Perspective, Choices and What a picture from 1904 taught me

I have been thinking a lot on how to best be

where I am now, on the small and large scale,

as in my personal life and the larger world that I live in.

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We all know that there are troubling things daily

in our world.

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Here is what I am learning on how to 

not have the worries destroy

our peace and our daily lives.

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I know I will be on this journey the rest of my life,

and that it is by no means a final understanding on 

this but that too is part of what I am learning.

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We are all living as along as God gives us.

What we have now is the present moment.

The past is gone, the future we do not know.

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I have struggled with anxiety on various levels

and it is one of my weaknesses.

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Lately I am learning to do little prayers when I feel overwhelmed,

such as this one from the Psalms:

when I am afraid, I trust in Thee.

and repeat this verse many times

inwardly.

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Doing small prayers,

crossing myself, saying the Jesus Prayer,

these are all helps.

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I am learning to tune out a lot of news and worry.

I am learning that you can choose to have a peaceful day

or an anxious day.

It's all where and what you focus on and put your energy towards.

I am learning that if I start worrying and keep dwelling on the worry,

I am putting all of my energy there and it will build.

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I have this picture in our library/chapel/guestroom that

a dear friend gave us:

It is of Tsar Nicholas, his family and St. Elizabeth as well,,

on Pascha night 1904.

It's so beautiful. 

Above this picture is a handpainted icon of

St. Tsar Nicholas, who is one of the Royal Martyrs

whose feast day is this week.

I learned something looking at this picture recently:

In 1904 they were all celebrating Pascha in their

most beautiful and stately clothes.

They did not know the future,

that soon a war (with Japan) would be going on,

or that they would be martyred in less than 20 years.

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We don't know what our future is.

But we can choose to have Pascha today.

We can choose to live in the present, whatever that is.

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We can focus on what we don't have or,

if one has kids, what is bugging oneself about that

current situation in life, 

and of course there are many struggles and challenges

but I am learning that I can choose to be happy or unhappy.

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For instance, for me I am still working on building community 

and a life.  I am also learning a lot about letting go

and sometimes it is very tiring.

Yet! : I can focus on 

what I still feel I lost leaving Ottawa

or I can look at all I have gained and how

much better it is for me now and how I KNOW that

moving to New Jersey was the BEST thing I could of done

for my new life with Mr. Husband

and apprecaite the new life I have.

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I can read scary stuff online, thereby paralyzing myself with

fear and being unable to pray, provide a peaceful haven or function...

or I can go read a happy book, work on being at peace

and pray to God....  

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It's not that I am staying ignormant of troubling things.

But it is that I am deciding that today

I can just appreciate the day I have.

That Cleo is next to me as a type, that I have more

provisions than my daily bread, that I can pray to God

for help for myself and the world.

That I can choose to take care of myself, my home

and my husband and seek to create beauty

and a peaceful place for us to live

in a world that is troubled.

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And there are things we can do to try

to best survive when we are in a 

difficult place in life.

I really appreciated these words by Joy

about how she is learning to replenish herself

admist many trials in her current life. 

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Ultimately, 

I am learning that I can choose what this day will be.

I can have self-pity, discontentment or anxiety

or I can practice thankfulness, prayer and striving to be at peace....

I can be with God today and with Him and by His mercy,

I can have peace.