Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Monday, Tuesday equals blessing days

A very needed quiet day.
I realized at lunch that I have a reoccurring dream,
that I always believe is true when I am dreaming it...
that I am flying or hovering somehow above the streets and able
to go quickly to another place.  And others are not
and I hide that I can fly by skimming just above the ground,
quickly and quietly.... 
I find that a happy dream, even though when I awake,
I realize it was only a dream.
I rested and rested on Monday, which is now yesterday.
Had one of my first caffeinated teas at home in a long time.
I still cough at odd times, but it is less than before.

Today, is Tuesday.
I went to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens.
I ended up being unsure of where to go, as I think after I got off the
PATH train I did not know where I was when I got on the street.
I understand now how to use the maps better,
but was confused and it was lunchtime,
I could tell I was near crashing ... so I took a cab to the Gardens
and a subway back home after.

I met up with a friend who I had not seen since before Lent,
and before Mr Husband and I got sick.
It was really nice to talk and catch up.

I made lemongrass tea from my time in Ottawa.
When I drink it, I am brought back to those early days in Ottawa,
when I had a great first contract, felt on top of things, though I was exhausted
by the amount of work I was exerting for the work project,
and I felt that everything was working out so well,
all was beautiful, I felt spunky and loved my new work clothes.
I had no idea that later, things would get a lot harder,
but it was a gift, those months, those early days.
I have realized or seen that that sense of 'verve', of being on top of things,
are parts of beginnings, of seasons in life that I am excited about and
plunging into... I felt it when I was new to my first job in Ottawa,
I felt it again as I was leaving Ottawa, planning my wedding and in love
with the man that I now gladly call Mr. Husband.
I was telling my newer friend how it was hard,
coming to NJ and that on my flight into NJ, after our honeymoon,
as a brand new Bride, brand new everything, church, home, city, state, country,
newly married, that I was in the back of the plane,
and I ended up feeling so sick that I threw up,
for the first and only time so far in my life on a plane.
It felt like such a weak beginning of my new life,
I felt, at that time, ashamed of it.
Mr. Husband used the word 'solicitous' for how he felt towards me,
went out to our local grocery store and bought groceries,
and came back with the most darling little potted rose plant.
I loved that plant.
Now I realize that me and the back of planes do not get along,
I fly fine and I feel that I am, I hope, just getting back into things in a deeper way.
But it is different.
My life, everything. My first boss was right about bodies changing about age 40,
which I will be, I hope with a flourish, come this December.
My weight is more, I used to be too thin really, now is better...
but, I can't just eat whatever I want, things change.
I am overall happy with myself, and more free.
It helps that I have a loving husband...

I am finding that it is good to rebuild a life,
but it takes time and one must also be aware of one's limits,
as Gretchen Joanna kindly wrote on my blog recently...
and also rest.
That was something I learned in my first year of marriage,
I think one of the reasons I got mono was that I did not have enough
rest in my daily rhythm of life.
I still don't have a full rhythm or routine to my days, but I am hoping
to slowly gain more of one.
It's hard, as I have felt I had to rebuild so many times.
Today was very good as I found another piece of what
could be come what my life looks like.


Heather LeFebvre said...

It is so fun to see your pictures and how things look different in only 10 days from my trip. I love your thoughts on rest. I am trying to make that a priority for me this summer.

elizabeth said...

it is amazing how fast gardens change!!! We will try to both rest this summer! :)

Jennifer Hays said...

I don't know if I've mentioned that I'm from New York; my parents were both born and raised in Brooklyn and I spent a lot of time there when I was growing up. I loved the Brooklyn Museum and Botanical Garden. Does the museum still have the life-size displays of houses and rooms? That was my favorite thing in that museum when I was a child. I hope you're able to get the rest you need. I understand completely; I'm finding myself feeling very run down these past few months and I'm really looking forward to having a break. Tomorrow is the last day of school and I'm really glad.

Pom Pom said...

You are a good thinker, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth @ The Garden Window said...

I love reading your thoughts and seeing photos of what you have been doing.
Your words are so wise! Have you ever thought of publishing them?

October Rose said...

Beautiful photos!

I love to read your reflections. They are always so full of wisdom!

steph said...

beautiful beautiful photographs!!!

Emmie said...

I love reading your blog. I really do. Thank you so much for sharing with us in this space.