Wednesday ~ Surprised by Sunshine and Many Other Things

Whew.
Just 1.5 weeks left of Lent.
I realize every time I think of Pascha
I am thinking of Pascha in Ottawa.
I have no categories for how it will be at my
new church
other than that it will be the same joy
the same liturgy
and the same
Risen Christ who has overcome it all.
*
That said,
I am realizing once again that I miss Ottawa
or rather that there is grief in moving places
even when for the most joyous of reasons.
This book review unexpectedly tipped me off to
this realization again.
*
So the quotation that
I blogged about earlier today
and that I re-posted as the next picture
really caught my attention:
the sentence towards the end
A great deal of work is needed in order to build 
the house of our soul...
*
It was back in the earliest days of
Mr. Husband and I's still young marriage
that I first came across this,
when the monk told me via a translator about
how frustrating it can be when trying to make
the house of one's soul and seeing
it crumble again.

It is a really incredible quotation;
I read this book usually late at night and
often it speaks to what I need to hear.
Such a gift.
Not all letters in it apply to me directly
as he writes to all sorts of people
but yet I learn from each one. 

I did not know of this concept
but with Christ I am being taught
that I can at least endure to the end and
strive to keep going in the right direction...
My spiritual father in Ottawa,
once when we were discussing
St. John's Book,
The Ladder of Divine Ascent
told me
when I could see no progress in my own self:
it is a blessing to just be on the ladder.
*
I really miss my Ottawa spiritual father.
*
So, the meal I made last night was wonderful!

Tasty
Simple
and enjoyable!

And with leftovers!

We had almonds for protein together...

 

Lastly,
I made this dish cloth a while ago,
just wanted to mention. :)
And the ones I made for my Aunt J.
were received this past weekend
for her and Uncle D's 50th wedding anniversary in
Ontario!
I wish I could of been there
but I talked to my Aunt J. twice recently and all
of my Aunts on my Mom's side said
that Oma would of been so proud.
*
I hope to make Koek today or tomorrow
and must go on a walk as I was not expecting sunshine
again today!
*
This cake looks wonderful for the Bright Season -
H/T: Mary.
Loved this tale of one of my new blog friend's
first time knitting in public.

St. Basil's Day

 

(old picture I took at the Greek
monastery).
*
Today is St. Basil's Day!
*
I got this feast twice as I was at
Holy Dormition for this day
in early January
with Mr. Husband.
*
I am often there on St. Basil's day
and find it a very wonderful day indeed.
*
I am reading slowly
Madeleine L'Engle's book
ring of endless light
and it is about loss, letting go, death.
*
Thank God,
I have not had to grieve those lost by death
in the last months.
However,
I am in the process of letting go in someways
of my beloved Ottawa.
I return for 1 week this Thursday,
for Theophany,
as planned before Mr. Husband and I's wedding.
I told everyone I would be back for Theophany.
Most of my Orthodox life up to this time
has been in Ottawa
and all of my professional librarian life.
I did a lot of growing there
and had a real home there and a city
I loved and love very much.
*
So when I read about the main character
Vicky,
dealing with growing up and the soon
loss of her Grandfather to cancer
and all of her processing...
*
I found reading this to be helpful.
*
A monastic told me months ago that I am not
leaving my Ottawa church family
but extending my church family
to include more people...
that I am on a progression in this;
not a decrease but an increase.
*
And so it is.
*
I am still a bit congested though the main
part of my sinus cold is over.
I fly God-willing in two days
to Ottawa.
*
Yesterday now was St. Basil's Day
(things interrupted me from finishing the post)
and Mr. Husband and I got a
wonderful phone call yesterday!
A new nephew was born!
He's not Orthodox but I do find it
really wonderful that he was born
on St. Basil's Day to
wonderful Christian parents!

Continued Progress

 

Mr. Husband and I
were surprised but happy to find
the prayer stand we ordered
had arrived at church
last week
when we could not make it due to
post-hurricane car problems.
*
It is beautiful and will go in what will be our
living/dining room shared corner.
*
It is beautiful and very sturdy.
It felt like another piece of
our new life together
is falling into place.
*
This transition from married and moving
is one that lasts more than a few days
but day by day
and with the prayers of many
it gets a little easier,
a little lighter.

Thursday Already!

I am loving my new table cloth...:)
As you can see,
my computer station still shares the dining room table...

We got a few inches of snow - two or three.
Sadly it's mostly gone now.

But happily it was a sunny blue skied day!
I really do not understand these trees
how can they still be green?

These trees seem much more seasonably appropriate...

I love seeing this church...
seeing the Cross is always a strengthening sight...

The hydro trucks were out
everywhere today.
I talked with some of the workers
and they showed me all the
dozens of power meters
that they had to replace
because they had been flooded...

 

Many have power in my town now
but the overall area still has thousands
without power...
*
I made a simple meat sauce with a premade
tomato sauce and whole wheat spaghetti;
made great cheddar and garlic muffins...
I really enjoyed them...
*
Mr. Husband really wants me to learn
to make bread...
I am thinking of looking into a book
that Willfulmina uses...
*
Thanks to my friends who have taught me
over the years and recently
spaghetti and muffin making... :)
*
I still get the FB posts from Noah's Mom Kate
and Noah really needs our continued prayers-
he is fighting infections that are
becoming immune to many antibiotics...
*
So thankful we can pray for others.
*
I and Mr. Husband are both so grateful that
we have been safe through the hurricane
and continue to have power--heat, light and Internet...
*
I was telling my sister-friend about
a mother in the hurricane who lost her two babies
two and four years old
out of her very arms...
and how others lost everything,
homes burnt to the ground...
*
I think Haiti got hit pretty badly as well...
*
It's hard to understand how bad it is in some places
even near by
when our own place fared so well...
*
I was going to make my first trip to the local library today
but it was closed due to hurricane damage...
*
So I read at home;
more of St. Augustine's biography and
another novel that I am re-reading by
Madeleine L'Engle...
*
I seem to really be wanting to read fiction again
first time in quite a while.
*
This past while has been so intense
with the hurricane and then uncertainty of the
nor'easter and everything being out of sorts here
buses, trains, subways...
Mr. Husband is finding new ways home from work...
I am so thankful for my blog...
and all of you...
really helps me in the navigation
of my new life and world...
*
Things like making the bed,
keeping the kitchen clean,
reading novels
are all helping
me in this time...
*
I am aware that
we are very blessed.

Stark can be beautiful: reflections on moving and loss

It almost looks like a cell of some sort.
The desk top is now clean.
The bag of clothes laundered.
The building I live in and am leaving
is decades old.
The truck driver who drove my
earthly treasures away
commented to me that
he could tell that the building was really old
and that they don't really put any money
for it's upkeep.
Which, until things become dire,
is sadly true.
It is so hard to keep this place clean.
The wood floors have lost their protective finish
and most of their colour.
The windows are never washed outside.
I have been cleaning for most of today.
My new yellow sponge will never be the same.
*
It is such a shock to suddenly
not have my dishes,
my cutlery,
my laundry racks for drying
(a necessity with apartment laundry machines
that fry everything).
When I was talking to Orthoman tonight
about something I wanted to get for our new house
I had to explain that I did not know where
down South
to get the item.
It will be a steep learning curve.
Not only will I need to learn to be a good wife
but I have to learn a new sub-culture,
a new town,
new stores, new brands;
my cereals are made in Canada
 and cannot be replaced.
Meat laws in the States are wretched and I
will be doing as much organic as possible.
My Hewitts farm yogurt from this area of Canada
is irreplaceable.
I have been looking and looking for good yogurt down South
and have yet to find any
other than one brand that is from Quebec.
No Cadbury Canadian chocolate.
No Frys cocoa.
Margarine will be in sticks instead of squares
by Imperial.
No Milk in a bag.
Ottawa is a big fair-trade town,
with Bridgehead (organic, fair-trade) coffee shops and
Camino chocolate.
When I am in Michigan I go to a local
American-Chinese restaurant;
the great thing about this place is being with my family.
But the Chinese food makes me shudder.
They don't know how to do a shrimp stir-fry with cashews.
The cashews were soggily drowning in a gallon
of clear sauce and none of the veggies crisp.
Even the nondescript, practically
urban-seedy Chinese restaurants do not

do this in Ottawa;
when I asked for chop sticks in Michigan they had to take them
from their decorative display.
It was, I realized, an odd request.
Suddenly I felt cultured, being able to use chop sticks.
(I was taught how to use them by Korean students I tutored
years ago in BC).
*
I moved my dresser into my living room;
I have my little icon corner under my St. George icon
there, with my prayer books
and books on marriage.
*
I went to the local grocery store and bought
bread, milk and orange juice.
Today that seemed a huge accomplishment.
Mon-Thursday were days where I was traveling or packing
for 14 hours a day.
I just survived packing my house
with lots of help
in two days.
Thank God for my friends,
Thank God.
I could of never made it...
*
This morning I slept and slept.
Tomorrow morning I have to take Cleo for her last vet
appointment for her vaccines.
Poor Cleo Cat.
 *
The afternoon I cleaned and cleaned.
Laundry,
sweeping, cleaning, window washing.
I am determined to give the next tenant
the best start to this place
as possible.
It is a great location.
I still believe that the Mother of God gave
me this apartment
painted in blue.
I had to learn to be really aware of others here.
My friend from Romania says that walls in this
apartment are thinner than the ones in
the new Romanian cities that
were built during communist times.
If my neighbour sneezes,
I hear it.
So it is a really unique place to live.
My last apartment was newer
and the walls very thick.
Unfortunately new construction is shoddy now days
and even new things are not as good
or sound proof.
*
Really though, this apartment
for me began with learning French
then saw me go through some great struggles as
I continued to look for work
and then ended with joy
of meeting my Orthoman
and in it I learned a bit more of what it is to love,
to offer hospitality,
to be aware of other's suffering,
to try to be kind in an apartment where
there can be very little sound barriers between
my two neighbours.
*
I have many dreams for future dinner parties.
My two friends that helped me move
yesterday helped me move over two years ago
into this apartment that I am now leaving.
They both said they remembered it being empty like it is now
when we began moving things in and
we reflected on all the dinner parties that I have had here.
It is so strange that I am hoping for more dinner parties
with my dear Orthoman
and none of my friends who always come to my
dinner parties will be here.
My last 'dinner party' here was with these two friends.
I put the yellow and orange tissue paper that
I had left over from a gift
on the old wood table
that I found years ago by the side of the road and
carried single-handily
over 5 blocks to my old apartment that I moved out of
I think in 2009.
My two friends and I ate take-out from a local pub
as we waited for the truck driver to come back
to pick up the trailer.
Pizza, a hamburger and fries and a chicken cranberry salad
with walnuts
were our dinner choices
eaten out of Styrofoam and with plastic forks.
*
And my beloved gold arm chair
that was my fathers
is staying behind in Ottawa.
I and Cleo will miss it.
Cleo is laying on the floor near by to me.
She seems okay overall, but
this much change is not easy on either of us.
*
I did not even know where my prayer books were this morning.
Thankfully things are being re-located.
And I saved a tin of tea light candles to have by my icons.
I am struck at how much I want my environment to be
ordered, clean, with icons and candles.
I found myself asking God how anyone lived
years ago with horrible plumbing and no bathtubs and
no icons and books.
*
So truly I have so much to be thankful for.
Including this blog and the community
who listens to me
as I go towards marrying the Orthoman I love
and who loves me.

Two Days = 1 apartment packed

 

Cleo is doing remarkably well,
though she did hide at times.
*
Three friends came at different times today
to help me.
I have not been alone packing for more than 30 minutes
or so at a time,
which is a huge blessing.
*
I am pretty much packed.
Really messy
boxes and boxes and boxes.
*
 I feel like I may be getting a cold;
I hope to rest after tomorrow's move...
*
FYI, I and Cleo are not moving yet.
We go later,
it is just my stuff that is going now.
*
Prayers requested for the truck and movers...

Good Ol' Ottawa

 

Saw this sign on walk home from work.

Too funny

but a little sad too.

*

Said goodbye today to the last long time

library employee.

It is the end of an era and I felt it.

*

Did some errands.

Talked to a good friend.

Talked to my Orthoman.

I have lots to do.

The first night back in Ottawa

I had a troubled dream about moving

suddenly and wanting to go back to my apartment

for treasures I was worried that I left there.

*

The long time library employee and I talked about

grieving the loss but

also seeing what there is to be gained

in what comes next.

*

There is loss in this transition in my life

but also gain.

New life, new ways to serve, people to love.

*

Another library colleague told me I am half

in my new location already.

This is true.

Ottawa is already becoming a place I am leaving

and not a place I am living or

preparing to stay and live in;

I am slowly letting go.

*

It is not easy

but it is good and right.

Seeing and Experiencing Transitions

 Went to a retirement party
for a library staff person
who had worked in that library
for thirty years.

I am really seeing the end of an era.
Slowly those who got a full time job in
the late sixties
early seventies
are retiring.

It's the last it seems of those
who had one job their whole life
and stayed in it
and did well.
At the same time I saw some old familiar faces
of people I used to work with
at my first job in Ottawa.
It indeed felt like a transition also for me.
For I too am in the process of saying goodbye.
 But like Madeleine L' Engle's book
certain women
the wave goodbye can also mean hello.

One job to the next...

Finished my contract work

(well I have more to do later but I wanted to do it)

*

Tomorrow am off with a friend to the near by Greek monastery.

*

Dormition is Sunday!

I got beautiful roses for it...

had to take a shelf out of my fridge to keep them fresh! :)

*

And Monday I start work.

*

Now if only I had time to clean my place before Monday...

contract work deadline is not always

conducive to my apartment being fully tidy...

As of Late...

Cleo and I have been enjoying time

together; she's going to really miss me being home

when I start working...

I think I will too; working 5 days a week will be a

big change for me.

*

FYI, I not only don't have to move for this job,

but I can walk to it!

Super cool in my book :)

Cleo continues to want whatever food

I set out for myself.

She's too funny.

I've been working still on my contract work

and hope to be done soon...

Was really tired after the huge event of

the job offer and acceptance

and have been laying low online...

Still reading everything but sometimes not commenting as much.

Just fatigue and transition...

*

Went to Greek Fest with two of my good friends

and two of the Sisters at the Greek monastery were there

so I got to ask prayers, tell them I got a job and

got three books! :)
Father George Calciu: Interviews, Homilies and Talks

been wanting this book on Fr. George for a while;

I strongly recommend it!
Saint Seraphim Wonderworker of Sarov

I am loving this book on St. Seraphim;

I have another one on him

but this new one I got yesterday has pictures and different

details; I love learning more about St. Seraphim and feel

that this book came at the perfect time for me.
The Lives of the Georgian Saints

This book is very beautiful - hard back, dust jacket

glossy pages and colour Georgian style icons;

a real treasure.

I love Saint books very much.

*

What have you been loving lately?

Special times with family

Saturday we had a wonderful brunch.

I had ordered bread from the bakery the night before -

a multi-grain walnut raisin bread.

I had been saving my extra special jam

from good friends for a few years

and shared it with my sister and brother in law.

We also had a special piece of chocolate

that is from the Lavra in Kiev.

We walked around the grounds of the Governor General's house.

The sun was really hot and

my favourite part was seeing the trees

and spending time with my sister and brother in law.

This would be a great tree for those who wish to climb them.

My sister and brother in law left this morning;

we had a really good time and some very meaningful conversations.

I am thankful for their visit

but sad that I do not get to see them more often.

They are good friends to me

and I would not trade my sister for anything!

An Act of God's Mercy

As some know, my Sister and Brother-in-Law desire to be Protestant missionaries to orphans in Romania. They have seen God leading them for the past three years in this direction. They have been praying that their house would sell. In Michigan, where we all grew up, it is fully a buyers market. Today, they accepted an offer on their house.

Also today, my Grandmother, whose house has been on the market for over two years, had her counter offer accepted.

This is a clear act of God's mercy; my Grandmother had been praying selflessly that her Granddaughter and Grandson-in-law's house would sell before hers. And to see their prayers answered all in one day - wow - the phones were busy tonight!

My family is very close and this day marks many transitions. For my Grandmother, it will be the first time she moves out of a house without my Grandfather. For my sister and brother-in-law, it means closer to their dream to move overseas and care for Romanian orphans. For us all, it means adjusting to having loved ones overseas. We have already been discussing skype.

Picture of Cleo and Ponderings regarding Orthodoxy and Paradise Lost

Here's my Cleo Cat.

She decided that it was okay to sit on top of my black bag and sweater.

She has been a bit traumatized by my change in routine;

job loss means no 9-5 job with lunch at home.

Poor Cute Cat.

Well. This morning was sunny;

I bought some used books.

A Canadian Lit Anthology, fiction, a book on English Literature.

Used part of my meager grocery money;

Chaucer described the scholar in his Canterbury Tales

as one who would rather buy books

than eat.

Don't worry though. I am eating.

I have food in the freezer and money to buy bread, milk and eggs.

I am in book 10 of Paradise Lost now.

This reading has been helpful to me.

This transition time is emotionally draining

and I have some grief issues I am crying out

at times.

I did not learn the healing power of tears until I was nearly thirty.

The Orthodox Church changes many things in a person's life.

For me one of these changes included this particular healing.

Not that I believe myself to be fully healed

in terms of processing grief.

But I believe at least that I am a little more healed.

One of the things in Paradise Lost that strikes me is

how the devil refuses to love.

He is clearly committed to malicious hatred of God

to the point that Milton says often that Satan

has hell in his heart.

I think this particular observation of Milton is worth great thought.

A prayer for Saturday in one of my Orthodox Prayer Books includes

asking God to

"Illumine the dark hell of my heart,

driving off the blackness of my sins,

and raise my mind to heaven so that I may delight in Your face."

Theologically Milton misunderstood many things, however,

he can give much food for thought

and prayer.