Almost There

Lent is almost upon us.

We need the Saint's protection

and God's mercy.

*

With taking French twice a week and work
and looking for more work
I find that I don't have as much time to blog
or read others' blogs.

Please know that it is not that I have lost
interest in any of your blogs,
but just that I am trying to keep my head
and maybe my shoulders
above water.

*

Lent will be even more busy,
so I don't know how much I will be blogging
for this reason alone.

*

I still am struggling with anxiety about my
unknown after this month of March
job situation.
It is more the being alone with nothing but job searching
and a lack of daily structure
that scare me than money at this point.

*

The rash that I had in November and that came back in January
may be returning again;
I seem to have a questionable spot again on my face.
I ask your prayers.
I really did not want to go on the strong medicine for
a third time.

*

If however there is something one of you
my beloved blog friends
esp. need me to know
please email me at roosjeblog @ yahoo . ca

*

Meanwhile,

Here's some great resources for lent:

Fr. Thomas Hopko's podcasts here and lots of podcasts

with a lenten focus here

*

The first thing though is the services;

confession;

repentance.

Life instead of death is what lent is all about.

May Christ have mercy on us.

*

Forgive me for anything I may have written that

in anyway hurt or wounded.

How many steps does it take

Another job posting

for an Ottawa job.

I will have to do it on Thanksgiving

which is this Monday

as it is due shortly thereafter.

*

Still troubled I am

but making steps

about it.

*

I feel so weary from job interviews,

applications

and the unknown.

*

There are so few moments of life that are easy.

May God help and save us.

Struggling through the layers

Part of growing up,

by which I mean,

becoming more whole

which must mean, as Anastasia

pointed out in my previous post,

is to become more like Christ.

I really appreciated all of the responses from this post,

from the understanding of those who are single

to those who are older than I...

I am gathering that one of the areas of

growing up

is to begin to see one's self more clearly.

Including those areas of one's life that

suddenly appear to be in great need of attention.

Areas that for whatever reason

it seems to be hard to become whole

to be obey Christ

to become like Christ.

For me,

with my cozy house of cat and books,

I am realizing that I am struggling against

anxiety on a fairly dramatic scale.

***

Those who know me in person

or who have read my blog for a while,

I don't think will be surprised by this.

***

Of course I am also in a situation

that is uncertain

taking French

using my savings

for an unknown future job

feels

a tad

precarious.

***

But nonetheless,

I am slowly

declaring war on the anxiety

that has been with me all too long.

***

So how to do this?

***

Going to church.

Participating in all the sacraments.

Praying.

Mediating on Scripture.

Reading Orthodox devotional material.

Repentance.

Talking to those I need to talk to about

rooting out anxiety,

reading up on the subject,

reading books by Christians on anxiety.

Re-evaluating my eating habits.

Drinking more water.

Failing and getting up again and again and again.

Prayers to St. Spyridon who a Monk

told my friend helps for anxiety

and whose prayers helped this friend.

When I can I hope to go to a monastery again,

where deep healing can be continued.

***

I just re-read Gentian Hill by Elizabeth Goudge.

In this book Elizabeth Goudge shows how fear can be faced

and conquered;

her understanding of detachment

and other insights to me are deep hints of the

Orthodox understanding of

do not react

that Metropolitan Jonah's articles made well-known

in the online Orthodox circles.

***

God will bring me

in all my weakness and brokenness

to His safe harbour.

The inner storms that buffet cannot destroy

or keep me from the love of God.

***

Be kind for everyone you know is fighting a great battle.

— Philo of Alexandria

***

The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;

he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

Psalm 103 verses 8-14

Home for my first of two Christmas Feasts

Here I am.

Home.

It is the same and I recognize

the stages now.

The dreaded flight

(missed my connection due to an hour layover

did not know that I would have to pay separately for luggage).

The feeling of reverse culture shock;

going back to live in the culture I grew up in

is now well,

a shock to the system.

This is normal;

The life of the Church is my life now;

My little home has Icons everywhere.

I will feel better once I go to my church on Christmas Eve.

Happens every year now.

Don't get me wrong though,

I grew up in a good home and have a great God-loving family.

I miss my Cat.

It is a great

blessing to be home and greet my family in person

instead of just on the phone.

I miss using my computer (no wireless here).

So no pictures to go with my posts.

God is good to me.

Now I must work on my resumes;

will be looking for a part-time job

when I return.