Saturday, June 03, 2017

Reflections on suffering and of sudden and unexpected loss

I love the glisten of the silver,
this is the traveling Holy Communion Vessel that 
my priest used to bring me Holy Communion this morning.
That was a real blessing.
I am more aware of Christ coming to me 
even though I am exhausted, distracted and unworthy.
Today was a big rest day,
from such a busy day yesterday; it was hard in ways
I won't write here but that thankfully do not have to do with my 
immediate circumstances or my closest relationships.
Just situational, I must remind myself and temporary.
I am not surprised that I am struggling more now than 
at the beginning; that's always the way it is for me.
I hope next week will be better in terms of my
inward balance; I've been slipping out of balance a lot this week.
We confirmed again with our next week (and hopefully help for the
rest of my convalescence) is still planning on Monday.
I ordered a bunch of DE Stevenson books and 
greatly look forward to those coming.
I was very saddened to hear of the devastating fire
that fellow Christian and lover of all good things 
(including England, Elizabeth Goudge, writing, beauty),
Lanier and her Husband Phillip just had of their
beautiful wonderful home.
We don't get to choose what suffering we undergo, 
in general, and the loss she is experiencing is very real.
If you don't read her, I would stop by and do so, 
she's a lovely writer.
One thing that I often feel is that when we feel like
we are finally getting somewhere, had some sort of 
breakthrough that we were wanting to have,
something often sets us back, even severely.
I am also thinking of what a dear friend used to write about.
(this is a different topic but one that I am seeing in some
who are not in my immediate circle) is that
'hurting people hurt people'...
and how hard it is to get over these sorts of things.
How hard it is to forgive when one is hurt.
My Husband, it breaks my heart. 
He's so very tired.
Please pray for him.
He is working so hard on so many things
and I just wish he would get better sleep.
I can't say enough of how difficult this past year+ has been.
Yet I know that many are in far more difficult situations;
yet I think of what my sister-friend would often say to me:
we must not compare difficulties and it is OK for each person to 
say from their own life, 'this, this is difficult' or 'this, this time,
is one of the hardest I have had to face'....
I only pray that my bones that are broken will
one day rejoice.
I pray for God's mercy and for salvation... 


Nancy said...

Praying that you and Mr Husband have a blessed feast. I took great comfort tonight from the vespers readings, especially from Joel "and I will restore to you the years the grasshopper and locust have eaten...You will eat and be satisfied and will praise the name of the Lord your God for what He has so wondrously done unto you." I'm trying to trust that something good and beautiful will come out of all our struggles. Sending you love and hugs!!

Pom Pom said...

The mending is slow. You are good to rest. God be with your husband and I pray he can sleep well.

Helensmum said...

I am the same reference being worse before I'm better��. struggling with a sinus infection and I live in Manchester,UK. feel sad.
Praying for you as always Elizabeth
Ann Marie

Elizabeth @ The Garden Window said...

Holding you both in my prayers xxxx

Heather LeFebvre said...

I appreciate the thoughts you have shared here and it gives me a better idea on how to pray. I too was saddened to read about Lanier's fire and also strangely comforted by her faith in the midst of it and God's comfort to her.

Lisa said...

I just read your comment about Lanier - I hadn't seen her blog, but now I realize she wrote a beautiful piece on L.M. Montgomery, which Leila linked to once. She does write very well.

elizabeth said...

Everyone, thank you so much for your kind words and prayers here!

Lisa, I have not read that piece Lanier wrote but can just imagine how delightful it was to read!

elizabeth said...

Ann Marie,

I hope you are feeling better. Very troubling what England has endured .... thank you for your prayers! ♡♡♡