,
such as that of St. John,
is not only of greater value
that reading of others books that I currently own,
but that my anxiety levels are down;
a lot has happened for the good
in my life
since I officially declared war on anxiety
this past April.
I still have more to grow and learn,
but so far what has helped me the most are these things:
a) trips to monasteries for advice, prayer and to be where prayer is happening
b) continued liturgical life and confession as per my spiritual father
c) a really good naturopath who was recommended to me by trustworthy sources
d) making different reading and listening choices.
f) being home in August helped too.
At the same time,
I am still waging war on it.
In the next weeks and months the hope is that I will be
employed again.
This may or may not involve moving.
Either way my routine and life will change
and I know I will feel overwhelmed.
It seems, however, that I have been given some tools
that will help me with what will come.
the point of all decisions is based on seeking Christ
and our salvation.
My choices are made in order to gain peace
and, I pray, to one day be more fully rooted in Christ.
I must say I still feel a bit of apprehension about the interview tomorrow.
No pretending that I do not.
But at the same time
the quietness of today and the memory of the Saints
is a comfort....


margaret said...

I found when I stopped fretting and wanting (so hard!) that things came together and felt so natural.

Mimi said...

That is such a gorgeous photo.

I agree, that old bumper sticker of "Let go, Let God" is pithy, but has a lot of truth to it. Sometimes, I am holding onto things too much and fretting.

I type that like I have it all figured out, naturally :) Intellectual knowledge and daily practice are two different things...

You are always in my prayers, dear friend.

Anna said...

What a lovely photo - so dramatic and so peaceful too. A propos of the holding onto things thread, have you read Perelandra (or Voyage to Venus) by CS Lewis? It has a very good passage or two about that subject. Thinking of you from a flat full of packing boxes! (so much for letting go of stuff...)

Mat. Emily said...

Beautiful photo!

Thinking about you during this time of waiting...

Marfa said...

What a lovely icon did you capture that photo? Do you have a tripod? I wish you a blessed feast of the Nativity of the Theotokos!

elizabeth said...

Margaret - yes... thank God...

Mimi - thank you for your prayers. Yep, I am with you on the two diff things...

Anna - I should look at this again sometime... CS Lewis has a lot of insight! May God bless you as you pack!

Mat Emily - thanks so much!

Marfa - Thanks! Actually I just took the photo while standing a good bit back from it... sometimes with God's mercy my camera just takes cool photos! I admit that I was happy with this one myself :)

Wishing you also a blessed feast of the Nativity of the Theotokos! I am so excited to go to liturgy! It is literally like pre-Christmas! :)

thegeekywife said...

Ah, so it is now Tues afternoon. Which means you are already on the phone or about to be!

Give Cleo a hug!

elizabeth said...

Thanks GW... the interview is until 3.30... can't wait for it to be done!