A Study of Despair in Paradise Lost by Joan F Gilliland

I have been editing my paper

on Milton's despair.

I love finding sentences that need weeding out;

the hope of creating a well written paper

swells, a joy, hiding within me,

as I sit by the window in the 5th floor

of the University library.

I discovered a former Professor

former as she died in 1997. Cancer at 65.

Joan F. Gilliland

is her name.

she wrote a PdD on Milton's despair

in 1977

I was 1 years old,

she was 45.

I am a librarian

and did my research to find her work.

I found out where she taught.

I found an obituary online

announcing her death.

She was the daughter in the 1930s

to Missionaries in the Philippines.

She must of been a fascinating woman.

Her funeral was at a Christian place;

I pray that she died a Christian,

just like I pray that I will one day also die.

Meanwhile I am reading the printed pages

of her PhD

typed, printed from microfilm;

and I learn so much

and think of her,

wondering at the amount of hope

she felt writing

complex sentences on despair.

It is a surprisingly hopeful topic,

she talks about the theological history

of the Church Fathers, of Aquinas,

of the 17th Century,

of deep Christian truths.

I hope it made her feel as alive

as it does for me.

For it is in hope that we can say of her,

Memory Eternal.

Great Lines

The words, taken at their face value, are very startling to a modern audience; but those who cannot face such startling should not read old books.

C.S. Lewis, A Preface to Paradise Lost (p. 74-75)

Progression

I am working on my paper, read the poems for class (I love John Donne!), and found out today that I need to put together my research proposal sooner that I expected for my application for my English MA.

Whew.

I am enjoying this time though.

A holy hieromonk visited us this past weekend at my Church and he spoke of the 40 days of Brightness as a time of renewal for us, body and soul.

I feel a sense of this renewal by working on this class.

Ironically, or what appears ironic at the surface, is that I am writing my paper on despair. Actually I am tracing the movement of the characters in Paradise Lost (other than God the Father and Son) in relation to the despair they are in. Acedia - Kathleen Norris started me on the awareness of this years ago with her writings on acedia. Of course now her latest book focuses on the topic exclusively.

Did you know that the Catholic St. Thomas Aquinas used St. John Cassian's writings to explain sloth? I found it very helpful to read that sloth is considered not only to be a form of hatred towards God (by avoiding / hating spiritual good) but also an opposite to joy.

Wow.

This made Fr. Roman Braga's emphasis on joy more real and understandable. Of course if we think of St. Seraphim of Sarov, and how he called those he met, 'his joy' and how he lived the reality of Pascha year round, the world suddenly is full of brightness.

New Beginnings

New Beginnings - must be a phrase used for many things. I think it may even be or close to being a name of a restaurant where my family lives.

I go to my first class tonight! Am listening to Bach. I finished reading Paradise Lost. I have a paper topic and thesis idea.

Steps are being made; it is odd to not know the outcome.

I pray I may make a good beginning.

Picture of Cleo and Ponderings regarding Orthodoxy and Paradise Lost

Here's my Cleo Cat.

She decided that it was okay to sit on top of my black bag and sweater.

She has been a bit traumatized by my change in routine;

job loss means no 9-5 job with lunch at home.

Poor Cute Cat.

Well. This morning was sunny;

I bought some used books.

A Canadian Lit Anthology, fiction, a book on English Literature.

Used part of my meager grocery money;

Chaucer described the scholar in his Canterbury Tales

as one who would rather buy books

than eat.

Don't worry though. I am eating.

I have food in the freezer and money to buy bread, milk and eggs.

I am in book 10 of Paradise Lost now.

This reading has been helpful to me.

This transition time is emotionally draining

and I have some grief issues I am crying out

at times.

I did not learn the healing power of tears until I was nearly thirty.

The Orthodox Church changes many things in a person's life.

For me one of these changes included this particular healing.

Not that I believe myself to be fully healed

in terms of processing grief.

But I believe at least that I am a little more healed.

One of the things in Paradise Lost that strikes me is

how the devil refuses to love.

He is clearly committed to malicious hatred of God

to the point that Milton says often that Satan

has hell in his heart.

I think this particular observation of Milton is worth great thought.

A prayer for Saturday in one of my Orthodox Prayer Books includes

asking God to

"Illumine the dark hell of my heart,

driving off the blackness of my sins,

and raise my mind to heaven so that I may delight in Your face."

Theologically Milton misunderstood many things, however,

he can give much food for thought

and prayer.

Loving Literature

I am halfway through reading Book III of Milton's Paradise Lost. I am loving it. It is so refreshing to be working with ideas again.

Themes I have found so far:

*Acedia in hell
*Christ as the one who provides the justice (death for death). This idea of appeasing God's wrath/justification is found more in the Western side of Christianity.
*Justifying God's ways, especially that both the spirits and man have/had the freedom to chose to obey or revolt
*Typology of first and second Adam (typology sees Old Testament figures and events again in the New Testament and is part of a way of seeing and/or interpreting the world; or so I think!)

I am also reading a book explaining the historical context in which Milton was writing in. This is really helpful and of great interest.

Doing this study is making me feel alive again.
I am really hoping that the class itself goes well.