I have been editing my paper
on Milton's despair.
I love finding sentences that need weeding out;
the hope of creating a well written paper
swells, a joy, hiding within me,
as I sit by the window in the 5th floor
of the University library.
I discovered a former Professor
former as she died in 1997. Cancer at 65.
is her name.
she wrote a PdD on Milton's despair
I was 1 years old,
she was 45.
I am a librarian
and did my research to find her work.
I found out where she taught.
I found an obituary online
announcing her death.
She was the daughter in the 1930s
to Missionaries in the Philippines.
She must of been a fascinating woman.
Her funeral was at a Christian place;
I pray that she died a Christian,
just like I pray that I will one day also die.
Meanwhile I am reading the printed pages
of her PhD
typed, printed from microfilm;
and I learn so much
and think of her,
wondering at the amount of hope
she felt writing
complex sentences on despair.
It is a surprisingly hopeful topic,
she talks about the theological history
of the Church Fathers, of Aquinas,
of the 17th Century,
of deep Christian truths.
I hope it made her feel as alive
as it does for me.
For it is in hope that we can say of her,