In-between

I finally got a picture

that somewhat dramatically shows the light

of my lampada

at night.

*

I am waiting to hear about the interview I flew out for;

waiting to have my other interview tomorrow;

waiting to hear if I get interviews from other applications;

waiting to have time to do more job applications.

This is the in-between time.

*

In general, as of late, it has been very good time.

*

I only lose my sense of peace if I start thinking

that I must do one or the other

(i.e. job / city).

*

God has His timing and His work and His will.

Not to mention a lot of patience

and the gift of time so that I could get to this point of job interviews,

this in-between time.

*

I have been re-reading parts of the book on

Vladika John;

Reading the stories about

St. John of Shanghai and Sans Fransisco

is a great comfort.

*

I have been realizing in the last while that the reading of books,

such as that of St. John,

is not only of greater value

that reading of others books that I currently own,

but that my anxiety levels are down;

a lot has happened for the good

in my life

since I officially declared war on anxiety

this past April.

*

I still have more to grow and learn,

but so far what has helped me the most are these things:

a) trips to monasteries for advice, prayer and to be where prayer is happening

b) continued liturgical life and confession as per my spiritual father

c) a really good naturopath who was recommended to me by trustworthy sources

d) making different reading and listening choices.

f) being home in August helped too.

*

At the same time,

I am still waging war on it.

*

In the next weeks and months the hope is that I will be

employed again.

This may or may not involve moving.

Either way my routine and life will change

and I know I will feel overwhelmed.

*

It seems, however, that I have been given some tools

that will help me with what will come.

*

As Mary said in her most current blog post,

the point of all decisions is based on seeking Christ

and our salvation.

My choices are made in order to gain peace

and, I pray, to one day be more fully rooted in Christ.

*

Meanwhile,

I must say I still feel a bit of apprehension about the interview tomorrow.

No pretending that I do not.

But at the same time

the quietness of today and the memory of the Saints

is a comfort....